Note: None of these are my characters! This is the sequel to `Shadows of Memories' (SOM), so I recommend reading that fic first! This fic is Rated R for self-mutilation, thoughts of suicide, and violence! It is also a song fic to `In The Name Of Love', and it is not my song! It reflects Legolas's emotions, not Aragorn's! This is in Legolas's POV (point of view). Takes place three weeks after the conclusion to SOM.
Secret Pain
Part 1
I stood alone, gazing out of the window. I supposed it could be considered a nice day, for the sun was shining. Personally, I didn't see any beauty. It was just another day to me. I turned my gaze to my left forearm, and absentmindedly pulled the sleeve up.
Days just came and went to me. I didn't really notice differences in them too much. A movement caught my attention out of the corner of my eyes, and I instinctively went into fighting mode. My green eyes grew hard as I silently unsheathed my sword and confronted the person, with the blade directly at the throat.
Frodo gasped in shock and horror as he looked at me. His mouth opened and closed several times. "It's me, Legolas." He looked slightly afraid, which made me want to roll my eyes. If I had intended to kill him, I would have done so. The Hobbit's lower lip began to quiver, so I softened my gaze and removed my sword from his throat.
"Sorry, Frodo," I said casually. "I thought you were Aragorn," I lied, making an excuse for my uncharacteristic behaviour. I ruffled his hair affectionately with my left arm, forgetting that I had pulled the sleeve up.
Frodo made a face at me, for treating him as a child, I supposed. But my blood ran cold when his smaller hand grabbed onto my left arm in shock as he stared at it.
"Where did those come from?" Frodo demanded, going pale as he looked at the scars on my left forearm, not to mention the fresh one, which had a bandage wrapped around it.
"I had a slight accident," I said sharply.
Frodo had a look of doubt on his face. "I saw your arm three weeks ago and you didn't have those then!" He sounded suspicious and I gave him the Look that `Rogue' had been famous for.
Fear crept into Frodo's eyes. "What's wrong with you, Legolas? You're acting cold and mean! I'm going to tell Aragorn about those marks!"
I grabbed him by the shoulders hard and lifted him into the air.
"If you tell him, Frodo, I will disappear again. And this time, I won't come back," I hissed, my green eyes boring into Frodo's coldly.
"All right!" Frodo cried, shaking in terror. "Let me go!"
I placed him back on the ground and watched the Hobbit run off like a scared rabbit.
As he vanished out of sight, I pulled my left sleeve down. I'd been careless this time, and I vowed that it would not happen again.
Two arms encircled me from behind less than five minutes later. I tensed slightly, until a familiar voice spoke to me.
"What are you doing here all alone?" Aragorn whispered in my ears. I let myself relax slightly, and turned to face my lover.
A genuine smile appeared on my face, and my eyes returned to normal as I looked at him.
`Missing you, as usual,' I murmured gently, as he brought his mouth to mine.
This was the only pleasure I felt anymore. The sweet bliss and agony. The only thing that made me forget everything, including my pain.
*****************************************************
Heaven is a state of mind
Hell is nothing more than pain
Only you can make me feel that they're both the same
Lying with you every night
Lying to you every day
How'd I let myself get trapped this way?
******************************************************
I had lied once more to the one I loved, but I knew it was for his own good. I struggled at maintaining my facade around him. But I knew Aragorn worried about me occasionally, as did Éomer.
I had vowed never to tell Aragorn what I did to myself, for I knew it would break his heart. But Éomer was growing more and more suspicious of me, and had tried to get me to confess what I felt to him. I'd told him I was fine.
*******************************
So I do it in the name of love
Only going through the motions
Every time you reach for me
I just do it in the name of love
********************************
Aragorn cupped my face gently, forcing me to look at him.
`Where are you today, Legolas?' he whispered in Elvish.
`Right here,' I told him, before I kissed him hard, distracting him. One of his hands came behind my head and tilted it up towards his face, while the other held me close.
Warm heat soured through me as the kiss grew deeper. I slipped my tongue into Aragorn's mouth and was gratified when he pushed his own into mine. A moan of pleasure escaped from me, much to my own surprise.
"That's better," Aragorn teased. I felt myself relaxing more, until I saw Éomer approaching from the direction that Frodo had run off in.
"Legolas, do you have any idea of what is wrong with Frodo?" Éomer questioned carefully. "I found him sobbing and he won't tell me what's wrong."
I shook my head, forcing puzzlement into my eyes. I let go of Aragorn reluctantly and looked at my half-Elven friend. "I have no idea," I lied easily.
Éomer nodded slowly. "Can you think of anything that might have upset him, Aragorn?"
"No..." Aragorn said slowly, releasing me from his warmth. "Maybe I should talk to him."
I had to work hard to keep down my vehement denial of that. If Frodo told him...
"Follow me, Aragorn," Éomer said.
"I'll be right back," Aragorn told me.
I nodded and watched them leave. I then stood there in the halls. God, I'd never come so close to being exposed before. And Frodo was probably going to avoid me forever. That hurt, but part of me just didn't care.
That dark side of me wanted to end it all, but something inside of me kept me from doing so. I wasn't sure of what it was. I was tired of causing pain to my friends and my lover. And I didn't know why I bothered to stay.
****************************
Lately, I could be a ghost
Drifting up and down these halls
I used to know what kept me here
Now I don't recall
I wish I had the strength to leave
I wish I had the heart to stay
I wish I could disappear today
*****************************
Maybe it would be easier if I left and...
No, I said angrily. I can't leave Aragorn. He'd be so hurt and lost. And I still love him, as I always have.
I briskly walked down the hallway to where the others had gone, and made my way to Aragorn's side. He absentmindedly touched a hand to my shoulder as he spoke to Frodo. I placed an arm around him, needing his warmth for my soul.
My tortured, lightless Elven soul.
As I leaned against him slightly, I saw Frodo looking at me, fear and pain in his eyes. I returned the look, raising an eyebrow at him. I'd meant what I'd said.
If Frodo told Aragorn what I had done to myself, I would leave.
And from the way he looked away from my cruel, empty eyes, he knew it too.
To be continued
Secret Pain
Part 1
I stood alone, gazing out of the window. I supposed it could be considered a nice day, for the sun was shining. Personally, I didn't see any beauty. It was just another day to me. I turned my gaze to my left forearm, and absentmindedly pulled the sleeve up.
Days just came and went to me. I didn't really notice differences in them too much. A movement caught my attention out of the corner of my eyes, and I instinctively went into fighting mode. My green eyes grew hard as I silently unsheathed my sword and confronted the person, with the blade directly at the throat.
Frodo gasped in shock and horror as he looked at me. His mouth opened and closed several times. "It's me, Legolas." He looked slightly afraid, which made me want to roll my eyes. If I had intended to kill him, I would have done so. The Hobbit's lower lip began to quiver, so I softened my gaze and removed my sword from his throat.
"Sorry, Frodo," I said casually. "I thought you were Aragorn," I lied, making an excuse for my uncharacteristic behaviour. I ruffled his hair affectionately with my left arm, forgetting that I had pulled the sleeve up.
Frodo made a face at me, for treating him as a child, I supposed. But my blood ran cold when his smaller hand grabbed onto my left arm in shock as he stared at it.
"Where did those come from?" Frodo demanded, going pale as he looked at the scars on my left forearm, not to mention the fresh one, which had a bandage wrapped around it.
"I had a slight accident," I said sharply.
Frodo had a look of doubt on his face. "I saw your arm three weeks ago and you didn't have those then!" He sounded suspicious and I gave him the Look that `Rogue' had been famous for.
Fear crept into Frodo's eyes. "What's wrong with you, Legolas? You're acting cold and mean! I'm going to tell Aragorn about those marks!"
I grabbed him by the shoulders hard and lifted him into the air.
"If you tell him, Frodo, I will disappear again. And this time, I won't come back," I hissed, my green eyes boring into Frodo's coldly.
"All right!" Frodo cried, shaking in terror. "Let me go!"
I placed him back on the ground and watched the Hobbit run off like a scared rabbit.
As he vanished out of sight, I pulled my left sleeve down. I'd been careless this time, and I vowed that it would not happen again.
Two arms encircled me from behind less than five minutes later. I tensed slightly, until a familiar voice spoke to me.
"What are you doing here all alone?" Aragorn whispered in my ears. I let myself relax slightly, and turned to face my lover.
A genuine smile appeared on my face, and my eyes returned to normal as I looked at him.
`Missing you, as usual,' I murmured gently, as he brought his mouth to mine.
This was the only pleasure I felt anymore. The sweet bliss and agony. The only thing that made me forget everything, including my pain.
*****************************************************
Heaven is a state of mind
Hell is nothing more than pain
Only you can make me feel that they're both the same
Lying with you every night
Lying to you every day
How'd I let myself get trapped this way?
******************************************************
I had lied once more to the one I loved, but I knew it was for his own good. I struggled at maintaining my facade around him. But I knew Aragorn worried about me occasionally, as did Éomer.
I had vowed never to tell Aragorn what I did to myself, for I knew it would break his heart. But Éomer was growing more and more suspicious of me, and had tried to get me to confess what I felt to him. I'd told him I was fine.
*******************************
So I do it in the name of love
Only going through the motions
Every time you reach for me
I just do it in the name of love
********************************
Aragorn cupped my face gently, forcing me to look at him.
`Where are you today, Legolas?' he whispered in Elvish.
`Right here,' I told him, before I kissed him hard, distracting him. One of his hands came behind my head and tilted it up towards his face, while the other held me close.
Warm heat soured through me as the kiss grew deeper. I slipped my tongue into Aragorn's mouth and was gratified when he pushed his own into mine. A moan of pleasure escaped from me, much to my own surprise.
"That's better," Aragorn teased. I felt myself relaxing more, until I saw Éomer approaching from the direction that Frodo had run off in.
"Legolas, do you have any idea of what is wrong with Frodo?" Éomer questioned carefully. "I found him sobbing and he won't tell me what's wrong."
I shook my head, forcing puzzlement into my eyes. I let go of Aragorn reluctantly and looked at my half-Elven friend. "I have no idea," I lied easily.
Éomer nodded slowly. "Can you think of anything that might have upset him, Aragorn?"
"No..." Aragorn said slowly, releasing me from his warmth. "Maybe I should talk to him."
I had to work hard to keep down my vehement denial of that. If Frodo told him...
"Follow me, Aragorn," Éomer said.
"I'll be right back," Aragorn told me.
I nodded and watched them leave. I then stood there in the halls. God, I'd never come so close to being exposed before. And Frodo was probably going to avoid me forever. That hurt, but part of me just didn't care.
That dark side of me wanted to end it all, but something inside of me kept me from doing so. I wasn't sure of what it was. I was tired of causing pain to my friends and my lover. And I didn't know why I bothered to stay.
****************************
Lately, I could be a ghost
Drifting up and down these halls
I used to know what kept me here
Now I don't recall
I wish I had the strength to leave
I wish I had the heart to stay
I wish I could disappear today
*****************************
Maybe it would be easier if I left and...
No, I said angrily. I can't leave Aragorn. He'd be so hurt and lost. And I still love him, as I always have.
I briskly walked down the hallway to where the others had gone, and made my way to Aragorn's side. He absentmindedly touched a hand to my shoulder as he spoke to Frodo. I placed an arm around him, needing his warmth for my soul.
My tortured, lightless Elven soul.
As I leaned against him slightly, I saw Frodo looking at me, fear and pain in his eyes. I returned the look, raising an eyebrow at him. I'd meant what I'd said.
If Frodo told Aragorn what I had done to myself, I would leave.
And from the way he looked away from my cruel, empty eyes, he knew it too.
To be continued
