A/N: I just wanted to say a big thank you to anyone who has read the first chapter and if I don't get round to responding to your review I do read them and take them on board :) This chapter was inspired by Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros album Here and Mumford and Sons album Sigh No More. Do check them out if you haven't! Enjoy :)
Chapter 2: Santana
When I got the call from Leroy telling me they were coming to New York, I knew things were bound to get easier. Britt and I had been running after the kids for days, their happiness bittersweet. How are you supposed to tell a five year old and an eighteen month old that their moms left and are never coming back? I knew with Leroy and Hiram coming, it wouldn't be so hard. Somehow, they would know what to do.
Since Britt and I found out about the accident, it became hard to look at the kids; I mean really look. Harmony was the tiny double of Rachel; she already had the demanding personality to match. Charlie's laugh was Rachel's laugh, but he had the same hair and eyes as Quinn. I could tell they were both gonna be tall and gangly like Quinn.
Sometimes I'd get up in the morning, B would already be up and she would be in Harmony's room with her dressing as Disney princesses for breakfast. I'd watch from the doorway as they'd prance around, Britt with a fluffy white sparkly wand in her hand like a fairy godmother following her Cinderella. We had two spare rooms so the kids could both have their own rooms when they came to stay.
Charlie would sleep a lot later than Harmony would, which I was thankful for. Harmony was always the early riser. Just like her momma. Lucky for me, so was Britt. I was normally the one in charge of getting Charlie ready for school, and Britt was the one in charge of breakfast time with Harmony. (Which trust me, was no easy feat. Thankfully for me, Brittany has the patience of a saint.)
We learned pretty quickly that feeding Harmony any foods of a congealed consistency in the morning was a huge mistake. Most of it would end up on the kitchen walls, all over Brittany and clumped into Harmony's dark curly hair. Porridge was ruled out as a huge no pretty quickly. But she loves bananas. I'll be surprised if the girl doesn't turn yellow the way she eats bananas.
Charlie is more of a Fruit Loops kinda guy. For breakfast every morning without fail, he'll only eat Fruit Loops. We tried once or twice to fool him with Cheerios but that just wouldn't do. The Fruit Loops always won. Q and Rach would always tell us to try to wean him off them because Rachel was always complaining about the sugar content, but it was a pretty useless crusade. I think in the end they both knew that.
As I drove to the airport, I found myself thinking of all the phone conversations I'd had with Q about the kids, hearing the distant yells of Rachel in the background reminding Quinn to tell me any details that had been forgotten about. Without fail, every single time we looked after the little ones, Rachel would produce a list pages long; as if neither of us had ever looked after a kid in our lives.
We'd volunteer as often as they needed someone to look after the babies. Rachel was often kept late at the theatre with rehearsals, and Quinn was often pulled into meetings with her editor regarding her book. My insides heaved, knowing I'd never read the finished product. Just another thing to add to the list. With a lot of persuasion, she let me read the first two chapters. It was a beautiful and touching tale of love, loss and overcoming struggles. A little part of me wondered if she knew how true her story would become.
I drove quietly, Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros playing in the background. Quinn always raved about them and their music, and I found myself shamelessly become a fan of theirs. I smiled to myself knowing that she'd be proud to know that I was listening to them so much.
I was greeted inside the terminal with embraces from both of the Berry men. Leroy held me in his grasp for slightly longer; and I let him as I knew that was what he needed. He smiled gratefully at me. He looked me up and down appraising me. It made me happy to know that despite what had happened, he was ever the same Leroy underneath it all.
'You look good.' He nodded.
I wanted to say the same, but honestly he looked tired and drawn. I smiled gently at him and responded with the only thing I could think of. 'Thank you for coming.'
I helped them shift their bags into the back of the Range Rover and we all climbed inside. I started up the car and Leroy instantly recognised the music flowing quietly out of the stereo.
He nodded to himself. 'Edward Sharpe.'
We all sat quietly, listening to Alex Ebert's gentle voice as we coasted down the freeway towards our home. I'd stupidly told the kids that their grand-papis were coming to town, and left poor Brittany to deal with two hyped up children. At least I knew they'd get a good reception. My heart dipped knowing that now that they were here, we'd have to tell the kids what had happened.
I noticed in my rear-view that Hiram sat staring blankly out of the window. He looked different, and it was no surprise to me. The weight of the world hung down on his shoulders, and there was nothing any of us could do to relieve the weight. It was happening to us all, but we quickly learned that everyone deals with it differently. Leroy tried to soldier through, trying to be strong for himself and his husband. Brittany and I had to learn to put others ahead of ourselves; we had two children to care for. The problem was; no one knew the fate of those two little lives that held so much hope and so much promise. We all silently agreed that of course they wouldn't be split up.
It got me thinking about the first time Britt and I found out Rachel was pregnant. We knew that they'd been consulting every doctor in the state, looking for a way that they could combine both Quinn and Rachel into one child. After months of tears, disappointments and countless doctor's appointments; their dream finally came true.
They'd invited us to go for lunch at a local bistro called The Shack that specialised in vegan dishes (of course). Brittany quite likes the food there, I think it tastes like cow food but that's beside the point. Brittany and I had arrived a little early, for a change. We sat at the reserved table, awaiting their arrival. I just figured they were too busy making out to get their asses outta the house to see us. Oh how I couldn't be more wrong.
The heavy wooden and glass door opened, Quinn holding it open for Rachel. The little munchkin walked in, and I thought she looked a little more round than usual. I just brushed it off, thinking it was probably just my eyes. But as they got nearer, I knew my eyes weren't deceiving me. Rachel was definitely more curvy than normal around her middle. We hadn't seen either of them in about a month, due to work commitments and conflicting schedules.
Rachel smiled as she approached the table at the expression which was obviously creeping across my face and we both stood to greet them. We hugged them both tightly and I looked down.
'You're…'
Rachel beamed that infamous toothy smile and I looked across to Quinn who was also beaming.
Rachel giggled. 'We're pregnant!'
Britt let out a small squeal and embraced our two friends once more.
Rachel was two and a half months pregnant, and they'd just found out a few days before. Quinn wanted to call straight away, but Rachel decided it would be more fun to wait and show us in person to see our reactions. And that it was. I'd never seen either of them so happy together. I couldn't believe Quinn was the same person as the person who had whined to me over the phone at least once a week during the first year of college about how much she wanted to devote herself to the small high maintenance diva.
It was usually once a week; sometimes it would be as much as an hour two or three times a week. Thank God for free minutes on my cellphone contract. She'd bought a train pass for Rachel just before we left McKinley, in the hope that they would be able to remain friends. It wasn't long before Quinn realised it wasn't friendship she wanted. She wanted a whole lot more. Of course, I was the one who had to listen to all of the details. If I dared complain, she would just say that she was getting her own back for the way I moped over Brittany back in high school. She had a point.
It was always fun to hear the sordid details of the way Quinn tried to deny herself to think about Rachel after she realised how she really felt. Being the best friend, I was there for that moment too.
Just like every other monumental conversation ever held in McKinley High, we were by the sinks in the girl's bathroom. This time Puck hadn't decided to stroll in mid-conversation, we guessed he was too busy trying to pursue some poor Cheerio as usual.
She'd been avoiding me and the rest of the Glee club all day, and I wanted to find out why. She'd been in Glee club for about five minutes before she excused herself to the bathroom and never came back. Mr Schue had sent me looking for her, to check nothing had happened to her.
I marched into the bathroom, to find Quinn standing at the sinks, just staring blankly into the mirror.
I huffed. 'Oh thank God you're here; we were all beginning to think you'd fallen down the toilet into Narnia.'
Her head didn't move, she just kept her gaze fixed on her reflection.
'You do know if you stare at it too hard it might crack…' obviously my impeccable humour was lost on her when she didn't even smile or laugh.
She spoke softly, her voice oddly low. 'Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder about the person you've become?'
I stepped over to the sink beside her. That wasn't the Quinn I knew. I looked through the mirror at her. 'Quinn…?'
She exhaled and closed her eyes. 'I'm in love Santana…'
I breathed a sigh of relief. At least she wasn't pregnant again like my first suspicion.
I chuckled a little. 'Well that's not so bad is it?'
She opened her hazel eyes and stared at me through the mirror. Her face devoid of emotion. I found myself utterly confused. I'd always been under the impression falling in love was a wonderful, special thing. Obviously I was missing something. The next words she spoke snapped me completely out of my thoughts.
'…With Rachel…'
A stream of saliva caught in my throat and I coughed, choking a little in surprise.
'R-Rachel…? As in the brown haired hobbit Rachel Berry…?'
She looked down at her hands bracing the sink. 'I can't be in the same room as her San. I can't even look at her. Every time I do I feel sick to my stomach.'
I remember so clearly that I felt like I had vertigo from the impact of her admittance. The words fell from my lips without me really thinking about them.
'I-I don't understand…'
'Neither do I.'
'How long?'
She swallowed. 'A few months. I don't know.'
'She's marrying Finn…'
She let out a breath as if she were in physical pain. 'Don't you think I know that? I can't think about it. I'm not going to the wedding.'
My eyes searched for hers. 'You have to go Q.'
'And watch her marry someone else? I'm many things, but I'm not a masochist San.'
'It'll mean a lot to her if she knows you support her. That you support her decision.'
She huffed and her eyes finally found mine. 'Don't you get it? I don't support her decision. She's making the wrong decision and as much as everyone will deny it, you know I'm right. I thought you of all people would know what it feels like to know the person you love doesn't love you back.'
'You don't know what she feels Quinn.'
'Isn't it obvious? She's marrying Finn. It's pretty clear what she feels.'
I shook my head. 'Isn't it obvious? If you looked at her for longer than two seconds you would see that she's not happy. Not as happy as she could be. She's realising she's made the wrong decision by agreeing to marry him. You would know that if you actually looked at her. It's obvious, Quinn. And not just to me. Kurt knows it too.'
'And what do you suggest I do? She wouldn't listen to me if I even tried to talk her out of it. She totally ignored my advice when it came to her first time with Finn.'
'And don't you know that she regretted it? It was a pity fuck for Christ's sake, we all know that! You've always been better than Finn, and secretly she knows that too. First and foremost she needs her friends Quinn. So be the best friend you can be, and support her. You'll be the one she turns to when it all falls apart. Do the right thing; say you'll go to the wedding.'
I'll always remember the way she looked at me when she realised I was right. Her internal battle was obvious. She was desperate to stop the wedding but she knew that wouldn't be the best thing for Rachel. She had enough sense to know that Rachel had to come to that decision on her own. Later she told me that she was thankful for me, that I had that conversation with her. She'd always known that I was right; it was just hard for her to see it.
There was one particular day. It was kinda grey over in New Haven, and I'd promised Q I'd go see her. She'd been out the night before, so she was still kinda messy when I got there. Luckily I knew where she lived so she didn't have to come pick me up from the station.
I knocked three times on her apartment door, and it was a good few minutes before the door opened to reveal her in her hungover state. She'd thrown on her navy pair of Yale sweats and an old jumper with a hole in the left armpit that Puck had given her years ago. Lord knows why she still kept it. She was so hungover she looked almost grey.
I stepped in the door and shut it behind me. She made her way back to the old brown beat up couch. Her father's parting gift in her parents divorce.
'Hello princess…'
She flopped back down onto the couch, sprawled out taking all the room. Lucky for me there was a spare small mis-matched cream armchair adjacent to the couch. I smiled a little to myself at her self-induced misery.
And then my brain registered the background noise. Mumford and Sons' White Blank Page. My insides groaned. It was then that I knew something went very wrong the night before. It was her go to song when she was wallowing in her self-pity. The very mention of it made me roll my eyes on reflex. I looked over to the record player spinning the album vinyl. I didn't even want to know how many times she'd listened to it already.
'Come on, what happened?' she just grunted, her forearm shielding her eyes. 'You play this song when something bad happens. I should know I've had to listen to it enough times.'
'It's a good song.' She mumbled.
'It's fucking terrible. Now stop avoiding the question.'
She sighed. 'I went to a party…'
'Well that's obvious.'
'I hooked up with this girl.'
My interest suddenly peaked. 'Well look at you Fabray!' I chirped impressed. 'Are we talking hooked up, or hooked up…?'
'Hooked up.'
'What happened…?'
'We were making out and I…' she stopped abruptly and shook her head. 'No.'
'You said her name, didn't you?'
Finally her forearm lifted and she tilted her head to look at me. 'How do you…?'
I smiled. 'Personal experience. It happens Q, that's not so bad.'
She shook her head. 'That wasn't even the bad part.'
My smile fell as my stomach churned. I braced myself for her to continue. 'Oh no…What did you do Quinn?'
'She left. After she left I called Rachel. I called her and I told her what happened.'
My mouth fell partly open. 'Quinn! What the hell did you do that for?'
She covered her face with both of her hands and shook her head. 'I don't know. I really, I don't know.'
Come to think of it, I should've known something was wrong. Normally I see a chirpy Rachel every morning without fail, devouring her second cup of coffee while I was barely standing out of bed. But I didn't see her at all that morning before I left. I should have known something wasn't right.
It was then I knew why she wanted me to come over that day. She'd never say it, but she needed my help. She needed to lean on me, even for a little while. So I moved off the armchair, and lifted the top of her back up from the couch so I could slide underneath her. I cocooned her in my arms and she twisted her torso toward me. She pressed the side of her face against my collarbones. She sobbed. She sobbed like I'd never seen before. She sobbed for everything she said, and everything she couldn't say.
I felt everything she felt sitting in the car with both of the Berry men. My insides felt heavy and I wanted to sob for everything I never told Quinn. I wanted to cry out my regrets and I wanted to cry because I knew I couldn't. I had more people to think about than myself.
We pulled into the driveway, and I began to feel more steady knowing Britt, Charlie and Harmony were a mere few feet away. I helped Hiram and Leroy drag their bags out of the trunk, and we stepped inside the house.
