Author's Note- Hi, everybody! In this chapter I have a couple things to tell you:

First of all, you're probably going to hate it. The two main couples, NH & BL, are barely thinking about each other. But don't worry, THEY WILL! It's Christmas Eve, come on. You don't think I'll have something to write for the two couples? (:

And second, in this chapter, Lucas is looking at a picture of Brooke. If you wish to know what he's looking at, go to my profile. My avatar is the picture.

Alright, onto Chapter Two!


Chapter Two- Losing My Mind, Wish Somebody Would Tell Me I'm Fine

(Lyric in title is from the song Last Resort by Papa Roach)

The sun was shining extremely bright, showering through Haley's apartment window. Haley squinted uncomfortably, turning over in her bed. She looked at Brooke, who was sleeping right next to her.

They both slept in the round bed, although Haley's bed was still in the corner. Brooke asked Haley the night of Thanksgiving if Haley would sleep by her, so she wouldn't feel so alone.

Haley crawled out of bed, looking at Brooke. She didn't move, she seemed so still. Haley almost couldn't see if she was alive, but she saw Brooke's growing stomach slowly increase and decrease steadily.

Haley looked through her drawers, counting the weeks. Brooke told her she was pregnant on the first day of school, September 5th. It seemed like a world ago, and Haley couldn't believe it was simply just 15 weeks and a couple days.

The symptoms of Brooke's pregnancy was showing more, no wonder she had stopped going to school to keep up the whole charade of not telling anyone she was pregnant. Lucas had to find out sometime, but she was adamant about when. She preferred never.

Brooke's stomach was larger, of course. At three months, she probably could get away with going to school if she wore sweatshirts. But Brooke was at four months, and that was dangerous territory.

Her face was slightly swollen, as were her hands and ankles. Besides the swelling, Brooke's face was also getting fuller, her cheeks slightly fattening along with her chin. Haley sometimes noticed Brooke frowning at herself in the mirror as she passed it.

Brooke was now slightly more verbal, groaning at the pains in her back, commenting rudely on the food, or giggling quietly at the television when she thought no one heard. This was, of course, just another symptom. They were mood swings, at least to Brooke, who had been quiet for a month.

Her nausea had decreased greatly (Haley thought this was a gift, because Haley's stomach would flip when she heard Brooke in the bathroom), except there were slight gags to foods that made Brooke nauseous. She was sleeping much better at night, not needing to suddenly jump up to use the toilet- or throw up in it.

Haley quickly pulled her elastic out of her hair, allowing her golden blond hair fall into loose curls as she made her way to the bathroom, turning the shower valve to the hottest it would go, steam already rising.

Haley pulled off her clothes, stepping hesitantly into the shower. Haley frowned, realizing once again for the umpteenth time that month, scalding hot water didn't bring her pain. Sure, it made her skin turn slightly pink at the contact, but Haley just felt numb.

And that scared her beyond belief.

Lucas stared up at the ceiling, his thoughts only on one thing.

It was Christmas Eve. He should be spending it with Brooke, Haley, his mother, Nathan… But instead, he didn't know where any one of them was.

Of course, Lucas had a general idea of where Nathan and his mother were, but where was everyone else?

Where was Brooke, most importantly? She must be suffering, he thought.

He hadn't seen her since she came out of the Peyton's hospital room on Thanksgiving morning, face sullen and soaked with tears. The doctor followed her out into the waiting room, and Lucas could remember everything so clearly, it was painful to think about.

Brooke took a deep breath and Haley stood up, Lucas remembered. There was something there that they both were hiding, Lucas noticed, but his eyes were fixated on the doctor.

"My dearest condolences-" The doctor began to apologize, but Brooke looked so crushed, so torn up that Lucas had to look away. He wanted to comfort her, but he reminded himself they were no more than acquaintances and he couldn't deny Brooke's request when she was like that.

Brooke ran out of the hospital then, fresh tears springing in her eyes. Haley jumped up and ran after her. Lucas sat up suddenly, realizing that if anyone knew where Brooke was, it would be Haley.

Lucas shook his head, deciding it wouldn't be proper if he waltzed into Haley's apartment and ask her where Brooke was when he hasn't had a decent conversation since… Well, Lucas couldn't exactly remember when.

Lucas sighed, running a hand over his face. His thoughts were suddenly so jumbled, not knowing if he should go speak to Haley or go look for Brooke. He looked to his nightstand, where pictures of the most important people in his life stood, smiling.

The first picture he saw was of him and Keith, the one he's had since he was seven. He was a little boy then, but he remembered he felt happy, not knowing of the evil in the world.

The next picture was of Lucas and Haley. Karen had taken it their freshman year, the two sitting at the counter in the café doing their homework. Haley was rolling her eyes at Lucas's paper, an all-knowing smile on her lips. Lucas was in the middle of talking, defending himself, when Karen snapped the picture.

The picture next to those two was Lucas and Nathan. It was at the Rivercourt a while back, Haley snapping the picture from one of the benches. Nathan was going for a dunk as Lucas leaned over slightly, breathing heavily. No one thought anything about it because the two were both slightly smiling, but that was just after Lucas had diagnosed with HCM.

Lucas frowned at that picture, moving a hand slowly over his heart. It was beating calmly now.

Lucas's term 'calm' was used loosely, because his heartbeat was irregular and not spaced out evenly. But it was slow, not working too hard, and that was enough.

The next picture Peyton, except she wasn't smiling. It was hard to get a smiling picture of Peyton because she always noticed there was a camera around. She was sticking out her tongue at the camera and scrunching up her nose, her eyes squinted slightly as her curly hair sprung in every different direction possible.

The one in front of them all was of Brooke. Lucas replaced the one of Brooke in her cheerleading uniform to a much more recent one. It was taken at Keith's wedding to Jules, one where the photographer was snapping random pictures. When Lucas saw the photos, he found his favorite and asked for a copy.

It was during the wedding, when everyone was sitting. Lucas couldn't remember what was so funny, but Brooke was grinning happily, her lips shining slightly from the subtle pink lip-gloss she was wearing. Her dimple was deep, reaching far down near her chin, her hair falling into curly waves. She was so beautiful that Lucas had to tear his eyes away because if he kept looking, he was afraid he'd give in and go running after her.

He knew that if Brooke walked through his door, asking for him back, his defense would crumble and he would take her back in a heartbeat.

But Lucas couldn't bear to think of Brooke, it caused too much pain. He knew that his body wasn't cooperating well with not being able to wrap his arms around Brooke's waist, to kiss her delicate lips again and just be with her. His heart was spasmodic when he thought of Brooke, speeding up with hope and thrill as her laugh rung through his ears as if she was still there.

Lucas wasn't a man of many needs, but he did have a few.

And his main one was for the love of his life.

Nathan, however, was feeling just the opposite.

Nathan got out of Dan's car; glaring at anything he could get his eyes on, following after Dan slowly.

"Come." Dan ordered, and Nathan realized he was hesitating at the porch steps. "Afraid?" Dan chuckled, and Nathan cleared his throat, sighing.

Stupid welcome mat. Stupid house. Stupid lawn gnome, what the hell? Who uses lawn gnomes, especially in the rich part of Tree Hill? Pathetic Dan. Probably tries to get the 'family friendly' approach for the pedestrians that don't know any better. Nathan growled in his mind as he walked up the steps to Dan's new beach house.

"So," Dan started a conversation with Nathan, slowly looking through his ring of keys for the door the two stood in front of. "How exactly was jail?"

"Curious what it would have been like?" Nathan grunted, and Dan smirked, looking down.

"We both knew I wasn't going to jail." Dan said, and Nathan stared at Dan, wondering if he heard correctly.

"Excuse me?" Nathan growled, and Dan chuckled slightly at Nathan's anger.

"Nothing." Dan replied simply, opening the door. The new beach house was spacious, the front hallway as large as a living room with marble sculptures and an expensive looking paintings hanging on the walls. Nathan's eyebrows slightly rose before throwing his backpack-which barely had anything in it- onto the floor.

It knocked into one of the marble statues, which teetered dangerously. Dan grabbed onto it as Nathan walked across the pure white carpet- ignoring when Dan yelled, "NATHAN, shoes!"- tracking mud everywhere.

Dan picked up the backpack and as Nathan turned it around, threw it at him. Nathan groaned, getting caught off guard.

"What the hell?!"

"My house, my rules. You take your shoes off before entering this room- or any other room, for that matter." His eyes were furrowed angrily, suddenly acting like a clean freak.

"Whatever, Dan." Nathan scoffed, walking around the room. "Shoes!" Dan ordered again, and Nathan quickly pulled them off, throwing them at Dan, who stumbled to catch them.

"That attitude better be gone by tomorrow's run." Dan growled, throwing the shoes off to the side as Nathan saluted Dan. "Ay-Ay, Captain." Nathan said sarcastically.

"Where's the bathroom?" Nathan muttered, looking around at the various doors, and peering through the archway.

"There's one in my office, on the right," Dan pointed through the archway. "Daisy! Come clean this!"

Nathan raised his eyebrows as a tall, skinny girl popped out of nowhere and ran to the carpet immediately, scrubbing away in her maid's uniform. He laughed in spite.

"Nice, work the girl like a slave." He said sarcastically, before walking toward the archway. He slowed slightly when the girl started singing.

She was horrible! Nathan grinned now, turning around slightly. Dan had left the room, and Nathan could practically see up the girl's skirt.

"I don't believe we have met!" Nathan said cheerfully, now walking toward the girl, who looked over her shoulder.

"I'm Daisy." Daisy smiled, flashing her pearly white teeth and standing up as Nathan stood in front of her.

"I'm Nathan." Nathan smiled, observing her. She was a little shorter than him, but definitely taller than… Her.

Daisy had pitch black hair, even darker than Brooke's, with blood red streaks. It was a slight bob, cut a little before her shoulders. She had small hips, abnormally large… Assets- which Nathan assumed were fake- and she was so skinny Nathan was surprised she wasn't falling over from being unbalanced.

In other words, she was the exact opposite of Haley.

Perfect.

"Brooke, wake up!" Haley yelled, drying her hair with a towel while she pulled on slippers. Brooke groaned slightly, her eyes opening but quickly shutting again.

"Light?" Haley asked, and Brooke nodded miserably, hands over her eyes. Haley sighed and pulled the curtains closed for Brooke, who didn't move. "Breakfast." Haley pushed Brooke's shoulder slightly.

"What time is it?" Brooke asked, emotionless.

"Eleven." Haley sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Look, I'm going to go to the bathroom. If you're not sitting at that island when I get out then I'm dragging you out. Got it?"

"Mhm." Brooke mumbled, pulling the cover over her head with a groan.

Sure enough, Brooke was sitting at the island when Haley walked into the kitchen, her eyes drooping sadly.

"What are you craving?" Haley asked, opening the fridge. Even with Brooke's depression, a pregnant woman can't deny someone when they offer to give you whatever you're craving.

"Ketchup and ice cream." Brooke decided, and Haley slightly gagged. "That's disgusting." Haley groaned, and Brooke shrugged, a smile not meeting her lips like it would have.

"You're not eating it." Brooke replied. Haley frowned, grabbing a bowl. Brooke's speech was flat, but at least she was talking. Her voice was distant, though, and not happy. There wasn't a bit of joy in her pained words.

But words are a start.

After Haley gave Brooke her ice cream and ketchup poured all over it, she left the room. Haley was never a fan of ketchup, the smell disgusted her. She used it on hot dogs occasionally, but the smell made the hot dog worse.

"Where are you going?" Brooke said, mouth half full. "Bathroom!" Haley called, and Brooke sighed.

"Again?"

Haley chose to ignore Brooke as she entered the bathroom.

Lucas was about to fall back asleep, bored out of his mind, when his phone rang. He fumbled to find it on his nightstand, eyes still closed.

"Hello?" Lucas mumbled, not checking the caller ID.

"Lucas?" It was Larry. Lucas sat back up, surprised. "Yes?" His voice shook slightly.

"Can you come on by? It's important." Larry's voice tore Lucas apart; it must have saddest voice Lucas could have ever heard.

"Of course-" Larry had hung up before Lucas could finish the sentence. Lucas pulled on a shirt quickly, stuffing on his shoes so fast the backs went down with his foot. He didn't care; grabbing the keys off the dresser, and yanking open his door to outside.

"Luke?" Karen said, looking up and brushing her hands off of her pants. Lucas was stunned momentarily. When had she gotten over this bout of depression? Who helped her through it?

Karen smiled slightly at her son, concerned. She pulled off her gloves, and Lucas noticed she was gardening. "Where you going, hun?" Karen moved toward her son, but he stepped back, looking around.

"I thought-" Lucas looked around, startled. "You're going out?" Karen asked, a slight smile on her face.

"Larry's." Lucas said, numbly. How oblivious was he to his surroundings? The bright sun shone into his face, the brisk winter air actually making his cheeks cool.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Karen frowned, and Lucas furrowed his eyebrows. "Why not?" He asked, and Karen sighed deeply, looking down.

"You've been depressed- distant, really- since Peyton's…Uh, passing." Karen explained, and Lucas stared at his mother as her eyes deepened with concern.

"No I haven't!" Lucas said, shocked. "It's been you…" Lucas stammered, his head spinning. "The café-" He stared at her, and Karen frowned.

"It's been closed because I've been looking after you. I told you that, hunny. Are you sure you're okay? Are you sick?" Karen said, but Lucas didn't think she meant the flu kind of sick.

"What's that?" Lucas said, looking down at Karen's stomach. It was larger, but the rest of her body was still moderately thin.

What? What did I miss? Lucas thought, and Karen hesitated. "I told you, I've been pregnant since the end of August. Remember?" Lucas shook his head, beginning to grow annoyed with the weird treatment.

"Oh, hunny." Karen cooed, struggling with her words. "Remember when Keith proposed and I said yes? Before his… Passing?"

Lucas reluctantly nodded.

"We made love after I accepted. I told you in October I was pregnant." Karen whispered, and Lucas remembered October as a blur. It was when Brooke left.

"I-I gotta go." Lucas said in a hurry, not sure if his words slurred together, running to his car.

"Lucas!" Karen said desperately, but Lucas was already backing out of the driveway in the car that reminded him of Keith. He would have walked, but he needed to get to Larry's. Larry needed him.

But so did Karen.

Nathan slammed against his new bedroom wall, pushed by Daisy. She thrust her lips onto his, and his mouth opened automatically as she cupped his face desperately. Their tongues entwined, playing with each others, as the kiss became dangerous as Daisy fumbled with Nathan's jeans.

Nathan wanted to pull away, not feeling anything, but that was a Nathan that disappeared a month ago. So he smirked against Daisy's lips, already forgetting her name as she pulled off his belt and he gripped her waist.

Too damn small, Nathan said, annoyed as Daisy pulled him by his collar to the bed. Don't these girls know how to eat? I need something to grip onto, you know.

Daisy pulled away from Nathan, breathing heavily as she unbuttoned her maid's top and Nathan impatiently pulled off his own shirt, throwing it to the floor. Daisy finally pulled off her top, and Nathan eyed her, grinning obnoxiously.

Well, that's a perk. Nathan thought before falling back onto the bed with her.

Brooke finished her bowl already and moved to the couch, watching a black and white movie on the couch when Haley thought it was safe to come back out.

"What are you watching?" Haley asked, sitting down next to Brooke on the couch. Brooke was holding tightly onto her blanket in anticipation, a sad look on her face.

"The Philadelphia Story. Shh." Brooke said, and Haley glanced at the television, a man kneeling near a beautiful woman who seemed to glow.

"But… I don't want to be worshipped, I want to be loved." The woman said, and Brooke shifted her weight uncomfortably and Haley frowned.

"Why watch these movies if they make you sad?" Haley whispered gently, and Brooke looked over, the frown slightly fading. A shimmer of life flashed in Brooke's eyes before she looked back at the television, and Haley frowned, looking down.

"I watch them because they're simple." Brooke uttered, and Haley looked up, surprised. "Because the guy gets the girl and no one gets in the way. Even if they try to, true love always prevails, right? I do it because when you're at school, I cry when the guy gets the girl or the story this tragic ending that still shows how hopelessly the two lovers have fallen for each other."

Did she just say she cried?! She had shown emotion? Haley thought, stunned.

"But it's black and white. It's obvious that these writers weren't thinking clearly, they figured they'd make some epic love story… But that just shows that the color of these movies were the ways people saw in their times, that you could fall in love and stay that way for the rest of your life. Until your story is over, you know? I've seen the gray's and in between's, Haley. And you have too. So that's why I watch them. To feel something, hope, yearning… I search for an inkling of hope that love still exists. But we know better, don't we? Life is no fairy tale. People die and hearts break. In the end you just die alone, right?"

Brooke sighed, and Haley could feel tears in her eyes, wanting to cry. Haley took Brooke's hand in hers, which was incredibly cold.

"You're not alone, Brooke."

Lucas stumbled out of the car, parking in Peyton's driveway. He stuck a finger in the back of his shoe, properly pulling it up. He did the same to the other one before looking up at the house. Looking at it shot a pain through his heart, sadness overcoming him.

Larry opened the door after Lucas rang the doorbell twice, looking like a mess. His hair was sticking in every direction, not looking washed for days. He had a dark, scruffy beard, and probably hadn't shaven for a month or a little more, seeing he was away at sea.

"Come in." Larry's was raspy, and he lead Lucas to the kitchen. "What did you need?" Lucas choked slightly when he saw Peyton's black converses near the table, not moved.

Larry placed a cell phone on the table, Lucas recognizing it at Peyton's. "Coffee?" Larry mumbled, and Lucas shook his head, Peyton's memory pushing into his head.

"Wow, came sooner than I thought. Coffee?" "Nah." "More for me."

Larry sighed, making himself a coffee before sitting down with his mug, his thumbs nervously tapping it.

"You know," Larry took a shaky breath. "In the middle of the night I smell coffee- Or at least, I think I do… I make it all the way to the kitchen with a smile on my face when I realize she's gone."

Larry sounded so desperate, but tried to laugh a bit. It came out more of a gasp, Larry's breath getting caught in his throat.

"But, onto the point… I finally turned Peyton's phone on yesterday. I looked through her instant messaging history, wanting to read the way she talks, I suppose, to remember her a bit more. But then I-I found this. Do you know who this is?"

Larry's face was now filled with concern as he passed it to Lucas, worrying Lucas as he looked down at the screen. It was conversations of Peyton and someone else, even mentioning Lucas himself.

Lucas felt his eyebrows furrow father in confusion as the conversations went on. Why didn't Peyton tell him about this?

A blaze of annoyance and protectiveness tore through Lucas as the writer continued to taunt Peyton. It wasn't a boyfriend type of protectiveness, Lucas noted, it was more like a big brother protectiveness.

The instant messages continued to the night before Thanksgiving. The last instant message read:

DYTIWWA: My, my! Little Peyton, haven't I taught you anything? Don't play with fire. Don't tempt god damned fate! Karma is a bitch, trust me. You'll get your fair share in the end. Maybe sooner than later. I'll be seeing you… Or not.

Chills were sent through Lucas's body when he read this; Larry had grown still before him. Peyton didn't get a chance to reply because the sender signed off as quickly as he signed on.

"Do you think…?" Larry hesitated once again, and Lucas tried to pretend the sadness in Larry's voice wasn't there.

Lucas looked up at Larry, waiting for him to finish his sentence.

"That these texts were related to my baby girl's… Death?" Larry choked out the last word painfully.

"It's impossible." Lucas shook his head, still clutching onto the phone.

"The driver was drunk, it was dark…" Lucas said, standing up.

There was a brief silence before Lucas continued talking.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go." Lucas grabbed his coat he put on the back of the chair and looked at the phone.

"Mind if I keep this?" Lucas asked, and Larry nodded solemnly, and Lucas nodded slightly.

"If you need anymore, Mr. Sawyer, I'm here."

"I know." Larry replied, his voice a little more raspy than before. Lucas turned to leave, walking out the all too familiar house.

He was on the porch when Peyton's cell phone rang.

DWTIWWA: Welcome to the game, Lucas.