Disclaimer: The voices in my head made me do it...hold on, no they
didn't, I made them do it...or was it...nevermind, not important...until the men in white coats appear
Chapter 2: All Hell breaks loose
Chloe followed Lex as they were ushered to their seats. She pulled her white wide brimmed hat down a little further and snuggled into his arm.
"You know if you keep hanging on me like that I'm never going to find a suitable bachelorette here." Lex smiled down at her and leaned into her arm wound around his.
"Good." She smiled up at him and winked. "Plus, all these girls here are reporters. I do recall seeing a few of them and their fake little smiles plastered on the tv."
Lex nodded. "See the blonde in the front? With the red dress on?"
Chloe nodded to his question.
"Which is sooooo tacky, does she realize she's at a wedding, not a strip club?"
Lex smirked. "Jealous?"
"Please, I could so work that dress." She crinkled her nose, "Well, maybe in private."
Lex coughed back a laugh. "Like I was saying, she covered your death."
"Hmmm...is that so. Maybe I should have some fun with her." Chloe smiled devilishly and Lex brought her closer into his arms.
"Meet her in the coat closet or something. But you really shouldn't do it in front of so many people." Lex replied quietly. Chloe narrowed her eyes at the blonde.
"Why does she look so familiar. Is that?" She swatted Lex on the arm. "That's that tramp!" She said in a hushed voice.
"What tramp?" Pete appeared beside them and took a seat next to Chloe with Keith on his other side.
"The blonde up front. Remember her from College?" Chloe nudged him with her elbow.
"Oh, yeah, the one who stole what's his name from you." Pete grinned at her and then at Lex who had an amused look on his face.
"She stole your boyfriend?" Keith leaned over and said in a hushed voice. "Should I go tell her her nail polish doesn't match the red tube top she's ever so stylishly trying to pass off as a dress?"
Chloe laughed out loud. "I love you Keith!" She reached over Pete and patted Keith's hand.
He smiled at her and leaned back in his chair. "Better now?" Lex looked down at her and smirked.
"That is a prime example of why I love gay men. Any situation whatsoever and they can fix it with a simple insult." She smiled up at Lex and kissed him on the cheek.
"What was that for?" His free hand touched the side of his face.
She looked at the altar about 15 rows ahead of them. "Just felt like the right time." He smiled down at her.
"Thank you." He put his arm around her shoulder and she snuggled deeper into his side. "I missed you, Ivy."
She sighed and inhaled his warmth and the fresh air outside mixed with cologne. "I love you too, Lex." She sat up straight closing her eyes tight. "I meant, umm, I missed you too, yeah."
Lex pulled her back into his arm. "I love you too, Ivy." He gave her a gentle squeeze and the music started.
Clark appeared at the end of the aisle with the priest. The woman on the harp took her cue and strummed and plucked with all her might making it look awfully hard for such a gentle and beautiful sound to come out. Chloe smirked as Clark shuffled his feet. "Think he'll do the snoopy dance soon?"
Lex covered his mouth as he broke into laughter and Pete covered her mouth to keep her from egging it on. A woman in front of them turned around and 'shhshed' them. Chloe bit Pete's hand and he let go muttering a curse word or two. Keith leaned forward. "I'm sorry Miss, our friend has Turretts and it always acts up at the most inoportune times. I absolutely adore your hat. Is it Gloria Vanderbuilt?" Chloe covered her own mouth to sustain her laughter and Lex was fighting down sobs trying not to look at Clark who remained shuffling about. Chloe looked at Lex and saw his eyes watering. She giggled and turned her head burying her face near his armpit trying to drown out the sobs she was attempting to choke back.
Pete looked at both of them sternly and Keith let out a roar of laughter. They all three turned and looked at him as Lois walked by. "She...she...her...pantyhose...underwear..." Was all they could make out and they followed his gaze to the site of Lois with the side of her dress tucked into her pantyhose. Chloe held her breath from laughing and Pete covered Keith's mouth who's laughing only got louder the more and more he tried to contain it. Lex burried his head in his hands and silently shook with laughter. A bridesmaid noticed along with a few other guests and quickly pulled her aside as she reached Clark to fix it. Chloe straightened up and patted Lex on the back gently. "It's fixed now." She said with a grin in her voice. Lex looked up at her and his face was the brightest red she'd ever seen. She cocked her head to the side and he breathed out.
"Snoopy....snoopy...dance..." and broke into another fit of laughter. Chloe shook her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. They were about to exchange vows but all she could hear was Keith and Lex's laughter like surround sound. Muffled, but still at a volume where she couldn't concentrate. Pete cleared his throat. "Both of you, cut it out."
Lois stood in front of Clark slightly pink, from humiliation. Clark took her hand and mumbled some words. Lex broke into another fit of laughter along with Chloe. "Now, what is it?" Pete eyed them warily. "He sounds like the teacher from Peanuts." Chloe strung out amidst held back laughter and Lex stood up laughing just as they asked if there were any objections. Clark looked at him and narrowed his eyes. He quickly sat back down. "Shit." Chloe rumbled with laughter and hugged Lex tightly trying not to be seen.
"If there are no other objections we shall continue the ceremony."
Lex nodded in approval and Chloe sobbed into his jacket.
~
At the reception Chloe sat at the table with Keith. "So I guess you two lost your bet, huh? I mean, she did make it down the aisle."
Keith nodded. "That was Pete's bet. I bet they wouldn't make it to their honeymoon."
Keith's comment was followed by the slap that was heard round the room. Chloe stood with Keith just as Lex made his way over with a somber face. "Clark just got smacked."
"And the gates of Hell will open up..." Keith began to preach and Chloe giggled a little.
"So who what where when why?" Chloe asked inquisitively.
Lex smiled. "Lois smacked him for dancing with the blonde in the red tube top."
Chloe smirked. "Congratulation, Keith, I think you just won the bet."
A/N: Just so no one berates me on the gay man comment. I love gay men, in fact, All of my male friends, with the exception of two or three, are gay. I am a straight female and I find it refreshing and invigorating to surround myself with people who are...well...hilarious. My friends all think on their toes and could get away with murder for one simple compliment. So there ya go. I don't speak of all gay men out there, and I'm not one, I may be a gay man trapped in a woman's body, but hey, isn't that every drag queens dream? ;)
didn't, I made them do it...or was it...nevermind, not important...until the men in white coats appear
Chapter 2: All Hell breaks loose
Chloe followed Lex as they were ushered to their seats. She pulled her white wide brimmed hat down a little further and snuggled into his arm.
"You know if you keep hanging on me like that I'm never going to find a suitable bachelorette here." Lex smiled down at her and leaned into her arm wound around his.
"Good." She smiled up at him and winked. "Plus, all these girls here are reporters. I do recall seeing a few of them and their fake little smiles plastered on the tv."
Lex nodded. "See the blonde in the front? With the red dress on?"
Chloe nodded to his question.
"Which is sooooo tacky, does she realize she's at a wedding, not a strip club?"
Lex smirked. "Jealous?"
"Please, I could so work that dress." She crinkled her nose, "Well, maybe in private."
Lex coughed back a laugh. "Like I was saying, she covered your death."
"Hmmm...is that so. Maybe I should have some fun with her." Chloe smiled devilishly and Lex brought her closer into his arms.
"Meet her in the coat closet or something. But you really shouldn't do it in front of so many people." Lex replied quietly. Chloe narrowed her eyes at the blonde.
"Why does she look so familiar. Is that?" She swatted Lex on the arm. "That's that tramp!" She said in a hushed voice.
"What tramp?" Pete appeared beside them and took a seat next to Chloe with Keith on his other side.
"The blonde up front. Remember her from College?" Chloe nudged him with her elbow.
"Oh, yeah, the one who stole what's his name from you." Pete grinned at her and then at Lex who had an amused look on his face.
"She stole your boyfriend?" Keith leaned over and said in a hushed voice. "Should I go tell her her nail polish doesn't match the red tube top she's ever so stylishly trying to pass off as a dress?"
Chloe laughed out loud. "I love you Keith!" She reached over Pete and patted Keith's hand.
He smiled at her and leaned back in his chair. "Better now?" Lex looked down at her and smirked.
"That is a prime example of why I love gay men. Any situation whatsoever and they can fix it with a simple insult." She smiled up at Lex and kissed him on the cheek.
"What was that for?" His free hand touched the side of his face.
She looked at the altar about 15 rows ahead of them. "Just felt like the right time." He smiled down at her.
"Thank you." He put his arm around her shoulder and she snuggled deeper into his side. "I missed you, Ivy."
She sighed and inhaled his warmth and the fresh air outside mixed with cologne. "I love you too, Lex." She sat up straight closing her eyes tight. "I meant, umm, I missed you too, yeah."
Lex pulled her back into his arm. "I love you too, Ivy." He gave her a gentle squeeze and the music started.
Clark appeared at the end of the aisle with the priest. The woman on the harp took her cue and strummed and plucked with all her might making it look awfully hard for such a gentle and beautiful sound to come out. Chloe smirked as Clark shuffled his feet. "Think he'll do the snoopy dance soon?"
Lex covered his mouth as he broke into laughter and Pete covered her mouth to keep her from egging it on. A woman in front of them turned around and 'shhshed' them. Chloe bit Pete's hand and he let go muttering a curse word or two. Keith leaned forward. "I'm sorry Miss, our friend has Turretts and it always acts up at the most inoportune times. I absolutely adore your hat. Is it Gloria Vanderbuilt?" Chloe covered her own mouth to sustain her laughter and Lex was fighting down sobs trying not to look at Clark who remained shuffling about. Chloe looked at Lex and saw his eyes watering. She giggled and turned her head burying her face near his armpit trying to drown out the sobs she was attempting to choke back.
Pete looked at both of them sternly and Keith let out a roar of laughter. They all three turned and looked at him as Lois walked by. "She...she...her...pantyhose...underwear..." Was all they could make out and they followed his gaze to the site of Lois with the side of her dress tucked into her pantyhose. Chloe held her breath from laughing and Pete covered Keith's mouth who's laughing only got louder the more and more he tried to contain it. Lex burried his head in his hands and silently shook with laughter. A bridesmaid noticed along with a few other guests and quickly pulled her aside as she reached Clark to fix it. Chloe straightened up and patted Lex on the back gently. "It's fixed now." She said with a grin in her voice. Lex looked up at her and his face was the brightest red she'd ever seen. She cocked her head to the side and he breathed out.
"Snoopy....snoopy...dance..." and broke into another fit of laughter. Chloe shook her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. They were about to exchange vows but all she could hear was Keith and Lex's laughter like surround sound. Muffled, but still at a volume where she couldn't concentrate. Pete cleared his throat. "Both of you, cut it out."
Lois stood in front of Clark slightly pink, from humiliation. Clark took her hand and mumbled some words. Lex broke into another fit of laughter along with Chloe. "Now, what is it?" Pete eyed them warily. "He sounds like the teacher from Peanuts." Chloe strung out amidst held back laughter and Lex stood up laughing just as they asked if there were any objections. Clark looked at him and narrowed his eyes. He quickly sat back down. "Shit." Chloe rumbled with laughter and hugged Lex tightly trying not to be seen.
"If there are no other objections we shall continue the ceremony."
Lex nodded in approval and Chloe sobbed into his jacket.
~
At the reception Chloe sat at the table with Keith. "So I guess you two lost your bet, huh? I mean, she did make it down the aisle."
Keith nodded. "That was Pete's bet. I bet they wouldn't make it to their honeymoon."
Keith's comment was followed by the slap that was heard round the room. Chloe stood with Keith just as Lex made his way over with a somber face. "Clark just got smacked."
"And the gates of Hell will open up..." Keith began to preach and Chloe giggled a little.
"So who what where when why?" Chloe asked inquisitively.
Lex smiled. "Lois smacked him for dancing with the blonde in the red tube top."
Chloe smirked. "Congratulation, Keith, I think you just won the bet."
A/N: Just so no one berates me on the gay man comment. I love gay men, in fact, All of my male friends, with the exception of two or three, are gay. I am a straight female and I find it refreshing and invigorating to surround myself with people who are...well...hilarious. My friends all think on their toes and could get away with murder for one simple compliment. So there ya go. I don't speak of all gay men out there, and I'm not one, I may be a gay man trapped in a woman's body, but hey, isn't that every drag queens dream? ;)
