*I own the storyline and the characters I created for this alternative story. Everything else belongs to E.L. James*


"You look beautiful sweetie. Daddy loved to see you in that dress."

"I know mommy. He called me a beautiful angel everytime I wore it."

"Are you ready honey? I know it will be hard to see daddy again but we have to do this. For daddy ok? Mommy won't let go of you the whole time. I promise"

I am so sad. And tired. I just want to go back to bed and forget everything. Daddy's gone. My daddy. And I miss him so much already. I missed him the whole night. I never went to bed without a kiss from him and a bedtime story. It's bad. I don't like it. I feel alone. And so sad. But I have to be strong. For mommy. That's what daddy would want.

"Yes mommy. I'll be good I promise."

"I know you will sweetheart. You are my beautiful girl. I love you very much. Come on. We have to go now."

Mommy grabs my hand and we walk out of our house. I'm going to see daddy again. But it makes me very sad. He won't tell me I look beautiful or pick me up and kiss me a few times. He won't hold my hand and tell me he loves me. He's gone. And I'm sad. So sad.

The whole car ride, mommy says nothing. She just stares outside the window and keeps holding my hand. I can see tears on her face. She's crying. Mommy is sad too. She looks sad.

And she's wearing black. She never wears black. She always wears a lot of colors and I love that. She looks so beautiful when she wears pink, and red, and blue, and purple and white, and yellow and orange. But she's wearing black. I don't like it.

The car stops and mommy looks at me. I guess we're here. I'm not ready. I don't want to go. I don't want to see daddy. He won't wake up. I don't want to say goodbye to him again. I can't. My chest hurts. I don't want to go!

But when I look at mommy, she's smiling at me. Not much, just a little. She's still crying. I don't want her to be sad. I don't want to make her cry more. I have to be a big girl and do this. I need to help mommy. She needs me. I have to be a good girl and help.

So I smile back at her and squeze her hand. She's a little cold so I try to warm her up lilke daddy did to me. I miss him so much.

"Come on mommy. We can do this. For daddy"

"Yes sweetie. For daddy"

She opens her door and I leave the car after her, holding her hand. She never lets go. Me neither. We're holding each others hands and nobody will make us let go.

We walk inside a building. I think it's a church. It looks like a church, with the benches and crosses everywhere. And in the middle of the church there's a big box. There's flowers all around the box and candles. And people are going close to the box and they're crying and talking. I want to see the box, everyone's seeing it so I want to see it.

"Ok honey. Be strong. Mommy loves you ok?"

"Ok mommy."

She squeezes my hand and never letting go, walks with me over to the box. Everyone is talking to her now, saying they're really sorry and giving her kisses. They do that to me too but I don't care. I don't know these people, not all of them anyway.

Some are family but the others I don't know. I don't like to talk to strangers. So I squeeze my mommy's hand to let her know I'm scared.

She looks at me and smiles. That conforts me. Wr get to the big box and when I peek in I see him. It's daddy. Oh no! I don't want to see him. Not like this! I love him so much! I don't want to say goodbye again!

"It's ok sweetie. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. Daddy knows you love him and he loves you. No matter what. He always will"

"I miss him so much *snif* He should be here. *snif* I want him here mommy! I love him so much!"

"I know honey. I know. I miss him too. So much. But we have to be strong. He would want us to be strong. Ok? Can you do that? For daddy?"

Yes. For daddy. I will be strong for him. Just for him. I love him.

"Yes. For daddy. I want to make him proud"

"He always will be proud of you. Always"

I smile at mom and with her help, kiss daddy on the cheek. He's so cold. And his skin looks weird. I don't care though. I love him and I always will.

I say goodbye to him again and grab mommy's hand. We walk away from daddy and sit in front of him. Someone starts to talk but I don't care. I think about daddy and I miss him. I will always miss him. So much.

"Come on sweetie. It's time to go."

"Ok"

It's all I can say. I feel weird. I don't feel like talking. But I can't cry either. I feel like one of those crazy people you see in movies. Sitting alone, saying nothing and just staring at the floor. Yes, that's me. I feel crazy. I feel alone. And I feel cold. I miss daddy.

We walk outside, holding hands the whole time. After a few minutes we're in a garden filled with stones, like those you see on that big thing called stonehence or stonehenge or something like that. But these stones are smaller. And they have flowers next to them. It's nice. But feels weird.

After a while we stop and there's a big hole in front of us. And then they bring daddy. The big box is closed but I know it's him. I memorized the colors and stuff on the big box. Why are they bringing daddy here? That's weird...

"Ok honey. Be strong. Mommy's here. It will be ok"

Why is mommy saying that again? I said I would be a good girl and I am.

And then they start lowering the big box into the hole. Oh no...daddy! They're putting daddy in a hole! No! That's not ok! Why are they doing that! Daddy will feel so lonely! I don't daddy to cry or feel alone! No! No! Stop!

"Mommy! Make them stop! Daddy doesn't like to be alone! And he hates to gert dirty! Please mommy make them stop!"

"It's ok sweetie. Daddy is going to rest here. He will be ok. Don't worry. This is how it's suppose to happen. When people die they get buried. It's life sweetie. Don't cry. Daddy is ok"

I'm crying. I feel nervous! I don't daddy there! But mommy said it's ok so what should I do...I cry. I squeeze mommy's hand really hard and I cry. I miss him. And now he's gone. He's being covered with dirt and I don't like that.

I can't look anymore. I hug mommy and turn away from that. I miss daddy so much. I don't want to see him gone like that. It hurts too much. Oh daddy, I love you so much. I just wanted you here. I miss you. I'll always miss you. And I'll always be your little bumblebee...