A/N: Y'all can expect a triple update this week from me. Two weeks back, the website was being a twat, and I couldn't update, so now I'm making up for it!

Also, please do enlighten me with your clever puns :) I live for them (if the story's title wasn't already obvious enough). Hey, even better. PM me and we can have a pun war!


I woke up without feeling the warmth of Spain's crotch. Shaking my head, I stood up on all fours and looked around the living room, not finding the bastard anywhere in my immediate sight. The sound of humming could be heard to my left. I spotted Spain scooping up something sticky and pink into a small glass bowl.

"Meow?" I hopped down from the couch and padded over into the kitchen.

Spain's eyes widened in delight when I absently rubbed my head and body against his pant leg. What?! I was a cat, so I had to at least act the part, right?! It's not like I enjoyed being close to him or anything. Not a fucking chance!

"Looks like someone finally decided to wake up~!" The Spaniard cooed, bending over to place the glass bowl before me. I wrinkled my nose in disgust when I realized that it was tuna. The acrid, sour scent of the meat wafted through my nostrils, and let me tell you that that shit stunk far worse than it did back when I was a human, er, country.

"Go on! Eat up! We men need lots of protein~!"

I growled lowly under my breath. Spain clearly didn't take the hint because he slid the glass bowl even closer towards me. But then again, that fucker was never one to read the atmosphere properly.

I turned my head to the side and sniffed indignantly. "Dios mio, are you ever stubborn," Spain sighed.

The Spaniard's eyes suddenly brightened. "Oh! I know! How about I feed it to you? Food always tastes better when you're being pampered."

It wasn't long before a spoonful of tuna was forcefully shoved into my face.

"Choo choo~! All aboard the yummy express~!"

"MREOW!" I hissed, raising a clawed paw to swipe the spoon out of Spain's hand. The metal utensil clattered against the marble tiles of the kitchen floor. Splatters of the questionably suspicious 'tuna' meat were flung in all corners of the room.

"Ay! What a mess!" Spain groaned, while I bolted out of the kitchen, heading straight for a nice hiding spot underneath the living room couch. Once there, I crouched down on all fours and attempted to calm myself down, but for whatever reason neither the shackles on my backside nor my claws would retract back into their respective places.

Spain cursed to himself frequently as he cleaned up my mess. Predictably, his foul mood didn't last all that long. Soon enough, his grinning, dopey face was peering at me through the narrow crack in the couch. Mirthful and determined green eyes were met with slitted, slightly glowing, and furious hazel ones.

"Easy there," Spain cooed, reaching out a slender tanned finger to bomp my nose with. "I come bearing no tuna, pinkie swear." Si, but his hand still smelt like it. I took a curious whiff out of his hand anyways.

"That's right. Come to boss Antonio~!"

Oh, that cocky fucker sure was asking for it. My temper got the best of me when he poked a very sensitive whisker of mine, albeit accidentally. I opened my mouth and chomped down on his finger, causing him to yelp with surprise and recede his invading hand entirely.

"OW!" Spain howled, once again slipping into angry Spanish. I perked up my ears in smug silence as I listened to the bastard curse up a storm.

"Mierda! How am I supposed to show him off to England if all he does is hide?!"

"You hear that, mi furry amigo?! You've got me really, really pissed right now!" Spain fumed.

I poked my head out from the couch and mewled innocently.

"AHA! YOU AREN'T GOING TO ESCAPE FROM ME THIS TIME!"

Spain made a desperate grab for me, but I was already long gone.

THUNK!

You hear that? That was the sound of Spain's forehead colliding with the foot of the couch. Hey, if I was going to be a cat, I might as well make the most of it and have myself a good fucking time, am I right?

While Spain erratically talked to himself, dumbly plotting his revenge, I settled on all fours and decided to take a nap. England would be here soon, and I needed to conserve my energy.

I woke up to the smell of something inexplicably delicious. My eyelids slowly fluttered open, following my nose to spot a plate of freshly cut up tomatoes resting before me.

I crawled forward and slid out from my position underneath the couch. I looked to the side in both directions, purring out of relief when I realized that Spain was nowhere in sight. I then bowed my head to take a hesitant bite out of the deliciously ripe tomato. I licked my lips, and it wasn't long before the entire plate was ridden of food.

I faintly whimpered when my stomach growled, and loudly at that. Just when I was about to call it quits and resort to napping again, someone above me snickered.

I froze, knowing full well that I was a goner. Spain pounced on my paralyzed furry form, wrapping two steady hands around my torso as he lifted me up from the ground. I was then slung over the giggling Spaniard's shoulders.

"Roma was right! Tomatoes do solve everything!" he guffawed.

I deadpanned. Way to misquote me, you bastard. I had said that tomatoes almost always solve problems when it comes to cooking, not real life.

"Hmmm. Now that your shyness problem has been dealt with, I should probably come up with a name for you."

"Meow?"

Translation: please do enlighten me with your stupidity, bastard.

"Let's see here… you're always angry and you like tomatoes…"

The Spaniard used his free hand to snap his fingers together. "Oh! I know! I'll call you Romano!"

I hissed and growled up a storm. Did that bastard just name a cat after me?! Wait, what the fuck?! I had just been named after myself. Talk about weird and paradoxical…

But damn it! You don't see me naming my pets after him! Okay, so maybe I did name that one Pretorian Mastiff after him. But that was only because he was always happy and wagged his tail like crazy. The naming had nothing to do with resembling the negative qualities of a person. Chigi! This whole situation totally sucked balls.

Also, where the fuck was that bastard taking me?!

"England should be here soon. Let's wait for him by the door, si?"

A dark expression crossed over my face.

Revenge was only a doorstep away.

DING DONG!

I jolted awake from my nap. I was currently curled up on the foot of the upstairs staircase. The carpeting was soft, and Spain patting my head while I dozed on and off was more than enough to keep me asleep. I mean, it's not like I slept any less back when I was a nation. Siestas were a common occurrence in my useless, shit show of a life. Being a cat just gave me a more of an excuse to be lazy.

But now, it was game time. That scone fucker didn't know what he had coming to him-!

Spain stood up and moved to open the front door. "Hola England~!" he chirped, trying his best to be polite despite his obvious hatred for the furry-browed island nation.

England stepped into the front room, red-faced from the hot weather outside. The buffoon was dressed in a long, black trench coat and thick grey dress pants. He was far too ignorant to realize that not every country had the same shitty weather as he did. Well, it was either that or he was hiding something. Speaking of hiding something, the Englishman was also holding onto a pet carrier in his left hand.

Mother of Bastet. He had brought his pissy cat along with him too. Just fucking perfect!

"Yes, yes, hello to you too," England grumbled irately. "I say, who in God's name would enjoy scalding hot temperatures like this?"

The smile on Spain's face fell. "I do."

The Spaniard turned away to mutter under his breath.

"He comes to my house for reasons inexplicable and then insults my country's weather?! I'll never understand why Francis wants to tap that ass…" Spain paused for a moment. "…Literally!" he finished.

England purposefully ignored the Spaniard's glowering look. His emerald green eyes swept over the room, pausing in their movements when they spotted my perched position on the foot of the staircase.

I hopped down and stalked/ twitched my way over to England, my tail hung high in the air.

England's eyes widened in sympathy. He bent down to whisper something to me in secret, but I wasn't about to listen to what he had to say. I leapt into the air, lunging straight for his face.

"MEOWWWWWWWWWWWW!"


To be continued...xD