Track 2 – Count On Me (Bruno Mars)
You can count on me like 1, 2, 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it
I can count on you like 4, 3, 2
You'll be there
'Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah
Remus Lupin believed in the power of words. From the lyrics in the fairytales his mother read him as a small child to the bolded facts of his History of Magic textbook, words held a magic all their own. Just like the magic he'd been learning for the last year and a half to pull from his core and from the elements around him, words could entrance, they could heal, and they could curse. And while Remus had a decent measure of respect for words (both spoken and written), there were very few combinations of words that had the power to scare him. Very few variations of letters strung together that made his heart stop and sweat break out on his brow.
"We're sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, there is no cure."
"Filthy half-breed."
"Look at little Loony Lupin! Want to get acquainted with the bottom of the toilet, Loopy?"
Remus hardly batted a lash at these. These were nothing compared to the horror he faced every month. Remus secretly prided himself on this. Knew he possessed an inner strength few people could ever accomplish. And yet it took no more than two words uttered by one Sirius Black to bring him to his knees.
"We know."
Two words. Eight letters. One sentence.
Sirius watched him, his grey eyes narrowed dangerously, his arms crossed, his expression one of suspicion and anger. Remus could only focus on remembering to breathe as he stared down his three friends, standing like a small army beside his bed, blocking his path.
"Did you hear me?" Sirius asked, advancing on Remus a little. Instinctively, Remus recoiled and prepared himself for a blow, whether physical or verbal. "I said, we know."
Something fierce rolled through his chest as he glared at the dark-haired boy. He squared his shoulders trying to draw on that inner strength once more even when he felt as though he were going pieces. "I heard you, Sirius. I'm a werewolf, I'm not deaf."
A small flame of triumph flared for a brief moment as the word left him; James swore under his breath as he goggled at Remus behind his glasses, Peter was looking steadfastly at the floor, and Sirius faltered, as if he did not expect Remus to admit it so easily. Not that it had been easy, but they would never know. Could never understand how much it cost him to say it.
He lifted his chin and pushed past them to his trunk, retrieving a pair of pyjamas. He clutched them to his chest, still kneeling beside his trunk, the routine of getting ready for bed feeling suddenly stupid and pointless. Like locking the door to a house that had already been vandalized. There was a burning at the back of his throat and he realized he was very close to crying. The other boys were still watching him. All around him, the world seemed to be shrinking, closing in and smothering him.
"I have to go," he said suddenly and scrambled for the door, his pyjamas still clutched in one hand. Sirius was quicker though and caught him around the wrist before he could reach the handle of the door. "Let go of me!" he screeched, tugging desperately against the other boy's firm grip.
"Remus, relax," Sirius said.
"Let him go, Sirius!" James said pulling out his wand. Remus stumbled as Sirius released him, falling against the wall. He eyed the wand James was holding warily.
"Go on! Hex me!" he dared the other boy. The three boys shared a look of surprise.
"I don't want to hex you," James said and he threw a locking spell at the door.
"Why not?"
"Merlin, this is not the way this was supposed to go," Sirius muttered, seating himself on end of a nearby bed.
"It's your fault," Peter said bravely but wilted as Sirius glared.
"He's got a point, Black. You were all…menacing. Scared Remus out of his wits. Just look at him!" James gestured to Remus who was still standing beside the door, clutching his pyjamas like a shield.
"Yeah, well, I was angry!"
"But he doesn't know why!"
"Will one of you please explain what you're talking about so I can go die quietly somewhere in a dark part of the castle?" Remus asked at last.
Remus watched his dorm mates burst into laughter and a bit of the ice, newly formed around his heart, chipped away. Sirius recovered first and gave him a look half exasperated half amused. "You idiot. We know. And we don't care."
Three words. We don't care. Ten letters. Remus was nearly brought to his knees for the second time in the span of five minutes.
"You don't?" he asked, unable to believe what he was hearing. He looked to each boy in turn; they simply shook their heads. "But you were angry?" he asked Sirius.
"Well you've been lying to us! For over a year! Of course I was mad!" Sirius said hotly, rising to stand beside him. "We're your friends! Friends trust each other!"
Remus could only stare, shocked beyond all belief. This scene played itself in his head regularly since he'd dared to befriend the other boys in his dorm, but never like this. The world felt like it was closing in on him again only this time the terror at being caught was replaced with something wonderful and yet infinitely more frightening.
He was unable to stop the sob that escaped him and before another word could be spoken, he quickly undid the lock on the door and fled.
It took Sirius seventeen minutes to find him, hidden in a dark corner of an empty classroom. Not that Remus had been counting; Sirius just announced it loudly as he seated himself next to Remus on the floor. He hugged his knees ever tighter to his chest, his face still buried in the careworn fabric of his trousers.
"Here," Sirius said, nudging him in the side, handing him a delicately embroidered handkerchief. Remus wiped his face self-consciously, shooting furtive glances at the other boy, but Sirius merely sat beside him quietly offering no comment.
"I didn't want you all to know," Remus said when he felt more in control of his voice.
"Well we do. No use crying over it. Won't do any good unless you plan on drowning us in our sleep with your weepiness."
Remus snorted wetly and wiped his nose on his sleeve. Sirius made a face. "For God's sake, Remus, I gave you a handkerchief, use it!"
Silence fell once more. He felt worn out, not only from the emotional ride that had been the last thirty minutes of his life but also because he was still tired and aching from the previous night's transformation. All plans of a warm bath and then bed were dashed the minute he stepped foot in his dorm. He toyed idly with the hanky and placed it in his lap with the pyjamas he'd unthinkingly brought with him when he'd run off.
"We're not going to dump you or turn on you or anything, you know."
"You say that now."
"I mean it. We're friends aren't we? And friends help each other out. Take care of each other. Like how you're always helping Peter with his homework and he shares those chocolates you like that his mum sends him." Remus only shrugged. "Or how remember at start of term? When I got that letter from my mum and dad and got a little upset so I hexed James because he wouldn't shut up about it? And you just took the letter and burned it and we went and cursed Regulus's shoes and it kept making him walk backward for the whole day? This is just like that."
"It's hardly the same thing," he replied dubiously, but could not help smiling a little at the memory.
"But it is. You cheered me up when I needed it. You help us all out when we need it. We'd be pretty crummy friends if we didn't return the favor."
"You…mean it?" he asked, looking for the first time into the eyes of his friend, still half expecting to see the same mocking sneer he wore whenever people like Severus Snape or his brother were nearby, but Sirius just gave him a lopsided smile and rose gracefully to his feet. He offered Remus his hand.
"I solemnly swear."
Taking the proffered hand, Sirius helped Remus to his feet. "Now, let's go find James and Peter and do something stupid. All your girliness has me breaking out in hives."
"Shut up!" Remus glared and slugged him hard on the shoulder.
"Merlin, you even hit like a girl," Sirius laughed, nudging him back weakly and throwing an arm around his shoulders. "Some ferocious beast you turned out to be."
"Yes, well, keep that secret to yourself and I'll be so inclined to make no mention to our roommates that you carry a hanky around with you," Remus taunted, waving the delicate white cloth at him.
"You're positively devious when you want to be, Lupin!"
"I do what I must," he said, then, quite seriously, "thank you."
Just two words. Pretty lame really when he'd been given so much more. Sirius just gave him a little shake.
"Anytime, Moony."
Remus quirked a brow at the name but said nothing, pocketing the hanky and hoping Sirius was not in the mood to cause too much trouble. The arm was still slung about his shoulders as they exited the room.
