Here's Chapter Two!I updated early too. That deserves a review I am thinking. Wow, thinking is new.
Disclaimer All characters are parodies of themselves. So I kinda own everybody. Sorta.
Chapter 2
Narrator: It's morning, wake up!
Author: Mph.
Vanderdecken: Yarr! I never sleep because I'm the Captain of the Flying Dutchman!
Narrator: Can you really fly? I'd ask the Author but he's asleep.
Vanderdecken: Gyar. Of course I can fly!
Narrator: Can you do it now?
Vanderdecken: Arggg, first I have to be drinking heavily. Then I…
(Narrator loses interest and go's to wake up the Author)
Vanderdecken: Yarr, you there! (Points to random crewmember) Pick up that rope!
Random Crew Member: Um, ok. (Looks over rail) Oi! There's a kid over here!
Vanderdecken: Gyarr. Leave him there or push him over. I couldn't give a damn. Now I'm off to go heavily intoxicate myself! (Walks away)
Petros: I need a galley boy!
Narrator: Yea, because filling pots with random objects is so hard.
Petros: Drags boy into galley.
Narrator: (Opens door to the invisible studio box and walks in. Taking out a blow horn, he duct tapes it on and throws it into the Author's room.)
Author: (Comes running out with a baseball bat in his hands only to find the Narrator holding a paintball gun.)
Narrator: Good morning. (Takes aim)
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
Narrator: Ahem, two days later. (Coved in paint)
Boy: I'm alive and it's lunchtime, things are looking up!
Petros: Wrong!
Narrator: Petros hands the boy, who's suppose to be a mute, (Glares at the boy) some food.
Petros: Right, when you signed up for a life at sea you pretty much doomed yourself. We all did in this story.
Boy: (Looks at him blankly)
Petros: Hmmmm, you're not responding. You must not have a tongue. I think I'll kick you now.
Narrator: An Arab walks in after abuse takes place.
Arab: Because I'm smarter than you, I can state the obvious that he does indeed have a tongue.
Author: Wow you're a natural Herminie Granger.
Narrator: I take a moment for the Greek to understand how someone can't talk when he has a tongue but he does, he says.
Petros: Well he might be dumb but if he can throw random objects into a pot he'll do. Here, take this to the Captain. Un-der-stand?
Author: Sigh. I wish I could write about smart people for once and not about someone who's clearly the result of ten generations of inbreeding.
Petros: Hmmm. What should I name the no-tongued kid? Any ideas Jamil?
Boy: (!?!?)
Jamil: I think we should call him Nebuchadnezzar.
Petros: Nebo…Nebu… Look, if I can't even say it, I'm not going to name my slave it.
Author: Wait; did he just say something smart? I didn't write that!
Narrator: Petros turns to the boy and screams in his face.
Petros: Neb! Neb! You called Neb now! Take this to the Captain or I'll skin you with this knives.
Narrator: Petros picks up sharp knives.
Petros: (Proudly waves knives around)
Jamil: (Backs off)
Neb: (Runs out of the cabin)
Knife: SHINE SPARKLE SPARKLE.
Narrator: Just then, Petros cuts himself with the knife and the Cullen's leap into action and… (Stops reading and turns to the Author) Dude, you've got to stop reading Twilight.
Author: I did.
Narrator: You finished the series didn't you.
Author: Mayyyybe.
Me: No fricken way. I did not just mix Castaways with a Twilight reference. Lightning strikes me down!
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Door: Knock knock.
Vanderdecken: OMG knocking door!
Door: Knock knock!
Vanderdecken: (Eyes door suspiciously) Hmmm. Since the door is an inanimate object, it must be trying to kill me!
Door: Opens.
Narrator: On the other side of the door Neb somehow opens it while holding a food.
Me: A food. Yum.
Vanderdecken: Isn't that the boy I told my crew to push over board?
Narrator: Um, you gave them a loophole.
Vanderdecken: Yarr, note to self. No more loopholes.
Neb: (Sets food on the table)
Vanderdecken: I believe this is the part of the story where I give you a lecture about luck.
Neb: (Nods)
Vanderdecken: Gyar. Well I'm not.
Neb: (Shrugs and leaves)
Vanderdecken: (Glares daggers at the door)
A Food: Randomly explodes.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Narrator: Back in the kitchen.
Neb: You know if we were in the twenty first century America, Child Welfare would be all over your ass.
Petros: Child Welfare, where? (Looks around and spills gun powder into a bowl) It also randomly explodes.
Narrator: (Stops reading) What is it with you and exploding food?
Author: Well, I figured this chapter needed some action.
Narrator: So you blew up their food?
Author: Yea.
Narrator: Oh, ok. (Takes a sip of coffee. It too explodes)
Review! Please!
