A/N: Haha sooo just wanted to warn you, this is kinda ridiculously dirty. At least I think it would seem that way to a normal human being. Which I am not.
Hey.
Yo.
You DTF?
Oh Jade, you know I always am.
Great, I'll be at your place in 5.
I hope you know I'm in Canada.
WTF.
I told you this morning, my aunt is sick and my parents wanted me to come up with them for a few days.
But Beckk I'm horny.
You'll have to live for one night without me.
Ughhh. I hate you.
If it makes you feel any better, I miss you too.
You don't understand. You're leaving me sexually deprived. I think you can be arrested for that.
I don't think you can be arrested for not having sex with someone.
I can have you arrested though.
On what grounds?
I'll say you assaulted me.
Oh really?
Yeah, and then you'll go to prison for 10 years.
So while I'm in prison, who's going to keep you from becoming sexually deprived?
IDK... Andre maybe.
Jade! He's my best friend. You wouldn't do that to me while I was in jail.
Actually, I think I might go have sex with him right now.
Jade! No!
Hey, you DTF?
Jade!
Whoops, meant to send that to Andre.
Fine. I'll go find some Canadian girl to fuck.
Woah Nellie. Are you kidding me?
Nope. Actually, I think I'll just call up Tori. I'm sure she'll be more than willing.
Beckett James Oliver. You're lucky I'm not in Canada right now, otherwise you might not have a dick to fuck anyone with.
Oh, I see how it is. You can screw around with my best friend, but I can't do anything.
You know, I was bluffing about the Andre thing, but I just might make it a reality.
Jade I'm sorry. I was kidding. Please don't run off and have an affair with Andre.
Oh Beck, you know I wouldn't do that to you. I've been having an affair with Robbie.
Eww Jade. That's disgusting.
I'm not kidding either.
Dude!
Hey, I'm in your house right now.
You know I'm not gonna be home for another day or so, right?
Oh yeah I know. But like I said, I'm horny, and if you're not here I can at least get myself off on your bed.
Oh my god Jade...
What? You don't enjoy that image? Maybe you should be the one having the affair with Robbie.
No. I wish I was there.
Yeah, I wish you were here too. My fingers just aren't the same as your penis.
Well that's good to know. At least I don't have to doubt my sexual abilities.
Well actually...
Oh come on. You know sex with me is better than sex by yourself any day.
Yeah. But not better than sex with Robbie.
Jade... I want to do unspeakable things to you.
You want to murder me and make my body into soup?
No. I want to prove that I'm better in bed than Robbie.
Well it's going to take a lot of proving.
As soon as I get home, I'm tying you to that bed.
That's a start. I'll be here waiting.
Good. I love you Jade. Don't you forget it.
I love you too. Now get your ass back from Canada before I go insane.
A/N: (again lol) I hope you had as much fun reading that as I did writing it. :) i'm probably gonna be adding more stuff to this more frequently,seeing as school is out and my sleep schedule is all screwy again and random ideas pop into my head at like three in the morning. i'm probably going to just start using this as my random one-shot dump soooo..yeah. :3 love you all! review if you wanna (they're always appreciated :] )
