In Buffy's last past life, she went by the name of Elizabeth Autumn. This past life of Buffy's is actually Spike's past.


Elizabeth and William knew each other well. They were good friends, although Elizabeth loved William, William was still infatuated by Cecily.

That fateful night at the party, Elizabeth watched with heartbroken eyes as William declared his undying love for the statuesque beauty. Unable to bare the sight of her love loving another, Elizabeth raced out of the party and home as fast as she could.

That night, William was turned at the hands of Drusilla.

It took three days for the news of Cecily's rejection of William to reach Elizabeth's ears. And when it did, she was understandably both elated and saddened. Elated for her sake; Saddened for William's broken heart.


- Elizabeth goes over to see William to offer him her support.

- William is there, but Drusilla is out.

- William decides to turn Elizabeth, and she is overjoyed at the thought of being with him forever.

- When Elizabeth wakes up, Dru has still not returned.

- Elizabeth and William make love, and he promises her his heart; that he will love her forever, and that he would always protect her.

- Calmly, revelling in their new relationship and the promise of their new lives...together.

- Dru comes home. And she's not happy.

"William was to be my dark prince!" Dru screamed. "You cannot have him! Wrong! You are all wrong! The pixies say you must not exist, less you ruin mummy's party!"

As Dru yells, she reaches over and effortlessly breaks off a chair leg, and moves towards Elizabeth.

Elizabeth is terrified. "W-William? What is this? Who is this woman? William, what is going on?"

As Dru advances, Elizabeth turns her terrified/pleading eyes to William who is stood, motionless.

"William..." she whimpers, just as Dru rams the stake through her heart. "Help me..." she whispers as she crumbles to dust.


(I want this scene to take place after the Ford incident, just outside the warehouse that same night.)

***

Buffy kept all of her memories of her past life. She remembers William and his betrayal. She doesn't react well when he shows up in Sunnydale, disrupting her new life with her murderer and the woman he betrayed her for still at his side.

Buffy is pissed beyond all measure when they show up in her town.

She asks why they're here, and how soon can they leave?

"Why are you here William? And when are you leaving?"

"Dru's sick. The Hellmouth holds her cure."

Buffy's eyes darkened with fury.

"You brought your whore to my town, expecting my magics to help her?" Buffy's voice was so low, he had to strain to hear it.

Spike was confused. "No." He said, as though talking to a child. "I brought her here so that the magics of the Hellmouth could heal her. This has nothing to do with you."

They both ignored the flash of guilt and pain those words brought.

Buffy sneered. She had been hurt enough times by this man that she didn't even bother to show how much he could still hurt her.

"When did you become such an idiot William? Use that Oxford trained brain of yours!
I was the Slayer. I died. Again. Do you really think that the essence of the Slayer would have stayed with a dead body?
The Powers saw that I was going to be brought back; they saw that I would come back as human, and that by the time a new Slayer would be called, it would be too late. They needed someone to stop the Master, someone to protect the Hellmouth, I volunteered. Got upgraded, and here I am. I'm the guardian of the Hellmouth.
That force that pulls the supernatural in like a moth to the flame? Me. The energy that keeps the gates of hell closed? Me. The power you want to use to save your precious Dru? Mine. And you can't have it.
A long time ago, the choice came down to me or Dru. You couldn't choose. You couldn't choose, so I had to die. Now it's come full circle, and it's the same choice: me or Dru. Only this time; I get to choose. And William, I chose me." Buffy finished fiercely. She had wanted to say that to him for so long. Not that she forgave him, because she didn't. She wasn't sure if she could ever forgive him. But she had grown up. She didn't need anyone to protect her any more. She was strong. She could make her own decisions. She didn't need him anymore.

Still angry and hurt, Buffy stared Spike down. His face showing his complete shock.

"Leave William. I'm not the Slayer. You can't kill me. There is no challenge for you here. Get out of my town. I don't want to see you again." She turned to walk away, but was stunned into immobility when she felt his hand on her shoulder. Stopping her.

"Please." He whispered softly. "...Lizzy..."

Buffy shook his hand off of her shoulder, and turned to him again.

"What if I told you that the ritual required would kill me? Would you still ask me to do it?" She asked him softly, looking him dead in the eye.

His eyes held hers for a moment, before he dropped his head.

"Yes." He answered, his voice was barely a whisper.

When the blow hit him, he was completely unprepared. He never thought she would do it. He never thought that she would actually stake him. But he clearly felt the wood grain as it entered his chest. Looking down, he could clearly see the wood protruding from his chest.

His shocked eyes looked up into Buffy's cold face.

"I loved you. With everything that I was, I loved you. You said you loved me. Do you remember? You said that you loved me that night, said that I would never have to be alone, that you would always be by my side, that you would always protect me."

As she spoke, some of the anger drained from her face and she yanked the stake out of his chest, where it had missed the heart by inches. He hissed and clutched at the wound, looking down at her in shock as he watched her anger be replaced by wistful memory.

"Are you still haunted by it like I am? Do you still see my face as my eyes die? Do you remember the way I reached for you, even as my hand crumbled to dust? I do. The look on your face; it was blank. No expression. You weren't sad, or angry at what Drusilla had done. You just stood there."

The last of her anger and the foggy look of reflection passed completely, and Buffy's face took on a look of almost childlike loss and such a deep seeded pain, that Spike had to turn his eyes from her face, until her next worlds forced his attention.

"You did save me, you know..." she whispered, turning her head to stare up at the full moon above them. "Not when it mattered, of course, but ... after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again ... you'd do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways...Every night you saved me.
I use to dream that you had realised Dru's intention straight away, and protected me. Defended me. It always ended differently; sometime you would stake her, or sometimes you defended me and the three of us went off to join Angelus and Darla, and we would be a family. It always ended differently. But it always started the same; you would be faster, think quicker, react instinctively. Every night you saved me..."

Blinking, Buffy came back to herself, and was frustrated at how much she had just shared with him. Shaking her head, and clenching her jaw, Buffy continued to get to the point of her story in a stronger voice.

"As I got older the dreams started to change. Instead of you saving me, I saved me. I reacted differently. I fought her off. And then the dreams turned into nightmares."

She paused, then continued with fake thoughtfulness.

"Well, that's not really fair. Memories can't really be called nightmares can they?" she asked rhetorically. "Memories aren't fictional."

She had dreamt of telling him all of this someday, and now that she was finally getting her chance, it felt like the weight of the world was being lifted off of her shoulders.

If she had bothered to look at him, she would have been able to see the pain be lifted from her heart, and placed onto his.

"The new dreams haunt me still. They're so real; I sometimes have a hard time remembering what really happened."

Now, she lifted her head. Looking him dead in the eye, ignoring the pain and guilt she saw there.

"In my new dreams...instead of your neglect killing me, you do it yourself. In these dreams, Dru comes after me, just like she did that night. But I'm ready for her. She lunges, and I dodge, grabbing her wrist, and twisting the chair leg to send it right through her heart. I'm relieved, I survived; we can finally be together. We can go anywhere in the world, just the two of us. Then I turn to you. And your eyes are still blank. You blink slowly, then your eyes turn dark. I think that it's passion. Lust. I think that you're happy, that I'm okay, that I was able to protect myself. You take a step towards me, and I close the distance between us, I don't notice as you take the stake I'm still holding out of my hand as I wrap my arms around your neck. I let out a sigh, relieved to be able to hold you.
That's when I feel it... it's not a feeling you forget... It doesn't really hurt... There's a slight pinch at first, but the cells that cause you to function turn to dust so quickly that...well, you never forget it." Buffy's eyes refocused on his expression. His face was etched with pain, but whether it was from the stake wound, or hearing how completely he had hurt her, she couldn't say. But she was betting on the stake wound.

"I'm-"

"Save it." She waved away the apology she knew was coming. His apologizing to her would mean nothing. He needed something from her. That was all it was.

"Save your pity, William. Because one day, you're going to fall in love. You may love Dru, I don't know. But one day you're going to fall in love. And that person is going to say they love you. And you'll believe it. Every softly spoken word she utters will convince you, without a shadow of a doubt, that she loves you. And then, one evening, you'll wake up. And she won't be there. She's found someone else, moved on, and she just forgot to tell you. Because all those pretty words? She only said them because she knew it was what you wanted to hear."

Buffy then smiled cruelly, and hammered the last nail into the coffin. "Do you realise that you have a very nasty habit of killing the woman who love you?"

Spike gave her a horrified look as dawning crossed his face.

Buffy nodded. "First your mother...then me...wonder who will be next?"

Spike got angry, "I've loved Dru for the last 118 years, and she is still very much undead!"

Buffy just shook her head. "I said, who loved you. Not, who you loved."

"Dru lo-!"

"Dru loves you?" Buffy asked sarcastically.

Spike just glared, nodding.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "So, if Angelus came back tonight, she would still be sleeping in your bed?"

Spike looked as though he had been slapped, then glared at her.

Having enough, Buffy took a few steps back, pocketed her bloodstained stake, and dismissed him with a wave of her hand.

"Go back to your whore William. I won't be used by you again."

Without waiting for an answer, Buffy turned on her heals and strode down the alley.


All of the seasons continue on as they normally would (no Dawn), and Spike does fall in love with Buffy. But when she jumps off of the tower in season five, she closes the portal, and her body dies. Prior to the fight, Buffy told everyone how she was going to have to go through the portal to close it. She explained to everyone that, although her body would be dead, her spirit was actually going up to visit the powers, and her mom as a sort of vacation, and that she would be brought back, no later than three months earth time. She tells them all that she'll send them a very obvious message when it's time to dig her up.

Spike is not told any of this, and finally understands what Buffy had been talking about that night she had staked him; He did kill every woman who loved him.

She lets Angel help her only b/c Whistler told her too.