The Ghost of Christmas Present

When Will woke up he was still lying on the couch but didn't dare blink.
„It was a dream, it was a dream. It must have been a dream..." he told himself over and over.

When he finally did cast up his eyes he was facing the back of the sofa, the table lamp still sharing its light. His gaze fell on his watch and he sighed with relief – It was exactly midnight, Christmas Day was only beginning. So all this had been a dream! Granted, a very vivid one, but still a dream.

Will turned on his back and rubbed his hands over his face to wake himself up, but suddenly he involuntarily flinched. He had touched a sore spot on his forehead, right where he had run into... He shook his head. It couldn't be!

Then he heard a slight cough and froze for a moment, before carefully turning his head.

Another woman was sitting in the chair the alleged Ghost of Christmas Past had occupied before and calmly looked at him. Will blinked and slowly sat up.
„I assume you're not a burglar or a crazy fan?" he asked almost desperately as if he wished she was.

„No, William. I am the Ghost of Christmas Present." she replied with a very soothing voice. „I was sent today because you are at a turning point in your life and I am here to help you with your decision. When I'll have left you will have one more visitor; the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come."

Will sighed defeatedly. „What is this turning point you guys keep talking about?"

„It basically comes down to a choice you have to make: Do you want to continue being miserable with all its consequences or to rather experience true happiness?"

„I'm not miserable!" Will protested. „I'm a successful news anchor and my audience loves me!" He shook his head. Why was he arguing with this... person?

„That might be. But what about the people who really know you and are close to you? Aren't they the ones that matter? What do they think about you?
She gave him a moment to think about this before she continued. „Come with me."

She stood up and Will noticed for the first time, that, unlike the previous visitor, she was dressed as any woman nowadays, which in an odd way made sense, as she supposedly was responsible for the present. Then he pulled a face.
Do ghosts have a sense of humour or why was she wearing a pencil skirt and silk blouse like MacKenzie so often did?

Reluctantly he got up and took her hand, this time not protesting when she walked towards the wall, but keeping his eyes closed. When the background noise changed he opened them again and found himself standing in an unfamiliar living room.
It looked like a typical American middle class home with comfortable easy chairs gathered around a big TV screen and family pictures on the walls. He took a step to take a closer look but didn't recognize anybody.

„I don't recall ever having been here before and I don't know any of the people in these pictures" he said to the woman. „This can't be a memory of mine."

„I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present. There are no memories of the present. Just watch and listen."

That was actually reasonable, so Will turned his attention to the voices he heard coming from the next room.

Hurry up with your dinner, it's almost eight. I want to watch Newsnight."

You and your Newsnight. You just wanna drool over this McAvoy-guy again..." a man's voice replied good-naturedly.

So what? He's nice to look at. If I have to hear bad news why not enjoy the guy delivering them?"

You do know he's not a piece of meat, right?"

Oh, that's what I have you for, Honey..." Will heard the sound of a smacking kiss and shuddered. „You're not jealous, are you? You know that guy is only on TV, you're my man..."

„Enough of this." the ghost murmered to his relief and grabbed his hand. After walking through the closed apartment door he found himself in yet another unfamiliar apartment.

This time three middle-aged women were sitting around the TV, watching what seemed to be a chick flick when a commercial came on. One of the women took the remote and started to click through the channels. When Will appeared on the screen, probably as part of the „Best off 2011"-shows broadcoasted during the holidays, one of them gestured towards him.

Isn't that the guy who got cheated on by his girlfriend?" Will flinched.

Yeah, I read it on page six. Didn't she sleep with her ex-boyfriend? Wonder what made her do it, this guy is cute."

The third women chipped in. „Well, who knows what these famous guys are up to. I mean, he's handsome and everything, but maybe he wanted some funny stuff in the bedroom. Or maybe he's just weird and that's why she went back to the old guy..."

He is cute, but I also like this Elliot-guy who fills in for him sometimes. But that one's married, I think. Can I have another Margherita?"

Will looked at the ghost. „Do I really have to listen to this?"

„Enough already?" She answered his stare with a smirk. „You were the one talking about how much people like you... See how much you as a person mean to your audience? How much they really care about you?"

Will didn't respond to that, but inside he felt the first flicker of doubt if he should really give so much consideration to his audience to bolster his self-esteem as he had over the past years.

The woman knowingly watched him. „Take my hand."

Their next stop was the familiar Nebraska farm again. However, this time they arrived in the present with the old barn missing and a rather modern Chrysler minivan parked in front of the house. His sister Mary lived here with her family now, but he knew that on Christmas Day Vic would also be there with her husband and children.

When they entered the house the kids had just started to open their presents and the air was filled with laughter and appreciative squeals.

Tommy, did you see that big box over there for you? That must be from Uncle Will." Mary directed her thirteen year old son. He quickly tore off the wrapping paper and gasped excitedly. „Mom, it's a playstation! That is so totally cool!"

Well, he's always been generous", Mary mumbled so the kids wouldn't hear.

Tommy's sister Jenny, eight years old, turned to her mother. „Why isn't Uncle Will here for Christmas, Mommy?"

Mary sighed and glanced over at Vic. „He just doesn't like being around here at this time a year, Honey. He has some not so fond memories of our childhood we have spent here and he doesn't want to be reminded of them."

But now we live here. So why doesn't he just make new memories with us?" Jenny asked with the simple wisdom of a child.

Her mother smiled. „I wish he would, Jenny, but it's not that easy. But we love him, so if he ever wants to come, he'll always be welcome, right?

Right", the little girl fiercly nodded her head. „I can draw him a picture of us around the Christmas tree and send it to him. Do you think he'd like that?"

I'm sure he would love it, Sweetie," Vic said. „Maybe we can all sign our name on it?"

Okay." Jenny got up to get paper and her pencils. Vic used the opportunity to look at her older sister. „Do you think he will ever come here again?"

Mary shrugged. „I wish I knew, Vic... I just hope he'll realize one day that his family loves him and that that's the only thing that matters. We can't change the past, but we can chose not to let it ruin our future."

Will had tears in his eyes. He had always been happy that his sisters had managed to build themselves a wonderful life with their own families. And seeing all their happy faces, the days he had spent here during his childhood suddenly didn't seem so dark anymore. Maybe it was time to make new memories?

He noticed his ghost – he couldn't believe he was even thinking that – watching him with a smile on her face."Time to go, William."

Their next stop was also familiar to Will. Leaving the farmhouse they stepped into the entrance hall of Charlie Skinner's house in the Hamptons where Will had been a guest several times. His chaperon led him to the dining room, where Charlie, his wife Nancy and their daughter Sophie were feasting on their traditional Christmas dinner - roast turkey with mashed potatoes, gravy and vegetables.

Just as Will and the Ghost of Christmas Present entered the room, Nancy asked her husband „So what are your staff doing today?"

Charlie took a sip of his wine before answering. „Milly and her husband went down to Florida to visit her parents, she's really been looking forward to it for months now. MacKenzie is with her family in London til New Year's, as is Elliot. Well, not in London, he stayed here, but with his family. And Will..." he sighed.

What about Will? I haven't seen him in ages." Sophie asked while putting more vegetables on her plate.

He didn't say anything about his plans, so I assume he's just sitting around at home, moping, watching football and diminishing his stack of hard liquor..."

Nancy clicked her tongue and shook her head. „Poor boy... I really like him, you know. I just wish he would wake up."

I know! That's exactly what I've been telling him for the past year and a half! She's right there in front of him! Right there! I don't understand why the fu..."

Charles!" His wife interrupted him. „We've talked about that. It's Christmas, so please?"

I'm sorry, dear." Charlie answered contritely, ignoring his daughter's grin.
„I just don't understand why he can't seem to get over what has happened and realize that all he needs to be happy is standing right there next to him... I asked him right after Mac came back, if, just in case he won't live forever, he shouldn't take a shot at being happy now..."

He's hurt..." Nancy compassionately stated.

I know he is, but by not forgiving MacKenzie he is not only hurting her but also himself, so that's not really working out for him..." Charlie raised his hands in frustration, his fork coming dangerously close to knocking over his glass.
„It's really strange, you know, this back and forth this year... On Valentine's day he hugs Mac in front of the whole staff – and I'm talking HUG in capital letters, dear, a real, long and thorough hug - and everything seemed to go really well from there on. Then suddenly he hires her ex-boyfriend to write that fu... stupid article, and everything is right back where they started when she came back last year in April..."

Why would he do that?" Sophie wondered.

I don't have the slightest idea, Soph. You know I love him like my own son..." Will smiled at this, although the memory of him bringing Brian back into their life made him sick to his stomach at the same time. „but sometimes I just don't understand that boy...
All I know is that when he was in the hospital in August all of a sudden he shifted in the opposite direction
again and they got along great after that. They still do, so why doesnt't he just take this last step... I mean, he just has to know that he only needs to say one word and she would be his. That girl loves him like crazy, and he loves her, too, for God's sake! He could be so happy, so why is he drowning his sorrows home alone?"

Will held his breath. Where his feelings really that obvious to everybody, despite him barely acknowledging them himself?
He looked at the woman next to him who steadfastly held his gaze.

„See the difference between people who like you on TV and people who love and care about you?" Will slowly nodded.
„Well then, one thing you have learned tonight." she said. „Let's go."

He took her hand and wondered, where they would end up next. But when he opened his eyes, still not being used to walking straight into a wall, he somehow wasn't surprised to find himself in front of MacKenzie's parent's house in London, a beautiful Victorian jewel that had been in her family's possession since it had been built in 1864, as she had proudly told him.

Will had been here once before when he and Mac had spent a long weekend in Paris and flew back via London to stay with her parents for one night. He had been welcomed with open arms and, despite being incredibly nervous, he had immediately felt like a part of the family.
After the breakup he hadn't had any contact with her parents anymore, which made him feel slightly uncomfortable now, so he quickly reassured himself that they wouldn't be able to see him.

When the ghost started to walk towards the door he took a deep breath and tried to brace himself.

Entering the living room he saw that almost the whole McHale family had gathered there.
Mac's brother Michael and his wife Sheila were missing, but her mother Claire was chatting with their youngest daughter Josy, while the middle one, Liz, was leaning against her fiancé – probably husband by now – whose name he thought was Scott. Both were watching Edward McHale, Mac's father, play a game of backgammon against a young man Will didn't know, probably Josy's boyfriend.

Mac was sitting in a chair close to her mother but didn't take part in the conversation. Instead she seemed to be lost in thought, smiling and keeping her eyes on Liz and Scott. Only somebody knowing her well would be able to tell that she wasn't happy, Will thought to himself. Her eyes didn't shine with the sparkle that normally accompanied her smile, which was admittedly genuine right now but showed signs of sadness at the same time.

Claire McHale cast her eyes over to the group gathered around the table and chuckled. „Josy, you should probably go and help Jonathan or he will lose the third game in a row... I don't think today is the day to find out if he is a good loser." She winked at her. „Mac, would you be a dear and help me in the kitchen?"

Certainly, Mom." Mac got up, while her sister went over to the table, wrapped her arms around Jonathan's neck and whispered something in his ear that made him give her an affectionate smile.

Without even thinking about it Will followed Mac and her mother, barely noticing that his companion was only a step behind.

In the kitchen Mac started to slice tomatoes for the salad while her mother tended to the pots on the stove. Then she sighed.

I hate to see you so sad and withdrawn... You still miss him, don't you?"

Mac didn't hide her feelings anymore, now that she was alone with her mother. „Every day..."

Oh, Honey..." Claire came over and hugged her eldest daughter from behind. „I know it can't be easy to see both your sisters being so happily in love..."

It's fine, Mom, I'm really glad for them. And Jonathan seems to be a nice guy."

He is, but that's not the point here... Let me be frank, Mac. You've been waiting for almost five years now for Will to come to his senses, and twenty months of this time you have spent very closely to him... Don't you think it's getting time for you to move on?

Will's heart missed a beat and he anxiously waited for her reply.

Mac sighed. „Sometimes I really wish I could, Mom... Believe me, I've tried... I went out with some nice guys, but nobody even comes close to Will. He's the only one for me, and if I can't have him then I don't think I want anybody..." She wiped away a tear with the back of her hand that threatened to fall down onto the food in front of her. „But in the end it's my own fault for being so stupid."

MacKenzie Morgan McHale! Don't you dare take all the blame for this!" her mother scolded her. „Yes, you've made a mistake, but you have done your penance over and over. You've left your apartment, you've left your job, you've even left the city to go to a war zone! And all because he's too stubborn to see what he has given up. You two were perfect together, everybody could see that!" She paused for a moment and Will thought he saw a flash of pain in her eyes. „Does he even know that you've got stabbed?"

Mac hesitated for a moment. „He knows that there has been an incident in Pakistan, but I don't think he realizes how serious it was. And that's okay. I don't want him to only take me back because I almost died." Will gasped and looked at her in shock.
„I want him to want me because he loves me. I think he still does, but if he can't sort out his own feelings, how am I supposed to...? He never said anything..."

Oh, Darling..." Her mother hugged her even tighter. „I really don't understand that man. One mistake, right at the beginning of your relationship when you had just started seeing each other. Why can't he forgive you?"

It's complicated, Mom... I can't talk about it, I promised him."

Sometimes you're loyal to a fault, MacKenzie... „Claire sighed, stroke over her daughter's hair and placed a kiss on the top of her head. „You really have to start thinking about what is best for you. You can't wait for him forever."

But I will, Mom... Always..." Mac whispered in a suddenly tearful voice while she put down the knife and got up. „Excuse me for a moment, please... I just have to..." She quickly walked out of the kitchen, while her mother just looked after her and sadly shook her head.

Damn you, Will McAvoy..."

Without advance notice Will's vision blurred and when he could see clearly again he found himself in MacKenzie's bedroom upstairs.

He was already an emotional mess inside – seeing Mac in so much pain, learning that she had almost died – and now finding her crying into her pillows gave him the rest. All he wanted to do was to take her into his arms and hold her tight, but when he took the first step the ghost held him back.
„You can't touch her..."

Will had tears in his eyes and was frustrated that all he could do was watch Mac hurting.

Her mother had been right; Mac had paid dearly for her mistake, and Claire surely didn't even know half of it. He was certain that Mac hadn't told her about the stunts he had pulled since she came back to ACN, punishing her relentlessly.
Parading his dates in front of her, showing her a – fake - engagement ring, bringing Brian into her life. Getting her hopes up and crushing them again. Even punishing her for not reacting to his voicemail message although she did exactly what he had told her to do – at least that's what he had thought. How sick do you have to be to do that? Only to then find out that she hadn't even gotten the fucking message...

Suddenly he realized that Mac had calmed down a little and was now lying on her side, clasping something in her hand and hoarsely whispering „Always, Billy, always. I'll always love you. I will never hurt you again... If you could just forgive me..."

Oh, Mac... Except for the night he had broken up with her, he had never seen her this distraught and fragile, and he felt that he was massively invading her privacy. On the other hand though he was glad to be here, as much as it hurt, but at work she almost always kept her composure and never let him see the depth of her true feelings.

Forgiveness. Will wasn't even sure if he hadn't already forgiven her, and he really wanted to be with her, but he was just too afraid to get hurt again.

Then he noticed that she had opened her hand and couldn't believe his eyes. She was holding the locket he had given her for Christmas and traced the little hearts with her fingertip. Now the tears ran down his cheeks as well, and just when he wanted to get closer to her he felt a hand on his arm.

„It's time to go home, William."

„No, not yet." He didn't want to leave Mac like this, but the ghost left him no choice.

„Come on."

Back in his living room he turned to the ghost. „I don't want Mac to suffer this much, not anymore. She has been hurting enough... no, too much already. What can I do?"

The Ghost of Christmas Present held his gaze with a strange look in her eyes.
„This is not about MacKenzie, this is about you. You have to do what is right for you. You have to find your own way. If that leads to her, then so be it, but it's not inevitable... Think about what you have seen tonight. Now go to sleep. Your next visitor is about to come."

Again Will was suddenly completely spent, so he stumbled to the couch and immediately fell asleep.