Entry Twenty-four—

Jesus! Ever since I returned back to this hellhole, random people have been worried about me like…like…I'm some suicidal cutting teenager that just escaped from the local mental asylum! I'M NOT INSANE, I TELL YOU.

"Uh…Chazz. You're talking to yourself again."

Shut up, slacker! Don't make me take out the ice!

Entry Twenty-five—

Stupid bunk beds are so stiff and hard. What happened to the silk and after-dinner mints? Man, I'm never going to get used to the Slifer life here.

"Hey boss, I know it's eleven-thirty but have I ever told you how much I love you?"

…alright. Where's my Ambien? There's no way I'm getting through this night without a good dose of sleeping pills.

Entry Twenty-six—

It looks like Zane's brother saw me popping one in the bathroom again. Aww…darn. I should prepare myself for an extensive whining session. Better get the Kleenex box while I'm at it. I don't want my best trenchcoat to be ruined because of his waterworks.

"Don't do it, Chazz! It's really dangerous! Don't you remember what happened last time you took sleeping pills?"

No, I don't. How can I remember something if I was SLEEPING?

"Professor Banner found you as a Mexican hat-dancer in the middle of Peru!"

Sleep-walking can do strange things to your body…

"You were married to a can of condensed milk by an Irish priest."

…was I now? I remembered it to be a bag of carrots.

Entry Twenty-seven—

That loser is still bothering me even to this morning. I told him to shove it three times already but apparently he doesn't know how to listen. How dense can somebody GET?

"Umm…why are you sniffing a sharpie?"

Because I ran out of whiteout bottles. You got a problem with that?

"But Jay said it was bad to do drugs!"

Yeah, and that's coming from a guy who looks like he pumps morphine into his veins every time somebody shouts the word, "DUEL!"

"What's morphine?"

Watch some 'Desperate Housewives', you depraved boy.

Entry Twenty-eight—

"Chazz, you look awfully pale recently. Are you sure you're alright?"

Be quiet, Zane. First it's your brother, and now it's you. Both of you let me abuse my drugs in peace.

Entry Twenty-nine—

Oh no. Zane's starting to stalk me in the hallways. Well, his presence is better than his midget brother. At least he has SOME sexiness to him.

But he's not sexy as I am. Because I'm a sex God.

"Chazz. You have bruises on your arms."

Stop interrupting my fantasies, Zane.

"I'm taking you to the nurse. It's for your own good."

Bite me.

"If you're not going to let me take you to the nurse, then at least come with me to my room to get you bandaged up."

Like HELL. The guy next door was winking at me suggestively last time I went to your room.

"He did no such thing."

He asked for free lap-dance lessons.

"Actually, I believe he challenged you to Dance Dance Revolution."

That game is never done, I tell you, NEVER.

"You lost."

He touched my butt and I fell over, ok?

Entry Thirty—

"You cannot have my grilled cheese, dimwit. Go away."

Entry Thirty-one—

Crowler's giving me a strange look. Maybe it's because I'm trying to stuff pencil shavings into Jaden's ear.

"That hurts, Chazz!"

I'll show YOU hurt.

Entry Thirty-two—

Ooh! Class is finally over and I think I see Alexis walking out. Maybe I can use this opportunity to smooth-talk her into being my girlfriend. Time for the CHAZZ to unleash the charm.

Entry Thirty-three—

"Alexis?"

"Yes, Chazz?"

"My hands are cold."

"And what do you want me to do about it?"

"Heat it with your loins."

"…"

Entry Thirty-four—

Jeez. All I asked her to do was to put her private bits into my fingers and she completely BLEW UP ON ME! And maybe a little hanky-panky, but is that really so much to ask for?

Entry Thirty-five—

"If you want your wrists to keep in tact, slacker, then you'll let go of my waist. What part of me being straight DO YOU NOT GET?"

Entry Thirty-six—

Dammit. Jaden's starting to cry. Well, there isn't enough of me to pass out to EVERYBODY, you know!

"…uh…Chazz. You kicked me in the groin."

Is that why you're crying?

"That and you just stepped on my foot."

You were feeling me!

Entry Thirty-seven—

My nose is bleeding. I wonder why.

"Alexis punched you in the face for debauching Jaden."

Be quiet, Syrus.