I don't actually go to sleep. I start my run at two and get back at five. I'm not tired, I'm really not. I pull all-nighters like this all the time. I'll probably pull one tonight too. Then maybe I'll sleep on Friday when Thalia's out with Luke.
I shower and dress before six. I'm out the door by six thirty and at school five minutes after that.
I park in the student lot and walk into school casually. I have my hands shoved deep into my pockets, music filling my head through my earbuds. The world around me is dead, empty except for me and my ipod. The hallways are hallow, lacking in the life they normally contain.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. It's either my father or Thalia. Whoever it is, I don't feel like reading their texts at the moment.
I go to the classes I missed yesterday. Looks like I'm spending my lunch period in Psych and English. Can you hear my enthusiasm?
After wandering around for a few minutes, I find a place to sit in the hallway closest to the cafeteria. Almost no one comes here due to school food being utter crap. An added bonus of privet school is that all of us are old enough to drive somewhere else. It's great not suffering through school lunches like when we were in grade school.
I start trying to read The Crucible for my English test. However I don't like it much, so once I've skimmed through enough details I put it down and pull out my phone.
Saw you left early son. Wanted to tell you that right after school you have a meeting with your song writers, make sure to have something prepared so not to go in blind. Oh, and Friday you're going to the movies with Percy, Annabeth, Frank, Hazel, and Leo. It's a 'friend thing' son. Have a good day.
I roll my eyes as I close my phone.
Just then, the door to the outside opens. I look over to see a girl in a four sizes too big Wash U hoodie and skin tight jeans walk into the building. She's carrying a mountain of textbooks, balancing them in one arm, while texting at the same time.
I stand up and walk over to help her out. I've got nothing better to do anyway.
"Need a hand?" She looks up quickly as if I've startled her.
"Uh, no I've-" Her phone rings in her hand, causing her to drop her books. "Crap." She turns off her phone and starts picking up what she'd dropped.
I grab three of her books, one is for Pre-Cal, another is Bio, and a third is for Honors English.
"Where's your locker?" I ask as she stands up.
"Um... I uh." She sighs a bit, "This way."
"Cool." When I stand next to her I see she must be five foot, maybe shorter. In comparison to me she might as well be a midget.
She takes me to her locker, which is right by the stairwell I'll need to climb to get to Physics.
"You didn't happen to get the Psych homework did you?"
Apparently we share a Psychology class, "No, I got out of school early yesterday."
"Oh." She sighs. I think I've shot down her only idea for a conversation, "Thanks for the help." She says throwing some of her books in her locker.
"No problem. I'm Jason by the way."
"I know that." She says quietly, "We have Psych and Pre-Cal together."
"Right." I say.
"Am I making you uncomfortable?" She asks quietly.
"No, I'm just tired is all."
She nods, "I get that." She lets the silence slip into the gap between us, "Well, I have to go to Psych and see if we had any homework."
"Let me know if we do alright?"
"Sure." She nods, "See you first period."
"See you." I wave a bit as she takes off. And we share a Pre Cal class, I'm super observant. Can't you tell?
I think about going to talk to Percy and Annabeth, see if they'll forgive me for last night. I decide against it. I instead walk up and down the Math hallway, waiting to go in with the rest of my peers.
Right before the bell rings, as I'm walking back to my own classroom, I notice the girl in the Wash U hoodie get slammed into a locker.
It takes a moment for me to register what I've seen, and in that moment she's thrown to the ground before being kicked three times. The guy walks away as if nothing around him has changed. She stands up and walks into our Pre-Cal room without missing a beat.
What did I just see? It was like a normal interaction. As normal as saying hello to someone you know, she was thrown to the ground.
The bell rings before I can answer my question. I walk into Pre-Cal and put my stuff in my seat when Leo intercepts me.
"Hey, where were you last night? We went to the pizza place without you. And Percy's place afterward. We thought you were coming."
"I was busy." I say looking at the girl in the Wash U hoodie who now has a hand stuck to the side of her face. I think she's bleeding.
"You're always busy. We're supposed to be kids remember?"
"Yeah, it was just... My album got leaked and Lupa's having me record some new music."
"That sucks man."
"Yeah, but Friday's still on."
"It better be." He tells me. I want to talk to that girl again, but Mrs. Griffin stands up to start the lesson. I try to intercept the girl again as we leave for second period but Frank comes up and starts asking me for help on the worksheet we'd been doing in our shared second period.
Second period U.S. History passes quickly, along with third period Art. Fourth period Physics isn't painful either.
I head to English for my test which is surprisingly and thankfully easy. My Psych test is quick as well. We had no homework. I'm sure that girl was pleased.
I go to where I had been sitting in the morning because the least I can do now is get a head start on my homework.
Only, when I get there I see the girl in the Wash U hoodie, sitting where I had been earlier that morning, getting some kind of homework done, eating a salad.
"Hey." I greet her.
She looks up and offers a half smile. She takes an earbud out of her left ear.
I decide not to ask about what I saw in the hallway as I slide down beside her.
"Do you get the Pre Cal assignment?" I ask.
"Oh, yeah. But hey, you want to help me out with number thirty four? I'm kind of stuck." I wonder if she's joking because the problem is so ridiculously easy.
"Sure." I decide, because I want to see if she's serious of not, to lie, "So since this is for trig you can just divide that into that and-"
"Are you stupid?" She asks suddenly.
"Wow." I didn't mean to say that but um... I really mean it. She looks just as shocked as I feel before she starts laughing.
"I'm sorry." She laughs, "I just... holy crap!"
I start laughing with her, "Smart girl. So why ask for help exactly?"
"Just thought I'd make small talk." She says completing the problem correctly while laughing at herself.
"Okay then." I pull out my homework and start working on it, "So where were you yesterday that caused you to miss an assignment?"
"Audition." She says.
"Same."
"Oh really?" She seems genuinely curious.
"Yeah, that and I have to write some new songs because my album got leaked."
"Harsh." I nod at her acknowledgement, "So you're a singer or an actor?"
"Both, kind of."
"Kind of?"
I shrug, "Singing hasn't been the same for me in awhile."
"I'm sorry."
"What about you. You're an actor too?"
"No, this is kind of my first audition actually."
"Oh?"
"Yeah." She leaves it at that but I know there's more. I decide to switch topics.
"So... Do you get knocked into lockers often?" I look up at her shocked face.
"Uh..." She doesn't answer me for a moment and I suddenly wonder if this is normal.
"It isn't right?"
"Well... It is actually."
"What?" I ask in a tone that reflects my disbelief.
"I get knocked around pretty often. But I mean... Whatever right?" She says almost nervously.
"No, not whatever." I say putting my pencil down.
"It doesn't mean much to me anymore."
"Getting hit should mean something to you. You're getting beat up."
"I wouldn't say beat up. Just a bit roughed up." She smiles a bit.
"That's not okay."
"I'll deal."
"You shouldn't."
"That doesn't mean I won't." She says, "I mean, think about it. I only have two more years of putting up with it. High school is the farthest thing from the real world you can get, after all. Someday I'll be far enough away."
"Someday isn't close enough." I say hearing myself in her justification.
"Well, it'll come eventually right? I'll get away."
I look down at my paper, "But don't you deserve better?" Don't you?
She shrugs, "I don't always feel like I do."
"Really?"
"Don't you ever feel like that?"
"How?"
"Like you deserve the bad things in your life more than the good?" I nod a little as she starts laughing again, "I'm not crazy. Just passive."
"Is there a difference?" I ask with a smile which gets me another laugh.
"Not so sure anymore. Oh, by the way there's no homework for Psych."
"I heard. Hey, what did you get for number twenty nine?" The rest of lunch is us talking briefly and then working through a few math problems together. As the bell rings we stand up together.
"So, what class do you have next?"
"English." She answers
"Honors English if I recall."
"And how would you know that?" She asks.
"Fortune teller." I say.
"In that case, take me to my class." She dares me.
"...I have Spanish." She laughs at my excuse.
"Well then, until seventh period." She says heading down the hallway.
I waltz into fifth period Spanish. Normally, I hate Spanish, even with Leo and Reyna helping me out. Today I keep thinking about seventh period Psych.
And suddenly, as Señora Alvarez gives us our assignment, I get a brilliant idea for a song. Once I've finished my work I pull out a notebook and start writing.
At first I don't know how to put it into words, but as I write I see an image painted with words. I know I want to write a song for her.
I jot down quick ideas, I write what I want to happen in the music at each word. By the end of sixth period health, I have a song written. I wonder if she's ever listened to my music, I wonder if she cares about that, I wonder why she's here if she's never been an actress until now... I wonder what her name is.
I sit in Psych, in my now usual desk, right next to the exit with one person in front of me, the teachers desk a few feet away. I notice the girl in the Wash U hoodie sits only a seat behind me in the next row. I smile to myself plotting how I can figure out her name.
Mr. Harper walks into class and starts giving instructions for the rest of the class.
"Now you two." He says as the others begins the projects that he already discussed and explained last class, "I'm going to let you do this part together. We've started our unit on Behavioral Analysis so here are the notes. I'll give you the list of projects after you finish this and then you can get started." We both nod looking at the worksheet.
"So, how was Spanish?"
I smile a bit, "Alright." I respond sneaking a glance at her paper that she's yet to give a heading, "How's Honors English?"
"Honorable in the sense that we get to pick some rather risqué books."
"How so?"
"Oh, you wouldn't expect a private High School specifically for the rich and spoiled to allow Juniors the privilege of reading Sophie's Choice."
"What's so bad about that?" I ask.
She chuckles, "Just the fact that it has one of the most graphic deflowering scenes imaginable."
"Oh..." I chuckle with her, "That'll be awkward to talk about with your teacher. 'So what happened in your read last night?' 'Uh, well you know. He tore into her like a gorilla tearing through a paper bag to get some bananas.' That'll end well." She dropped her pencil to laugh a bit more.
"Oh god now I wish I'd picked that one." She says. After a few moments she stands up to turn her paper in. She quickly scribbles down a heading but turns it in before I can see it.
We have to pick a behavior to study and make a power point on. I have to study the behavior of people suffering from Adjustment Disorders. How wonderful.
"So..." I say to her as we take our seats.
"So?"
"What did you pick?"
"The only thing left, Mood Disorders. I guess everyone found Dementia and Anorexia really interesting and forgot about Bi Polar Disorder."
I laugh at her statement, "I guess so, considering I got Adjustment Disorders."
"Oh goodie, you get to talk about why school should be canceled because it's stressing out students."
"You don't take this class very seriously." I say.
"Well when your teacher doesn't either." She whispers.
"You've got me there."
"I'd like it a lot more if I wasn't teaching myself."
"I can relate."
"What about you. Do you take this class seriously?"
"I do actually. School is important to me."
"Really, and why is that?"
"Because it's not important to my... dad."
"Your dad?"
"It's uh... It's complicated."
"Can't be as complicated as my family." She scoffs, it's a challenge. I'll win.
"I'll take you up on that." I smile, "But, if you don't mind, I'd rather not talk about this in public."
She chuckles and looks up from her textbook, "Okay then, give me your hand."
"My hand?"
"Yeah, your hand." I hold out my hand as she grabs a purple pen from her backpack. She jabs the pen into my skin to the point I can feel the bones move as she writes out what I assume is her number, "Call or text me any time."
"Old fashioned are we?"
"You have no clue." She says packing her books and such.
"And where are you going?" I ask as the bell rings. I hastily throw my things into my backpack, hopefully not appearing too caught off guard.
"Last period photography." She answers heading toward the door, "Text me." She says as she exits. I pick up my books and rush to English on the other side of the school. We have a free period after we write an essay.
I find myself with half the period left, which I spend entering the girls number into my phone. As of now, I have dubbed her Wash U, until further notice. I rub her number off my hand as I start to work on my song. I'm revising the lyrics so it flows better. With the way it's turning out it resembles a poem more than a song. But I like it that way.
While I'd like to call it Ode to Wash U, that'd be a bit weird since A I don't know her name and B my fans don't know her. Instead I'll call it Speak Up. As I was writing it the song morphed in and out of being for Thalia and being for Wash U. I hope it's good enough for the both of them.
I'm anxious to get to the recording studio now that I have this song for Wash U and it's been perfected. Yes, I did say perfected.
Last period has seriously taken forever.
But when it's over, it's over.
I run to my car and hurry to the studio. Lupa and my father are waiting. They seem pleased with my timing.
"Jace, glad to see you here on time." My father says walking up to me a wrapping his arm around my shoulder, "We were just talking to your song writers and they think they've got a hit."
"Don't bother with them, I've got one." I say, "Lupa told me to make them feel something, and that's what this is going to do."
"Well let's hear it then." Lupa smiles at me.
"Right now?"
"One second." She says checking the studio for occupants before ushering me in.
She allows me a few minutes to set up. I walk up to the piano, quickly shuffling the final draft into the correct order, and wait for her to tell me it's alright.
"Whenever you're ready Jason." She says nodding for me to start.
It's fast, I'll tell you that. I can't exactly tell you how it goes, but here are the words.
Girlie you don't belong beneath their feet
Because you're better than that
You're a force they can't defeat.
You belong in the winners circle
Not the hell bound track
They've got you at
Can't you see
You're so much stronger
Than they'll ever be
...~...
To me
I see past it all
The bruises and pain
All the things you can't explain
The heart wrenching beatings you take
Before my very eyes
I see you dissipate
Into these white walls of so called safety
You can't escape
They're everywhere
The killers of kindness
You're a martyr of silence
Speak up
...~...
With those beautiful words
You allowed me to hear
I won't go away
Because I know something they don't
...~...
That you're lovely, smart, and alive
You're one of a kind
If only I could take this pain for you
I'd show you how it hurts
To watch you writhe in pain
Upon the polished sex stained floors
In an institution of failure and hate
...~...
You've learned ideal camouflage
Now it's time to step into the light
Show yourself
And show your face
Because you are worth every minute
...~...
And if they can't see
The one I do
Standing tall and strong
Like I know you could.
I'll be here
If you need
Someone to believe
You
...~...
You can run
You can hide
But you can't cover up
That you're dying inside
Fall into love
Fall into me
Because everyone deserves that much
...~...
When you're all alone
And blood sticks to your cheeks
You know where to find me
You know where to look
I'll be waiting for the day
You smile for me
Smile for them
Cause they don't know
...~...
Someday
You'll be the hero
No matter what you say
And I know someday seems too far
But hush now
You're okay
I won't let that soul I see
Slip away
I'm sure that no one expects this from me. But there's a passion in my voice that hasn't been there in a long, long time. I haven't enjoyed singing like this for, what must be, years now.
Beside all of this, I'm proud. The way this song feels, is just right to me. I am proud, I can't help it.
And even the shocked expressions of Lupa and my father can't make me stop feeling proud of myself.
"Well that was-"
"Great." Lupa cuts off my father enthusiastically, "It was so raw and personal. Your fans will love it. And you know what? I think this is the one we'll release because that's the Jason we want them to see." She points to the door so we can talk outside.
"Stunning performance." She shakes my hand, "I want another one before September is over. Maybe a third if we can manage. I would love to release one of your new songs and do a music video for it. Maybe we can bring back that one choreographer you loved so much." She starts typing on her phone.
"Let's go on home, son." My father says slapping my back.
"Yes, and pass your classes. I don't need you failing now." She and Thalia are the only ones who even ask me about grades. Thalia's the only one who actually cares because of, I don't know, college. Lupa only cares because a failing star is not a rising star. She ask though, that counts for something. Right?
"Come on, Jace, dinner should be up by now." It's funny when he plays the I'm-a-great-dad role in public. It's ridiculous that no one questions his false fatherhood when it seems so obvious to me.
But he did give me my acting skills so it's no wonder no one even questions what goes on at home.
I'm thankful for the lonely drive home. I have time to think. What should I say? How should I cover this up? He was pissed, he thinks it's about someone and I won't get away with telling him I just wrote it because. I need to think up some story.
Driving up to my house is intimidating. I'm going to get it from him.
I step inside and am immediately stopped by his arm folded stance and towering frame.
"So, who's this song for huh?" He's demanding of me, like I've just been caught having sex with some nameless person, or been found out to be getting drugs from someone. You know, things a normal dad would be pissed about. But no, this is over a stupid song.
"It was for a friend." I say.
"A friend? Boy or girl?"
"Girl."
"And who, might I ask, is this girl?" He thinks it's Reyna, maybe Thalia. Either would give the both of us hell. He thinks I'm still in love with Reyna and as I notice this I also take notice of how incredibly red with anger his face has grown.
He wonders if this is my way of standing up for Thalia. If I'm trying to lead people to question my home life. One thing is for sure; I can't, under any circumstances let him believe this song means anything to me.
"You don't know her." I say.
"And who is she?"
I decide to go with the story I half convinced myself I believe, "Her name was Emily. She killed herself last year because she was bullied. The song was for her." I'm afraid of giving too many details, then he'll assume I'm lying to him.
Instead he half smiles while unfolding his arms, "Well, that sure is a shame. A sixteen year old taking their own life." I know he's burning to say something along the lines of, the fans will love it. I'm dying for him to say it so I can justifiably smack the living crap out of him. Well I mean, in my mind I've already slapped him and I probably wouldn't have the guts to do it now. But I like to pretend I'm braver than I really am.
If this song were for Emily I'd hate him even more. All he cares about is the story he'll get to sell.
"I have homework." I say turning toward the stairs, beginning the trek up to my room.
"Good work today Jace, keep it up." I skip stairs, taking large strides and closing the door to my bedroom. I'm done dealing with him today.
"Homework. Pre Cal, Psych, English." I list off the work I have to do before typing up a quick rough draft of my English essay. In between my last few Pre Cal problems I text Wash U.
Greetings fellow human. Sorry I didn't text sooner.
It's cool. Glad you're still alive.
That makes two of us.
Whacha up to?
Starting the power point.
Ah and when should we skip schools due to anxiety?
You'll have to find out when we present on Monday.
I'm so anxious. XD
I can tell :P What are you doing?
Reading Miss. Bronte's Jane Eyre.
Oh joy.
I love this book don't even.
I'm sure, but is there a graphic deflowering scene?
Alas no, you don't get to see any shagging. But spoiler alert a crazy lady takes the phrase 'Burn it to the ground' way too seriously.
I say again, oh joy.
It's delightful.
Sounds like it. So are we going to compete with our outlandish familial origins?
I see you are doing your homework. Proud of you. ;D
Lol, seriously though.
It's a bit impersonal don't you think?
I guess.
I have a better idea. You free Sunday?
Hmm Sunday... Let's see... Yes Sunday is open.
Playing coy are we?
Your interpretation not mine. ;)
I'll send you directions to some place secret. We can swap stories then.
You're not trying to lure me out for a Texas Chainsaw Massacre night are you?
I wouldn't dare *puts away revved up chainsaw* I will not be eating your limbs. I just think that these stories (mine especially) deserve and need to be told face to face.
Convinced your story is better than mine?
Yes, because mine is funny.
Funny ha ha or Funny my god that's sad?
Funny my god that's sad.
Great, looking forward to it.
Good.
Wait a minute how'd you know it was me and not some serial killer?
Because no one else texts me...?
Then I'll text you often enough that you confuse me with a serial killer next time.
I'll hold you to that.
"Jason?" Thalia is knocking at my door.
Got to go, see you tomorrow.
"Hey Thalia." I say as she opens the door.
"He sounded mad." She says sitting on my bed.
"He was."
"Are you okay Jason?"
"Yeah I'm okay."
"You sure?"
I think about my now plans for Sunday. I have to suppress a grin. Even though I trust Thalia with my life, I can't tell her this. I don't know why, I just feel like I can't.
"I'm sure Thalia." She stands up and hugs me tightly.
"I'm glad." She kisses the top of my head, "Night loser." She closes my door again.
Night Jason. Sleep well.
I chuckle to myself wanting desperately to ask Wash U for her name. But I don't. Instead I break my normal cycle of staying up like I had planned this morning. I actually go to sleep.
