Part Two. Memories

"I haven't been entirely honest with you, love. I'm sorry. You see, one of the many spectacular things my mutation allows me to do, is that I can read your mind."

.

"Not only can he read minds, he can communicate as well."

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"I've lost Shaw. I've los...I've lost Shaw! The...there's something blocking me. This has never happened to me before! I think there's someone like me on that ship."

"Like you?"

"Um...I'm sorry. A telepath. This is incredible! I could actually feel her inside my mind. I'm very sorry, but I don't think I'm gonna be much help to you tonight. You're on your own."

.

"Stop! Stop, stop, stop…"

"Charles! Are you okay?"

"There's someone else out there…"

.

"Marvelous. So are we to be the CIA's new mutant division, yes?"

"Something like that."

.

"I'm telling you, these kids are not ready for Shaw."

"I think they're gonna surprise you. They're an exceptional bunch of young people."

.

"What are you doing? Who destroyed the statue?"

"It was Alex."

"No. Havok! We have to call him Havok. That's his name now. And we were thinking, you should be Professor X and you should be Magneto."

"Exceptional…"

.

"He's not coming. So what now boss?"

"Now nothing. We're here for Shaw. Mission aborted."

"The hell it is."

"Erik…"

"She's his righthand woman. That's good enough for me."

"The CIA invading the home of a senior soviet officer, are you crazy?"

"I'm not CIA."

"Erik!"

.

"We're moving out!"

"You can't!" a sigh. "I'm sorry, I can't leave him."

.

"They killed Darwin."

"All the more reason for you to leave. This is over."

"Darwin's dead, Charles. And we can't even bury him."

"We can avenge him."

.

"They're just kids."

"No. They were kids. Shaw has his army. We need ours."

"We'll have to train. All of us. Yes?"

"Yeah."

"We can't stay here. Even if they re-opened the department, it's not safe. We've got nowhere to go."

"Yes we do."

.

"This is yours?"

"No. It's ours."

"Honestly Charles, I don't know how you survived. Living in such hardship…"

"Well, it was a hardship softened by me."

.

"That's where we're gonna find Shaw."

"How do you know?"

"Two super powers facing off, and he wants to start WWIII. He won't leave anything to chance."

"So much for diplomacy. I suggest you all get a good night's sleep."

.

"Do we really have to wear these?

"As none of us are mutated to endure extreme G-force or being riddled by bullets, I suggest we suit up."

.

"If that ship crosses the line, our boys are gonna blow it up. And the war begins."

"Unless they're not our boys."

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"He's gone!"

"What?"

"He's gone into the void! I can't communicate with him there!"

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"The real enemy is out there. I feel their guns moving in the water. Their metal, targeting us. Americans, Soviets, humans. United in their fear of the unknown. The Neanderthal is running scared, my fellow mutants! Go ahead, Charles. Tell me I'm wrong."

"Fleet Commander, this is Delta Seven Alpha Zero…Respond, over…The beach is secure, call of the attack…"

.

"I said back off! You…you did this…"

"Please! She didn't do this, Erik. You did."

.

"Charles, don't move. Okay?

"I won't. Actually, I can't...I...I can't feel my legs!"

"What?"

"I can't feel my legs! I can't feel my legs!"

.

"Moira, for us anonymity will be the first line of defense."

"I know. They can threaten me all they want, Charles. I'll never tell them where you are. Ever!"

"I know you won't. I know."

.

"You don't remember anything?"

"Sometimes I get fragments. Like...trees, sunlight, a kiss…"

.

I don't even need to open my eyes to know I'm crying. Instead I just lay there, hands fisted at my sides, and when the emotion becomes too much, I hit my mattress. Damn it Charles! You were supposed to trust me! I made you a promise! A promise I would have died to keep…

I cannot help but wonder what he thought years later, when I wrote him for some advice on my thesis…was that the first time he knew of me after that day or had he kept tabs on me? Honestly, I don't know which option I would prefer.

We met each other many times, especially after I became a doctor, after I began working with him and Dr. McCoy on Mutant Rights…why did he never tell me? Did he erase my memory to protect himself, and the children, or just because he no longer wanted me around? Did he ever wish he hadn't done it? So many questions, little to no answers…

And yet, there's one thing a part of my brain is avoiding to think about, yet I know I have to. This, these memories…it changes everything. Charles Xavier is no threat, well, a part of me knew that already; but with these new/old memories now I have no doubt. Charles Xavier is kindest, wisest, most compassionate man to ever walk this earth; he may be a mutant, he may be the most powerful telepath, but he would never hurt anyone. And Erik Lehnsherr…well, with what I remember now, some of the things he's done make so much sense! I may not agree with everything he's done, or even most of it, but a part of me understands he had good intentions deep down, and he had some very bad past experiences fueling his attitude and course of action. Which also explains why, to the very end, the Professor never actually tried to take Magneto down…how can one do that to their best friend?

And so I'm left in a conundrum. While from the very beginning I felt the mission wasn't the best idea, now I know for a fact there's no way I could ever go through with it. There's no way I could ever go against Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr…but I cannot let things go as they did the first time around. So, what should I do now?

What is the real problem here? The war. The war should have never happened. And why did it happen? Humans feared the mutants and fights broke out, and as much as it may pain me to accept, I know that most of those fights were originated by humans, men like Stryker, both father and son…So then, how can I stop that from happening? It's not like I can just go and assassinate Stryker! Aside from the fact that I'll end up in jail for life, or possibly even executed for treason, I have no way to justify my actions. What then?

I sigh, really. Why does life have to be so complicated? I mean, the Professor and Magneto are supposed to be the two most powerful mutants ever. Yet they were always against each other, if they could have just worked together, mix protection of mutants, with defense from humans, without actually raging war on humanity…maybe things wouldn't have been as bad. But they just couldn't work together… No, that's not true. They may have been as close to enemies as one can be in the time I came from, but it wasn't always that way. Not at the beginning…not now.

So, if the problem is the two of them not working together, that means I have to make sure they do…And how exactly am I supposed to be able to do that? When exactly did they split? In Cuba, that god-forsaken beach…too much went wrong in Cuba! Erik was proven right, on the fact that humans would turn against them, even when they were supposed to be on the same side; Charles lost his legs; and those two went their separate ways. If only…

Could those things really change? Could they change enough that history itself change? Do I even have the power to do something like that?

I shook my head. Well, my original plan included trying to kill both men! At least this one is a tad less suicidal…I think.

I know Charles will be meeting Erik tonight, when we go to Miami to try and catch Shaw. Maybe if I take a more proactive role in their works this time around. Not too much, I don't want to take the risk of changing things too much and ruining everything. But enough, maybe I can help them find a compromise…though I have no idea how I could ever do what I'm quite sure Charles must have tried and failed to do the first time around. And yet, I must try, the rest of the world might as well depend on it…

xXx

The rest of the morning I just go through the motions. Breakfast with Charles and Raven, constantly making sure my shields are in place and praying that Charles won't notice there is something off about me. Not sure if he would actually believe that I'm from the future, but if he does, who's to say he will even believe what I'm trying to do now, especially with what my original mission in this time was supposed to be?

Thankfully I don't actually need to do much. Charles goes through his presentation, a modified version of the one he used with his thesis, in which he openly points out about the fact that mutants do exist. No one except I, and possibly Senior Agent Platt on a corner, seem to be paying any attention to him. Once he's over the Director actually expresses his total disbelief over everything. But of course, I already knew he wasn't going to believe us, not until Raven takes it upon herself into Agent Stryker and then into what appears to be her real form: blue scaly skin, amber eyes and scarlet hair. She actually startles me briefly though, unknown to anyone who might be seeing me, it's not because of her looks, but the memory of the last time I saw her future self: Mystique…it wasn't good…

I go along with things, the denial, the accusations, the orders to take them away. I'm not quite there anymore, dealing with all the recently unsealed memories (and I still do not know how or why they even were unsealed) has taken a toll on me. I'm practically just going through the motions. At least I don't really need to do much, not until the meeting is over anyway.

On my way out I receive a report, Shaw has been spotted near the coast of Miami, a mission is being prepared for tomorrow night. I have to make use of all my strength of will and lessons with a number of telepaths not to react wrongly when Charles is suddenly on my mind, he has picked up on the mission connected to Shaw and wants to tag along and try to help. I accept.

xXx

Things were going pretty much like I had recently remembered from the first time around. It was the strangest sense of déjà vu, saying the same things I had the first time, knowing what they would be saying next. And then when Charles began talking about there being someone else out in the water. The anchor being used to destroy the ship…I can see the mix of shock and fear in the faces of those around me, including Agent Platt and Charles himself; I imitate the expression, so no one suspects anything, and yet inside I remain nonplussed at the display, though I supposed that after seeing him lift a submarine, and the Golden Gate Bridge in the future…an anchor really isn't that much…

I hear Charles yelling at the man in the water, Erik I know, telling him to let go off what, if memory serves, is a submarine and Shaw's getaway; then Charles is yelling at me and Platt to find someone to help me. I don't react, I know Platt beside me is still a bit too shocked to do or say much of anything, and I supposed I must have been too the first time around. In any case, I don't move a muscle, keeping my mind blank until Charles shakes his head and rushes to the other side of the ship.

I get to the other side myself in time to hear the splash as Charles dives into the ocean, taking the time to pick up the coat and shoes he took off in a hurry before jumping off. I give instructions to make sure we won't end up hitting him, or Erik, by accident, before telling two of the officers nearby to be ready to bring the men back on deck.

"We're here!" I hear Charles yell.

I can see he's still talking to Erik, even as they're brought onto the ship. Several of the officers are looking at both of them with a mix of curiosity and remnants of their earlier fear; I do not give them the chance to do anything stupid though, as I signal for Charles to follow me back inside, knowing he'll bring Erik along.

"What is going on here?" Erik demands as soon as we are all in a room below deck.

Raven enters through the opposite door, carrying some towels, she throws one at Erik before looking him up and down briefly, shrugging and going for Charles, whom she envelops in the remaining towel before beginning to rant at him.

"Are you absolutely insane?!" She yells.

"Raven…" Charles begins, still panting for breath.

"You ran off, without any explanation except there being someone else outside." Raven scolds him. "What's worse, you jumped into the ocean! Without a life-vest! In your clothes! What if you had drowned?!"

"Raven…" Charles begins again.

"Don't Raven me Charles!" The apparently blonde girl snaps. "I do not want to lose you! I cannot lose you! Why couldn't you let someone else handle this?!"

With a somewhat paternal smile Charles envelops Raven in a tight hug. It makes me wonder about the memories I have, of Mystique and the Professor, wonder how their relationship could have changed so much; how she could have ever gone from this sweet if somewhat pushy young woman who so obviously thinks the world of her brother, and cares for him as much or more than if they were of the same blood, to the cold and methodic agent that fought and killed humans and mutants alike, even went after her brother at least once.

"This is Erik, he's like us." Charles informs Raven as he approaches the German again. "Erik, this is my sister, Raven. She has her own tricks as well."

"Tricks?" Erik inquires, confused.

For all answer Raven shifts to imitate Erik briefly before going back to her blonde look.

Erik's eyes widen, though there is no other show of his surprise.

"And what can you do?"

It takes me a second or two to realize the metal-kinetic is talking to me. He didn't the first time around…though then again, the first time around I left along with Platt when Raven entered the room, thinking they deserved some privacy. This time I forgot that, and so I am still here.

"I'm afraid I do not have any tricks." I tell him with a shrug. "My name is Moira MacTaggert. I'm with the CIA."

"Human…" Erik muttered in what seemed like a dismissive tone, before doing a double-take. "What the hell has the CIA to do with anything?"

"We're after Shaw." I deadpan.

They are like magic words, instantly I have his whole attention, though no trust; that is alright, I still have time to gain it…if such a thing is even possible. At least he isn't downright dismissing me anymore just because I am not a mutant…

"That's why we're all here." Charles clarifies. "The CIA are going after Shaw for his actions in connection with the problems the American Government currently has with Russia; Raven and I are trying to help. What about you?"

"I'm hunting down Shaw." The German replies without hesitation. "Have been hunting him for a long time…"

"Why?" Raven asks, curious.

"Let's just say he has committed many heinous crimes and I'll make sure he pays for them all… harshly." He mutters coldly.

The blonde just cants her head, eyes full of confusion. Sweet, sweet Raven…it is hard to imagine Mystique as ever being so naïve, so innocent…and yet with that blonde look, it is somewhat easier to believe she really cannot understand the coldness in Erik's eyes…

Charles for his part just shakes his head, it was quite obvious, at least for me, with everything I knew already, that he must have read quite a lot in Erik's head already; he must have at least an idea of the kind of crimes Shaw's committed, and Erik's plans concerning him…I know there's a lot I don't know concerning Erik's and Shaw's shared past, only that it has something to do with the concentration camps (and that's enough to know it cannot be good…). It's also obvious Charles doesn't plan on sharing any of that information with anyone; I just hope it'll help him help Erik…and did I really just think about someone helping Magneto?! Those new/old memories are really affecting me…either that or the time travel has popped more than a few screws out of place…let's just hope this won't ruin everything…

xXx

The next afternoon, after spending half the morning being chewed out by my superiors for taking the Xaviers along on a top-secret federal operation…and then spending the other half of the morning getting to the Covert CIA facility Platt was one of the leaders of, I finally get the chance to look at the place. I have never been here before (memories of other lifetimes notwithstanding) and so I take the time to look around. After my supposedly rash actions concerning Miami I have been assigned to work with the Xaviers and whoever else they manage to get to join the cause, until the situation with Shaw is resolved. It is the mission that will end with all of us somewhat stranded in a Cuban beach…hopefully in much better, or at least less bad conditions than we were in the first time around…

"Welcome to my facility." Platt announces genially. "My mission has been to investigate the application of paranormal powers in military defense."

"Or offense." Erik interrupts.

Platt and I just shrug, there is no use for a denial.

"This guy, Shaw-Schmidt, whatever you wanna call him." Platt goes on. "He's working with the Russians. We might need your help to stop him."

He is working with the Russians yes…but he is also working, or at least has been working with Americans, at least Colonel Hendry…my superiors seem to be conveniently forgetting that part. Either that or they still did not believe it…

"Marvelous." When Charles speaks then I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not. "So are we to be the CIA's new mutant division, yes?"

"Something like that." Platt nods.

The rest of the tour of the facility goes pretty much like it did the first time around, including the outing of one Hank McCoy as a mutant. It seems funny to me how Charles keeps making mistakes by reacting to things he hears through telepathy and expecting others to know already, I have never known the Professor to make those kind of mistakes…and yes, I have taken to call the present and the future version of Charles by different names, the current, 1962 one was Charles, the future one…well, the future-that-would-never-be now was the Professor. Erik and Raven were receiving the same treatment in my mind, it was the only way not to end up insane trying to conciliate such different versions of each of them! Wonder how worse things would have been if I actually had to deal with myself too! Lord, I had been so naïve, so ignorant in many ways, painful loyal to my oaths as an Agent…I did not realize how wrong it all was, even after we were fired upon on that beach. I still blamed Erik, Magneto, for what happened afterwards, blamed him until I no longer remembered. And yet, I know now the truth, both Charles and I had been incredibly naïve, too trusting for our own good; even after being betrayed by the government. A government who saw it alright to sacrifice not just one of their agents, a human, but also a group of young people, extraordinary individuals, who had just taken greater risks than even members of the black ops to stop a Nuclear War! They had effectively saved not just America, but the whole world! And then they were attacked!

I'm not going to do a 'Magneto' and say they all should die…but I now know that we have to be ready for war. And yes, once again I'm siding with the mutants…I must be insane. I do not want war, I doubt even Erik wants war, he's just more aware…no, not aware, he just accepts what deep down we all know, that whether we want war or not, we have to be ready for it. We have to be ready to protect our own…family and friends, whether they're human or mutant, we have to be ready, and willing, to fight for them.

And if Erik ever hears me agreeing with anything he has said he'll either think I'm crazy, or think that he's the one who's gone crazy…that might actually be fun to watch!

xXx

The first time around I wasn't present at the meeting Platt had the following morning with Charles and Erik; this time I decide I want to be there. It is part of my plan to be more involved with everything. It means having to get up way too early to drive all the way from my apartment, where I stayed after a debriefing with my superior the previous evening; but I still get there in time. It surprises me when only Platt and Charles seem to be present, particularly when Charles tells Platt to begin with just us three, but I still do not say a word.

The first half of the talk is mostly Platt giving examples of instances where it is believed mutants may have been involved through American, and sometimes European history. Eventually he begins talking about the arrangements that are being made for the 'mutant division' as Charles himself so aptly named it yesterday.

"We understand Shaw has abilities of some kind, as do those that surround him." Platt declares. "You mentioned a telepath, and we all saw the day before yesterday that man manipulating the wind…who knows wha…who else he has working for him?"

"You want to fight fire with fire." I nod, it is only logical.

"Mutant vs. mutant." Charles's brows furrow in distaste.

"Charles?" I inquire.

"I'm pacifist by nature Moira." He tells me softly. "My whole life I've been interested in finding other people with gifts, yes. But I never imagined the opportunity would come like this, through an upcoming fight…" He shakes his head sadly. "I want to help other mutants, not fight against them. Especially when I don't even know them."

"You'll still have the chance to help mutants Charles just…" I'm not sure how to say things, or even how much to say. "The kind of man Shaw is…I don't think you can help him, not when he's not interested. And about his allies…well, I don't know, there must be a reason they are with him, and you cannot force someone who doesn't want help…"

"Shaw is someone that deserves neither your help nor your compassion." A gruff voice calls unexpectedly from the side.

And there is Erik. I wonder what kept him.

"Erik! You decided to stay." Charles exclaims with a smile.

That throws me for a loop, I did not known Erik had almost left! Well, knowing his character it isn't really that surprising in retrospect, but I still did not known.

"You heard what we've been talking about?" Charles inquires, all his attention on him.

"The CIA wants to get us mutants to fight Shaw." Erik shrugs, unconcerned. "I was already planning on doing that." He turns to Platt. "Still doesn't explain what makes you think you'll have better success at finding other mutants that any of us have…Charles and Raven have known all about it for years and never met anyone but each other, I cannot say I'd met anyone before two nights ago…and you haven't known anything for sure before the last few days, even though you had one around for a while…"

"Yes well…" Platt seems a bit uncomfortable at either the coldness or the truth of Erik's words before continuing with the explanation of the plan. "Hank turned that radar installation into a transmitter." He signals to the station outside, before turning back to Charles. "It's designed to amplify brain waves, so it could enhance your telepathic powers. Help us find other mutants for our division."

"What if they don't want to be found by you?" Erik interrupts, finally moving from the door to sit beside Charles. "If a new species is being discovered, it should be by its own kind. Charles and I find the mutants. No suits."

Well, at least that explains how the two of them ended up going on their own on that particular road-trip…though not how they managed to convince my superiors the first time around…

"First of all, that's my machine out there." Platt tries to defend himself in an offended tone. "Second of all, and much more importantly, this is Charles's decision. Charles is fine with the CIA being involved. Isn't that right?"

I almost snort, as if Charles would ever side with the government against Erik…I might never understand why he does what he does, but I at least know what to expect from him on that front.

"No. I'm sorry, but I'm with Erik." The telepath declares seriously. "We'll find them alone."

"What if I say no?" Platt retorts testily.

"Then good luck using your installation without me." Charles replies evenly.

"That will not be necessary." I decide it is about time I interfered. "Agent Platt, as the official liaison with the Director, I can tell you this mission is top priority, you will act in accordance to Charles's and Erik's specifications. We are to be allies in this." I turned to the other two. "As much as I know this is a delicate job, you must also understand time is of essence. I knew already that if we found a way to do recruitment it would have to be handled by you, it's unlikely mutants will trust us agents, no matter how much we try to convince them our intentions are good. Still, we will expect you to call us regularly to know how you're doing, and to make sure you're still safe; that'll also help us be prepared for when a new recruit is coming our way. Of course we expect you to send them our way as soon as you can convince them, so we can explain the situation to them and begin working on a plan. We are also conscious that some may not want to become involved, or may be too young or too old; if they wish to be left alone then we will leave them alone…as long as they're not a risk to themselves or others."

Charles turns to look at Erik, obviously waiting to see if he has something to say about my indications on the matter. I can tell he might not be too comfortable with some of my details, but really, it's the best I can offer him, them, at least for the time being.

What they don't know is that I'll be the one handling their debriefs for the duration of the road-trip, and I have no intention of reporting the finding of any refusing mutant unless they are actually a security risk. I may still have hope for things to go well after the Missile Crisis is over this time; but I also know better than to leave that kind of information for those like Stryker to access. Like I've said before, I've chosen my side…and it's not the same as Stryker and his ilk…

Erik just nods, he probably still does not like working with the government, but they are being given as much leeway as I could possibly arrange. It had been a good idea to broach the subject with my boss yesterday evening. Now let's just hope this helps in the long run, even if it's just a little…I really need all the help I can possibly get…


A lot of introspection and small changes to begin with. I told you Moira was one of the good guys!

In this fic (and the series) Raven will be referred to as Raven Xavier. I know her name, or at least her first alias is supposed to be Raven Darkholme, but for all intents and purposes, she is Charles's sister and will be referred to as such. (Either she was adopted or Charles used enough his power for everyone to believe she had always been there, whatever the case, she will be an Xavier).

In the next chapter, a redux of the recruitment time and the mission to Russia...some thing changes, some stay the same, and the discoveries Moira will be making in that time. Realizations.