"It is better to be feared than loved."

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

The Hokage Rock Inn

Dryness, there's a dryness in my throat.

Bones. People shouldn't be this aware of their own bones and the fire inside of them.

Hunger; starved neurons, going dead from the lack of a fix.

Can't stop my legs jittering.

I'm so broke…

Sasuke sniffed and nibbled on the tip of his raw thumb; staring into the darkened spare room. Curtains that smelt faintly of lavender moth deterrent stirred over the old pine sill. A dusty tiffany lamp sat on the table beside the bed. Sasuke had switched that light on and off seventy times since getting into bed: if they didn't live inland, ships would probably think he was signalling them into port.

He found himself asking one of his banned questions:

How did I end up here?


The Broadway

"At least if you'd let the police arrest me, I would've had a nice cell to sleep in, how the fuck am I supposed to pay my rent now!? I'm gonna be on the fucking streets!" Sasuke barked, glaring at the sandy haired kid. He exuded privilege and comfort, Sasuke knew the boy didn't mean to look smug, but the guys obliviousness to his lot just made him seem ungrateful.

"Isn't that why you're selling…" The boy licked his lips, kingfisher blue eyes darting around them. He couldn't even bring himself to say the word.

Sasuke let out a harsh bark of laughter and shook his head.

"You're kidding?" The boy looked mystified at this and Sasuke pursed his lips. He didn't much feel like making a pantomime out of himself for this guy and these tourists. They were still stood on the pavement a few chain restaurants down from Green Banks. To Sasuke's left a parade of beachy parasols arranged around chrome tables. The stripy umbrellas were nothing but a waste of energy for staff, because there was barely any sun, just the weak October rays straining through vanilla clouds. A family sat at one of the tables tucking into their lunch - mum was having a salad and snapping at her daughter who was throwing her own salad to the pigeons. To Sasuke's right was The Broadway main road, which hummed with the noise of traffic. Black taxi cabs swerved BMW drivers and buses honked their horns to one another.

Sasuke inhaled deeply before taking a step closer to this stranger, who had masqueraded as a friend mere nights before, only to hunt him at his place of work and lose him his job...

"Look, you sell it to afford it, I shift Skag to pay for it," Sasuke gestured sharply with his hand to illustrate his point and the boy flinched. "I had that job to pay for the rent on my flat," he indicated Green Bank with a sour look. "No rent money, no flat; do you understand?" Sasuke iterated slowly, making to turn away.

"Wait!" Sasuke didn't wait. "Seriously – I'm gonna help you!" At this, Sasuke turned back to the boy and smirked. "If it wasn't for me just then, you wouldn't have lost your job…My Dad is gonna need some help at our family pub soon," he bit his lip, "there's a spare room, if you wanna work for your rent?"

Sasuke eyed the boy, he looked sincere and whole. The worst. Sasuke could read the guy like a book: mummy and daddy happily married, set to inherit the family business, average student, lots of friends that probably went on holidays to Amsterdam. Sasuke hated him. Sasuke hated how close he'd been to becoming him.

"I've got a dog," was probably the stupidest thing to come out of his mouth all day – but he was tired, and suddenly unemployed and careening towards homelessness.

"That's fine," the guy nodded, looking relieved.

"I don't know your name," Sasuke pointed out quietly.

"I know yours," the golden-haired guy assured, "Sasuke."


Naka Shrine Country Park

"Do your parents know…Know that it was me?" Sasuke quizzed, trying to sound casual. He'd retrieved only three things from his old flat above a print shop: his Doberman, Taka, a photograph on a keyring, and a wrap of dope.

"That you were dealing on our doorstep? No, I omitted that part when I told them you'd be working and living with us," Naruto told him and Sasuke dropped his gaze to Taka's sleek black back.

"Right." They stopped by a plot of tulips so Taka could rub his long snout in their unctuous stems. "Tell me about yourself," Sasuke suggested, not really caring, but he could feel the silence on his skin like lice.

To get to Naruto's family pub you had to cut through the Naka Shrine Country Park. Sasuke didn't like to point out that he already knew this, when Naruto directed him, it only been a few days ago that he'd been setting up a deal with a client for Orochimaru. The park was one of the few spots in the city he actually recognised in the daylight. He often walked Taka through the place; he liked to spoil the dog, Taka was his best friend. Usually the Doberman would make a dash for the aviary and delight in spooking the peachy lovebirds. Then he would drag Sasuke through the vines of frothy pink roses, until Sasuke had more track marks from the roses than he did from shooting-up. Today though, Taka was being a good guard dog, and staying close-by to scent Naruto.

"Um, well, I'm twenty-one and I'm a fine art student…"

It was exactly as Sasuke had suspected. Naruto was a cossetted single child, from a comfortable background and fussy parents. Sasuke listening expressionlessly as Naruto told him about his gap-year spent in Peru, where he'd hiked the notorious Inca Trail to Machu Picchu with his friends Kiba and Sai. "…Sai got this little tattoo of a line that matches up with Urubamba River and Kiba just got altitude sickness," Naruto chortled. It was a free laugh, from his gut, a real person's laugh and the sound left Sasuke with a stab of envy. "I wanna travel again," Naruto said wistfully, but Sasuke detected a note of bitterness: you don't get to be bitterness in human form without inheriting super powers from it. "Have you ever travelled?" Sasuke wondered what Naruto hoped to gain from the question – what part of Sasuke's life was he fishing for information about.

"Munich, Germany…Miami-Fort Lauderdale-West Palm Beach, Florida…Zurich, Switzerland…" Sasuke strained to remember his many childhood addresses.

"No shit?" He looked at Naruto, whose eyes shone with sheer admiration.

Sasuke blinked, taken aback by Naruto's response, he had anticipated scorn or at least some kind of put-down. However, Naruto only seemed eager to quiz him on all of his old homes.

"…Yeah, well, my parents are CEO's of a hotel chain, so…" Sasuke sniffed acidly and tugged on Taka's chain.

"Wicked," Naruto breathed, making Sasuke's cheeks burn.

"That's one word for them," Sasuke muttered.

He didn't mention the heroin to Sasuke once, and Sasuke was infinitely grateful, for a moment he felt like a real person.


"Yo Mum, Dad, we're back, I bought the new guy!" Naruto called as he shouldered his way through the pub entrance.

Sasuke pretended to receive a text so that he could take a moment to absorb the front of the pub. It was a pretty, quintessential English pub: with lead paned windows, terracotta flower boxes spilling with pink and purple pansies, and picnic benches with flowerpots for ash trays. Inside was a miasma of dark rosewood and white wash, with beaded cushions thrown hither and thither.

"Why do we even pay you?" Naruto plucked a headphone out of a surly looking teenagers ear.

The kid glowered at Naruto and blew a large bubble with the piece of gum he was chewing, it popped, leaving a fruity smell in its wake.

"Because you're too busy being student of the year," the kid drawled. "Y'know your mum and my mum talk, right? I'm never going to uni, I'm just gonna chill here…"

"You say it like you've got a choice, you've gotta get grades to go to uni, Kon," Naruto quipped back and the kid made a rude hand gesture.

"Suck my…"

"Don't say it…We've got company," Naruto snapped, pointing towards Sasuke.

The teenager's eyes followed Naruto's hand, and fell upon Sasuke, looking only mildly interested.

"He's got a dog," the boys said slowly.

"How impossibly perceptive of you, Kon, you might go to uni yet," Naruto said with a snide smirk, letting himself behind the bar.

"Aunt Kushina is gonna go mental," the boy dropped his gaze to his phone, bored of them already.

"Where is my mum?" Naruto quizzed, he'd just pulled two glasses down from behind the bar and filled them each with a double helping of dark rum.

"They've gone out, the locals have put a show on so they've gone to watch it," the boy explained without looking up.

Naruto furrowed his brow but shrugged and slid the rum to Sasuke who caught it smoothly.

"Welcome home."


Naruto showed Sasuke to his new bedroom and apologised for the fusty décor. Sasuke sat on the bed and tried not to revel in the fact that it came with a bedframe: he was so used to sleeping on a mattress on the floor drenched in sweat, blood, and vomit. Sometimes it wasn't even his own mattress, but it was always on the floor.

"He's real friendly," Naruto commented, scratching Taka's chops, and Taka wined with delight.

"He's a tart and a disappointment," Sasuke grumbled and then reached over to scratch Taka's haunches fondly. "Birds of a feather, bud," he sighed.

He could feel Naruto watching him and so said,

"I got him as a guard dog after I'd been, you know, working for the cartel for a couple of years. Someone broke into my flat and it isn't like I can go to the police. So, I got me a big scary hound…Or at least I thought I did, instead I got this loved up chump…" Taka jumped up beside Sasuke, throwing his huge dog body against Sasuke's wiry frame. "Still, the sight of a Doberman is usually enough to scare off most people." Sasuke gave Taka one last scratch and grinned up at Naruto.

"I have a cat…He's a dick."

"He's a cat, what did you expect?"

"Yeah, I guess you got me there," Naruto laughed, and it was so natural and easy, Sasuke felt swept up in the normalcy of it all. "Hey, who's that?" Naruto made to pick up the keychain mounted with a photograph. Sasuke beat him to it and closed his fingers over the picture.

"Nobody," he lied tightly, "she's nobody."

Glancing down at the picture still clasped in his lap, he could see the suggestion of the small girl's inky locks. He didn't need to carry the picture around; it was burnt on his brain. He only did it, because he feared one day he might blow a hole so terrible in his brain, that he forgot her face completely.

"I tell you what, this is a lot for you – why don't you get some sleep and tomorrow I'll show you around the bar and my Xbox if you are that unbelievably lucky?" Naruto winked at him and clapped Sasuke on the shoulder.

Sasuke smiled stiffly, afraid to open his mouth. He knew the second Naruto shut that door and left him alone all he would be able to think about was how his bones groaned. How he felt feverish with the cravings, the starvation for dope.

"Night," Sasuke whispered as Naruto closed the door.

Sasuke twiched about the room. He flicked the tiffany lamp beside the bed on and off. He chased a small ball of fluff along the skirting board. He sat on the floor, whispering into his hands, promising himself he wasn't going to touch that Skag in his pocket. He got to his feet and fiddled with the old iron window latch, pushing the glass forwards until he was free to lean out of the window. He could see the labyrinth of Ealing alleys and hear the snarl of traffic. Closing his eyes he let the thick air flush down his throat and the sounds fill his ears. He had always had a bizarre love affair with the suburbs.

He could feel eyes on him, though. Not those brimming with animal compassion, not his faithful Doberman's, Taka. These eyes were flat and low resolution. Eyes locked behind the cheap plastic of a keying. And Sasuke knew then that his promises to himself were futile. He could feel the track marks he'd covered for work itching for exposure beneath his hoodie sleeves, translucent cobwebs etched into his flesh. A map of all his bad choices. And that night he loaded up a syringe and plotted a knew point on his desolate map. What would happen, he wondered, if he kept following it, kept following that high that left him so low...


I like to do 2 chapters in one hit! I hope you're enjoying this!? loves xxx