Chapter 2: Twinsanity Begins
With a giddiness he hadn't felt since he was a young boy unwrapping miniature laboratories under the Christmas tree, Cortex flew his hoverboard around the arena Crash was trapped in and took aim with his ray gun. A series of green energy balls were fired upon the bandicoot, who ran in the opposite direction of the reticule on the ground. Cortex shook the gun and said "Blasted thing! What idiot programmed you to project a reticule?! …Oh wait, that was me."
He quickly tried to save face by reaching into his lab coat and pulling out a glowing red bomb. His smirk would make the greatest maniacs jealous as he then threw the bomb down at Crash "Here's one from Tiny!" Even if Crash didn't care, the explosion behind as he ran in circles around the edge of the arena would prevent him from hearing that anyways.
"Ripper Roo, how COULD you!" Cortex threw another bomb to no avail, and his face started looking like a piping mad orange. He grabbed one last bomb and as he threw it kept up his insane party charade by proclaiming "Pinstripe, how THOUGHTFUL!" Even with all of his limp-armed might put into this throw, Crash leaped out of the way in time, sticking a landing by sliding on one knee and throwing his arms up triumphantly.
Meanwhile, the aforementioned Pinstripe rubbed some knuckles against his coat and said with surprising sincerity "Hey, it's the least I coulda done after I stole his girlfriend." Everyone around looked at him with deadpan expressions, Dingodile in particular shaking his head and saying with his thick Australian accent "That ain't right mate."
As Cortex spent a good few seconds stamping his hoverboard to the point of throwing himself off-balance, his secretive observers Alex and Shina took differing degrees of pity towards his behavior.
"I forgot how pathetic Cortex could be." Alex could only muster condescension, shaking his head and then saying "That aura would make him a little peskier than a fly. Come on Shina, we're going to keep looking for the artifact now."
He began to pull away when Shina grabbed his wrist and tugged him back in, saying with a smile from cheek to cheek "This is only the first fight Alex! The aura might show up on the robot."
"A machine having aura? Come on, that's ridiculous." Alex brushed her off snootily and yet stuck back to the wall to continue observation, though Shina DID have a rather blunt choice of words "I'm sorry are you the Aurian? No? Thought so. Aura's in all things Alex. Even this wall we're on has aura."
"Oh, so what you're saying is that if our enemy so chose it, they could make this wall come to life and attack us." Alex played the teasing game for once, and Shina giggled before responding "Now THAT'D be ridiculous." As the boy shook his head, Shina looked down at the wall for a few seconds, then with a nervous smirk slowly glided a foot back.
After Cortex was done throwing his tantrum, he aimed the ray gun at Crash and started charging "I signed this gift personally! No takesie-BACKSIES!" before releasing a gigantic green energy ball at his enemy. Crash, done picking his ear, spun around a bit like a mini orange tornado and the energy was reflected right back at Cortex at bullet speeds. The scientist couldn't even get an "Oh!" off before he was blown right off of his hoverboard and sent tumbling right into a bed of spikes under part of the floor he blew up.
Of course in a world this far up it's own buttocks in nuttiness, Cortex is launched out of the spikes with only a "Shink!" to the rear, though as he rubs his reddened rear he drops onto the ground with a hard thud. Aku and Crash approach him, the mask reprimanding him with his body puffing out a little "Once again you try the same thing Cortex, only to have it backfire. There is still a chance for you to just walk away from all this."
Crash extended a helping hand out, but Cortex literally spit on it and then slapped it aside as he stood up. His rear was still throbbing red in pain, forcing a grimace forth, but the doctor clenched his fist enough to crack the bones and said "I'm not going to rest until you're a fine fur pelt on my wall of victories, Crash Bandicoot!"
"Must be a pretty tiny wall." Alex spoke out, and Cortex raised his brows and started looking around. Shina forced Alex's head down as the doctor said "I'm not the only one who heard that right? Bah whatever! What good is a party without a surprise or two? And since one was a failure, lets see how you handle number two…"
Cortex suddenly teleports back up onto the wall after some spins as the arena shakes, a shadow slowly casting down upon Crash as a mechanical behemoth makes it's debut. In shape, right down to the long nose, this machine looked a lot like Crash. But it was outfitted with a chainsaw left arm, a missile launcher right arm, full on hydraulics, and a very clean but killer metal smile. As the engines roared above him, Cortex said gloriously "Meet your new hydraulically operated twin brother…MECHA BANDICOOT! Hehehe…Hahahaahah!"
The forty-foot tall machine landed smacked dab in the middle of the arena, destroying the floor and spikes beneath and causing Crash to be launched onto the wall amidst the fleeting rubble. The onlookers took on the pelting of stone until Dingodile raised his brows and commented in pity "Well, it's official mates…The doc's gone bloomin' mad."
His tone shifted gears to casual as he suggested "Hows about we ditch this sad affair and go get some pizza? My treat, so long as Oxide 'ere provides the ride." Everyone, even Crunch, was in agreement of the plan, and they would be out of there before things got truly chaotic.
Meanwhile, Alex managed to throw Shina's grip off of him and look up, saying bluntly "Hey look, no strange aura. NOW are you satisfied?" Shina held a hand up and nonchalantly pointed out "Well it could be a delayed reaction.." The faceplant Alex did to the wall after left a very clear and cracked indent.
Riding the Mecha Bandicoot was a stout man with a small missile plunged into the right side of his skull. He had the same lab coat as Cortex, and a more volatile demeanor. Cortex rode beside him on his hoverboard and with a few hand swings at Crash he said "N. Gin, engage missile attack!"
"Right away! Prepare to fry, bandicoot!" The titanium titan raised it's right arm and with a few recoils it launched some missiles into the air. They quickly curved downward to fall towards Crash and left a glow as they got closer. Crash went sprinting to the left, while Shina pushed up enough to block the explosion's edge with aura.
When Crash was at the center of the wall, the Mecha Bandicoot lifted it's head and let out a grinding snort as it gathered green energy. Aku looked to Crash and asked "Now would be a good time to use your Bazooka, Crash." The Bandicoot grinned and blankly stared at the mask. Aku raised his brows and replied with calm shame "Crash, why did you leave that at home?"
The energy blast was fired, but Crash casually spun it back into the Mecha Bandicoot's missile launcher. It blew right up with a screeching shatter, and the machine's mouth creaked opened in shock.
"That works too…" Aku says, relieved that Cortex's idiocy still shines through at the best of times. With one weapon down N. Gin throws the chainsaw up and swings it straight at Crash. Agile as he is the bandicoot leaps over it and waves over at the scientists. N. Gin's rocket fumes as his face reddens, then he quickly tries another energy blast, only for it be spun back and destroy the chainsaw. This leaves Cortex fuming after.
"N. Gin! This machine is DELICATE! Stop firing energy blasts at him!"
"You expected me to build this the very second you came back! Of course it's got flaws!" N. Gin proclaimed while pretending he still had limbs in this machine to point at Cortex.
"You should've used our budget better then." Cortex said with a nonchalantly brush off his shoulder, and N. Gin's rocket was seconds from exploding as he proclaimed "We don't have any money after the last game! Oh for-GET it!" The Mecha Bandicoot was turned to Crash, and as he pulled back his head he charged the biggest baddest blast the machine could muster.
"Lets see how you handle THIS, bandicoot!"
As the arena began to shake, Shina tugged on the back of Alex's hairs and said "Oh! Oh! I bet this is the moment that aura shows up!" She only got a muffled groan in response.
All this power the Mecha Bandicoot built up was unleashed in one gargantuan blast…aaaaaaand then Crash casually spun it right back. N. Gin blinked twice and slowly raised a hand to the eject button, being launched far away as the machine blew up. Cortex widened his eyes but then was smacked in the face by a piece of debris, falling off his hoverboard and joining the exploding Mecha Bandicoot as the ground below it broke and opened the way to an underground cavern.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH NOT AGAAAAAAAAAIN!" Cortex's screams died down with his descent, but he would not be alone as a piece of debris boomeranged to Crash's back and knocked him right into the chasm. Aku pursued him down, and Alex finally lifted his head up saying "Is that bullock over with? Can we FINALLY move on?"
Shina peered over the wall and said "Well we could try underground." Alex sighed and lazily floated over the wall to start his descent while weakly gesturing. Shina caught up and held her hand to create aura so compressed it glistened like a firefly. She handed one off to Alex, who fumbled it in his hands, and then created another for herself.
"So what do we do about Crash?" She imposed that question upon someone who could care less, but Alex nevertheless mustered a dry "They'll sort that out on their own. We have no reason to get involved." He turned to find Shina using the classic 'puppy dog pout', and he wouldn't admit it looked a bit cute with the way the light shone on her face.
At the bottom of the chasm, the wreckage of the Mecha Bandicoot was piled in the back of a damp, dank cavern. Cortex barely pulled himself off the ground with his head throbbing, but that feeling would grow strong as he looked at Crash standing perfectly fine in front of him.
Aku had caught up, commenting with his sagely concern "Are you alright Crash?" The bandicoot gave a thumbs up, and the mask could breath a sigh of relief.
"Well, we'll have to take the long way back, but at least you were victorious." Aku and Crash turned, choosing to ignore their defeated foe. Cortex looked at them slowly walking off, and he raised his hands up pretending to choke the bandicoot as his muscles tensed. He grit his teeth and swung his body left and right, trying to force words out of indescribable magnitudes of rage.
Memories of his defeats at the bandicoot's hands rose up, repeating nothing but the impacts of the bandicoots spins against his body time after time again. His vision blurred, steam puffed out of his nose, and all this rage festering inside of him boiled his blood until the proverbial "spinning bandicoot" cut the rope holding the floodgates back. All at once, Cortex's peaked rage burst forth, and like a bull he charged out of his pen straight towards Crash.
With no words Cortex leaped a dozen feet forward and tackled Crash right into the nearby tunnel, quickly slapping and punching him multiple times as the bandicoot fought back, creating a spherical whirlwind of physical violence that sent the two tumbling down the crusty crag caverns. Aku's mouth went agape as he floated in place for a few seconds, giving Alex and Shina enough time to drop down behind him.
"So, guess Cortex finally snapped?" Alex bluntly said, and the mask turned around and commented "I do believe now is not the time for snide comments. Crash is in danger."
"…And yet you're here talking with us?" Alex replied, and after a couple blinks Aku turned around and sped off to catch up with Crash. With a slight grin the boy closed his eyes and said "See Shina, that's what you're supposed to do when someone makes you realize you're wasting-" A slight whisk of air gets him to notice as Shina was already gliding through the tunnel.
"Oh for the love of…" Alex groaned before going after her. It didn't take them long to catch up with the brawling bandicoot and scuffling scientist. They had gotten themselves into a very wide-open cavern which, while still very dark, at least had a few lights across the creaking boardwalks that happened to be down here. Even so focused on beating each other up, the two managed to get past dangerous drills and perilous pit traps with ease. Aku tried to keep the pace, but could only let this brawl play out. At the least, Cortex's squeaky cries of pain ensured him who was winning.
With plenty of space to explore, Alex and Shina split up to searching for the artifact. Shina flew back and forth in a small space thinking to assist Crash, and at one point bites her nails in hesitation. After a long, regretting groan she said "S-Sorry Crash…! Maybe later!" and then turned around to start looking, though she would look over her shoulder occasionally.
Alex was very thorough, peeking into every pocket in the walls no matter how grimy it was, while Shina only had to close her eyes to scan for any aura similar to the artifact. After a few minutes they went to the tunnel opposite where they entered and moved on, the echoes of Crash and Cortex's continued brawl reaching them until they caught up. Aku at this point floated over to Shina and inquired "Isn't there anything you can do to stop this?"
She paused and her kindliness got the better of priorities this time out of guilt, so she hastily assured him "If it looks like Crash is going to go tumbling into the abyss, I'll help him out. But I don't think even the earth splitting beneath their feet could end their nutty feud sorry!" She then flew ahead to get to the next cavern after Alex did.
This cavern was brightened by a bunch of translucent green crystals on the walls and pillars, and the pathway ahead of Crash and Cortex was filled with even more dangerous machinery. Now Nitro Crates were added to the mix, yet they were all avoided as easily as everything else.
"Who even put this junk here?" Alex commented as he went on another search.
"It is certainly perplexing." Alex turned around to see Aku floating rather close by, glancing off with a thought provoked hum.
"Shouldn't you be worrying about Crash?" The boy inquired, and as the mask shook he said "Well there's nothing I can. Besides, everything appears to be fine on Crash's end."
On a flat rock platform, the brawl broke up momentarily as Cortex had Crash on his stomach, the scientist crying his frustrations out in tears as he smacked the bandicoot in the rear, Crash retaliating by nibbling at Cortex's other hand.
"…Mostly." Aku muttered before turning around, but Alex had already gone off somewhere else. The mask followed while inquiring calmly "I am surprised you aren't helping out."
"Well, we got our own mission to accomplish. Besides, Shina's the one who made the offer to help." Alex said matter-of-factly without looking at Aku, who asked in a gentle but puzzled tone "I assumed the Elemental Overlord was a little more selfless."
"Yeah, the last guy was." Alex was mildly irritated and quickly turned around, crushing Shina's aura to state "Look, it's complicated ok?"
"You don't believe a mystic voodoo mask could handle a few details?" Aku said, a quiet but jolly laugh following. Alex glanced aside and muttered "I-It's not that important. The moment we get what we're looking for, we're out of here."
As the mask started humming some more with clear intrigue, and with a roll of his eyes the boy thought "Oh great, it's Alpha again…In a convenient wooden form!" He at least was appreciative of Aku staying silent as he scoured the rest of the walls and ended up landing atop a large plateau in the center of the cavern. Shina was there too, and it didn't take long for Crash and Cortex to come tumbling down some wooden gears.
This finally broke up their fight as Cortex went tumbling out, ending up in front of a floating lithe violet crystal. With sagging under his eyelids, Cortex mustered a weak smile as the light of the crystal bathed him in it's purity.
"A-A crystal…? Finally…my luck is turning!" He stands straight up instantly, but as he crept towards the crystal the ground began to quake. A chunk of it right below Cortex's feet rose up as a slick light-blue drill dug it's way out. It looked pretty advanced by the standards of this world, almost having an alien vibe to it thanks to the pulsating lights on it's sides, all four of which fell down as ramps with glowing buttons on the end. Geez, wonder what those are for.
A mass of glowing energy distorts in the center of the ship, and through it emerged a navy color armored ant wielding some manner of glow stick in two of it's six tiny arms. Aku commented "Where did these come from?" while Shina starting casually walking up to the ant, smiling as she said "Don't worry guys I'll handle this!"
"No way, is she actually taking this seriously?" Alex looked on with arms folds as Shina approached the ant, looking down at them and holding the artifact out. Then, she started clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth in some of sort of intended beat.
"Crck crck crrrrck?" (Excuse me sir, have you seen a stone like this?) Alex's mouth went agape as he heard only noise. The ant did the same thing but also wiggled it's antennae.
"Crccckk ccccrrrrk!" (You will surrender your world to us, human!) Shina raised her brows and with a light chuckle said "Oh, I-I guess I should've seen this coming."
With a shrug she went "Oh well!" and then threw the aura in her hand to blow the ant right back into the portal. Then she flips back and stamps on the button, which seals one of the portals up. She looks back to her allies and gestures forth over her head as more ants rush out from the other portals.
Crash and Alex leap into the fray, with Alex standing atop the left button while waving his hand out to blow away the ants with fire. Crash spun the ants to death immediately and belly flopped onto the button to the right. Then with a twirl high over the ship, including a frazzled Cortex, Shina made some aura hands to push the ants back into the portal and landed softly on the button. The last side was sealed up, and the ramps retracted in as the ship quickly reversed itself back into the ground.
Cortex was now brought to ground level, and he was coddling the crystal against him tightly. This time Crash became allured by the crystal's glow and raised his arms in front of him like a hungering zombie as he moved towards Cortex. The scientist hopped back, holding a hand out defiantly as his eyes shifted and he stuttered "S-Stay back you beast! If you touch this…you'll go CRYSTAL CRAZY!"
Even his flair for the dramatic couldn't deceive the bandicoot, who broke into a stroll and grabbed the crystal while trying to continue on. Cortex resisted, naturally, and tugged tightly on the other end of the crystal as he was dragged along kicking his feet against the ground.
"No! It's mine you wretched bandicoot! Let me have just this one victory! Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?" His begging ALSO proved futile as Crash just took advantage of Cortex's stubbornness to spin him against a nearby cog, which made the lift it was attached to rise up in short bursts. Aku sighed and followed after the two, and Shina was about to do the same when Alex grabbed her shoulder.
"Hey, what was that about?" He asked as she looked back. She replied loftily "Whatcha mean?" and Alex quickly tried to imitate the clicks. His impression sucked, but it got the point across.
"Oh, that! I was speaking to that ant. Pretty cool huh? Pretty rude 'lil fella though." Shina said with little fanfare, and Alex was left thinking "…Why was I expecting a serious answer. Guess I should be used to her oddities by now…" He then left her high and dry and flew up to continue searching the caverns. Shina followed after a puzzled blink.
As they continued to scan the area, Crash and Cortex reached the top of the lift but were then stalled by a gap. On the other side was a small lever, and for a moment Crash let go to look at it from the edge. Cortex crept up with boot raised, but then a decently sized rock smacked him in the noggin thanks to Alex. As visions of bandicoots danced around Cortex's head, Aku floated over to the two and said "Cortex, now would be the time for you to be useful. For once."
Cortex shook off the daze and stood up, remarking sarcastically "Oh I'd LOOOVE to help. But oh would you look at this…?" He pulls out the tattered remains of his blaster and wiggles it around, frustratingly comment "I seem to have LOST THE USE OF MY BLASTER!"
After a few seconds, Crash walked over to Cortex and grabbed the crystal. The scientist remarked "Oh what are you doing NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" and suddenly he was thrown over the gap. He smashes face first into the switch and it activates, creating a bridge to the other side. Crash walks over and plucks Cortex from the switch with his tongue dangling out, dragging him along behind for more inventive uses of his body!
…And by that I mean he'll be battered around so long as he stubbornly tries to hold onto that crystal. Greed gets you nowhere folks!
So for a while Crash uses Cortex to get their way out further through the cavern. Alex and Shina clean up looking around, meeting up close to the exit of this surprisingly expansive underground. Shina shrugged immediately, and Alex told her "I didn't even SAY anything!"
"Well you aren't holding a stone, I'm not holding a SECOND one, soooooooo…" Shina loftily looked around, and Alex grumbled "Fair point" as he folded his arms behind his head. The cavern rumbled below, and the two looked over to see Crash and Cortex scaling a wall of platforms as the drill from earlier tried to grind them down.
"Can we go help them nooow?" Shina pleaded with hands clasped before her chest, and Alex pulled back to say "If they were in danger, yes. Come on, you know they'll survive. In fact, I give them a minute."
And it only took that long for the two to make it to the top, where the drill just suddenly gave up. Crash waved it off, distracted long enough for Cortex to pull free and proclaim "Free at last! Now, I'm getting out of this nuthouse!" He sprinted so fast through the tunnel that it would make an Olympic athlete blush.
"Well, I hate to share the doctor's sentiments, but now we can go home Crash." Aku said with a sigh of relief. With the mask and bandicoot going through the tunnel, Alex and Shina decided to go on as well.
"Shina, why did the aura lead us here if the second artifact piece isn't around?" The boy inquired with slight frustration, and with the stone in front of her Shina stuck her lower lip out and thought on that for a little. She tossed it up to free her hands for a clap, then smiled and with an expression brimming with optimism she said "Well! We still have the rest of the island to sweep over! So lets make like brooms and get to work!"
"Yeah, sure, great." Ending that off with a roll of his eyes, Alex sighed and lamented the lack of any clues, remembering what happened the last time they were blindly searching around. Being on another video game world did not help his lingering pessimism.
Not even getting out of the caverns and back into the sun changed his attitude, in contrast to Cortex who was kissing the sandy beaches as though it'd be an eternity since he saw them. Crash approached the scientist from behind as he got up, and at the same time Alex and Cortex thought and said the same thing.
"There's no way this could get any worse."
Suddenly, a glorious swirling rift opens up in the sky, forcing the five there to gaze upon the magnificence of a pair of aquamarine parrots wearing otherworldly space suits and glass helmets around their brainy, beaked noggins. Clearly villainous judging by their Dracula inspired metallic collars and long flowing capes, the foremost parrot snidely glared at the group and proclaimed "Bow before our presence, fools of this dimension! For you now face the glory of…The EVIIIIIIL Twins!"
Groaning, Alex muttered "Oh, great…I forgot about these losers. Just what I needed…"
Next Time: Bird Blackmail
