Disclaimer: I do not own Dan & Phil.


The first month was the hardest for the two of them. Phil had to be at work before Dan woke up and by the time he got home he barely had enough time to change and shower before he was drifting off to sleep. There was a few chats, none of them terribly long and all of them filled with the same longing and sadness. Neither one knew quite how to alleviate the pain, so neither one of them tried.

Dan would get up and go to school and when he got home would turn on his computer and wait for Phil to log on while doing his homework. His teachers were ecstatic that he was actually working in class, and he was passing everything with an eighty-seven or higher-something previously thought impossible.

The issue before was he procrastinated homework in favor of talking to Phil or going to the park or leaving the house in general. Now he had nothing to go see, nothing to do without Phil. He was miserable and didn't want to leave a wifi-enabled area just in case he should miss a chance to video-chat with Phil.

The two had agreed that texting too much would bring unnecessary attention to the two of them, so they decided to reserve texts for important matters.

Learning to live by himself like this was difficult for Phil, he wasn't sure what to do with himself. He had only bought a couch, and he never used the damn thing unless he was sleeping. He hadn't even bought a bed for himself yet. Not even a mattress to go on the floor.

He just couldn't bring himself to buy any furniture-sure he had the money to but he didn't have either the fashion sense or the need to go and buy things for a house that was empty. And it would always be empty-as long as Dan wasn't there, any building was empty.

He hadn't quite told him how his feelings had progressed, not wanting to scare the younger one off, but Phil loved him. Phil knew what he wanted out of life, and he knew that there would be no one as good as Dan. No one could ever amount to half of what Dan was to Phil, even if he could look for the rest of eternity. He had said all of the right things, of course, but now he wondered just how much Dan had hidden away from him if he could hide his true feelings for him so well.

He always chucked the thought out of his head whenever the evil tendrils of doubt made their slow progress into his brain, intent on poisoning his reasoning and trust in Dan. If he had ever hidden anything, he would have had a very good reason.

Because Phil only hid the depth of his feelings, and he had a very good reason. He didn't want Dan to feel obligated to love him and he didn't want to pressure him. He didn't want Dan to have that hanging over his head, and that's exactly what it would have done unless Dan loved him back.

Phil knew that he didn't love him like that-and if he did, then he either didn't know it or did a damn good job at hiding it.


The second month was still rough, but not as much as the first. They had managed to talk every Thursday night and Phil started to get a semblance of a schedule down. The company he worked for still needed him there more than they originally thought because they hadn't found anyone decent to fill the open positions they had.

They both wished that the company would get a move on with that.

Dan continued getting good grades and started pulling away from the few people he talked to. He didn't want anyone to talk to him unless Phil was there and that included all of the idiots that talked to him because they felt sorry for the antisocial freak in the school. Dan dropped everyone that wasn't related to him or Phil.

He just wasn't willing to deal with it.


The next six months didn't fly by, but compared to the previous two it might as well have been going sonic speed. Phil finally got a decent amount of sleep now, albeit it was plagued with dreams of Dan, and Dan turned eighteen. He was now legal to date anyone he wanted.

It relieved most of the stress between the two of them, but they still kept their interactions to a minimum. The last thing they wanted was for Dan's parents to find out and kick him out of the house, which would mean that Dan wouldn't be able to finish high school and not have a diploma. And with the world progressing the way it was, that was one thing that Dan couldn't afford to not have.

Sure, Phil could afford to keep them both alive and well with the job he held now, but they would have to save for years to do anything extra. Like, buy a new computer or television. And besides, he knew that Dan wanted a job to keep him busy during the day. They both knew it would help his procrastination problems and keep him on a regular schedule, but to get a job Dan really should have a diploma.

And they both knew it.


The ninth month passed by slowly for the two men. They both just wanted to hold each other. They hadn't seen each other the entire time that Phil had been in London, mainly due to the fact that his only day off was Sunday and that was the day he did all of his shopping and laundry.

Neither one of them knew quite what to expect when they saw each other next.


Dan wasn't doing anything for graduation, he wasn't even going to walk with the rest of his class. He wanted to just walk in, get his diploma and paperwork, and leave. He wasn't going to spend all of the extra time there when he absolutely abhorred school in the first place.

No, he was going to have his party for a few hours and then leave for London at one in the afternoon and nothing anyone could say would make him stay. He needed to see Phil if it killed him.

And when Dan was set on something, absolutely nothing would get in his way.


The party was kind of lame and he didn't get anything but money from his relatives-only another testimony to how much his family knew about him.

Absolutely nothing.

He found himself checking the clock much more than was necessary and almost cried when he saw that it was time for him to leave to catch his train to London. He said a quick goodbye and grabbed his bag, which he had packed with his clothing and a few little knick knacks, before running to the tube to the train station.

He caught his train with a minute to spare and found an empty seat that he almost immediately gave up for a pregnant lady when he saw that there were no more seats for her. She smiled her thanks at him and they struck up a pretty decent conversation.

"So, where are you headed? I'm Mandy, by the way." Dan found himself smiling genuinely for the first time in several months when Phil wasn't involved.

"I'm Dan. I'm headed to London, actually. I'm staying there for the night." Her eyes brightened with mischief.

"Going to stay with a girlfriend?" Dan smiled wider, and replied in the negative. "A boyfriend, then?" He blushed.

"Yeah, I am. I haven't seen him in about nine months because he got a job out there and was working every day and I had school. Now that I'm graduated, I decided that I'm going to see him if it kills me." They continued to talk about random things and television shows that they liked until they reached her stop. She left the train and Dan sat back down again. Talking to someone that didn't judge him for being who he was was absolutely amazing. He loved every second of it, especially since it was so much less awkward when he wasn't being judged by who he was talking to.

He managed to get off at the right stop and took a bus to the building that Phil's flat was in without getting lost once. He was so proud of himself, he almost gave himself a high five. Almost. It was in the building that he got lost. So he pulled out his phone and called Phil.

"Dan dearest, how's my one and only?"

"Hey Philly, I had a question."

"What's that?"

"What's your flat number again? I need it cause I can't remember it and it's driving me insane!" And it really was. He just wasn't telling Phil exactly why it was driving him insane.

"Thirty-two B. Are you okay? You sound out of breath." And he was. Because he was nervous about seeing Phil for the first time in nine months.

"Yes, I'm absolutely fine. My cousin just made me do some star jumps, I'll be alright." They ended the conversation and Dan went to find thirty-two B.


When he found it, finally, he stood at the door for a good five minutes before sucking up his fear and knocking on the door. It came out urgent and fast, not timid like he thought it would sound like. Urgent and Dan seemed to go together though, so he supposed it was appropriate. After all, he was impatient to see Phil again.

He waited for a few minutes and decided to knock again. When another three minutes passed, he got his phone out and sent him a text.

Hey, what are you doing? His answer wasn't slow per se, but it wasn't instantaneous like it normally was with Phil.

Taking a bath, why? He smiled.

Because I think it's imperative that you turn your music off and listen for a moment. He hadn't figured that Phil would be taking a bath and listening to music, but upon closer listening he could hear the telltale theme song to Sonic. He shook his head and knocked when he heard the music turn off.

There's someone at my door, hang on. I'll be back in a moment Danny, Okay? Dan didn't bother responding, knowing that he wouldn't get an answer anyway, as he was probably all ready getting dressed with the door in the forefront of his mind.

Besides, he'd see him in a moment or two anyways.

He took several deep, calming breaths and waited. He didn't have to wait long and when he heard a lock being undone he started to chew his bottom lip, worried that he was either dreaming this or that Phil would send him away. Either choice terrified him and he almost ran away at the last second.

But then the door was opening and he knew there was no turning back.