Hey again


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Abort

Chapter 2

bang bang bang

And down she fell, Miss Emily Thorne, nee Mrs. Grayson tumbled out and tumbled down, down, down the rabbit hole. She thought of nothing and no one but she found herself asking, what about It? Will It be okay? She never stopped falling and she never stopped repeating the questions, wondering when she would land and wake up from such a strange and useless dream. It was a dream, wasn't it? It had to have been a dream, right?

Daniel couldn't have shot her. He couldn't be the one who got to take this away from her. Not the very one who caused her to have It growing inside of her, not the one who forced her to make decisions she never thought she would have to make on her own. Not Daniel who tried to force her to become a mother, just like when had tried to force him to become a husband. Not Daniel who had her pacing the floor of her room at odd hours in the night because she could be a mother if she wanted to be one. Because she could be without child if she wanted to.

What about It?

Will It be okay?

She had been tortured, trained in tortured, tortured others, seen others get tortured yet nothing made her suffer as much as It did. Everything she did, every decision she made was now plagued with endless conflict. But is this okay to do with It inside of me? Of course it's okay, I don't want It. Nolan would give her worried glances whenever she tightened her jaw and clenched her fists but he never pushed her. He would make a great uncle, a voice would say. It's too bad he'll never be one, another voice will follow.

Her thoughts are swirling around her, a liquid mess. But she is chanting in her head, words she cannot place. It makes her skin buzz and her mind starts to reel with questions that sound strange as they zip through her consciousness. They make her open her eyes and bob to the surface. They make her gasp for air and press a hand to her womb. They make her choke on seawater as it turned a light shade of pink around her, staining her wedding dress, staining this day forever. Suddenly she's awake, and her blood is pumping through her veins at an alarming speed but she is awake, she's alive and she has a plan to follow.

What about It?

Will It be okay?

(She doesn't know it yet, but It just saved her life.)

She swims as best as she can, she tries to follow the plan as best as she can but she is still weak. It is weak. She's awake but she thinks she won't be awake (or alive) for much longer. Somehow, she had gotten exactly what she wanted. She wanted to get out of the Hamptons, she wanted to take down the Graysons, but most importantly she didn't want It. And lucky Emily Thorne managed to get everything she wanted all in one night. She's dying, so that's her escape, Daniel shot her (and she knows Aiden, Jack and Nolan will figure it out soon enough and avenge her death) and in shooting her in her stomach, Daniel probably killed It.

Yet she isn't smiling, she isn't at peace, she isn't satisfied. She is worried.

In what she thinks to be her last moments, she gives in and despite her best efforts, she cares. She cares about It. She cares about It almost more than she cares about taking down the Grayson family and that thought scares her more than anything.

As she is treading water, she remembers Amanda gasping for breath, the last person she had truly allowed herself to care about. She remembers her best friend reaching for her hand, clutching it tightly in her own cold ones, she remembers pain, hurt, anger and every other ugly feeling she hadn't allowed herself to fully feel since she was a little girl and they took her father away.

What about It?

Will It be okay?

The transmitter stops working and seawater isn't the only thing she is swimming in because tears saltier than the sea itself spring from her eyes. She is still applying pressure to her wounds with one hand and now holding unto a buoy for dear life with the other. Her vision is growing hazy and her bones are weighing her down just as much as her sorrow. She thinks soon she will sink to the bottom, her and It.

(She's not sure if she is happy to have someone with her in her last moments alive or if she is upset to be taking an innocent life down with her because all It has ever given her is conflict).

What about It?

Will It be okay?

She thinks she is imagining the boat when she sees its dim light reflecting off the dark, cold waters. It takes her a while but she finally makes it there. As she climbs unto the boat, she rips off her dress and covers herself with an old dirty fisherman blanket she finds nearby. She does it more to comfort It rather than to keep her warm. She ignores the primal instinct she has to protect something she thought she never wanted. She ignores the implications it has because right now, there is no future. There is no possibility of her becoming a mother, or her not becoming a mother. There is only her shallow breath and the sound of It crying somewhere inside of her. The sound of something crying inside of her.

She ignores the crimson tattoos on her stomach and closes her eyes, the sea falling from their corners. She let them roll down her cheeks and into the ocean. This was what she wanted, she wanted to be alone. She wanted to be without a baby, without anything linking them together. Without any evidence that she could have ever had feelings (past of present) for someone like Daniel, for someone with Grayson deceit and lies in his blood. She hates him, she thinks. She hates herself for ever wanting an innocent It to die. She hates herself for letting this happen, for letting Daniel get close enough to her to leave It inside of her.

She thinks she hates the baby too but she is still crying for It and the life It would never have. The life they would never have. She is dying, and it's only because she's dying she lets herself think about It; about what It would have looked like. Maybe It would have been blonde with round, glassy blue eyes and a small dimple in It's left cheek. Maybe It would have been a girl; she would have liked to call her Amanda. Not for the girl she used to be, but for the girl who died for an Emily Thorne they both created in a shared cell in juvie. For her best friend. The one whose life she stole, whose love she ruined, the one who died for her out in this very ocean. It seemed fitting that she would die here with Amanda too. They were the same person, be it Amanda Clarke or Emily Thorne. If It were a boy, she ventures, Carl would have had someone to play with. He would have Daniel's dark hair and her equally dark eyes. She thinks It would have been a killer when he got older.

She closes her eyes and sees both of them looking at her, It with her long blonde curls and It with his sad chestnut eyes. They're holding hands and they're holding unto hers.

"Please let go," she is begging them. But they both shake their heads. "Please, just let me go," she croaks again, I can't be the person you want me to be. Please forgive me. Please let me die. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve to be a mother.

It and his sister gaze sadly down at Emily as she begs them to leave her alone. Doesn't she understand that they can't leave? Doesn't she understand that they don't want to leave?

"I'm sorry," Emily finally says.

It sniffles and her brother smiles softly, but they never let go of Emily's hand.

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Aiden is there. She has no idea how he got there or how long he's been there but he's here. He is kneeling next to her and whispering gravely into her ear but she can't see him. She can't feel him. She can only see It. Them.

She wonders if Aiden knows. If he can tell. If he understands just how much she wants to slip away. If he can see her melting before him, like wax until she is nothing but a warm mess that would soon harden over time once more. She wonders if he can tell It is there with them.

Aiden doesn't know, she realizes and she pulls a small smile. He thinks she lied, just like everybody else. Why would he think anything different? Emily Thorne is many things, but honest is not one of them.

It is looking at her; her little mouth is moving but Emily cannot understand what she is saying. It doesn't give up, and she pulls on her brother's hand when she realizes Emily can't hear her.

My little secret, she thinks. The only thing she has that nobody can ever take away from her now (not even Daniel).

"No," she hears Aiden say and this time when she closes her eyes, she doesn't reopen them.

So down down down Emily Thorne, nee Grayson fell. Her eyes shut heavily and her breaths stilled, but her hand never fell from her womb. This time when she fell down the rabbit hole, she thought she heard something calling her name.

A child.

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it's like emily in wonderland ya feel me