Castiel's essence and his vessel hung in the Between, the area his kind used for travel which also connected the planes, as he pondered on what to do.

He knew he'd been created for two purposes and two purposes only: the first, to worship and praise God, his Father; the second, to follow His commands. But the longer he spent down here on His firmament, the harder and harder both of them became to carry out.

For millennia they'd not been involved directly in the affairs of men. They'd watched them from afar, with the occasional exception. But despite the uneasy peace during all this time between the lower and higher planes, the demons wouldn't leave well enough alone. They'd started working on a game that took generations, striving so hard to keep it secret the Host had only caught a hint something was happening but recently. And it'd almost been too late.

Yet they'd broken through and rescued Dean Winchester. Though the End of Times had been set in motion, the key piece that could bring it all to a finish had been saved. Because they'd done as they'd been told without question.

Obedience…

Blind obedience…

The Winchesters didn't believe in it. They always questioned everything. Yet he knew from his glimpses into Dean's soul that in some ways their Fathers were very similar. He also knew there'd been a time when Dean did only what he was told, that only in the last few years had he balked at the blind faith he placed in his father, John Winchester. That he'd questioned his decision and motives only just before and especially after the man had died.

Castiel continued to drift in the Between, no destination in mind – just drifting wherever the energy winds would take him. Batted back and forth to float randomly hither and yon, knowing but with but a thought he could be anywhere in an instant, yet at the moment not having the faintest idea where he should go. So he let it, and his thoughts, carry him where they would…

One of their own had questioned and refused their Father as well – Anna.

She'd committed Heaven's gravest sin. She divested herself of her Grace, ripped it out, and become human.

The mere thought of giving away what made him what he was, the gift his Father had given him, sent ripples of uneasiness throughout his borrowed body. To be less than what they were. To become mortal. To disconnect from the network of power that was His realm and no longer feel His touch.

Yet she'd done it willingly rather than be subjugated, rather than obey.

Anna had been his superior. She'd delegated the orders down to their section from those above. He'd known back then she held doubts, but had never imagined she would do as she'd done.

Yet today, today he'd had his own misgivings. Doubts he'd buried deep but which rose now to haunt him.

His brothers and sister were being killed. Thanks to the Winchesters they'd accomplished a major victory in the capture of the demon Alistair. Orders had come that Alistair needed to be questioned, that he'd know who was committing the foul deeds. And it was Dean Winchester whom they wanted to do the questioning. Dean whom they wanted to recall the skills he'd learned at that same demon's hands when he was being tormented in Hell.

Yet the Dean Winchester Castiel brought back up from the pit was frayed at the edges.

He'd watched the human slowly try to deal with the horrid truths of where he'd been, of what was done to him, and what he'd done to others in return. But the human's hold was tenuous. And he was grieving. The death of the psychic Pamela had been unexpected. And Castiel knew of the guilt Dean felt previously at being the indirect cause of her blindness. Now he'd had her death to add to the list as well.

So Castiel been aware what asking Dean to do this might do to him. How it could very well destroy the very person they'd fought so hard in Hell to save. But it wasn't his place to question. Despite the fact it felt wrong. That he knew it was wrong. And yet he'd asked it of Dean anyway. Despite Dean's own misgivings, despite what he himself felt. Because he'd been given orders. Because he must obey.

And things had gone so terribly wrong because he had.

Worse, he'd abandoned his charge without even knowing if he was alive or dead.

Though fear and uncertainty had certainly played a part on why he'd left the warehouse, they hadn't been the strongest reason. What had driven him away was shame. Shame that he had risked Dean's soul, shame that he'd not been powerful enough to save him, shame that because of his inability Sam Winchester was pushed to soil himself further and do something that had never been done by a human before. Exert an ability strong enough to destroy a demon. Not send it back to Hell, but utterly and totally obliterate it from existence.

It was a path Castiel wasn't sure Sam could come back from. One he wasn't positive the youngest Winchester even wanted to leave. And it was all because of him. Because of the orders he'd carried out despite his misgivings and Anna's warnings.

And he had no idea what to do about any of it…