AN: The The ending is a bit...err, rushed in my opinion, so I apologize. Also, this is supposed to covers about 6-7 months (give or take) after Kaida is born.
After the Rain
chapter 2
The first few months were easy. Zuko postponed as many meetings as he could, filling in where need be. He took parenting as a new challenge, and ran with it as fluidly as he could. Which, only made the event more amusing.
Aside from their new difficulties, there was something much more rewarding to this life. Initially, Zuko thought the peace had come as soon as the war ended, and country would rejoice and pay tribute, and then band together to make amends. Instead, there were only more struggles, and the peace - even if only for a stirring moment, hadn't come until years later. Now, nothing had surpassed this. He had created a quiet life, though extremely busy and always under watchful eyes, and for a few months he hadn't seemed to notice.
The time away from duties, and his new found content with his family fades as quickly as it came. He leaves, kissing them both, and hesitating before disappearing for months. Mai recalls how lonely those trips were, and hopes with this new company it's a little more bearable.
"You're going to miss a lot," Mai notes, giving a small glare as he laces his boots. It isn't far, but there's a conflict in one of the smaller cities, and since the Fire Nation had begun to expand farmers hadn't exactly taken kindly to the use of the land.
"I never want to."
"Then why do you go?"
She understands, there's things to be done, cities established, and peace maintained, but there's also a home to be had, and family to be part of. Sometimes they both can't seem to figure out which is supposed to come first. Instead of waiting for an answer, she sighs, furrowing her brow and turning her gaze down to her hands. "Just, come home soon."
"I promise."
He misses her first attempts to crawl, and when she begins to sit upright on her own. They vary between a week, then days, and hours before the solitude sets in, and is only helped by babbles and occasional cries.
"Emi." Mai calls, and the girl scurries in with a low bow. "I told you that isn't necessary." She adds, tilting her chin so the girl will rise.
Mai smiles, one hand curled around the baby's middle as she looks around, always wide eyed. "I should consult the seamstress, her clothes are becoming a bit small, don't you agree?"
Emi always agrees, with a nod and smile, "I can do that once I leave here, if you'd like."
"Again, unnecessary, besides, I was just beginning to enjoy your company."
Or anyone's really. But, this particular girl seemed to be most tolerable out of them all. Her mother had suggested welcoming other noblewomen as attendants, but their demeanor was far too extravagant, and they all seemed to think themselves more suited for her position than herself, and were quickly dismissed. Instead, she befriended a single servant, and took on cross glances and awkward whispers that the Fire Lady was rumored to be keeping the girl as something of a pet. Though, due to Mai's kindness, Emi didn't seem to mind.
He takes three months, and Mai's temper begins to run short which Zuko can easily see through her letters. But, even so, a temper can't be tamed at this distance, so he leaves her to wait.
When he returns, it's to a quiet scene. Mai is seated in one of the chairs of their room, her hands sliding the length of Kaida's back as she coos, and a timid girl fidgets in the chair beside her.
Upon entrance he is ignored. Zuko is disregarded as he moves behind the changing panels to remove his boots and layers of robes, and even once he emerges. He slips past, offering a smile at all of them, but Mai's gaze doesn't shift to meet his, and she doesn't speak a word, so slowly, the smile fades to confusion.
"Have I done something?"
"The Fire Lord has graced me with his presence." Mai shrugs, "i'm nothing if not humbled."
"Can we speak for a moment, outside?"
"Very well."
With a sigh, Mai carefully hands the sleeping child over to her attendant, before straightening her robes and immersing her hands into her sleeves. Her expression remains blank, and hard to read as Zuko's brow furrows and he leads her just outside. A quick flick of his gaze around the hall, and he heaves a sigh.
"Say whatever it is you want."
"No."
"You're angry, why not?"
"Because that wouldn't get us anywhere. You made a promise, and you broke it, what else is to be said?" There's a flicker of expression as she speaks, and she's quick to correct it.
"I don't have control over how long these things take."
"But you know what your priorities are, and if you had thought about it just a little, you might have postponed, or something."
Zuko doesn't give a response, instead walks away and back into the room.
Mai wants to be childish. She wants to growl and scold, but contrary to her thoughts, she follows, and re-positions herself in the chair as her husband coos and cradles their baby just across from her.
Besides, a mother cannot hold distaste for her husband, and mother of her rank certainly cannot try to put her husband in his place.
Mai sighs, and flicks her gaze to Emi, who is still fidgeting in her seat, "Tea."
"Right away."
"No, with me." Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, she rises, giving Zuko a small tilt of her chin and leaves, noting the hurried steps of the girl who is always eager to follow.
The private room is nice, and aside from the clatter of the dishes as Emi pours, at the very least, she can avoid any unnecessary confrontation for a moment. "That's good, Emi." Mai smiles a bit, and watches as Emi proceeds to pour a second glass for herself.
"The weather's nice." Emi smiles awkwardly, and sips.
"I agree. It's cooler today than usual."
"My lady, I - " Her lips hang on the end of an apology, one that won't quite meet the air,and instead, she relaxes, pressing her back into the upholstery.
"Jasmine."
"Pardon?"
"This is jasmine tea, what you always brings me from the kitchens, General Iroh sends them in by the crate."
"I see. Yes, it's truly decadent, Fire Lady." She understands, and her lip trembles hesitating on word after word, but she's absolutely sure she shouldn't speak.
"Do you like it?"
"Yes, very much."
"We mustn't make spectacles of ourselves." Mai sighs, lowering her hands so the cup rests comfortably in her lap.
Still, it was sit up straight, do not speak unless spoken to, respecting someone above you is of utmost importance. Simple steps, taught and rehearsed for years, through subtle strictness and a hooded gaze. The only time those rules and requirements were bent, were behind closed doors, and when she could finally be encouraged. Yes, certainly attributes and lessons to thank her mother for later, but certainly would not be taught in the same manner to her daughter.
Emi nods, and drinks once more, nervously flicking to the door as one of Zuko's attendants decides to make an entrance.
"My Lady, his majesty requests your assistance."
"Should I take a wild guess?"
"Well..."
"Rhetorical question." With a roll of her eyes, Mai rises and gives Emi a small nod as she leaves.
It's comical, how she enters and he's propped up against the headboard, cradling Kaida with one hand, and lightly rubbing her stomach with the other as she wails. "I can't get her to stop."
"She's hungry." Mai says simply, and sits, taking the baby to nurse.
"Can we talk now?"
"What is there to talk about, Zuko?"
His brow furrows, and he fixes his gaze on the curves of his fingers. "I'm sorry for being gone so long. And for not really explaining myself better earlier today."
You can tell me anything, I promise. Just that simple. He'd said it a thousand times over many years, and still, she was reluctant. Even now, married, happy, as her fingers massage gentle circles into her daughter's back she still couldn't place the words that dangled, hesitant, on the tip of her tongue or let them meet the air. She felt, expression wasn't allowed, not in this setting, not with people who would bend and break for her position, and she had all but forgotten over three months, that this wasn't the case.
"It's harder." Mai starts, "When you're not here. You miss everything, and this - it's us, not just me, not you, and not your duties."
He listens, and his head picks up. When her masks fall, and the practiced and immaculate formalities fall away, she's Mai. She's comprehensible - human, and all of things he remembers about her, continue to exist and aren't kept in cages. So, he listens, follows her eyes as they blink, every movement, from her circling fingers, and the smile she's trying much too hard to hide.
"Do you understand? A mother is to her children, but so is their father. I know, we both haven't exactly had the ideal upbringing, but this much I know. You're good at this, or you could be, but I need the both of us, and before this became any more of an issue I needed you to know. Does that make sense?"
"I understand, and i'm sorry." Zuko nods, before reaching and pressing a kiss to her cheek, then leaning into her should and breathing a sigh. They stay like that for a moment, before the silence is too long, and Mai shifts, causing him to topple over.
"..and I forgive you. Which means, you get put this little dragon to bed." Mai smirks, the instant her hands stop moving the baby cries, and groans. "Welcome home, Zuko."
