Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men, DC Comics does.

A/N: There are many different scenarios of Kurt's past that I've read, so please no flames about me having the wrong one, this is where I pull out my artistic license (Hopefully it extends into the writer world ). I'm using this particular past for Kurt because I find it interesting and fun to use. Oh and by the way...this is my first X-Men fanfic. I haven't watched the series in a long time...but hopefully I'm keeping everyone in character. And no, Kitty will never say 'like' in my fanfic...it drives me insane to hear it, much less type it over and over again. Like nails on a chalkboard shudders.

Chapter 2

Hunger and Recovery

Kurt opened his eyes and immediately regretted it. White Light. That was all that was out there beyond the sanctity his dark lids. He groaned and he heard the quick footfalls of someone rushing towards him. Was he hurt?

"Kurt?"

'Mr. McCoy? Yeah, I'm definitely hurt then.' He wrenched his eyes open, or so he tried. They were vehemently uncooperative. The sound of humming and beeping medical equipment filled his ears.

"Mein Gott, please turn zhe lights off." He groaned out, covering his eyes with his hands for emphasis.

Hank chuckled. "Sure thing Kurt." He motioned toward the light switch. Kurt heard the hurried shuffling and then the lights went out.

He cracked open an eye and to his relief, could tolerate it. "Vhat happened?" He asked, looking over toward the other resident blue mutant. He looked tired, Kurt wondered how long he had been up treating him.

"I was hoping that you could explain that one Kurt." Hank answered in a sigh, his large fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. "You gave all of us a scare."

Kurt's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to recall the incident Hank was talking about.

"If it helps, you had an episode when you seen fire." Hank said carefully.

Kurt's golden eyes widened. 'My God.' He looked over at his doctor, mouth cracked open. He was ashamed that he had let his guard down that much. 'Why did it have to happen in front of all my teammates?'

"Kurt, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has a phobia." Hank explained. 'You have no idea.' Kurt thought wryly.

"It shouldn't have happened. I vas veak. I shouldn't have let it get to me!" He was furious with himself. He didn't want to explain why he was so terrified of fire. He held his head in his three fingered hand as he cursed himself in German.

Hank cleared his throat. "You have signs of extreme exhaustion Kurt." He stated hoping to turn the conversation else where. He was concerned about the boy. He had been hiding his problems so well. Hiding behind those smiles and jokes, hiding his weight loss behind baggy cloths. Hank looked at him through the eyes of a concerned mentor and doctor.

The blue teen sighed. 'I can't explain.'

Taking his sigh as a'drop it' Hank shook his head. "Get some rest Kurt, you need it." He said before leaving the room.


"Hey."

Kurt looked up from his book. Smiling he replied, "Hey Kaetzchen." He dog-eared his page and sat it aside. "Vhat brings you down here?"

"I came to check on all the medical equipment, Kurt." She replied sarcastically. "What else would I come down here for?" She added, folding her arms across her chest, shooting him a pointed look.

"Gott Keety, it vas just a question." He replied, rubbing the back of his head, smiling sheepishly.

She sighed. "Sorry Kurt. I didn't mean to snap at you." She said, her arms dropping. "I'm just stressed about all of this."She said as she swept her arms wide, gesturing to the medical equipment, Kurt included.

"It's ok Keety." He replied with a small grin.

She walked over toward him and looked at the blue teen. "Care if I sit?" She asked, nodding toward an empty spot on his bed.

"More than velcome Kaetzchen." He smiled at her as she sat down, the bed sinking slightly from her weight.

"How have you been?" She asked, her eyes searching his own.

"Fine." He answered, his cheerful mask faltering a bit. He sat up straight, trying to work his smile into something that looked remotely heartfelt.

"Kurt."

He looked at her. His eyes burning with shame and hurt. "Have you ever...," his eyes took on a glassy sheen, 'been called a monster?'

"Have I what?" She asked, her hand reaching out, touching his arm. She gave it a squeeze and for a moment Kurt felt the vice on his chest lighten. But it soon faded as her hand left his skin.

'Have you ever needed to be touched, Kitty? Have you ever just ever wanted to be held and to know that someone cares?'

"Nothing, don't vorry about it Keety." He answered, his voice quite. 'Have you ever hungered to be normal Kitty? Hungered to be loved?' He looked at her."I'm starved Keety."He said, his voice quite and broken.

"I'll be sure to tell Hank, alright?" She giggled remembering how Kurt was always hungry.

'I doubt Hank can help, Kitty.'

After a few moments Kurt felt a small tug at the corner of his mouth. He cleared his throat and took a breath. "How are zhing's vith Lance?"

"Going good, actually." She said with a smile as her eyes seemed to faze into dream land by the glazed look that overtook her. Kurt flinched. "Hey are you ok? You look a littlesick Kurt." Kitty asked, snapping out of her trance.

"I fine Keety." He said waving her attempts to feel his forehead off. "I'm glad you and Lance are doing vell."

"Oh! That reminds me," Kitty said with a mischievous grin, "How are you and Amanda doing?" Kurt slumped. 'No one knows yet?' Kitty looked at him with concern, she knew something had to have happened for Kurt to be acting like this. 'Have you ever been treated like a animal, Kitty? Have you ever been treated like you were some wild animal that needed to be broken? Trained?'

"Kurt? What happened with you and Amanda?"

"She found somevone else to be her lap dog." He sneered. He felt the hairs on his back rising. 'Tell me again Kitty, do you ever wish you were normal?' He felt like an animal now, felt like he was caged, being watched, studied. He shook his head violently. 'I just want to be normal!'

Kitty stared at him, noticing his mood had changed its course downhill rapidly. His teeth were gritted and he was almost snarling. "Hey, why don't you and I go and do something together this weekend? Provided you can stay out of the med wing long enough."

Kurt felt his muscles relax and his beast calm as she spoke to him. He looked up at her and smiled. "Sure, zhat would be fun, Kaetzchen." He wiped his brow as sweat began to drip into his eyes. "And I'll try to stay out of here, but it'll be hard, you know how much I enjoy it!" He said with mock enthusiasm.

Kitty rolled her eyes and smiled.


Kurt quickly recovered and was acting normal, jokes and all. The 'date' with Kitty was forgotten as she found less and less free time away from Lance to go. His apatite hadn't returned and he still looked and felt haggard from sleepless nights. He had taken to using his image inducer more and more to hide himself from the world and institute. His nights were consumed with condemning voices and that damn fire. His screams tore through his room, echoing off sound proof walls.

More than anything, he wanted one night. Just one night of peace. He got up and paced around his room. He needed a release, he needed to run, climb, jump, anything to wear himself out so he couldn't dream. His tail whipped back and forth in agitation. He looked over his shoulder, eyes falling on the crucifix hanging on his wall. Saying a quick prayer, he darted out of his room and ran through the woods surrounding the institute. He ran, hoping to leave his demons behind.


Logan was the first up, as always. He stalked across the kitchen, scratching as he noted the lack of cleanliness. Muttering about extra danger room sessions for the slackers who forgot to do the dishes, he headed out of the room in need of a shower.

On his way he ran into a very tired looking Kurt. The blue teen looked at the elder mutant, shock and horror drawing to his features as he realized that he had been caught. He hadn't wanted to be seen.

Logan noticed that his skin was in tatters and his fur was matted with leaves, dirt, and blood.. His golden eyes, lacking their usual glow, were sunken and bloodshot. His lean frame sagged with exhaustion and his tail hanged limply behind.

"What tha' hell happened to ya'?" He asked. He had been concerned about Kurt, even before the danger room incident. For one food had been plenty around the dining table. And that worried him. There had never been excess before and he knew that Kurt needed the extra food for his 'porting and just basic survival.

"Just needed to think." Kurt's voice came out raspy. 'And escape.'

Logan hated to pry into anyone's business, but he needed to make an exception for Kurt. He was wasting away, he needed help, or he wouldn't...no he didn't want to think about that.

"Kurt, your goin' ta visit the professor as soon as you go and get cleaned up."

"Logan, I need to sleep. I zhink I can finally sleep, I zhink I finally lost zhem,." He slurred, his accent heavy. Kurt was half asleep already and was swaying slightly on his tattered, bloody feet.

"Lost who?" He questioned, but Kurt had begun to fall forward, his eyes closed. Logan caught him, and sighed, he'd get his answers later. He swung him over his broad shoulder and stalked towards Kurt's room. He laid the boy on his messy bed and threw a cover over his body. He questioned himself as to why he didn't take him down to the med wing. He shrugged and figured the boy would sleep better in his own bed. In the meantime, he needed to talk to Charles.


Kurt bolted out of his nightmare. His skin slick with sweat and fur matted with questionable material. He looked across the room at his cross.'He didn't make them go away.' He shook his head. He didn't want to loose faith, but it was becoming increasingly difficult no to do so. He placed his three fingered hand over his speeding heart. 'I'm surprised it hasn't just quit on me yet. I'm going to wear it out.' He closed his eyes and leaned his head back taking a deep breath. He needed a nice hot bath.

Gathering his things needed for such an trip, he walked over to his night stand and grabbed his image inducer. Placing it around his wrist, he sighed and pushed the button and waited for the fake skin to wrap around his blue fur. And he waited some more. 'Fuck.' He had been using the inducer so much that the batteries had run down. He scowled and ripped the machine off his wrist and tosses it on his bed.

He sighed again. He would have to chance running through the hallway in his current state of disarray. Ironic how an attention hog like himself didn't want to be seen. 'I feel like shit.' He decided to chance a look in the mirror and eyes nearly bugged out of his head. 'I look like shit that had been nuked.' He shook his head and headed out of his room. Looking side to side down the hall before completely emerging from his room.

Kurt took off at a steady pace, that is, until he heard someone coming up behind him. His strides soon broke into a run and before he knew it, his hand had swung the bathroom door open and his body flung itself inside. He quickly shut the door behind him and let out a breath.

"Kurt? What happened to you?!"

Kurt flinched and turned around slowly, his eyes meeting the shielded ones of Scott.

'Fuck.'


Haha, cliffy.

Sorry it's a little short.

GIZMAC - Thank you for your review! And I do plan on writing more

MorbidWerewolf - Thank you for your review! Of course I'm not going to let Kurt and Kitty together that fast! I'm not that nice! Kurt needs to work through some trust and self image issues first.

hikarisailorcat - Thank you for your review! He's not gonna die if that's what you mean...maybe...(looks around for rabid fangirls)...kidding, just gonna play with the elf's emotions for a while.