Kurt
Why am I always attracted to guys I can't have?
First it was Finn, and the whole school, even I know – known it from the start, that he was totally straight.
Now, it was stupid Jesse St. James. The lead singer of Vocal Adrenaline, and a big lying cheater.
Then an odd thought occurred to me. I was attracted to men Rachel also was... Maybe we were more alike than I wanted to admit before. Now that I think about it, there were only minor differences in our personalities and major differences in our fashion sense.
That day at lunch I was eating at the normal place with Mercedes, Artie, and Tina.
"Wow, I knew he was no good..." Mercedes scoffed after I told her about what happened with Jesse and Rachel yesterday.
"Well, it doesn't seem like it's taking her that long to recover..." Artie commented, as he pointed over across the room. It was Rachel and Puck looking pretty cozy at a table together.
I tried to hide the happiness that both Finn and Jesse were free, but knew inside I could never be with either.
I hate Lima. I wish I was in some more accepting place, without 'Finn Hudson's or 'Jesse St. James's.
After lunch Mercedes took me aside, I knew she suspected something was wrong. I guess she had a way of getting inside my mind almost. "Listen, I know something is up, I don't know what, and I ain't gonna ask any questions. Just know, you can always talk to me." With that we were off to Spanish class.
Spanish class had most of the kids from Glee in it, except for Puck, Artie, Matt, and Santana. But, all four of them were just in another period of Spanish.
"Okay, class," Mr. Shuester said, walking up to the board and writing today's lesson. I pretended to listen.
Jesse
It was a normal day for me hear at Carmel High. I had not one thought of him the whole day. That is, until rehearsal
"Alright, everyone!" Shelby yelled, that was normal from her. We were never good enough for her likings, even when we were perfect and won Nationals. There was always something wrong.
"Now, your rendition of Highway To Hell needs a little more gritty rockness, Jesse."
I nodded rapidly, and then put on my game face. That caused Shelby to have a slight smile.
"After we run 'Hell' I want you guys to read through some new pieces; remember, the set list isn't final until 2 weeks before Regionals!"
With that everyone replied in a robotic tone "Yes, ma'am!"
After we ran Highway To Hell about 4 times we moved onto learning the new songs, and that's when I first thought of him. In the first new song: As Long As You're Mine from Wicked.
As I was singing my solos some of the words made me think of him.... Kurt. Why did I have to feel like this? Why couldn't I feel this for Tim, one of our better looking Juniors, but no, I was feeling an attraction- yearning for Kurt Hummel of New Directions.
"Say there's no future for us as a pair" I sang, with true emotions.
Once the song was done Shelby stood up, and gave a standing ovation. "Wow, Jesse, I'm impressed! You showed real depth. See, follow Jesse's example, Sarah. You need to be really into the song. Feel the song. Be the song!" Shelby lectured. "Run it again! From the top!" We ran it again, actually we ran it 5 more times, until Sarah was at my level of emotions. Every time we ran it my emotions grew stronger, I felt the words I was singing. I was in my zone.
I was glad for our next new song, nothing to remind me of – of – that Kurt Hummel.
The song was Move Along by The All American Rejects; I was glad for this selection. It was one of my favorite non-show tune songs.
I nailed my solos, and the group did fairly well. We needed to work on the pitch in a few spots, but it was fairly good for a first run. I digress.
Rachel
Let's just say this: I was beyond hurt. Hurt totally by Jesse St. James! That little lying fag (sorry dads!)!
I fell for a gay guy, number one; He was using me for Vocal adrenaline, and finally, I – I almost gave myself to him. I felt my stupidest that morning next to my locker when Kurt told me, I wasn't sure how he knew the gay part, but if anyone would know that it would be him.
Puck, thank God, was there for me when I found out. Sometimes I feel more attracted to him than Finn. Finn can be a bit slow to pick up obvious things sometimes, and with Puck I don't feel like I am fighting against 2 other people for him.
So, in a way, I am glad that Jesse St. James is a gay lying cheat. He freed me from the stupid lie that I was in, and freed me to be with Puck.
