[The songs within my chapters and their lyrics start again! I picked this song after I finished writing half of this chapter and it was the perfect match. Janus – Eyesore]
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Chapter 2: Eyesore
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Hearing your words out of my mouth again
Leaves me stuck with the key to
All these reasons you got in my head again
Buried here inside of me
Return all of this to sender
The mirror spoke to me and showed
All of this pretending is catching up to me
A fair skinned woman stared back from the reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were tired, dusted in purple hues that stuck to every crease of a sagging expression. Cold droplets of sweat beaded just above her temples, accenting the lavender irises that were encircled with a bold, crimson lining. Pale lips, rendered slightly dry, were coated with a thin lining of saliva from a quick flick of the tongue. She then sighed at me; the sight was far from admirable. Though I felt sorry for this sickly woman who was grasping tightly onto the sinks ledge with both trembling hands, I knew my pity wouldn't help her. After all, this woman was me, and I could barely feel emotion much at all anymore—though, even before I wasn't overly tolerant to it.
I released the sink with my right hand, feeling longing for the cool surface on my clammy hand as soon as it was gone, and tightened my fist until my nails dug in my unsuspecting palm. There was a bubble within the middle of me, expanding my intestines and giving me two types of discomfort: pain and emptiness. I tried food, but I threw it back up. I tried water, but it was unsatisfying. Nothing seemed to soothe the sensation, but I was more furious at the fact I could not fix myself, nor was a fully capable of understanding what the issue with my body was. I attempted to breathe out my nose to calm my nerves, and then I slowly opened my hand to allow the blood to return my hand into its normal state.
I glanced at myself heavily, taking in my pale state and my withering features, and then for the last time promised myself.
"I will fix you… and I mean it this time."
The bitterness within me flared and as this thick sentiment surfaced my vision became impaired. Soon hazy, dark, and shadowed circles blocked out parts of the bathroom wall behind me. They manifested into lengthy ovals whose outline wavered with slow vibration. I blinked several times as I stared around my reflection, hoping that if I exercised my eyes they would cease to exist. Unfortunately, the hallucination became nothing less than real to me as sound was added to the eerie mixture.
A breathy, almost inaudible whisper taunted my ears, begging to be heard. I shook my head and closed my eyes while I told myself within my head that it wasn't real. The whisper persisted and was soon joined by another in a different tone. Before long, many more voices intertwined, interfering with one another in a jumbled mess of hums—all trying to get their say in. Finally, as I gave in to the insanity before me I noticed real words.
"He doesn't care about you [yes he does, yes he does!] – Never, never, never… LIAR – [Get away before…] you're lying to yourself. Are you hurt? They hate you, despise you – monster – destroy them."
"W-what?" I foolishly made them know I was interested – I provoked.
"How could you be so stupid, Claire? Claire… Claire… Claire—get out!" Wesker's voice from a memory soon added to the mix: "So everything is fit and wonderful for you, living in a world as a normal human, but also living a lie."
The unfamiliar voices continued, "He's right." Those two words echoed, progressively getting louder until they were yelling. Then, abruptly, they stopped and gave me silence. I exhaled with relief and opened my eyes only to choke on the air that I was supposed to trust to keep me alive.
The shadows had peeled themselves from the wall and had taken blurred shapes of people. They had no faces, no soul, no heart, and they were surrounding me so closely I could feel them rattling in my bones with commotion. I wasn't afraid—I felt disturbingly at home… living among shadows and my thoughts which came to life. A chuckle broke out, too sharp to be my own, and detoured my attention.
"Go now… get out [it will get worse, so much worse] and leave your human heart behind!"
I cracked… I could finally take no more. I summed up all the strength within me to drive my fist into the mirror and shuddered to the shattering of glass. For a moment, it drowned out the whispers and the pain killed my thought process entirely. I claimed my fist back while pill bottles, toothpaste, a pair of tweezers, and other items located behind the mirror came tumbling down into the sink. My blood dripped steadily at first from the gashes on my knuckles and wrist only to soon ooze to the point I had to grab the hand towel.
"I'm bleeding… I'm hurting… I'm not numb and I'm not dead. I'm okay…" I breathed. "I'm okay…"
And here I was, talking to myself again, and I had gone and hurt myself. Though I was more tolerant to pain since my 'upgrade,' I was still pleased to feel so much as a twinge. I didn't seem to know much anymore – what to do, how to do it, or where to start – but one thing was true amongst the whispers.
"I have to get out of here."
-=-=-=-=-=-
Lights out, wake up, stay calm, decide
Reach up, stand or be an eyesore
My pace was set at a quick pace as I rushed through a facility of the past that I remembered from a long time ago. The wheels of my suitcase echoed against the walls that seemed built to endure explosions from the outside world. This place must have been some army base, which would explain the multiple person shower I experienced my first encounter here. Thus, it meant this place was greatly protected, but Wesker still made me practice ultimate safety of not becoming detected while living in the attached home.
The fresh air hit me hard; it was frigid and the snow pelted my skin as the wind carried it with force. Needless to say, the fresh air already made me feel better, despite the bright snow's strain on my eyes. I lifted up my parka hood and double checked to make sure my knee high snow boots were tied tightly with my dark jeans tucked within. I had a long walk ahead of me to the nearest town or even road for I couldn't let Sherry or Wesker know of my departure. I was sure to leave a note, but I doubted he would see it for awhile, and I was also sure he'd come looking for me as soon as he did read it. Though, if I figure things out in time, or my illness got any worse I'd be sure pay him the visit.
"You just have a cold and its affecting your body differently." I pictured him saying and to this I rolled my eyes. He was always hiding something. He did a good job covering his emotions which I was so sensitive to, but the fact that I felt the fakeness of his tranquility made me all the more stressed.
With a gloved hand I reached into my pocket and withdrew my cell phone, flipped it open, and began to dial buttons before I froze in realization. What if Wesker tapped my phone? I grunted and put it back; I needed to get to a pay phone quickly. Maybe I could run? I mean, who is out here to witness that I'm a little bit faster than the rest? I nodded to myself in agreement, shoved my bag underneath my arm, and took off in quick, long strides with not so much as breaking a sweat. Sure, I was able to do new and improved things, but I could never tell myself enough how not perfect I really was—or so, to my belief and understanding.
In no time I came across a small gas station on the edge of the first town and ventured inside in search of a pay phone. When the cashier directed me to an old beaten down phone, I waisted no time to insert the small amount of change I had. The phone cracked at me several times—I suppose that in this part of Alaska they don't get serviced all too often. I dialed a number that Wesker made me burn into the remnants of my mind.
"Hello? Yes… this is Claire," I said quietly. "No, please, just Claire—I have a favor to ask of you. Yes, well, I have some errands to run back in the US… yes I realize Wesker didn't inform you of such things, nor is he located in the US now himself… Please, just trust me. Forget what Wesker has told you in the past—I'll make sure your life is in good –" He was being stubborn and my patience abruptly changed.
"Listen!" There was a stern, darkness to my voice. "You will come pick me up in the copter no later than what it takes. If you have to piss, you piss in a bucket, if you're hungry, you starve. If you value your life you will get here. You got that? And another thing – you will not speak a word of this to Wesker." My voice dropped its acidic tone when a local entered the station and I hoarsely, as though on the verge of breaking whisper, told him my coordinates before slamming the phone down.
I snatched some water and approached the cashier with the best of a smile on my face.
"Will this be all for you?" I nodded. "You're not from around here."
"No… most certainly am not," I collected money for the man.
"Well, have a safe trip wherever you're going, you look like the weather has put you through some hell."
I smirked and then thanked him accordingly.
"Goodbye, now—beautiful contacts you have there by the way." He called after me and I made no comment.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Staring out and over my words again
Makes me start to believe that
Wearing your lies over these words of mine
Always feels like my mistake
Return all of this to sender
The mirror spoke to me and showed
All of this pretending is catching up to me
The wait had me sniffling back a running nose, but I found time to occupy myself and keep warm by wandering into the town about a half of a mile up. I kept time on my phone's clock and hurriedly back tracked to the flat set of land I picked out on the way to the pay phone from the facility. It was a lot of walking, but if I stopped my body temperature would drop, and I couldn't wander in little stores forever. Sure enough, my ride found my coordinates perfectly; I heard the blades even before I saw the copter.
His landing wasn't perfect because he had to do it slow, using his blades to blow away the snow before he set his machine down. I quickly entered and slid myself with my suitcase into the back.
"Mrs. Wesker," he greeted.
"Call me Claire—I told you."
"Where are we headed?"
"Washington."
"That's not too overly far,"
"Nope."
"Well, you look like hell…"
"So I've heard."
"May I ask what we're doing and why I can't inform my boss?"
"I'm your boss just as much as he is…" I quietly responded since my eyes were growing heavy—maybe he'd catch the drift.
"Hmph."
I left it at that and found my eyes surprisingly dry when I shut my lids over them. Still, the light that shined in the front window irritated me, creating a bright tangerine in my closed vision.
"Here…" I peered out one eye to view a set of aviators being handed to me.
"Thanks."
"Don't mention it." They would do for now.
-=-=-=-=-
I gave into sleep surprisingly fast and awoke during landing. I gave our private pilot an I.O.U. before I grabbed a taxi at the helipad headquarters in Washington. When they asked what organization I was linked to, I showed them an old badge from being a member of TerraSlave and there were no questions asked; I was at a high standing and they didn't bother to look up that I had 'resigned.'
The weather wasn't exactly the greatest in Washington either – damp and misty as though it had just rained.
"Where to?" The taxi driver asked and I gave him a half tattered piece of paper I had stuffed in my coat that had the directions on it.
"Hmm… alright," The taxi driver approved. "Are you cold or something? Couldn't help but notice the coat."
I peered at him through my aviators and sent him a reassuring smile. "A have a cold." It was half true.
It took about fifteen minutes to get to the destination written on the piece of paper and we were stopped by a large gate.
"This is all the further I go," the taxi driver informed me and I gave him a ridiculous amount of cash for a medium length drive.
"Thank you." I climbed out and waited for him to depart before I approached a small intercom at the entrance of the gate. I pushed the 'call' button.
"Kennedy residence—who am I speaking to?"
"A little over protective are we, Leon?"
"Your voice sounds familiar…"
"You should install cameras."
"Only have what the government gives me to be comfortable."
"I'd say so – are you going to open the gates for an old friend?"
"Depends—I'm going to need a password."
"Claire Redfield."
"That's not the password…"
"Is it good enough?" I heard a click and the wind pushed the now open side of the gate a crack.
I pushed my way through, my heart in my throat as I approached the front door. To say the least, the home appeared like only one person lived in it. Before I could even knock, the door flew open, and a set of arms crushed me. I gasped with surprise, but soon found myself locking my arms around him with my palms amongst his shoulder blades and my face sinking into his collarbone.
"You're alive… I thought you were never going to show your face around any of our presences again?" He released me to look at my face and I was strongly avoiding it.
"Where did you hear that?" He began to walk me into his home out of the weather.
"Your brother told me everything…" He now almost seemed ashamed to admit.
"I see…" I responded as I made my place upon the couch.
"Thirsty?"
"No… by everything… what do you mean?"
"Everything, Claire… he was a wreck and worried for your safety. Actually, wait, no – he was at first furious and talking like a mad man. I personally don't know how you could do that to him… how someone like you who risked your life to find him twice could desert him?"
"I didn't desert him!" I snapped. "I helped him the best I could in Africa!" I stood up as though prepared to leave. For some reason, I was defensive.
"Whoa… calm down," Leon pressed on my shoulder and found it odd how my body was like steel. "Please?" I sat down with his direction. "Now… we have plenty to talk about and enough time to do it. I need to know why you're here now and if it's good or bad."
"Neither, Leon… I have some things to figure out and I feel like I can't tell you all of it just yet. I came here because I didn't know where else to go. I don't want to see my brother when I'm like this…"
"Like what?"
"Leon," I pleaded.
"You can stay here as long as you like. I don't have a spare bedroom because I never saw the use for it—I'm always moving. There is this couch and I think I have extra blankets… I will try not to interrogate you."
"And?" I raised an eyebrow, wanting more.
"And I promise I won't tell anyone you're here for now…"
"Thank you."
"I don't like this… I don't like this at all."
"I know."
"I'm sure you do…" He wandered into the next room and I heard an assortment of clanks.
"If I knew you were coming, I would have cleaned up a bit first."
"And if you knew where I've been, Leon, you would understand how much it doesn't matter to me."
"You seem not very socially adept." I knew he'd use his experience in the government to it out of me eventually.
"Yup…"
"I have a meeting at the White House in a little bit, looks like I will have to cancel."
"That's unnecessary, Leon."
"To me it is necessary and so I'm going to make a quick call then run to the store quick to stock up. Would you like to come with?"
"Again, you are the one talking crazy… stop going through so much trouble." At least he didn't notice how shitty I looked.
"I'll go by myself then so you don't protest. You're welcome to explore… my room is obviously the master bedroom and it also has a master bath. There is another bathroom as well along with my weight room."
"Don't you think the weight room was meant to be the spare bedroom that you apparently don't have?"
"Right… well… I also have an office, unfinished basement, and kitchen with average appliances so…"
"Leon…" I whispered softly. "I'll be fine…" He nodded and went to grab his coat. He clearly doesn't get much company.
"Sure you'll be okay?" I nodded and he left with no final sigh.
I sunk back into the couch, only then realizing how hungry I truly was but not having enough energy to move. What am I doing? I sighed… I was just as confused as everyone else. I had made it this far and felt no anxiety like I was caught or doing something I shouldn't be doing – although I was. I was here now and eventually would have to be explaining a whole mess of a lot. Joy. Though despite of everything—I finally had some well desired company.
Nothing is more important
Than what people think about you
The worry, the wonder... it's all worth it
Return all of this to sender
The mirror spoke to me and showed
All of this pretending is catching up to me
[Thanks to all of you reading temptation and catching up on Captive as well. I love the reviews you are still giving :)]
