"Sam, What the hell is going on?" Dean asked again, an edge of desperation had entered his tone. His breathing had increased exponentially, it sounded as if Sam's panic had rubbed off on him.

And could Sam expect anything else, with Dean having to walk into a room in which his brother was no doubt covered in blood. And beside him the corpse of a girl with her neck ripped open.

Dean looked tired, Sam knew it was because of him, he knew Dean had been searching for him relentlessly, just as Sam would have done for him. But Sam knew he wasn't worth it, he was a monster, maybe he always was, there was just a physical manifestation of it now.

"I didn't mean to Dean." moaned Sam. He was sure Dean hated him now. In fact Sam hoped he did,he wanted Dean to treat him like the monster he was. However, Sam knew that however much Dean may hate him, it wouldn't equal half the amount that Sam hated himself.

"Don't say that to me. Don't tell me you did this, god dammit Sam!" Dean swirled around and punched the wall in anger.

"What the hell am I supposed to do now?!" Dean had his back turned to Sam, his shoulders hunched. "That bastard out there said that he... he turned you. But I thought that you would never give in. Please, don't tell me that you did this."

Sam was glad he couldn't see Dean's face at that moment, he couldn't stand seeing Dean realise that he was a monster.

Thankfully Sam had managed to calm himself substantially, as Dean entering the room seemed to have a sobering effect on him. Instead of panic, Sam now felt a crystal clear clarity and he knew what needed to be done.

"Dean... Dean look at me!" Sam knew what he had to say had to be said to Deans face, or there would be no hope of getting him to do it. Dean turned around and fixed Sam with a heartbreaking stare, threatening to weaken Sam's resolve, but still he knew what had to be done.

"Kill me." Said Sam, looking straight into his eyes, there had to be no doubt. Deans face, if it was possible seemed to be even more pained, his eyes tightened and his mouth hardened.

"What?" Dean demanded. Dean was furious now, shaking in anger. The thought of killing his own brother no doubt sickened him, but Sam thought that his brother being a monster must be even worse to him.

"Kill me!" Sam screamed, he could feel the panic taking hold again. He knew he must look frightful, and Sam thought that perhaps he could use that to his advantage.

"I killed her Dean, I ripped her throat out. And you wanna know what the worst part is?" Sam asked, and laughed humourlessly.

Dean shook his head mutely, he didn't want to know, but he already did.

"I enjoyed it Dean! I drank from her until she was almost dead, and then I left her to die." Sam's hoped that his brutal honesty would get through to Dean, but still Dean was shaking his head. The thing Sam hated most about saying this, was not the way he could see a part of Deans heart breaking, but the way that everything that he said was true. And it made him sick.

"Dean look at me I'm a monster!"

Sam stood and spread his arms, as far as the chains still secured on his wrists would allow anyway. And for final effect he let his fangs descend. Dean had always hated looking at the gruesome teeth of vampires, he had told Sam this over and over again. Therefore Sam wanted to show Dean just what he had become.

"No..." Dean muttered, but he was staring at Sam's mouth, and he was repulsed. In fact, he looked as if he might throw up. There was a minute where Dean just stared at Sam, his face had gone completely blank, and Sam could no longer read how he was feeling. The only indicator of his behaviour Sam had left was his racing heartbeat, but that could mean anything really. Fear, anger or just stress. The minute felt as if lasted a lifetime.

"Dean, please." Sam said softly, breaking the silence. "For me, if nothing else. I hate myself,and I don't know if I can live with what I've done." It was true, and Sam knew that he would never have the guts to end himself. He felt a fresh wave of repulsion and hate of himself increase tenfold.

I'm a coward. I shouldn't have to ask Dean to do this, but Dean has always been stronger than me. And I've always been a burden him.

"You think that it it'll be easy for me to kill you Sam?" Dan asked desperately.

Although Sam knew that making Dean kill him would take another huge toll on his already damaged psyche,Sam decided that in the long run, Dean would be much better off.

"Please..." whispered Sam. There was nothing left to say. It was time for Dean to pick now

After another eternity of Sam and Dean staring at each other in silence, a look of steely eyed resolve took over Dean's face.

He had decided.

Dean stepped towards Sam with huge strides, there was no indecision slowing him down now.

"Sit down" He ordered, and Sam had obeyed without a moments hesitation. He was sure that Dean was going to do it, and bowed his head, exposing the back of his neck.

Sam's vision was reduced due to his hair falling over his face, and now all could stare at were his hands, which were clasped tightly in his lap.

He didn't speak, he was scared that saying anything at this point could change Dean's mind.

Sam's breathing was shallow and even. He wouldn't let himself panic, and he would not run. He would die with dignity, and not make Dean have to chase him like a monster.

He felt the blade of the machete lightly touch the back of his neck. Done in the same way an executioner would in medieval times, making sure his aim was true. But now it was Sam's head on the chopping block.

The blade still hadn't moved.

What the hell is he doing? Sam thought. Surely he should have done it by now.

He waited.

Finally, the blade moved from the back of his neck. The savage blow would come in moments, ending Sam's miserable life once and for all. He closed his eyes and stiffed his shoulders in anticipation.

The blade cut through the air in a wide arc, Sam heard the way the speed of the blow cut through the air.

It landed with a loud metallic clang.

But it did not meet the expected target.

Sam sat stock still for a moment in shock. He wasn't dead. He lifted his head, and could see Dean stood over him with the machete once again held loosely by his side.

Sam casted his eyes sideways, and discovered that, instead of the blade severing his head from his body. It had instead cut through the heavy metal chains which connected Sam to the wall.

A wave of relief washed over him like a tidal wave. He hated himself for it, but god was he glad to be alive. He felt as if he could weep in relief.

Sam wasn't sure what was going to happen next, but there was a flicker of hope. Hope that things could be ok. If Dean thought there was hope for him, then maybe there was. He felt as if perhaps this was a second chance for him.

"Come on Sam. Get up, we should go." Dean said hoarsely. He then grasped Sam by his shoulders and hauled him roughly to his feet.

They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, Sam felt words hover at the end of his tongue, but he couldn't express them. He couldn't express his gratitude at Dean believing him, despite everything.

Neither of them spoke though. Sam hoped that his gratitude was visible on his face.

"Let's go." Said Dean. He turned suddenly, and walked rapidly to the door. Never looking back into the room where he found Sam, changed and inhuman. The room that changed their lives forever, and neither of them would ever be able to be the people they were before they entered it.

Sam walked to the doorway with the same haste that Dean had , when he reached the doorway he hesitated.

He knew he shouldn't look back, it was time to leave, to move on. But he could not allow himself to try and forget what had happened there.

He turned. The room looked larger from this perspective, less claustrophobic than it had during sam's miserable time locked up there. He glanced at the chains hanging from the wall, how much thicker they had appeared to him when he was attached to them. Finally, he looked at the thing that he did not want to. And he faced what he had to face.

Chloe's body was laid clumsily on the ground, her head was twisted at an awkward angle, and her neck looked as if it had been mauled by a wild Creature. Sam made himself look, he wanted to sear that image in his head forever. He needed to remember what he had done, if he wanted any chance of stopping himself from doing it again.

When he felt as if he had memorised every detail of the manifestation of brutal monstrosity, he turned and left the room behind for good.

Yet the bloodbath did not end in the room. In the dull corridor that branched out from it, lay the beheaded corpse of Sam's captor, Joshua. Sam certainly wasn't sad about this death, and wanted to memorise this scene for entirely different reasons.

However, despite the fact that Joshua was dead, he still had the ultimate victory over Sam and Dean, and their suffering did not end with his death. Their defeat over Joshua was a hollow one.

Dean stood at the end of the hall, looking back at him, waiting. Once Sam appeared, Dean disappeared around the corner, and he hurried to join him, eager to please. It lead on for a few more twists and turns, and Dean lead Sam out expertly, never making a false move. Sam had always admired Dean's ability to know his way around places, whereas he had always stumbled on blindly, always hoping that the way he was going was the correct way.

Finally, they reached the entrance, bright light spilling from around the edges of the door. Dean pushed it open, and Sam stumbled back from the intensity of the light. The day was bright and clear, and Sam had never wished for a dull day more than he did now.

"Sam, you coming?" Shouted Dean amidst the brightness.

Sam braced himself, and shielded his eyes as much as he could with his hands, them stepped out into the day.

By the time he managed to stumble over to Dean and the Impala his eyes were pouring, and his head ached. Distantly, he heard Dean open the car the door, and felt his hand guiding him gently into the back seat. Sam, after almost throwing himself face first into the car, curled himself into the feral position, and buried his head in his arms, not even caring that his hands were still cuffed together.

The respite from the light was instantly soothing, and his headache disappeared.

The door slammed shut, and he could hear Dean open the drivers door, sit, and then slam the next door with equal force. There was a moments silence, where all that could be heard was Dean's steady breath, then car started with the same throaty roar as always. It was a noise that Sam had known all his life, and immediately signalled that he was home and he was safe. It was reassuring to know that, however much his life may change, they were always some things he could rely on to be the same.

As the car began to move Sam let his mind drift, finding Deans steady breathing to be soothing and calming.

For at least an hour Dean drove, and Sam listened. He didn't sleep, but for that hour Sam was able to forget what had happened to him. But he knew it couldn't last.

He decided it was time to break the silence, and face the music of his situation, and with Dean. Something needed to be done, as Sam knew it wouldn't be long before the same monstrous impulses which caused him to kill Chloe, would return, and he would not be able to deny them forever.

Sam lifted his head, thankfully the day was beginning to grow darker, and lifted himself clumsily into a sitting position. At the drivers seat Dean sat stiffly, his hands had a white knuckle grip on the wheel, and he was staring blankly at the rush of cars passing them on the road.

"Dean," Sam said softly. Despite the softness, Dean jumped in surprise and whirled around in his seat to look at Sam, he looked at him sharply, then turned back around and looked back at the road.

"What's up?" Replied Dean gruffly. His grip on the steering wheel seemed even tighter than before. He's scared of you. A small voice in Sam's head muttered. Sam didn't want to believe that was true, they had been through so much, and he didn't think he would be able to cope if Dean hated him.

"Just, uh, wondering where we're headed." Sam's voice was quiet, almost as if he was trying not to startle Dean. He didn't want Dean to think he was pushing his luck either, he had to show how grateful he was, and if that meant being as compliant as possible, then so be it.

" I figured we'd get the hell out of there as fast we could, head to the Men of Letters base, then decide what to do next when we get there." Dean replied. His tone implied that there would be no debate on this matter.

"Uh... Yeah great. But shouldn't we, I mean, isn't there things that we, or er I, might need." Sam's speech was slow and hesitant. Sam really didn't want to bring up the fact that he would need blood, knowing how much it would disgust Dean, but unfortunately it was unavoidable.

"What?" Asked Dean distractedly, there was a moments pause then he said, "Oh, oh right. Sure Sam. I'll make sure I get what you need." He sounded so awkward about it, and Sam cringed in embarrassment and shame. He didn't want Dean to have to do things like that for him, but on the other hand, he really didn't trust himself in the company of people for now, or maybe even forever.

"Thanks." He muttered, and again the car sunk into silence.

More time passed, and then finally the car stopped outside a hospital. From all sides Sam could hear a buzz of activity, the sound of sirens blaring, people bustling to and fro, the sound of humanity.

What stood out most to Sam was the extra heartbeats he could hear, the ambulance drivers' racing hearts, the slow and weak heart beat of the patient they where wheeling in, and the steady heart beats of a young couple leaving arm and arm from the hospital.

Sam stared at them, and a pang of hunger struck him suddenly and painfully.

Dean coughed, and Sam jumped in his seat and turned. Dean was looking at him, his expression was pained, and Sam realised that he'd saw him looking. He felt extremely embarrassed and ashamed at once.

"Right, so I'm gonna go in there, you think you can manage to stay put for five minutes?" Dean asked awkwardly but with a softness still. Dean knew as well as Sam did that he could not be trusted to go in there, but the way he said it was almost guilty. What Dean could for feel guilty for Sam had no idea, perhaps it was just pity.

Sam reached upwards to stretch lazily, but was abruptly reminded of the heavy cuffs; which still bound his hands together.

"Hey, could you help me take these off before you go?" Asked Sam sheepishly. Dean suddenly looked uncomfortable.

"Uh, why don't I do it when I get back? We don't want to be loitering out here too long, it might look suspicious." He answered as if he was stupid for even asking. And now that Dean said it, he did feel a little foolish, of course it wasn't the time to undo them.

But it was a little strange to Sam how Dean hadn't attempted or mentioned taking them off the whole time from the room to now. Of course Sam understood that Dean's plan was to get them out of there as quickly as possible, there was no fault in that. But still something seemed off about it.

Sam nodded distractedly. Dean gave a small smile in relief, then hurriedly exited the car. After the door closed, Sam watched Dean walk towards the trunk, open it, then a minute later he slammed it closed and walked towards the side of the hospital with a duffel bag in hand.

While Dean was gone Sam watched the world go by. He saw the young, old, sick, weak and healthy. And suddenly he felt jealous. He was never going to get a day older than he was yesterday, he was now unchanging and unmoving. He would never feel the pains that he used to, and would certainly never be a patient in a hospital again. Sam had not really had the chance before this to come to the truths of his situation until now.

And it was a shock. And Sam wanted to give himself to the wave of panic and hysteria that was threatening to rise, the same way it did after he realised what he had done to Chloe. But this time he couldn't lose himself to it, he needed to stay strong for Dean, he wouldn't let himself become an even bigger burden. He had to remain normal and calm.

About ten minutes later Sam heard the distinctive sound of Dean walking towards the Impala, something that he recognised before he was a vampire, his increased senses just elevated it. Dean threw the bulkier and heavier duffel into the trunk and slammed it shut.

"Hey Sam," said Dean as he re-entered the car. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah." Replied softly. Once again the car jolted to a start, heading to the only place, apart from the Impala, that the Winchesters could call home.

Sam didn't know what was going to happen to him or Dean, but one thing he knew was that whatever was coming, they could handle it as long as they stayed together, united and strong.


Ok that's it again. Firstly thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, favourited and followed.

Secondly, I'm sorry it took a while to do, but here is more, whether it was worth the wait is for you to decide.

Thirdly, like last time please let me know if you want more. What you liked, and what you didn't.

Till next time =]