"You're my escape from everything. Please say you'll be my nothing, and I will give you everything…" - 'It's Cool' by Jhene Aiko (Entire song is for this story so feel free to give it a listen before and after.)
I woke up, still on the floor, but Hillary was banging on my door.
"MAYA! Wake up!" I stared out in front of me, not wanting to open the door. I rose from the floor my body aching, and opened the door. "Finally. Why do you even lock the door?"
"I'll walk to school today, you don't have to take me.." She nodded, eyes trailing down then back up. "I know I look like crap." I shut the door back, locking it once more, then going to shower. This had originally been Hillary's room, but once she moved out and moved to Port Angeles, I pounced to the room to claim it as my own. It gave me more reason to be trapped in my room, with there being a bathroom connected. I quickly showered and brushed my teeth then stared at myself in the mirror as I untangled my thick sandy brown curls, the hair forming a bit of a curly golden waterfall down to my waist, hair just as long as my mother's, if not longer. My skin, golden and almond, still had water droplets over it but I stopped there, not wanting to see the other decorations along my skin, choosing to stare at my eyes instead, one hazel, almost golden, and the other a pastel blue so light, it almost looked clear. I looked exactly like my mother, same hair, same full lips and naturally arched eyebrows, same round face, but our chins pointed whenever we smiled. I hadn't seen mine in a while. Same frame, short in stature, standing at a mere 5'3'' but the "curves of a goddess" as she used to say. "How do you think I caught your dad?" she would say, speaking of my stepfather, who would then smile and give me a little wink. I turned quickly before I could go any further, rushing to finish getting ready. I slipped into the first thing I could find, a pair of old jeans, and a white tee shirt, pulling on my sneakers then hurried downstairs glancing at the hole, wondering what excuse my dad had given Hillary to make her ignore it.
"Good morning." I raised an eyebrow as I walked towards the front door. "What's your problem?" Without a word I walked out the house and paused briefly, noticing a car parked outside. Seth climbed out with a huge grin on his face and I furrowed my eyebrows. What the hell?
"New wheels?" I said.
"More or less. We kinda just trade rides back and forth. After your near breakdown yesterday, I figured a car might be a little better." I shrugged, not planning on telling him what the breakdown was really for, and went to go open the door, then remembered he never unlocked the doors. "Good to see you're so eager to go with me." He unlocked the doors and opened mine before getting in himself. "I didn't think you would agree to come with me."
"I don't feel like going back and forth. It's too early to argue. Plus why not just go? I know you won't hurt me." He looked at me, curious.
"You're not wrong, but what makes you think that?"
"The way you look at me, like nothing else matters. The way you always ensure I'm comfortable and safe and whatnot. Plus you're too...good. You wouldn't hurt a fly." He paused a while, smiling like I'd just made his day.
"Well, I'll have you know, I've killed quite a few flies in my time. I'm not as innocent as I appear." I laughed and put on my seatbelt and some music as we pulled off. "Does that bother you?" he asked after a while.
"That you've killed a few flies? No." He let a low chuckle out, shaking his head.
"No, I meant the way I watch you and all that you said before. Does that bother you?"
"No. I will however tell you to never just appear in front of my house again. Just...don't do that." We continued in silence, the low music from the radio being the only sound to be heard. When he parked, he turned the car off and looked over at me. "Go ahead and say it."
"I...I have to ask." I put my head down, my mind already creating a million lies to tell. "The hole in your wall...what happened? Because it looks like…" He trailed off, like he couldn't bring himself to say it. I furrowed my eyebrows, forcing myself to smile believably.
"Like what?" He gave me a pointed look, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. That's adorable.
"Well, like someone punched the hole into the wall." I paused, staring at him blankly, then laughed. Really laughed. This was not to try to get him to believe the act. I'm not sure why I laughed. But it was full on hysterical. I grabbed my bag and got out the car, never answering his question and not having the courage to lie to him. Camille ran over just then, saving me just as Seth had opened his mouth, most likely to ask again.
"We need to talk. Now." She gave Seth a huge smile then dragged me away to the school and to my locker. "Okay, what is up with you? Seriously, you've been acting really weird lately. Hanging out with a total stranger, a cute one, but a stranger nonetheless, coming to school periods late, your dad throwing a huge fit in the middle of everyone looking for you." I raised an eyebrow. "I have a theory I hope isn't true. Have you run away from home and have been staying with Seth Clearwater? Because, if you have, I totally don't approve at all. I mean, he's sweet and all, but no normal guy bulks up that fast and doesn't play any sports. And before you ask, yes I checked if he did because it just doesn't make any sense. I had classes with that dude since 9th grade, every year, and one day this year he just disappeared for like a week and came back all macho." She was babbling. She's so annoying. She's my friend. My only friend. Not anymore it seems. As if on cue, I looked up and Seth was staring at me from across the hall, seeming to be ignoring the guy talking to him, who also glanced at me then smacked Seth's head, making him look away.
"Seriously, though, Maya, what's up with you lately?" I shrugged, smiling a little at Seth, who smiled right back.
"He's different."
"Different from who exactly? You've never even bothered to look in a guy's direction for as long as I've known you. I swore you were a lesbian for the longest, not that there'd be a problem with it, just...curious, ya know." I turned to transfer books in and out of my locker.
"I'm not. I just like the way he is about me."
"The way he is about you? Maya, you've known him for literally a day." I had not the time nor the patience to sit and try to explain something even I didn't get. I shifted the idea around my head, of whether or not it was worth it, then shook my head, settling for a simple response.
"You're thinking too deep into it. I'll see you later."
"Will you? Because it seems like Seth is your new best friend." I rolled my eyes, choosing to ignore it. I'm Camille's only friend since 9th grade, and anyone who knows her says she's never been friends with anyone else before me. She's always been alone. Apparently, according to her sister, she has serious abandonment issues, which I was alright with, honestly, because I didn't really want to be involved with anyone. My lone wolf behavior was a choice, hers is more like an abandoned pup who had to be alone. I laughed, shaking my head.
"Cami, I don't have time for this, alright. I'll see you later." I walked away, giving one last glance to Seth, who, of course, was staring right at me, that smile plastered on his face, too familiar for someone I literally just started talking to. Class was...horrible. Like worse than usual. Normally it was tolerable. But today it was just bad. I didn't want to be here. I needed to get away from here. And I couldn't skip out on going home like yesterday. I wanted everything to be perfect in the house so at least he couldn't be upset about that. It was bad enough what had pissed him off yesterday. I didn't need any more reason to send him into a spiral.
So since I wouldn't be able to escape after school, I would need to escape now. Which is why I approached Seth in the hall while he stood talking to one of his friends. I'd learned that everyone in La Push basically all looked similar, well except for me. My mom was Panamanian and I'd never known what my dad looked like, but, essentially, I suppose I'm mixed. I looked like a mini replica of my mother, from head to toe, so I suppose it didn't matter what he looked like. My step dad had basically been here all my life, so he kinda filled the slot. He's Quileute, hence why we live in La Push.
Anyways, it didn't come as a surprise that Seth's friend was just as tan and tall as him. Even the build was similar, almost. His eyes shifted from Seth to me and this small, knowing smile crept on his face and he looked back at Seth expectantly. He turned to me and, as usual, his entire face seemed to light up.
"Hey," he said as I stopped in front of them.
"Do you want to skip school with me?" He looked shocked and his friend looked back and forth between us. "That sounded like I'm a delinquent, but I assure you, I'm not," I explained to his friend.
"Maybe not, but he is." Seth gave him a look and shrugged.
"He's not wrong. Sure. You ready now?"
"Yes." He took my bag from me, slinging it over his shoulder before nudging his head for me to walk ahead. I obeyed, sighing deeply as soon as we were outside. I felt more free already.
"So where are we going? Back to the field?" I nodded and he opened my door for me before climbing in himself. It was weird. Never had that done before. I mean, I've seen it in movies and stuff but I've never actually had it done to me. I looked over at him as he pulled out of the parking lot and he caught me and grinned. "What?"
"Nothing. You just...I don't know. There's something off about you." His eyes lit up and his smile faltered slightly, and had I not been watching him so closely, I would have missed it, but I noticed the brief change immediately. Then he was back to smiling and looking at me the way he always did. "I guess it's not a bad thing. I've just never experienced anyone treating me the way you do or looking at me like that or always smiling whenever I'm around and whatnot, ya know." I shrugged and sat back, leaving it alone as we pulled up to the same area we began walking last time. I got out and slipped my phone into my back pocket before hurrying ahead of him, conscious of his eyes on me the entire time. How do you manage to watch someone so closely and still seem to be daydreaming? I knew it was something only he could do.
"Tell me about Maya Castillo." I glanced back at him and he looked completely serious.
"Uh...not much to tell."
"There's gotta be something." I shrugged, nearly dying as I tripped over a tree root. Of course, like last time, he had already saw it coming and had caught my arm before I could faceplant into the dirt. He released me with a nervous look in his eyes.
"You have incredible reflexes. That's amazing." He shrugged and began walking ahead of me. Odd. He looked really off. I decided not to ask about it. We broke free of the trees and into the sunlight and he froze then turned to me immediately. I thought he was going to kiss me a moment. Don't be ridiculous.
"What happened to your arm?" I furrowed my eyebrows. "Maya I...there are bruises on you." I stared at him blankly with a hint of nonchalance. "If you're in trouble, I can help you. I just...you gotta tell me you need help. Or want it." I turned and headed back to go to the car. "You don't have to tell me what's going on or explain anything. It doesn't matter. But if someone is hurting you, and I'm positive that's not self-harm, then I need to get you out of there."
"Why?" I called behind me, still walking ahead towards the car.
"Because." I laughed, still stalking forward, walking a lot harder now.
"That's not an answer." He was suddenly right in front of me, eyes a mix of pleading, anger, and fear.
"Because I want to help you. I need to help you." I rolled my eyes, still smiling. It was kinda sick, how I was choosing to handle all this.
"I'm not your charity case, Seth. Nor am I your problem." He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated, thinking. Why? "I'm fine, okay?" This time, he laughed, but it was scary. Kinda crazed.
"Yeah? That's why you have bruises on your body and holes in your walls?" I stared up blankly, his expression immediately turning to regret, then I walked around him. "Wait, Maya, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that."
"I'll walk home, alright. Don't worry about me."
"I'm not going to let you walk home, Maya, just wait, I'm sorry." He moved in front of me, blocking me.
"Move."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
"Yes you did. And it's fine. But we can't talk anymore."
"What? Why?" he said, voice raised, actually looking sad and scared. "Look, whatever, you don't have to tell me anything. It's fine. And I won't ask any more questions. I swear. Just...can we just forget this? Maya, please?" Is he actually begging me to be his friend. He has other friends… "Look, I'll take you home and give you some space. Whatever. Can we just...can we still be friends? I know you probably ha...you don't like me right now, but I really hope we can be friends still. I really like you, Maya."
"Stop saying my name," I said through clenched teeth, closing my eyes so I wouldn't give in.
"Sorry."
"And stop apologizing," I whispered, crossing my arms around my stomach. I could tell he was still staring at me, trying to figure out what to do, then I felt a hot hand on my arm. I opened my eyes wide and stared at it. He hesitated a bit, then pulled me into a hug that silenced all my thoughts and instantly made me relax. I never knew hugs could be this powerful. Maybe it's just the way he does it. And how warm he always was. I bet that comes in handy in the dead of winter. He pulled away and kinda smiled a little, the most adorable thing I've ever seen. I wanted to kiss him so bad. Do it and your father will kill you for sure. I stretched up on my tip toes, pulling his head down by the back of his neck and crashing my lips to his before I could talk myself out of it. It was...amazing. I've never kissed a boy before. But it felt really natural, like it was meant to happen anyways, his lips moving in tune with mine. An arm snaked around my waist and pressed me to his body, chest hard and blazing hot, while his other free hand cupped my cheek. There was an electric shock the minute his hand touched my face and it made me shiver, but I was too focused to care. It was unreal how safe and comfortable I felt kissing a stranger, but there was no need to question it. I pulled away, dropping back to the ground and looking up at him, both curious and nervous. His eyes were wide and his breathing was ragged. Seth with ragged breath? He's the calmest person I know. I stepped back, looking down at the ground. "I'm sorry." He laughed and shook his head.
"Why are you apologizing?"
"I don't know." He reached out and pulled me back to him, placing a finger under my chin and lifting my head so I looked up at him. "I guess because I shouldn't have kissed you."
"And why is that?"
"I don't know." There's that smile again.
"Well what do you know?"
"That I just set us up for failure." He didn't ask, and I know he already kinda had an idea as to why. "Everything is all blurry and wrong." I could tell he wanted me to elaborate, but was too scared to ask. He knew I'd walk away again. "My mother is from Panama. That's where I was born and lived. She left when I was 5, no explanation. I haven't seen her since. My stepfather moved us here and now it's just the 2 of us. That's a little something about me." He nodded, looking conflicted. He knows now. "Can you not bring the stuff up anymore. You know…" He knew.
"Yeah, I won't. I'm sorry. But...Maya, I can help you-"
"I'm fine, Seth." He looked down at my arms and I covered them with my hands. "Can you just take me home? I...I need to clean up and whatnot." I didn't wait for an answer, walking around him to the car and climbing in, waiting. He was right behind me, still looking like he was straining himself. You made it worse. I nodded to the voice in my head and pulled my knees to my chest, staring straight forward the entire, silent ride. And this silence wasn't the good kind. I mumbled a goodbye and hurried out the car to my door, rushing inside before I could make myself look back and change my mind. It was quiet in the house, the truck gone, which meant Hillary was gone. Perfect. She wouldn't be in the way. I started in the living room, planning to save the kitchen for last since I had to make dinner anyways and would need to clean after that too. I was done within 2 hours, the entire place spotless, then set in on dinner, making myself something to eat, too, since I realized I'd never actually eaten today. There was a knock at the door, probably Hillary since she didn't have a key to the house anymore and I padded over, my bare feet tensing along the cold tile. I opened the door and there he stood.
"Seth?" He smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Did I forget something? What's wrong?"
"We were supposed to skip together." My eyes widened and I looked down at my bleach stained gray shorts and sports bra, then back at him. "Sorry, I didn't know you were…"
"No, I thought you were my sister?"
"Well, jeez, Maya, I know my hair is long and all but I didn't think I looked girly." I rolled my eyes and looked behind him. "Yes, I've been sitting there for two hours trying to get up the courage to come up here."
"Why would you need to get up the courage?" He gave me a look like I should know. "Do...do I make you nervous or something?"
"I mean, yeah, I guess. I just don't, you know, wanna scare you away but you seem to not have fully accepted that I literally want to spend every second of my time with you, so it might freak you out." I stared up at him a while then pursed my lips. You're going to regret this. Probably.
"What time is it?"
"11:23." I looked down and stepped back, motioning for him to come in. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, come in." He beamed and entered. My dad would probably be back home about 9 tonight. He usually would come home later, always stopping at the bar with the boys after the trip, but since he hasn't seen me in 2 days, he would definitely rush home as soon as he could. I knew that for a fact. Whether he'd be angry or calm is what I didn't know, but sober was better than the latter. "Are you hungry?"
"Starving."
"Okay, do burgers work? We have a grill out back."
"Yeah, that's perfect."
"Okay, I'll go fire it up."
"No, I got it. You finish eating." Before I could argue, he was already on his way out. I smiled and pulled the burgers out of the freezer to thaw, finishing up my pasta lunch and checking on the chicken baking in the oven. I was making chicken paella for dinner, my dad's favorite dish, hoping that would soften him up a bit from the other day. If he wasn't already defused enough as it is, this would do the trick.
I made my way outside with the burgers and Seth turned to me then looked around the area, a huge smile on his face as he took it all in. There weren't any other houses within 2 miles in all directions, and we were surrounded by land full of trees and plant life with a small shed a few ways away for whatever reason. We never actually used it for anything, so I'm not really sure why we never tore it down, but whatever.
"You okay?" He nodded, turning back to me.
"This is just amazing. Open space, cleared out of trees, too. There should be an amazing echo effect here." I furrowed my eyebrows and smiled, throwing the burgers on the grill. "Sorry, nature nerd."
"S'fine. Can I ask a question?"
"Anything," he said, giving me his undivided attention. This time, I stared back.
"How was it?"
"How was what?" I gave him a pointed look and he smiled. "The most amazing feeling I've ever had the pleasure to experience." I rolled my eyes at his dramatics and began tending to the burgers. He took the spatula from me and motioned for me to sit, which I obeyed. "Why did you do it?" I looked down a minute then back to him.
"Because I wanted to. And I'm not being arrogant or mean or anything, honest, but I've never just done something just because I wanted to. I just...I don't know."
"Alright. Can I ask a question now?" I waited hesitantly, hoping he wouldn't ask about everything. His back was to me, so I couldn't see his face, but his body was tense. "Do you think I'm moving things too fast? Like I'm pushing things too far?"
"Yes and no." He closed the grill top and sat down beside me, folding his arms across his chest, which made his arms bulge a little. I tore my eyes from him immediately.
"Explain."
"Well, no because I like the way things are flowing. They're going at the pace they want, without any pressure or anything. I like when things just flow however they do without intervention."
"But?"
"I know this...whatever this is, is short lived." I looked back up to him so he could see just how serious I was. "Because my father would never allow it. So, in that case, this is moving too fast because why get attached to someone or something that you already know will be gone soon. And may get you in a lot of trouble. It's not worth it." He nodded, grabbing my hand and absently playing with my fingers, eyeing them like they were the most interesting thing in the world.
"What if I think it is worth whatever trouble may come?"
"I'd think you may just be a stubborn fool."
"What if I say I'd be here regardless…" I turned to him and shook my head.
"I'd know you're just a stubborn fool." He laughed and I couldn't help my smile, but I was serious. "I would ask why you think it's worth it, but I'm sure I wouldn't get a direct answer."
"Because I-"
"Like me," I said, finishing his sentence. "So I've heard." I stood to get the burgers off, knowing they had to be done by now, and took them inside, too aware that he was right behind me. He waved me away, motioning in the general area of the living room and I rolled my eyes, but went and plopped down on the couch, crossing my legs and flicking on the TV to the first movie I could find. He joined me soon enough, setting down with five burgers covered in cheese and ketchup and smiled at me before leaning back and stretching out his long legs. It felt weird to have him here in my house. He seemed so out of place, so bright and happy, whereas the house seemed dull and dark compared to him. Yet he looked so comfy on our old emerald green couch, feet resting on the mahogany and glass table in front of us, ankles crossed while wolfing down burgers. I smiled a little, ducking my head as soon as he looked at me, probably having already caught me watching him from the corner of my eye. He laughed and sat down his plate, only 1 burger left on it.
"Come here, little bird." He pulled me to him, effortlessly lifting me from the couch and setting me down right by his side, wrapping an arm around my waist. It seemed so normal for him, but I was freaking out inside. His body was so warm and cozy. I wanted to lean into him and take it all in, all the heat and scent of cinnamon and woods and nature and freshness, but I kept my back stiff, not really sure whether or not it would be okay, my heart pounding in my chest. "Relax, Maya. I don't bite." That made it worse. An image of my dad popped in my head, the scene when he said it to me replaying. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to give into the dark thoughts. He's not him. Seth is not my dad. I shook my head and stood, moving out of his grip, trying to appear to be as calm as possible.
"Are you thirsty?" I squeaked, making my way to the kitchen. I knew his eyes were on me the entire time, but kept mine trained on the ground as I opened the fridge, grabbing the juice and quickly turning my back to him, grabbing 2 glasses from the cabinet. I came back, handing him a glass then curled up on the smaller chair, further away from where he sat, forcing myself to stare at the TV.
"Did I do something wrong?" I turned to him, giving my best faux look of confusion.
"What do you mean?" He raised his eyebrows, a pointed look on his face.
"Is there a particular reason you're sitting across the room right now?"
"I got cold. It's warmer over here." He stared at me, eyes slightly narrowed and head cocked.
"I run a pretty high degree of heat from my body and I'm positive you felt it...yet you're cold?"
"I'm sorry, I said it wrong. I meant I was a bit hot and it's cooler over here." He rolled his eyes and dropped his feet from the table, resting his elbows on his knees and dropping his head, his hair falling over his face. He mumbled something under his breath, something about doing something wrong.
"You're scared of me." He said it so low, I almost didn't hear him, but my ears had already been straining to hear him anyways. My eyes widened and I shook my head, mouth opened slightly, trying to force something out to console him, to tell him it's not his fault. But nothing came out. "I'm sorry. I...I'm trying to make you comfortable. I'm trying really hard to make this easy. I don't know what I'm doing wrong." His voice was so defeated and drained. Why is he beating himself up about this? "Could...could you just tell me what to do to make you comfortable? Is it because I get too close into your personal space? Do I...do I talk too much or too little? Am I pushing too hard? What is it that I can do? Maya, I...I really like you and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or awkward around me. I want you to be able to be free with me, you know, but if I'm pushing too hard or something doesn't feel right or...or you just...don't want to be friends with me, let alone more, then...then I'll respect that and I'll step back and give you space. Whatever you need, I can do that. Just...just tell me what you want and I'll give that to you-"
"Seth." He breathed in deep, finally, holding it in a bit then it came out ragged and slow. I chewed the inside of my cheek, then stood and walked over and sat down on the floor in front of him, meeting his eyes, his head still dipped. He looked scared and strained, his big pretty brown eyes wide. "It's not your fault…" I said slowly. I could tell he knew I was talking about more than the monologue he just spat. And that seemed to only make him feel worse, his body tense and he looked angry now. I wrung my hands between one another, trying to will them to stop shaking, then reached up hesitantly and rested it against his cheek. His eyes closed as soon as my palm touched his face and he exhaled deeply, all the tension seeming to leave his body. He pressed his hand to mine, holding it to his face, stopping it from trembling, then those dark eyes met mine and I melted inside a little. "I'm sorry. I know it's really hard to get through to me and I know you're trying." He shook his head and was about to protest, but I held up my other hand, making him stop. "Let me finish. I...I haven't been trying much at all. I know. And there's no excuse behind it. I do like you. A lot. And I don't want you to leave. God, I don't want you to ever leave. But...you scare me." His face fell into an immediate look of panic and I shook my head. "Not the way you think you do. I'm not scared of you. I'm scared of the way you make me feel. I've never...I don't really know how to handle this kinda thing. I've always been really...sheltered. And I know you know enough to feel guilty with everything, but you can't really blame yourself for something like this." I dropped my hand and held them in my lap. "I'll actually try. I want you to be comfortable, too. And I like to see you happy. And I know what I'm about to ask you is selfish, but I need you to...to not worry about me so much. I need you to at least pretend to be okay with everything." I was too scared to look up and see the look of disgust I was sure he'd have on his face. "I like having you around. You're my escape from it all and you keep me sane, so I don't want you to leave." My mind went rushing in a million different places, wondering what he was thinking. He thinks you're sick. And you are. You must like it if you haven't stopped it yourself by now. I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to curl in on myself, then his finger was under my chin, lifting my head and he rested his forehead against mine.
"Whatever you want." He smiled a little, but it was a ghost of the usual smile, and mine mirrored his. The door opened and I snapped back, staring wide eyed at the door, fear swelling in my chest, thick and slow and creeping like a fungus, covering every inch of my being. Hillary walked in, eyes staring wide at us, shock in hers though.
"Oh, sorry, didn't know you'd be home. Wait, what time is it?"
"We skipped school." She raised her eyebrows and nodded, looking around the room and walking to where her phone sat.
"Forgot my phone. Carry on." She walked out and the house was filled with silence. I still stared at the door and glanced at Seth from my peripheral.
"I was hoping it...wasn't her." I know what he really had planned to say, but didn't bother commenting on it. "You want to leave, don't you?" I nodded, eyes still trained on the door, and he stood. "Okay. We can go to the meadow now if you want. Or to my house. My mom is in town and I don't think my sister is home, so you won't have to worry about questions or anything." I said nothing, unable to answer right now. He knew that though. "C'mon." He helped me from the floor and sat me on the couch, cleaning up everything outside and in the kitchen then coming back and dropping down in front of me. "Although I do love this outfit you've got going on, you have to change in order for us to leave." I nodded. "Do you want me to help?" I shook my head and stood, walking upstairs and quietly changing, then hurried back downstairs. He was waiting in the car, which made me feel a lot better, and the house was spotless. I walked out, locking the door, and hurried to the car. There was an underlying feel of distance, but I guarantee it was mainly because we were both trying to avoid what was really going on; the topic I know he wanted to bring up.
"You can say it…" I said and he laughed a little, shaking his head.
"No. You asked me to let it go and not to bring it up, and that's what actually makes you comfortable, so I'll leave it at that. There are a million other things we can talk about and a billion other things I want to know about you." I smiled a little. "You have the most amazing smile, you know that?" I rolled my eyes but couldn't help laughing. "I'm serious. Stops my heart everytime I see it."
"You're so dramatic."
"And you're so beautiful." That made me blush and I instinctively ducked my head then reached over and kissed his cheek. He glanced at me, grinning from ear to ear, and I rolled my eyes again as we pulled up to the same spot as last time. "I figured you'd rather come here than go to my house. Here, we're sure that no one will bother you." I nodded, mentally thanking him because he was absolutely right. Satisfied that I approved, he grabbed his bag from the backseat and motioned for me to follow him. "So, I notice you like to read, with all the books in your house, and you always have a book to read, so I thought maybe we could read. Or, you could rather. I'm not big on reading at all. But my mom likes poetry and stuff and had this book of poems. I figured you'd like it and I was wondering if you could read it to me." I smiled and nodded, tucking my hands in my back pockets. "What's your favorite song right now? Not all-time. Your current favorite song."
"Pretty Little Birds by SZA," I answered without hesitation. He pulled out his phone and within seconds, the beat of the song began to play. I smiled, bumping his shoulder and listening to the lyrics. That's what really got me. The lyrics. They were so deep and intricate and poetic. And even though I had never truly felt this way, well, at least not before Seth, I had this deep connection to it. I could listen to it on repeat. And with Isaiah Rashad's part, it kinda held it all together, giving it a great ending, too.
"My wings don't spread like they used to, but I wanna fly with you…" he said, quoting it and nodding. "That's actually a really great song. Not at all what I was expecting." I nodded back, eyes trained on the ground. "Have you ever felt that way?" I looked back up at him, kind of shocked, and he was already watching me, this hopeful look in his eyes.
"Is your actual question whether or not I feel that way about you?" He smiled, running a hand through his hair.
"Yeah, in all honesty." I looked back to the ground, a small smirk forming.
"Yes, in fact, I do. That is exactly how I feel."
"Tell me about it, then."
"That song just about sums it up for me. I've never been good with explaining things, which is why I write and sing instead. It's a lot easier. Music has the ability to say all the things I can't."
"You sing?"
"I'm a multi-artist, as I like to say. I sing, dance, write poetry, music, compose, play the piano and violin. When I was back home my mother put me in almost every activity she could find to keep me out of the house. Artistic things were all I clung to, so she kept me in them. I started singing when I was 2, dancing at 3, piano and violin at 4 and everything else I kind of learned on my own."
"Can I...see? Hear? Whatever. Witness? All of that?" I laughed and nodded as we broke free of the trees.
"In due time. I don't really do much of it anymore. When we moved my dad kinda got rid of my violin and our piano and would always yell at me to stop singing. Dancing was also out of the question and I kinda stopped writing on my own after a while. Hillary said it reminded him of my mother." I shrugged and plopped down in the grass and holding my hand out for the book. He sat down, handing me the book, then laid back and rested his head on my thigh, grinning.
"Do you mind this?"
"No, it's fine." He closed his eyes, exhaling deeply, then I opened the book and let go.
Ok, so RR, let me know how you guys like it. Any feedback is welcome. Don't forget to listen to the song after, too. That's how I intended it. Once I finished the chapter and listened to the song, I could see certain scenes and feel the way Maya did. I don't add many emotions, because she doesn't express many, and she just explained why. Art was her emotional outlet, so once that was gone, so was her ability to express herself. So yeah. Anyways, that's chapter 2. Hope you enjoyed it.
