James Earl Jones Sings The Clash

There is something about a story written in narrative form that sets his teeth on edge. Not that he would ever say that out loud, it sounded too pretentious even to think. And yet, here he was, living a life that seemed like it should be given a voice over. He hated feeling like his every action was being watched by the omnipotent force of the narrator. And he really hated the fact that the narrator in his head sounded exactly like James Earl Jones. "Luke, I am you father," Jess muttered as he stepped into the apartment that night only to find evidence of the mess his life had become.

He hadn't always felt this way. When he was living with Liz he roamed the streets of New York, living his life in the first person. There was no play by play, no color commentary going on in his head. He lived in the moment; lived for himself, because that was the only person he had to worry about. Not that Liz was all bad, it was just that she was just as self absorbed as he had been, and that had worked for the two of them. For a while. So there had been a little trouble. He could admit that some of the things he had done were not his brightest ideas, but in his mind, they were no worse than the things he had heard his sainted Uncle Luke had gotten into at the same age. A little mischief, maybe, some petty vandalism, definitely, but nothing too unusual for a guy his age. Certainly nothing that deserved a good bolt of lightning. Sad how the church bells never ring in this picturesque little town, Jess thought with a smirk as he bypassed the mess on the table and headed directly for the fridge. He pulled out a bottle of beer and made a mental note to hit Caesar up for another twelve-pack as he twisted the cap off.

The minute he had stepped off of the bus in Stars Hollow to find Luke waiting for him, that had all changed. At first, he resisted. At first, he stubbornly stuck to his path of rebellion. Now, he would be the first to admit he had underestimated his uncle's tenacity. The omnipresent flannel and backwards baseball cap certainly didn't help to inspire confidence in a person who apparently still hadn't mastered the art of shaving by the time he had reached his late thirties, Jess thought with a smirk.

But Luke never failed to surprise him. The moment his uncle had pushed him into the lake, Jess had begun to reassess his opponent, but it wasn't until later that night that the narrator showed up uninvited. 'I am not letting you just fall off the face of the earth. You will not drift, I won't let it happen. Now I don't know if this is the right way to handle this, but this is the way it's being handled, and that my friend, is the end of this discussion,' James Earl Jones reminded him.

"Yes, thank you, I know," Jess muttered as he balanced the bottle cap on his thumb and then flicked it across the room with his middle finger. Luke had followed through on that promise with a fierce determination that would have impressed Patton with his tactical skills. Little by little he had been drawn in. Little by little, Luke's life, Luke's town, and eventually Luke's family, had become his family too. Most of the time, he hadn't even been aware that it was happening. Jess could remember the exact moment when it all became clear to him. He could recall vividly the overwhelming sense of right that coursed through his veins as the words left his mouth. Jess still derived a twisted little pleasure from the memory of the stunned expression on his uncle's face as he sat in Richard Gilmore's study and told him that he wanted what Luke had.

Jess leaned back against the counter as he took a long drink as he congratulated himself again on outflanking Luke. His small smile faded as he lowered the bottle and he recalled the fear he had also seen in his uncle's eyes that night. He shook his head to clear it and then turned his attention to the computer open on the cluttered table, staring at it malevolently. The thing just sat there, mocking him. A reminder of how far his life had strayed off course in the last few months. He leaned forward, and with one finger, pressed the power button. When the icons on the screen finished loading, he clicked the documents folder and then glared as three more folders popped up. The first read simply, 'Misc,' the second read, 'Crap,' but the third seemed to glow even brighter, beckoning to him with the power of an imaginary boost of LCD power. He stepped closer, his finger hovering over the mouse pad as he scowled at the third folder. Stubbornly, he scrolled over to 'Crap' and opened the folder. The screen populated with documents labeled with chapter numbers. He opened the latest, and started to read, as he did every night, hoping to pick up the thread of the story that had been left untouched since the night she showed up at his door. He sank slowly into the chair, trying to will himself into the moment, desperately wishing he could finish the unfinished sentence at the bottom of the page, but coming up blank.

With a disgusted sigh, Jess closed the folder and pressed his lips together in a grim line as the cursor highlighted the folder that read, 'Nuts'. Open it, James Earl Jones commanded. Almost of its own volition, his finger tapped the mouse and the icon displaying her name changed to a document file. With another tap, words filled the screen, and the traitorous cursor blinked furiously, happy to be where it wanted to be all along. He sneered at it, recalling the pages and pages of typed words he had deleted each night since she had left that drunken message on his machine. The rambling about Cara, and his insistence, even on paper, that any physical resemblance she and Rory may have shared was purely coincidental. The justifications which seemed too hollow for the page had to go. But there, on the page in front of him, was a long list of reasons why he and Rory should never be anything other than friends who happen to share relatives that married. He scanned the list again, nodding his head in agreement as he checked each one off in his mind. His eyes strayed to the lines he had typed above the list. His finger skimmed over the mouse pad, highlighting the text. For a moment, he watched dispassionately as his finger hovered over the delete button, but he was not shocked when his left hand joined in on the fun, pressing 'CRTL V' repeatedly until the screen was filled with the same text.

He tried to tell himself that it was simply the allure of forbidden fruit; that you always want the one girl that you couldn't and shouldn't have. He tried to tell himself that, but he never believed his own lies.

When he finally regained control of that rebellious left hand, Jess skipped down to the next blank line and typed, I suppose it is possible that I loved her the moment I saw her. You couldn't help but love her, she was beautiful, inside and out. Physically, it wasn't much of a shock. Her mother was beautiful too, but in a much more brash, 'Hey look at me' kind of way. Rory was so much like her, but so very different. Quieter, that's for sure. She seemed more intellectual, although Lorelai's personality masked a brain that was a force to be reckoned with in its own right. Her hair was not as dark and striking as her mother's, but it had a sheen of gloss that made a guy itch to touch it, just to see if it could possibly feel as silken as it looked. It did. It does. And the eyes… Was there a man alive that could resist the bright blue eyes of a Gilmore girl once they focused on him?

Jess buried his face in his hands, rubbed his eyes roughly and then waited for them to refocus on the words he had typed. He blinked in time with the cursor and said softly, "I have to go."

XXXX

Rory's hands shook with emotion as she drove back to New Haven that night. She wasn't exactly sure what she had expected to happen when she stopped by Weston's, but judging by his calm demeanor in the diner earlier that day, it was safe to assume that she had hoped for better. All she could think about was the defeated tone of Jess' voice as he talked about the bloodlust Luke was sure to feel when and if he found out about them, and then asked her how he could possibly stay in Stars Hollow. Suddenly, she was overwhelmed with guilt as she pictured Luke, clearly trying to mask his fear as her mother explained her medical condition to her daughter, and realized that she may have just cost him Jess. Rory pulled off at the next exit, and coasted to a stop in the brightly lit lot of the nearest gas station. She put the car in park, and sat staring through the windshield as she gulped in deep breaths.

It was then that she truly realized that it wasn't just about what she wanted, or what Jess wanted. This was about all of them. They would all be affected. If Jess left Stars Hollow, Luke would be more devastated than he would ever admit to, her mother would be left to deal with the fallout from that, and Josh and Jake would be deprived of the cousin that they adored. And she would know, she would always know that she had been the cause. When she kissed him that night, it had seemed like the most natural thing in the world; that they were the only ones that mattered, that doing what felt good was the right thing to do. Even in Florida, after days and days of thinking of little else, she still only thought about her feelings or Jess' feelings. The impact that any romantic entanglement between the two of them might have on the rest of her family played only at the periphery, a pesky reminder that they were 'the kids' and that Lorelai and Luke would disapprove.

But this wasn't simply a matter of avoiding a parental lecture. She didn't fear being grounded, or her television privileges revoked. This wasn't something that they could do in a fit of adolescent rebellion and then thumb their noses at the people who loved them both, daring them to try to stop it. This wasn't a Henry James novel, this was more akin to V.C. Andrews, she told herself. Rory immediately shook her head to dislodge the analogy as she muttered, "Okay, that's a little too extreme."

It could really hurt, though, she admitted to herself as she glanced at the clock and realized that if she didn't get back on the road, she couldn't get back to Yale before Luke began to worry, even though it was still more than an hour before the appointed time. Hurt them all, she told herself sternly as she chewed her lower lip and shifted the car into gear. She wheeled out of the lot and headed for the on ramp again, her jaw set with determination as she tried to figure out a way for them to get past it and still keep Jess safely in Stars Hollow. It was just a kiss, after all, she justified, knowing even as the thought bounced around in her head that she was nothing but a big, fat liar.

XXXX

Jess had listened for the rumbling all day Monday, but nothing came. He hadn't seen or heard from Luke, and could only assume that with Lorelai away, he had spent the entire day trying to wrangle both the twins and Emily, and was thankful for the reprieve. By early Tuesday morning, he knew that his luck wasn't going to hold much longer when he saw Mrs. Cassini, Patty and Babette huddled together by the newsstand. When he passed by, he overheard Patty say to Mrs. Cassini, "We're going over there this morning to help Emily while Luke does some work, we'll see what we can find out."

Jess saw Babette nudge Patty roughly and then heard her say too loudly, "So it turns out, Luger's wife caught him at the motel with a transvestite!"

Jess ducked his head, filed away the information about Luke being at the diner that afternoon, and hurried past, anxious to seek refuge at the bakery. He stepped through the door, and nodded to Lisa, who was already at her usual spot behind the counter, boxing a coffeecake for one of the interchangeable Stars Hollow High moms in an obnoxiously appliquéd sweater. He breathed in deeply, trying to imprint the scent of freshly risen dough mixed with sweet sugar on his brain, knowing that this was probably the last day he would spend here. After taking care of a few tasks in the office, Jess stepped behind the counter and said to Lisa, "I'll take over out here if you want to finish decorating that cake."

"You need to work on your roses," Lisa answered with a smirk as she handed him a loaf of bread to be placed in the slicer.

Jess snorted and muttered, "Not a skill I anticipate needing."

"What if I get hit by a bus?" Lisa asked smartly as she brushed past him.

"I will weep rivers of tears," Jess answered in a deadpan tone. "And then Uncle Luke can become the sugar rose guy," he said with a careless shrug.

As Lisa rounded the corner to the back room she called, "Like he could do better than you? Not likely."

"Then don't get hit by a bus," Jess answered as he bagged the bread and handed it off to Pete.

After the morning rush, Jess wiped down the back counter, lost in thought. With a sigh of resignation, he tossed the towel down, glanced at the clock and turned to Lisa as he said, "If you can handle things here, I need to go talk to Luke about some stuff," and then started to head for the door.

"Hey, can you tell him that he needs to look at the second mixer?" she called after him. "The motor is making a really sick sound," she said with a shrug.

Jess nodded his acknowledgement as he backed through the door and then stepped out onto the deserted sidewalk. He glanced around at the empty square uneasily, wondering idly if the residents of this loony bin had somehow sensed the explosion that was about to come. Squaring his shoulders, he set out for Luke's at a brisk pace, keeping his hands in his pockets and his eyes fixed firmly on the sidewalk in front of him. When the bells heralded his arrival, Caesar peeked out of the kitchen and gave him an abashed wave as he tried to chew quickly and swallow whatever it was he had stuffed into his cheeks.

"Luke here?" Jess asked abruptly. Caesar nodded, a guilty flush rising in his puffed cheeks as he chewed furiously and pointed to the back of the diner. Jess smirked and said, "You're just lucky Lorelai is out of town. That was the last sprinkled," as he headed for the store room.

He rounded the corner in time to see Luke toss the clipboard and pencil onto the table and rub his eyes with his balled fists. "Hey," Jess called from the doorway.

Luke looked up, embarrassed by being caught and said tersely, "Oh, hey."

"You okay?" Jess asked cautiously.

"Just trying to figure out what to do about some stuff," Luke said with a dismissive shake of his head.

"I'm leaving," Jess said with a definitive nod.

"Okay," Luke said with a nod.

"Lisa can handle the bakery, she's good," Jess told him. "I may need to come back later and pack up some stuff from the apartment, though. I'm only taking what I can carry with me," he explained as he shoved his hands into his back pockets.

Luke's brow creased into a frown as he said, "Wait. Leaving, leaving?" he asked incredulously. "Leaving town?"

Jess nodded and said, "I'll be gone by tomorrow, I promise," trying to ignore the sharp ache in his chest. He pushed his hand deep into his pocket, resisting the urge to try to rub the pain away.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up," Luke snapped, holding his hand up to stop Jess. "What the hell are you talking about? Why are you leaving?" he demanded. "You can't just up and leave. Damn it, Jess, what's going on?"

Jess eyed his uncle as he asked cautiously, "You haven't heard anything?"

"Heard anything about what?" Luke asked in an irritated tone.

"About me," Jess answered slowly.

"About you? What about you? Are you in trouble?" Luke asked quickly.

"Not yet, apparently," Jess muttered as he stared down at his shoes, smirking at the fact that the one time he was sure it would work, the Stars Hollow gossip mill had ground to a halt before the juicy stuff had reached Luke. Jess looked up and said, "I think we'd better talk."

"Talk? Talk about what?" Luke asked.

"Would you come upstairs?" Jess asked impatiently. "I don't want to talk about this down here," he added as he turned and walked to the steps leading to the apartment.

Luke's shoulders slumped tiredly as he stared at Jess' retreating back and he blew out a breath as he walked slowly to the door and followed his nephew up to his dad's old office. He closed the door behind them, walked over to the kitchen table to pull out a chair, and dropped down into it heavily. "What's this leaving crap?" he growled. Jess pulled two bottles of beer from the fridge and placed one in front of Luke, who waved at it and said, "Too early."

"Open it, you're gonna want it," Jess warned as he tossed his cap aside, glad that he had finally broken down and cleaned up the apartment a little in anticipation of his departure. When Luke made no move to pick the bottle up, Jess raised his and took a long drink of his beer. Luke watched as he lowered the bottle, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before saying in a low voice, "I kissed Rory."

Luke's jaw dropped as he blinked in confusion and then said, "Huh?"

"Rory, I kissed Rory. Actually, she kissed me, if you want to know the truth," Jess answered as he swallowed nervously.

Luke stared at Jess open-mouthed and then said, "No you didn't."

"Yes, I did," Jess countered.

"No," Luke said as he shook his head.

Jess pointed to his chest with the same hand that clutched his bottle of beer and said, "I should know, I was there, you weren't."

"You can't kiss Rory," Luke started to say.

Jess nodded and said, "Yes, I got that memo the week I moved here, but I guess someone forgot to give Rory her copy."

Luke frowned in confusion and pointed to Jess as he asked, "Wait, so, Rory kissed you?"

"Technically, yes," Jess answered.

"Why?" Luke asked incredulously.

"Hey!" Jess said, taking offense at his uncle's tone.

"Oh, come on, Jess," Luke said angrily. "Do you mean to tell me that Rory just woke up one day and said, 'Hey, you know what? I'm gonna go kiss my cousin,'?" he asked as he stood up to pace the room, exceedingly careful to place his hand on the back of his own neck rather than Jess' throat.

"We're not cousins," Jess pointed out quietly.

"Might as well be!" Luke yelled as he flung his arm out.

"But we're not!" Jess shot back, unable to resist arguing the point.

Luke looked over at Jess and asked, "What happened? What's been going on? How long has it been going on?"

Jess shook his head and said, "It's not like that. Nothing has been going on really," he said as he sat down in one of the chairs.

"Apparently, something has been," Luke pointed out.

Jess picked up the untouched beer and asked, "Want this now?"

Luke snatched the bottle from Jess' hand and twisted the cap off as he growled, "Spill it before I rip it out of you."

Jess smiled as he looked down at the table, well aware of the fact that if Luke wanted to do him bodily harm, he would have inflicted it by now. "Nothing really has been going on. We're friends, just like we always have been," he said firmly.

"Kissing friends?" Luke sneered. He dropped back into his chair and asked, "Are you, whaddayacallit," he muttered as he tried to remember the term Lorelai liked to use to describe their relationship. "Are there benefits, is that it?" he asked incredulously.

"Geez, no," Jess groaned. "Stop watchin' daytime television," he muttered.

"Are you together? Wait, what about Cara?" Luke asked as he set his bottle down on the table with a 'clunk' and leaned forward.

"We aren't together. Me and Rory or me and Cara," Jess clarified. "You called it right on that one," he said as he toasted Luke with his beer.

"Didn't wanna be right," Luke said as he ran his hand over his face tiredly. "You're not together, but she kissed you. It was a real kiss, right? Not like a peck on the cheek?" he asked warily.

"You want the details?" Jess asked laconically.

"Hell no," Luke muttered. He looked across the table at his nephew. Jess was obviously waiting for him to say something. To give his blessing, to kick his ass or to kick him out, but Luke was coming up empty. On one hand, he wanted to throttle the little punk, shove him out the door and tell him never to come back again. On the other hand, he could see it. See them together. As much as he hated to admit it, Rory and Jess had more in common than any two people he knew. Luke dropped his face to his hands and asked in a muffled voice, "What are you expecting me to say here?"

"I wasn't really sure," Jess admitted.

"What are you going to do?" Luke asked cautiously as he looked up at Jess.

"I have no idea," Jess admitted frankly.

Luke nodded, sitting back in his seat with a huff of breath and reaching for the bottle of beer in front of him. He took a small sip and said, "I can't answer this for you. I can't tell you how I feel about it because I don't know. I have no idea what Lorelai would say, and I don't even know if it matters because no one knows what Rory wants anyway." He rapped his knuckles on the table and stood up slowly as he asked, "When did this happen?"

"The night before she went to Florida," Jess answered.

"I see," Luke said as he digested the information. He nodded and said, "I can't think about this now, Jess. There's too much going on," he said in a defeated tone. Luke looked at Jess steadily as he said, "You're gonna have to talk to Rory, figure out what this all means, and let me know when you know." When Jess nodded mutely, Luke stepped over to him and gave him a hard pat on the shoulder. "Good luck," he said gruffly and then made his way to the door, closing it quietly behind him.

Jess closed his eyes as he took another long drink of his beer and then muttered, "Well, that went well." He waited a few minutes, finishing his beer slowly, hoping Luke would leave before he had to go back down the stairs. He sat replaying the conversation in his head, trying to remember if it was ever said if he was supposed to stay or go. Jess stood up slowly and looked around at the apartment. He stared at the nautical prints Luke had hung on the walls that he had built for them and mocked himself mercilessly as he felt a lump rise in his throat. He opened the apartment door and walked slowly down the stairs. As he passed the store room, he saw Luke staring blankly at the clipboard he clutched in both hands. He paused, hovering in the doorway until his presence was sensed and Luke looked up at him questioningly.

"Not to rip off Mick Jones or anything, because, frankly, I always thought The Clash was highly overrated, borderline lame, if you want to know how I really feel…" Jess rambled nervously.

"What?" Luke asked as he shook his head in confusion.

"Should I stay or should I go now?" Jess asked with a twitch of his lips.

"I thought Joe Strummer was The Clash guy," Luke said with a frown. When Jess barked a surprised laugh, Luke smirked and asked, "Did you forget who I live with?" He looked over at his nephew, shifting anxiously from foot to foot as he tried to keep his face impassive and Luke softened a little. "Stay. Please. We'll figure it out," he said quietly.

Jess nodded and looked anywhere but at Luke as he said, "I guess I should get back to work, then."

Luke nodded once and said gruffly, "Yeah, get back to work."

"The second mixer is acting up," Jess reported.

Luke looked down at the nonsensical inventory he had attempted and muttered, "Then fix it," without looking in Jess' direction again.

Jess nodded and spun on his heel, anxious to make his escape before Luke could change his mind. He hurried through the diner and out into the pale March sunlight. He blinked as he saw children playing in the square and shoppers bustling up and down the sidewalks as they ran their errands, and wondered if the all clear had been signaled and how he had missed the sound of the air raid siren perched atop the church. Averting his gaze from the passersby, Jess hunched his shoulders against the cool breeze and walked quickly back to the bakery. When he stepped back into the familiar warmth, he looked up to find Lisa watching him with a curious gaze. Jess jerked his chin at the back room and said, "Okay, show me again."

"What?" Lisa asked as she followed in his wake.

Jess picked up a canvas pastry bag loaded with pink frosting and plucked a sheet of precut waxed paper from a box, spreading it over the work surface before twisting the end of the pastry bag and forcing the frosting to the tip. "Stupid roses," he muttered. "I'm much better at the squiggly things."

XXXX

Luke sped north on I-90, his wrist draped over the top of the steering wheel as his mind raced even faster than his old truck. He glanced over at the garment bag Emily had packed for him, and all but shoved into his arms as he walked down the stairs freshly showered and prepared to grovel at Lorelai feet. He wondered how he would erase the hurt that his fear and insecurity had inflicted on them. A tiny part of him still worried that she hadn't denied the attraction she had felt toward Ben Larson, and wondered is his doubts had driven her further from him and closer to the other man. Luke dismissed that thought immediately, his heart knowing with a certainty that his head may not feel, that it was impossible. She loved him. That he knew for sure.

It was stress, he told himself firmly. And it was. He didn't really doubt Lorelai. He didn't doubt her devotion to him or to their family. All of them, including Jess, even though he wasn't truly either of theirs. Jess, he thought with a sigh. Jess and Rory, his mind echoed. Luke struggled to wrap his mind around it, but it all seemed too implausible. But it wasn't really. This was what they had both worried about since the moment that they realized that Rory and Jess had developed a special kind of friendship of their own. Don't think about it, he told himself sternly. Not yet.

Luke blinked, trying to keep his focus on the road in front of him. He couldn't think about it now. He needed to fix things with Lorelai first. He needed to fix things and bring her home. Home with their boys, where their musical laughter could chase the worry away, where a four-to-a-bed cuddle could make even Taylor Doose tolerable, and a simple smile from Lorelai was enough to make him feel like the man of steel he wished he was. He drummed his fingers on the wheel as he looked up at the road signs, careful not to miss his exit. He needed to fix things with Lorelai so that all could be right in his world. And then, together, they would figure out how to handle all the rest.

XXXX

When her phone rang for the fifth time that night, Rory almost ignored it. She capped her pink hi-lighter with a disgruntled sigh, and picked it up, check the display for her mother's number, the only one she would answer. She blinked as she stared at the tiny window displaying the caller's information, and murmured, "Except this one," as she flipped the phone open with her thumb. "Hello?" she said cautiously.

"I told Luke," Jess said without preamble.

"What?" Rory asked, sitting straight up in her chair and tossing the hi-lighter down on top of her Philosophy book.

"I told him that we kissed. This morning," Jess said quickly. Rory gaped in stunned silence as she tried to process the information. "Not that we kissed this morning, that we have kissed, and I told him about it. This morning," he told her in a desperate attempt at clarity.

Finding her voice at last, Rory finally asked, "Why?"

"Because, I had to tell him why I was leaving," Jess answered.

"Where are you?" she demanded.

"My apartment," he said with a shrug.

"Well, what did he say?" Rory asked as she stood up to pace the room, tucking her hair behind her ear nervously.

"Well, after telling me that we were cousins, and asking if we were friends with benefits, he wanted to know how long this had been going on," Jess answered with a smirk.

"Nothing has been going on!" Rory cried indignantly.

"Nothing?" Jess asked as his eyebrows shot up.

"Well, nothing like that," Rory amended quickly. She paused for a second and ten said, "Well, you're apparently breathing, so he didn't kill you. That's a good sign," she said slowly.

"Still in one piece," Jess confirmed.

"And you're at the apartment, so you haven't left Stars Hollow," Rory said as she mentally checked off another possible outcome.

"I am still here," Jess answered.

"So, how did you guys leave it?" Rory asked hesitantly.

"He said that there was too much going on, that he couldn't think about that right now, and that I needed to talk to you to sort it all out," Jess said with a heavy sigh. "Woulda been easier if he had just put me on a bus again," he mumbled.

"You have a car," Rory pointed out nonsensically.

"Yes, thanks to Luke," Jess said dryly. "Everything I have is thanks to Luke," he said, his impatience growing. "Everything I am right now is because of Luke, and you should have seen his face, Rory," he said hoarsely.

"Oh Jess," she said softly.

"I should have punched him in the gut, it probably would have been easier," Jess told her. "Well, easier on him, I probably would have broken a knuckle if he tensed up. For an old guy, he's pretty solid," Jess added with a smirk.

"Rock solid," Rory murmured. "And not just, you know, physically," she babbled.

"I yanked the rug out from under him," Jess said dispiritedly.

Rory took a deep breath and said, "Okay, while this was probably not something he wanted to hear, I don't think that what you told him is the only thing that's bothering him. As a matter of fact, I know it isn't," she said gently.

"No? Because it looked like I peed in his Cheerios," Jess told her.

"Mom is having, uh, some health issues," Rory began slowly.

"Health issues? Lorelai?" Jess asked as he dropped down into the ancient armchair next to the couch.

"Nothing life threatening. More of the female variety," Rory explained awkwardly.

"Oh," Jess said, making a face as he looked around the empty apartment to be sure that no one was there to witness the flush creeping up his neck.

"She has to have surgery. Next week as a matter of fact," Rory told him. "I'm sure Luke would have said something to you about it. Probably very cryptically," she added with a smirk. "He's kind of freaked out, though. You can see it in his eyes. I think he's afraid that it will turn into something more serious than it is," she explained.

"Because of Granddad," Jess said quietly as he nodded his understanding.

"You can't leave, Jess," Rory implored. "I've been wanting to call you, but I didn't know if you would even listen to me. You can't leave," she said urgently. "It would hurt him too badly," she said in a worried tone.

"I'm not leaving," he assured her.

"You're not?" she asked, a spark of hope flaring in her heart.

"Joe Strummer said I had to stay," Jess answered with a nod.

"Joe Strummer?" Rory asked blankly, and Jess waited patiently for her to catch up. She thought for a moment and then smiled a little as she said, "Oh. That was Mick Jones."

"I know that, but I had to put it into a context that Luke would understand," Jess replied with a shrug.

Rory smiled and said, "I'm so glad."

"We need to talk," Jess said, his voice low and husky.

"I know," Rory whispered.

"It's not going to just go away," he said in a defeated tone.

"No, I don't think so," Rory agreed.

"I think we both need to think about this, you know, how we really feel," Jess said gruffly.

"Yeah," she agreed.

"But we should talk, um, to each other about it," he finished uncertainly.

"Yeah, that would be good. We both have some, uh, issues to work out," Rory said, cautiously hopeful.

"Yeah, so, I'll call you?" he said questioningly.

"Yeah, that would be good," Rory answered, suddenly feeling shy.

Jess hesitated for a moment and then said, "Rory? I, uh, may not have acted like it, so just in case you're thinking anything different…"

"Yeah?" Rory asked when he paused a moment too long.

"It was a really good kiss," he said quietly. "Goodnight, Rory," Jess said to the stunned silence on the other end of the phone, and then he quickly disconnected. He held the phone in his hand for a moment, half wishing that it would ring, but knowing that it wouldn't. Finally, he pushed himself up out of the chair and walked over to the kitchen table. He stood with his hands gripping the back of the chair as he watched the cursor blinking at him enticingly. Write it, James Earl Jones commanded. Jess rolled his eyes and pulled the chair out a bit. He sat down in front of the keyboard and said to the empty room, "If you build it, they will come, right? Right," he answered himself as his fingers began to peck out letters. Picking up speed, the letters soon formed words, the words became sentences, and the sentences became a paragraph, then two and three. When the paragraphs filled the page, Jess scrolled back up to the top and began to read. When he reached the bottom of the page again, he nodded and said with a smirk, "Better change the names to protect the innocent, right James? Right," he said with a satisfied smile.

XXXX

In a strange bed in a strange hotel room in a strange city, they talked softly as they lie entwined, his leg over hers, her arm banded across his stomach. Luke ran his hand lazily through Lorelai's hair, letting it filter through his fingers as he had Jake's just hours before. "She kissed him?" Lorelai asked again.

"That's the story," Luke answered patiently.

"Rory and Jess," Lorelai said in a bewildered voice.

Luke groaned and said, "I don't even wanna think about it."

Lorelai shrugged and said, "Well, they're not related."

"So I hear," Luke muttered.

"And even if they were, they could always move to Arkansas," she joked.

"I thought it was Kentucky," Luke said gruffly.

"Alabama," Lorelai said with a grin.

"There's something to be said for that whole, 'Don't ask, don't tell' thing," he grumbled.

"You may be right," Lorelai conceded. They fell silent, Lorelai absently running her fingers through the hair on his chest. She frowned and asked, "Do you think my mother didn't pack you any pajamas on purpose?"

Luke groaned again and said, "Well, she remembered to pack a razor, so it's possible."

Lorelai turned her head to look up at him, waiting patiently until his eyes met hers. "Babe, you have to realize that I could never cheat on you because you would know, and you can never cheat on me because you're a crappy liar," she told him.

"I thought I was a crappy husband," he reminded her.

"And liar," she said with a nod. She turned her head to look up at him and said, "I can't tell you how happy I am right now."

"Right now?" Luke asked.

"Well, I wasn't very happy earlier today," she grumbled as she pressed her cheek to his chest again.

"Me either," Luke told her as he rubbed his hand over her arm. "How about yesterday? Were you happy then?" he asked.

Lorelai frowned as she thought for a moment and said, "Up until last night, yeah it was a pretty good day."

"Last week, were you happy last week?" he asked her.

Lorelai turned to look at him again and asked, "When last week?"

"In general," he said with a shrug.

Lorelai cocked her head as she looked at him, trying to figure out what he was getting at. "In general, yes. Why?" she asked.

"Are you content? With you and me, us. Are you content with us?" he asked her.

Lorelai made a face as she asked, "Content? I'm beyond content, Luke."

Luke shook his head slowly and said, "No, there's nothing beyond content."

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

Luke shrugged again and said, "Content means, comfortable, secure, happy, satisfied, right? Why is it bad to be content, always happy, always satisfied?"

Lorelai smiled and kissed him gently before snuggling into his neck and saying, "I am so content."

They talked in hushed voices for what seemed like minutes, but what was probably hours. As his answers started coming a little more slowly, and his breathing became a little deeper, Lorelai smiled and pecked an absent kiss to his chest. "Don't worry anymore," she whispered into the darkness. "Everything is going to be okay. We're all going to be okay," she assured him.

"That's my line," Luke answered in a raspy voice.

"Well, what's yours is mine," Lorelai answered with a contented smile.

XXXX

Despite her cautious nature, her mind was quick and facile, grasping information, processing it quickly, and storing it away for future reference. Very little escaped her interest, and even topics that didn't particularly fascinate her, were kept, just in case they were ever needed. This is what most people missed when they met her. She was shy, self effacing, and a tad bit unsure of her beauty. These things were easy to see by the way she held herself. But if you took the time to scratch the surface, you would find a backbone forged by strength of character, confidence borne of a willingness to work hard, and ambition that drove her to reach beyond the tiny town that she loved as home. This, the whole incredible package, is what drew him like a moth to a flame. She was irresistible, and she didn't even know it. To him, that was the most entrancing thing of all.

Jess clicked on the tiny icon of a diskette to save the night's work, and then powered the computer down. He looked at the table, a frown creasing his brow when he found it free of beer bottles and crushed cigarette butts. He smirked as he pushed his chair back and glanced at the ceiling as he asked James Earl Jones, "How could you have let this happen? Dylan Thomas would be so ashamed."