Author's notes: I know that the first chapter was short but the chapters from now on should be in the three to four thousand word range - though some may be longer or shorter, depending on what's going on in the story at the time.
This fic will be updated almost daily but it all depends on what's going on around me; if I'm not busy, I'll probably spend a lot of time writing and you guys may get two updates in one day, who knows?
As always, reviews and comments are welcome. :)
Oh, and those people who are wondering when Katie's coming into the story: I didn't write her into it, mostly because the kid in the book doesn't have a sibling and because I don't know where, exactly, I would put her in. Sorry about that! :c
Characters in this chapter: Kendall, James, and brief mentions of Jennifer and Christopher Knight (Kendall's parents).
Warnings: There's sex in this chapter (it's not very graphic, but it's still sex).
A month later, Kendall graduates with his class; he smiles and pretends to care about the people that made his life a living hell, but on the inside he's wishing things on them that he's never wished on another person in his life. When Mercedes Griffin passes by him and grimaces, Kendall wants to put his foot out and trip her, but he thinks better about it when his mother hugs him.
The day after graduation, Kendall lays by the pool in his swim trunks, sunglasses over his eyes and a beer in his hand. The sun beats down on his skin and he makes a noise at the warmth, lifting the cold bottle to his lips; he seals them around the top, sucks down a good portion of the alcohol before pulling the bottle away. His mouth makes a loud, obscene sucking noise as the glass is pulled away and Kendall lets out a small 'ah' after he swallows.
His parents are at work; Christopher Knight at his law firm in the city and Jennifer Knight at the hospital, where she's pulling an eighteen hour shift as a nurse. No one is around to witness Kendall drinking a beer - the last one in the house, in fact - and he revels in the peace and quiet.
Until his phone rings and interrupts his 'me time.'
A curse falls from Kendall's lips and he turns his head, switching the bottle of beer from his left hand to his right as he leans over. He snatches the jeans and pulls the denim toward him carefully, feeling the sun against his back; when the fabric is close enough, Kendall fishes through his pocket and grabs his phone.
Tapping a button, Kendall brings the message up and snorts at the text from James: 'Are you busy?'
He sighs and sets his beer between his legs, typing out, 'Kind of, yeah.'
Once the message is sent, Kendall leans back against the chair again and sets his phone on his stomach, screen side down. Sunlight pours over his body and he sighs deeply, running his fingers over the back of his phone as he lifts the beer to his lips again, taking a long swig. Another noise comes from his cell and Kendall groans, picking the damn thing up again, reading: 'What are you doing? I wanna see you.'
Kendall rolls his eyes and types, 'I'm relaxing, James.'
Setting his phone back onto his stomach and draining his beer, Kendall tosses the bottle onto the grass behind him and folds his arms behind his head. He listens to the noises around him — the cars passing by, the birds chirping and the kids from down the street laughing as they play.
"I could fall asleep like this," Kendall mutters to himself as he settles down against the lawn chair more, taking in a deep breath. For a moment, he dozes off and wakes up when his phone buzzes again, growling and cursing James for interrupting him.
When Kendall picks up his phone this time, he reads a completely different message from James and it makes him moan. 'I want to fuck you,' James replied, putting a winking face at the end for added effect.
Chewing on his lower lip, Kendall stares at the screen before replying, 'Let me take a shower and get dressed. I'll be there soon.' The message sends and he immediately regrets it, knowing that he thought with his cock instead of his head — or his heart — and Kendall's body wants James, no matter what the rest of him says.
Fifteen minutes later, Kendall emerges from the bathroom in a cloud of steam and runs a towel through his hair, trying to dry it quickly. He walks toward his dresser and tosses the wet fabric onto a pile of dirty clothes, before letting the towel around his waist fall. It pools around his ankles as Kendall kneels in front of the dresser, opening the bottom drawer.
A pair of tight black jeans comes out of this drawer and Kendall throws them onto his bed before opening another drawer. He grabs a pair of blue plaid boxers from this one and stands up, slipping the fabric over his legs and snapping the elastic against his hips.
Part of him wonders if he should just leave the underwear out of the equation and make it easy access for James, but the thought is quickly extinguished when Kendall realizes that leaving them on just means more time with James. With a sigh, he shuts the drawers with his feet and the backs of his legs, before opening one at the top and pulling out an Incubus shirt that is his favourite.
He pulls the soft fabric over his head and lets it fall around his torso as he moves to the bed, snatching his jeans. The fabric drapes over his arm as Kendall moves around the room to grab his things — car keys, phone, wallet, shoes, belt — and he moves out of his bedroom, pulling the jeans on as he enters the hall.
By the time Kendall gets to the bottom of the stairs, he's fully dressed and his hair is half dry and going a dozen different ways; he doesn't bother to brush it or smooth it down, knowing that he'll just mess it up when he gets to James' house.
Something bubbles up to the surface as Kendall walks to his car and he doesn't know if he's nervous, anxious, or scared about going over to the Diamonds'. He's been there a hundred times before and knew it almost better than his own house, so why did he have butterflies in the pit of his stomach? They almost made him feel nauseous and, for a brief second, he considered just calling James and telling him that he didn't feel well.
"I can't fake sick," Kendall mutters as he climbs into his car, shutting the door behind him. "He'll know that I'm lying and he'll come over to my house."
The engine roars to life when Kendall turns the keys in the ignition and the sound calms him down; he listens to the engine rev as he taps the gas pedal, smiling at the noise before putting the car in reverse. As he backs out of the driveway and pulls onto the street, Kendall thinks about the way James looked at him at prom and how he dismissed him.
Kendall chews on his lower lip and drives to James' house quietly, thumbs tapping against the steering wheel the whole way, and his fingers trembling the closer he got. By the time he gets to the Diamond house, Kendall's entire body is shaking and he feels even sicker than before; when he parks in the driveway, Kendall sits in his car for a moment, staring at the house in front of him.
He doesn't think it's a good idea, but his body states otherwise; his cock is hardening in his jeans whenever Kendall thinks about James behind him, driving into him as hard as he can. And when he thinks about the other boy saying his name - the only time James will allow himself to show even an ounce of passion toward him - Kendall can't help but push the heel of his hand against the front of his jeans.
It's now or never, Kendall thinks to himself as he shuts the car off and listens to the engine die before retrieving the keys from the ignition. With a heavy heart - and a half-hard cock - he gets out of the car and shuts the door, slipping his hands into his back pockets as he walks toward the front door.
The house is quiet and Kendall steps onto the porch cautiously, acting like he's not allowed to be there and, in James' mind, he probably isn't supposed to be. He sighs and swallows hard, lifting a hand to push the doorbell, holding it in until he hears the bell ring throughout the house; when he hears it, Kendall drops his hand and rubs his sweaty palm against his jean-clad thigh.
"I'm coming!" James' voice comes from behind the door and Kendall's heart pounds in his chest, mouth suddenly going dry. He tries desperately to swallow, to dislodge the lump in his throat, but fails miserably and keeps wiping his hands against his jeans.
Footsteps approach the door and Kendall inhales deeply through his nose and exhales through his mouth, smiling brightly once James opens the door. The smile goes unnoticed and unrequited as Kendall stands on the porch, rocking back and forth on his heels, hands resting lazily at his sides.
Then James moves out of the way and holds the door open. "In," he demands, voice rough and low, eyes locked on Kendall in a way he's seen a hundred times before.
Without hesitation, Kendall moves into the house and slips his hands into his pockets, turning to look at James as he shuts the door. The other boy turns on his heels and Kendall allows himself to look at him for the first time — noticing that the boy is only wearing a pair of gym shorts. Licking his lips, Kendall pulls his gaze up and locks eyes with James.
A million things go through Kendall's mind at once and he keeps staring at James like it's the last time he'll ever see him, and it very may well be. The tension between them is thick and the silence is awkward, so Kendall just rocks back and forth on his heels again until James comes forward and grabs him.
Hands go to the front of his jeans, expert fingers unbuckling his belt before moving to the button, popping it quickly. It happens so fast that Kendall's head spins but he doesn't push James' hands away and doesn't stop him from getting what he wants. The sound of his zipper fills the air and Kendall bites his lip, feeling the denim - and the cotton of his boxers - move down his thighs quickly.
Kendall kicks his shoes away and gets out of his jeans without being told, moving awkwardly when James' hands curl around the hem of his shirt. The dark fabric moves up the middle of Kendall's flat stomach and he lifts his arms, feeling it brush along the backs of his biceps before it's gone.
With Kendall's clothing out of the way, James wastes no time in exploring his body; fingers and hands mapping out every inch of lean muscle, fingertips brushing over the jut of Kendall's hipbone. The touches are light and intimate - for now - and Kendall savors them, closes his eyes and revels in the way James' skin feels against his own, not knowing how many chances they'll have left to do this.
"Bedroom," James growls, hands moving up the flat of Kendall's abdomen, dragging blunt nails over his nipples. A loud moan escapes and his body trembles underneath James' touch, but Kendall nods and reluctantly pulls away, turning to make his way down the hall and up the stairs.
This time is like all the rest, but yet Kendall can't get his body to come down from it's high; his body is thrumming, fingertips itching and burning to touch every inch of James, cock already half hard. By the time he gets to James' bedroom, Kendall's whimpering and begging for it, pleading for James and his cock, voice dripping with desperation and need.
James' bedroom is the same as it's always been and Kendall looks around quickly, before situating himself on the bed. He knows how James wants him and scrambles to get onto his hands and knees, chest pushed down toward the bed, ass on perfect display.
When he enters the room, James' eyes rake over Kendall's body and he hums in approval, noticing that the other boy is already in position. Palming himself through his shorts, James walks toward the bed and pushes the flimsy fabric down, kicking it away before wrapping a hand around his cock.
"So eager for me, huh?" His words are right against Kendall's ear and he keens, arches his back and dips down so the head of his cock brushes against the mattress. James chuckles against his skin, breathing hot against it before drawing back; a disappointed whine leaves Kendall's throat and he listens to things rummaging around in the nightstand beside the bed.
They're to the point where Kendall doesn't say anything; he just lets James talk the way he wants and grunts in reply to any and every question the other boy utters. Instead of talking, Kendall focuses on the noises around him and the sounds of the condom wrapper opening. For some reason - and Kendall will never know why this happens - he gets harder at the sound of James putting a condom on; it's almost as hot as watching it — almost.
Closing his eyes and dropping his face down onto the pillow in front of him, Kendall listens to James' breath hitch and he wonders if he just rolled the condom on. He bites down on his lower lip and makes a noise into the pillow so that James won't hear it, knowing that the other boy doesn't like when he's verbal. It has to do something with the way James refuses to accept that Kendall is there and that he's a boy and that they're fucking — or that's what Kendall believes, anyway.
James moves to the bed behind Kendall and he can feel the mattress dip with the extra weight, can feel James' hands on his slender hips, fingers brushing along the smooth skin. For a moment, Kendall wonders if this time is going to be like all the others: rough and quick and sometimes painful for him.
He gets his answer when James' fingers press against his entrance; the digits are cool and slick as they slip inside of him and Kendall knows that this time is, unfortunately, going to be like all the others. Sighing heavily, he screws his eyes shut and relaxes, feeling the digits intrude his body at a quick pace, pushing in until James' knuckles are pressing against his skin.
The burn is dull and Kendall hardly pays attention to it anymore, his focus on the way James breathes behind him and the way his fingers feel inside his ass. Every noise he makes is muffled by the pillow and he would like to be able to moan James' name without being silenced, just once.
"You ready?" James' voice is a dark growl and Kendall just nods his head, whimpering 'yes' into the pillowcase like James can actually hear him. A chuckle erupts from deep in James' chest as he pulls his fingers out quickly, lining the head of his cock up with Kendall's entrance.
It doesn't take long for James to bury himself inside of Kendall; his hips press against the other boy's ass roughly, fingers digging into his hips hard enough to bruise and Kendall curses into the pillow. When James starts a rhythm - his usual pull out, thrust back in, pull out quickly, slam back in pace - Kendall bites down around the pillowcase and tangles his fingers in the sheets underneath them.
James' hips jab against his ass roughly and Kendall starts to push back against him, surprised when the other boy doesn't hold him still or tell him to stop; even more shocked when James' hand goes to his hair, lithe fingers tangling in the short locks as he thrusts with reckless abandon.
Feeling James' hand on the back of his head and the fingers in his hair makes Kendall's heart flutter and he groans James' name into the pillow, pushing back against him roughly as he moves a hand to his cock. He can tell that James is close by the way he's breathing and the fingers around his cock tighten and quicken to match the speed and rhythm of James' thrusts.
And then the final moment is there.
James slams into Kendall one last time, burying himself balls deep into him, and cries out. He doesn't say Kendall's name - or Mercedes' for that matter - and he doesn't really say much of anything, just moans at the top of his lungs and pants harshly. It's still enough to send Kendall over the edge and he screws his eyes shut, hand flying up and down his cock before he comes on the sheets, James' name a moan that gets silenced by the fabric against his mouth.
They pant together and Kendall pushes himself away from the pillow, feeling James' hand slide away from his head. His fingers trail down Kendall's spine and over his ass, sliding down the curve of it and Kendall shivers, licking his lips quickly. In one fluid motion, James slides his cock out and moves off the bed, removing the condom as he turns his back on Kendall, leaving him with a mess of his own come.
"Thanks," Kendall mutters, letting out a harsh breath of laughter when James disappears behind the bathroom door. Things go quiet and Kendall moves to sit on the edge of the bed, running a hand through his hair, listening to the faint sounds of water running from ten feet away.
When James comes downstairs, Kendall's pulling his shoes on and he doesn't turn around when he hears footsteps approaching. Once his shoes are laced, Kendall straightens up and smooths a hand down the front of his shirt as he turns to look at James, lifting an eyebrow.
"What?" James spits, hands on his hips.
Shaking his head, Kendall laughs and licks his lips. "Nothing," he replies, "nothing at all. Thanks for calling me over here — it was fun, like always."
Turning his back on James, Kendall grabs his keys from his pocket and walks toward the door, wrapping his hand around the doorknob. Part of him doesn't want to leave and another part - the biggest one - is telling him to run for his life; to leave and never come back, to never answer another one of James' stupid text messages again.
He opens the door slowly, half expecting James to tell him to stop and to stay, but he doesn't; he never has, and despite wanting him to, Kendall knows that he never will. With his stomach churning and his ass getting more sore by the minute, Kendall leaves James' house and lets the door slam shut behind him.
What Kendall wants more than anything is to leave James behind and move on, to find someone who treats him better and who appreciates him. He thinks about how he still has to see James everyday at work, and how he'll hate every minute of it and be reminded of the thing he wants but can't have.
By the time he gets home, Kendall is angry at himself and the world, but mostly James for being a fucking idiot and a douchebag. He goes inside the house and finds it empty, which isn't shocking, and goes up to his room, letting his bedroom door slam shut before falling face-first onto his bed.
Kendall lets out a heavy sigh and turns onto his side, grabbing a remote from the nightstand before hitting the play button. Loud music pours into the room and angry lyrics fill the space, the words playing over and over in Kendall's mind as he stares at the ceiling, both arms folded under his head, wondering when life will get easier for him.
The music changes from loud, angry metal to soft acoustic rock and Kendall sprawls out on his bed, falling asleep to the sounds of Brandon Boyd's voice singing A Certain Shade Of Green. Before Kendall dozes off, the last thing he hears is Would a written invitation signed, "choose now or lose it all," sedate your hesitation?
When he's finally out, Kendall dreams about being far away from his family and the town they're in; he dreams up fantasizes of having James with him and the two of them spending ever waking moment together. In his fantasies, Kendall is always happy and he's always laughing and smiling; there's no sadness or feeling of rejection in these dreams, just happiness.
By the time he wakes up, the sun is setting and Kendall can hear things moving around downstairs. His backside hurts when he moves onto his side and he hisses, curling in on himself for a moment, willing the pain and the heartache to just go away. Kendall doesn't know how long he lays like that, just knows that he dozes on and off for a while until his mother knocks on his door, announcing that dinner is ready.
It takes all Kendall has to get up and go downstairs, but he somehow manages to force a smile and push through the pain - both physical and emotional - long enough to spend time with his mother. And it's just the two of them tonight, eating quietly as the sun goes down over their backyard, plunging everything into darkness and reminding Kendall that he's stuck in this damn place for another three months.
