Here we go.


'Keith, Lance. You're up.' Lance groaned as Shiro's voice filtered over their comms, the ramp to the black lion sliding down to let Hunk and Pidge out. Pidge practically skipped out, tearing off her helmet and making a beeline straight for her lion.

'Quiznak, it feels good to get that off,' she said with a grin, 'I've had an itch on my scalp for almost an hour.' She dragged her fingers through the unkempt hair and scratched mercilessly. 'Oh yeah, that's the good stuff.' Lance watched her with a small smile on his face. It was nice to see her back to her old self after this morning's tension. Keith's shoulder slammed into his and he staggered to the side with a grunt.

'What the hell, Keith?' His rival glared down at him from the ramp.

'If you're done staring at your girlfriend, can we get a move on please? I don't want to be stuck with you for longer than I have to.' Lance glared right back, sliding his helmet back on and brushing past Keith on the ramp.

'I'm just waiting on you, big guy. Not getting cold feet, are you?' Besides, she's not my girlfriend. Before the surly young man could respond, Shiro clapped a hand down on Lance's shoulder.

'All right, that's enough. Maybe forty-five minutes in a deep space vacuum will teach you cooperation.' He pushed them both up through the hatch of his lion and took his seat at the controls.

'If either of you switch your comms back before your time is up, you'll be sleeping on the floor of my bunk for a week,' he threatened. Lance smirked.

'Oh, is that a promise?'

'Shut up, Lance.' Keith shoved him away roughly, ignoring his cries of protest. 'It won't be a problem, Shiro.' The older pilot smiled back at him.

'Make sure it isn't.' They reached the drop zone, and the two rivals sealed their helmets. 'See you two soon. Try not to rip each other to pieces out there.' He gave them a lopsided grin. 'It'll be a ton of paperwork if either of you dies.' He opened the hatch and dropped them, speeding back to the castle before they could respond. Lance crossed his arms and pouted.

'God, what a dick.'

'Lance, you haven't switched your comm over yet,' Shiro warned, his voice dangerous, and Lance yelped, tapping his helmet hastily.

'Idiot,' Keith muttered, but floated over to him anyway, linking their arms together. 'Try to conserve your oxygen. It may only be a drill, but this could save our lives someday.'

'And here I thought Shiro was our Space Dad,' Lance said with a sneer. Keith rolled his eyes, but didn't retaliate, setting his timer.

'Sound off every fifteen.'

'Sure.' Honestly, the less talking they did, the better. Of course, that left his mind up to its own devices, which was not a great situation for him. He counted to a hundred, then five hundred, and he didn't think about Pidge. He tried to come up with a strategy for defeating the tough boss he was stuck on in Killbot Phantasm, and he didn't think about Pidge. He recited the alphabet backward twice, then counted stars, then did everything he could to not think about Pidge.

'Will you stop fidgeting?' Keith's sharp voice brought him back from his definitely Pidge-less memories, and he scowled.

'I'm bored,' he whined, knowing that the red paladin would chalk his behaviour up to being an idiot, rather that stuck thinking about how nice Pidge had smelled, even after a full day in her lab. 'Can we talk about something?'

'That kind of negates the purpose of the drill,' Keith snapped, but after seeing Lance wilt in on himself, he relented. 'Fine. You want to talk? Maybe tell me what's going on with you and Pidge. Is this going to be a problem?' Lance quirked an eyebrow.

There's nothing between me and Pidge-'

'Pidge and I,' Keith corrected, earning a scowl from Lance.

'Me and Pidge,' he insisted. 'We were up late playing Killbot, and we fell asleep. Nothing to tell.' Keith's grip on his arm tightened.

'That's not what Shiro said. Or the mice.' Lance froze for a moment, then tried to laugh it off.

'Th- the mice are just little tiny animals, Keith. And- and you know how Shiro blows things out of proportion. I mean, the guy is practically off his rocker.' A bead of sweat trickled down his temple and disappeared into his hair. Not now.

'The mice are smarter than you, Lance. And Shiro is the most level headed of all of us. From what he told us, you were holding on to Pidge like your life depended on it.' Keith's alarm sounded before he could push it any further. 'Ugh. Sound off. Keith here.'

'Lance here,' he said as he fought to keep his voice steady. 'You know what, I think I'm done talking.' Keith snorted.

'Never thought I'd see the day,' he muttered, but let it drop for now. Of course, the silence drew Lance right back into his own head, but this time, he let it go.

He hadn't had a panic attack since the night before leaving Varadero for the Garrison. Why now? It usually stemmed from isolation, as far as he could tell, but he hadn't really been alone for months. He'd made fast friends with Hunk the second they'd met, and even though it took a while to connect with her, he was getting closer to Pidge too. He swallowed hard and tried to ignore the sweat beading on his forehead.

Think of something else. Anything.

His thoughts exploded with images of Pidge. The way their fingers laced together, the look she'd get when she would try to teach him something, or how she'd felt last night, her head tucked into his chest and his arms wound around her protectively. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't attracted to her, but he knew it would never happen. She was too focused on finding her family, and what she felt for him was nothing more than an irritating friendship.

Almost immediately, his chest heaved.

'F-fuck,' he muttered under his breath, and Keith turned to him.

'You okay, Lance?' The Cuban boy bit through the flesh on his lip and fixed him with a terrified expression, red blood dripping off his mouth and onto his chin. 'Shit,' the red paladin swore, and tapped his helmet, bringing their comms back online.

'Keith?' Shiro's voice was surprised. 'I thought Lance would be the first to crack and call us.'

'Shiro, we've got a problem. There's something wrong with Lance.' Pidge pushed her way into the frame of the screen.

'Keith, you need to bring him back here right now,' she snapped, Hunk nodding behind her.

'I'm heading out now, Keith,' Shiro said reassuringly, 'keep each other safe.' The holographic screen disappeared, and they were on their own again.

'Tell me how to help, Lance.'

'I- I don't...' Lance's hands were shaking uncontrollably as his head swivelled around, trying to get his bearings. 'I can't...' Keith grabbed his hands in a strong grip and squeezed.

'You've gotta tell me what's wrong, man. Shiro will be here any second.' Lance sniffled and blinked the gathering tears back.

'I'm having- I have anxiety,' he bit out, 'and I'm pretty sure this is a panic attack.' Keith's eyes widened in surprise.

'Shit. It's going to be okay, Lance. Focus on me. Tell me five things you see.' Lance bit back a sob and searched his friend's face.

'I... Your eyes,' he finally managed to say, and Keith nodded.

'Good. Keep going.'

'Your visor, and- and your hair.' Keith offered him a rare genuine smile.

'You're doing great. Shiro's almost here.' Lance's breathing, while still ragged and unsteady, evened slightly.

'I see... stars... and Shiro.' The black paladin leapt out of his lion and raced toward them, pulling Lance's arm over his shoulder as soon as he could reach him.

'Let's get him out of here,' he barked, and pulled both of them back up to his lion. The hatch snapped shut and he jumped back into his seat, speeding back toward the castle. Keith sat Lance back against the wall and pulled his helmet off.

'Tell me four things you can feel,' Keith said gently, and Lance strained his ears.

'I can... Black's engines. Your hands. The floor.' He winced at his stinging lip. 'Pain.'

The black lion landed in the hangar and he felt himself getting pulled to his feet by Shiro and Keith.

'Come on, Lance. We need to go see Coran,' Shiro said in a low voice, clearly unsure of how to help.

'No,' Lance gasped, shaking his head violently, 'Pidge. Hunk.' Shiro hesitated, and Lance nearly sobbed. 'Please.'

Finally, Shiro nodded and helped him down the ramp and into the hangar. His eyes landed on Hunk and Pidge, and he sagged in relief, sinking to his knees as soon as he touched level ground. Pidge broke out of Hunk's grip and raced over to him, still in her armor, and skidded on her knees to meet him.

'Lance,' she whispered, trying to hide her own tears, 'breathe with me.' She cupped his face and inhaled deeply, just like the night before. He imitated her as well as he could, ignoring the stab of pain in his lip every time cold air touched it. Hunk flopped down next to him and rubbed his back.

'It's gonna be over soon, buddy. This isn't gonna last forever.' Lance took in another deep breath, meeting Pidge's eyes and wrapping his arms around her. He yanked her forward and crushed her into his chest, feeling Hunk pulling them both into a hug.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered, tears streaming into Pidge's hair, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.' She clutched him to her desperately, and Hunk's arms tightened, reassuring them both.

'You have nothing to apologize for, buddy. This kind of thing happens sometimes.' Lance heard the hangar door swish open, and rapid footsteps approached them.

'Oh my,' Allura said, 'Shiro, is everyone all right?' Before Shiro could answer, Lance drew in one last ragged breath and cut him off.

'We're fine, Allura. I'm sorry, I sort of lost my cool out there.' He lifted his face out of Pidge's hair and glanced up at Keith.

'Sorry about that, man. Give me a minute to recover, and we can go back out.'

'Like hell you're going back out there today,' Pidge snapped, 'you need to eat something. Or drink something.' Lance felt his walls slam back down at being coddled, and he released her from his grasp.

'I'm not a kid, Pidge. I can handle myself.' Pidge's eyes widened for a fraction of a second, then grew cold.

'I never said you couldn't handle yourself, you quiznaking idiot. If you want to jump back out there before you're fully recovered, be my guest.' She got to her feet and turned on her heel, storming back over to her lion and flopping into her desk chair. Damn it.

'I have to say I agree with Pidge, Lance,' Shiro said carefully, as if he was afraid he would break Lance with his words. 'You should at least have something to eat before you go back out.' Lance shrugged Hunk's arms off and stood up, glaring at their leader.

'You don't have to treat me with kid gloves. Like I said, I can handle myself.' He brushed past Shiro and stalked out of the hangar. He wasn't sure where he was going, but anywhere was better than here.

He saw something in their eyes. Pity. This was why he'd kept it a secret. This was why he'd snuck out to the kitchen to cry. He knew they would hear him in his room, and someone would come to check on him. Damn it.

Eventually, his feet led him back to his own room, and he trudged inside, stripping his armor off and flopping into the bed, past caring that everything was scattered all over the floor. He curled in on himself and drew his blankets up over his head. They still smelled like Pidge. He threw them off onto the floor and screamed until his voice went hoarse.

They never understood. Every time he worked up the nerve to tell someone, they ended up treating him differently. It was part of the reason he acted the way he did. Nobody expected such a positive, extroverted guy to be so broken inside.

His door hissed open, and he growled.

'Go away.' His bed flexed under someone's weight and he curled into a tighter ball.

'Pidge is really upset, you know.' Hunk's hand landed on his shoulder, but he shook it off. 'She didn't mean anything by what she said. She's just concerned.'

'You don't know what it's like, Hunk. For everyone to look at you like you're... like you're...'

'Like you're broken? Is how you think we see you?' Lance shrugged.

'Isn't it? I saw the look in her eyes, Hunk. In yours. You pitied me.' Hunk shoved him roughly, and Lance shot up, his hand curling into a fist.

'You're an idiot.'

'Excuse me?'

'You heard me. You think I see you any differently because of this? I've known for almost as long as we've been friends.' Lance sputtered.

'How- when- why didn't you say anything?' Hunk rolled his eyes and shoved him again, knocking him into the wall this time.

'Oh my God, you are such an idiot. I wasn't going to be the jerk to bring it up, now was I? I figured you'd tell me when you felt comfortable.' Lance studied his hands, not trusting himself to speak as Hunk stood up.

'You should take care of that lip. You're going to get blood everywhere.' His friend left him alone in his room again.

Lance flopped onto his back and stared at the ceiling. They didn't understand. But was that really their fault? Maybe it was time to explain exactly what was going on. He closed his eyes and let out a breath before sitting up and pulling on his jacket and shoes. He had to make things right with Pidge.


Wooooo one more to go.