Chapter Two "He was just stood there. Naked!"
Day Sixteen
"He was just stood there! Naked! He even laughed Dino!" Tsuna wailed from his position spread out on the blonde boss' lap, hands moving animatedly in front of him. "I don't know if I should start measuring how bad my days will be from just that! He did it this morning, too!"
Dino just let his hands hover nervously, not sure if he found the situation amusing, should offer condolences or should just remain silent.
"I think I should just be grateful he doesn't come into my bed naked, just that he ends up that way."
Dino inhaled wrong, choked on air and then accidentally smacked the side of the Vongola Tenth, who abruptly sat upright on the couch the two had been sharing in his office of work, staring at Dino with a surprised expression.
"I-I'm sorry, what?" Dino managed to get out; staring at Tsuna in return, eyes wide and expression...he wasn't sure what his expression was doing.
(Tsuna despondently wondered if Dino was going to go down the route his Storm Guardian had gone, spontaneous passing out and all.)
"Well, he goes to bed in boxers but somehow loses them during the night! Takeshi's the first one up now – it used to be me, but I'm stuck under Lambo, Reborn and Kyoya – sometimes Mukuro if Reborn isn't there, I wake up with his hair in my mouth sometimes -, so I can't get out. I woke up yesterday morning to him coming out of the en suite, completely naked! The same thing happened this morning, too! He just grinned and laughed! No move to cover himself up!"
Taking in a deep breath and slowly counting to ten, Dino asked, once again, "I'm sorry, what?"
"Oh, god, it doesn't happen to you? All I did was ask why Mukuro wasn't in my bed that Tuesday morning – "
(When Dino spluttered, Tsuna was forced to thump his back, anxiously hoping that the other would stay conscious.)
"- and then my other Guardians suddenly decided that it was time they climbed into bed with me as well. What's worse is that Reborn joined in! Look at this!" Tsuna leaned forward, tugging his collar out of the way to show a red mark blooming on his shoulder (not a hickey, not a hickey, please not a hickey, just a bruise), stark against his skin tone. "I woke up with it. I don't even know if it was Kyoya or Reborn or...or what."
(He refused to believe it could have been, in anyway, Lambo. He was just a teenager, young and innocent and carefree with bony limbs and a penchant of swapping out with his older self in awkward situations. As innocent as a mafia member could be anyway.)
"Is this normal?" Dino asked, deciding to ignore that his voice was pitched just so that he sounded on the wrong side of hysterical.
"I wanted to ask you that!"
"I've never woken up to my Famiglia members in my bed Tsuna, how could you even begin to think it was normal?!"
(In fact Tsuna had never thought it was normal, he was just desperately clutching at straws and hoping that his situation wasn't unique.)
Tsuna just moaned and collapsed into Dino's lap again and, this time, the blonde rubbed his back in a calming motion.
"Well, at least they're getting along, right?" Dino offered weakly and Tsuna just gave a noise akin to a slowly dying animal against his thigh, hands clasped uselessly in his hair in a manner totally unbefitting of a respected and feared mafia boss.
That was when the door opened and Gokudera leaned through the gap he had made, seeking out Tsuna and freezing when he made eye contact with Dino, Tsuna slowly twisting his head at hearing the telltale creak of the oak doors.
(Don't pass out, don't pass out, please don't pass out Gokudera.)
Gokudera blinked a few times before his hands abruptly crunched down on the papers in his hands and set them ablaze with his Flame that had ignited without preamble from his ring.
(Tsuna felt part of himself break and wither away as he watched the ashes drift to the floor.)
Dino shook his head vehemently, hands shaking as well as he quickly denied, "It's not what you think, really! We were just talking!"
"What else could we – goddamnit, my hair is stuck on your zipper Dino, ow, ow, help me."
"Oh dear, have I come at a bad time?" another voice called out and Tsuna tried to jerk his head up again at recognising it to be Byakuran.
(Having hair torn from your scalp was something close to torture, Tsuna was just glad Reborn liked keeping up appearances and so had never devised a punishment in which Tsuna had to a lose a hair one by one from his head.)
His sudden yank had him losing his balance and he was forced to press a hand to Dino's lap to prevent himself from falling face first against the other again.
The choked out noise that Dino gave almost echoed in the room.
(Tsuna just wanted to know where he'd gone wrong in life.)
"Oh, is this a new service you're offering, Tsunayoshi-kun. Can I get involved?"
(Tsuna wondered briefly if this new desk had antacids for him or if he should just sit there quietly and foam at the mouth – after taking his hand away from Dino's crotch.)
"I-I'm sorry Tsuna, I d-didn't mean to react like...I mean, it's not like...not saying you're unattractive or anything, actually I...you're really pale Tsuna, are you okay?!"
(He later reflected that passing out was almost blissful and wondered if this was why Gokudera tended to faint all the time nowadays.)
Day Seventeen
"No," Tsuna hissed. "There's no room. No."
"But – "
"Dino, for heaven's sake, no, there's no room. Besides, just yesterday you were asking if it was normal! It clearly isn't, so why are you here?"
"It looks comfy."
"Dino no."
(Was he talking to a mischievous puppy or what? It was starting to feel that way.)
"But Tsuna..."
Tsuna gave a strangled noise, let his head fall back down onto his pillows (his neck and head the only body parts he could move, a whole manner of limbs smothering the rest of him) and fell silent.
The weight on the bed shifted.
Two seconds later, an ominous creak followed by a loud 'crack', and the bed had collapsed.
(It ended with Tsuna being crushed by several bodies and Dino giving an unmanly yelp.)
Day Nineteen
"You have to let me stay here, it's getting ridiculous." Tsuna was complaining to Xanxus this time, sprawled out on the couch that the Varia boss' room offered.
"Why should I?"
"They broke my bed Xanxus, and now they expect me to choose who to sleep with for the next few days before the new one that was ordered comes through! Do you know what would happen to me if I said no to Reborn and Kyoya just to pick someone else? And I definitely know they won't share!"
The pen in Xanxus' hand snapped abruptly in half as the other asked (it was more of an incredulous roar), "Are you fucking with me?!"
"Am I really the only one this happens to?!" Tsuna was almost set on tearing his hair out but that wouldn't achieve anything. "I asked where Mukuro was and all of a sudden I'm literally drowning under all my Guardians. Dino came along the other day and my bed broke! I slept on the couch in my office last night, but it wasn't really that comfortable so I came to see if you would offer me sanctuary. Don't your Guardians sleep in your bed?"
(In retrospect, asking anything of Xanxus was doomed to end badly.)
The silence that followed his question was drawn out and awkward. Finally Xanxus loosened his fingers from around the crushed pen in his hand and said, voice measured and almost calm (a warning sign in itself), "Second floor, left corridor from the main staircase, door at the end."
Tsuna got to his feet and felt the urge to kiss Xanxus in thanks but instead just offered a bright smile and merrily skipped his way out of the room.
Later that night, as he stared at the canopy of the four-poster bed above him, Tsuna slowly turned his head to the side and stated, matter-of-factly, "Xanxus. This is your bed."
"Yes."
"I'm in your bed."
"Yes."
The room fell silent again for a long moment. Finally...
"What's Squalo doing on my other side then?"
(Later, Tsuna wondered if his rapidly diminishing sanity was synonymous with the word 'bed'. It certainly seemed that way.)
Day Twenty
"I thought you said this didn't happen to you," Tsuna moaned that morning, trying to work his way out from underneath an arm that was stretched over his waist and Xanxus, owner of the offending appendage, simply glared at him.
"It doesn't. Not until you showed up. Scum."
(Tsuna refused to hear the hint of affection in Xanxus' voice because he had already resolutely decided this was some sick, twisted dream.)
"I thought you kicked Squalo out."
"I did."
Tsuna fell quiet for a second, turning his attention to the canopy and trying to ignore how tickly the long strands of silver hair (currently spread over his chest and practically everywhere – how did Squalo keep on top of it?) were, since the loud Varia member currently had his cheek pressed to Tsuna's shoulder. Unable to help himself, Tsuna petted it. (Soft, his mind uselessly supplied. He found himself lucky that Squalo didn't do anything more than growl at him.)
"What's Belphegor doing here?" (The tiara had been digging into his thigh through the covers for the better part of an hour – Tsuna didn't understand why the other didn't just take it off to sleep. It didn't hurt, was just uncomfortable. What worried him most was how high the other's hand was on his leg.)
"I don't know."
Silence.
"Is Mammon even part of the Varia anymore?"
"...No."
"Then who's using my stomach as a pillow?"
(Tsuna decided after that particular incident, sitting down and crying was a perfectly acceptable pastime. Things were just steadily going from bad to worse.)
Day Twenty One
"You look tired, Vongola."
Tsuna flinched violently at the sudden voice, having been intent on the work in front of him, and accidentally scratched a line across pages and desk alike almost sobbing at the unfairness of it all. Instead he turned his attention to his visitor, setting the offending stationary aside.
"What are you doing here Byakuran? How did you get in?"
"Through the door."
"I mean without being mauled?"
"Well, that was a little harder, but I managed it!" Byakuran ducked down so he could smile into Tsuna's face, the brunette leaning back in his desk chair to try and put distance between himself and the other.
After the incident the other day with Dino and Gokudera (and Byakuran hovering in the background with a maniacal grin), Tsuna didn't want to risk anything untoward happening that could be mistaken for something much worse.
(Gokudera had later told him what he thought he and Dino had been doing. Tsuna had proceeded to sit in the shower and resist the urge to smack his head off of the tiled walls to get rid of the mental images brought up.)
At the abstract horror that crossed Tsuna's face while stuck in his thoughts, Byakuran gave a pitying smile and produced a bag of marshmallows, of which he offered to Tsuna, placing the bag on the desk.
Tsuna just let himself fall face first into the marshmallows, arms hanging by his sides as he groaned at his predicament.
"I'm sorry, did you say something?"
Tsuna mumbled something again and Byakuran leaned in closer replying, "Sorry, one more time?"
"Do your Guardians sleep with you in your bed all at the same time too?" Tsuna's voice was uncharacteristically loud at that point because he'd lifted his head before letting it fall back to the soft bag of sweet treats.
"...Do yours?"
"For the past week." Tsuna lamented his fate. "A couple of days ago it was half of the Varia in Xanxus' bed. I don't know how I let it get this far."
(That morning with the Varia had been absolutely awful. Tsuna still couldn't look Belphegor in the eye without spluttering or blushing – it wasn't his fault Xanxus had all but slam dunked the self proclaimed prince's face into Tsuna's crotch!
He was at least eighty percent sure that Mammon had snapped a picture – or more - of the incident.)
"H-How did this happen?" Byakuran stumbled over his words for once.
"I asked why Mukuro wasn't in my bed and it progressed from there. I've had to explain this to so many people in the past week."
"How did the Varia become involved?"
"Dino joined in with my Guardians and it ended up breaking my bed. Instead of being forced to choose who to sleep with I went to Xanxus for help."
"You have quite the active life, don't you Tsunayoshi-kun." Byakuran snickered. "One would think you were throwing these innuendos left and right on purpose."
"Byakuran, I know that look on your face even if I can't see it. Ask me anything inappropriate, cause any collateral damage, or mention anything to my Guardians on the way out, and I'll end you."
"I was just going to suggest you stay with me tonight. Hearing how your Guardians get to sleep with you is making me a little jealous." Byakuran suddenly threw himself over the desk as if to get to Tsuna and Tsuna abruptly pushed his chair back, immediately thankful that it had wheels as he rolled over to the window, watching with remorse as his desk and papers were sacrificed for his safety.
Byakuran immediately stood from the mess, dusting himself down and making himself look like a boss of a respectful Famiglia instead of someone who had just attempted unprovoked molestation of another Famiglia boss.
Tsuna, on the other hand, was scrambling for his gloves and pills, deciding that throwing himself through the wall to wall window set behind his desk to escape would be well worth it, consequences be damned.
(The punishment from Reborn later that day, while embarrassing and degrading, was better than being caught by Byakuran, in Tsuna's opinion, though it stung like hell when the Arcobaleno ruthlessly yanked pieces of glass out.
Tsuna tried to omit from his memory the part where Reborn would, with a devilish smirk, brush his mouth to each cut that bled instead of simply bandaging it straight away.)
Day Twenty Two
"Goddamnit Byakuran, get out of my bed! How did you even get in here?!"
"Through the door."
A sigh and quiet movement. Tsuna felt the brush of skin against his calf.
"...At least tell me why Irie-san is here then, I do – hiee! Mukuro! Hands! Watch w – hurrk!"
(Later on Tsuna hesitantly apologised to Hibari for making so much noise. He reckoned he at least somewhat deserved the elbow in the windpipe he'd been given. Tsuna counted himself lucky that he hadn't come out with anything broken or permanently damaged. After his apology Hibari had proceeded to back him against a wall, stare intently at the bruise on his throat and then stalk away.)
"S-Sorry Sawada-san..." Shouichi whispered into the quiet room and Tsuna felt fingers close gently around his wrist, a thumb softly rubbing over the pulse in an attempt at a soothing motion.
Tsuna just wheezed out his response and tried not to asphyxiate, wondering if his windpipe was in danger of collapsing.
Day Twenty Four
"It's rare for you to come and visit us, Tsuna. You should have given me more warning," Yuni murmured softly, pouring Tsuna a mug of tea from an ornate teapot. "We would have been more hospitable otherwise."
"N-No, it's okay. I needed somewhere quiet with the hustle and bustle and hubbub of life at the moment. You're the only one I can trust, everybody else seems to just sort of migrate towards me! I had to check about four times to make sure Reborn was actually at the Vongola mansion and not here with you so he wouldn't find me and do something drastic or awful."
"T-Tsuna?" Yuni asked uncertainly and Tsuna dropped his face into his hands, moaning.
"Everybody wants to sleep with me all the time, it's starting to get ex – no, no, goodness no, not like that Yuni! No!" (The young woman had gasped, scandalised from the sounds of it.) "I mean, they want to be in my bed with me, or sleep in the same bed as me. No! I've already had Takeshi think that of me and Mukuro, I don't need you thinking anything too!"
"W-Wow. That seems a little unfortunate. Why are you here again?"
"I needed to relax for a little bit and hopefully stay here for a day or two, gather my bearings?" Tsuna offered wide desperate eyes to Yuni and she slowly nodded.
"Thank goodness! Reborn seems dead set on the fact that I've made myself a harem but, after thinking about it, I think he's just delusional."
"Delusional." Yuni chuckled softly. "That does sound a little like Reborn. Stay as long as you need to, Vongola. We'll be happy to accommodate you here. Want to tell me who has migrated towards you already?"
"If you don't mind me venting."
"Not at all Tsuna. It's always a pleasure to see you anyway."
(He should've known his luck was too good to hold out in hoping that Yuni wouldn't end up acting like the others.)
"Et tu, Yuni?" Tsuna mumbled sleepily as the mattress dipped to the side and the small body of the Sky Arcobaleno pressed against his side, thin arm reaching across his waist.
"Sorry Tsuna. You're just too cute. Maybe there is some merit to Reborn's thought after all."
"D-Do I have to worry about anyone else showing up?"
"Perhaps."
There was a shuffling on his other side as the mattress dipped and then a distinctly soft, male voice was murmuring, "Vongola Decimo. Princess."
"Gamma," Yuni briskly replied, voice breaking with a quiet yawn.
A warm arm settled above Yuni's across Tsuna's stomach.
(Tsuna decided at the time that crying into his pillows wouldn't have done anything more than most likely frighten Yuni. It didn't stop him from going back to the Vongola's Headquarters and finding a corner to whimper in.)
Day Twenty Five
'It' had developed.
(From just people taking up his bed space, and 'it' being the situation that Tsuna refused to believe he was anyway involved with, despite the fact everyone was very obviously crowding around him).
"Lambo, I can't work with you under the desk. It's distracting."
"You aren't getting distracted by Mukuro," Lambo complained, looking up at him imploringly, his chin on Tsuna's knee like some sort of lap dog, arms wrapped around the Decimo's calves. Tsuna couldn't help but reach out and ruffle his hair before replying, "I was going to tell him off next."
"I'm not even doing anything wrong."
"You're leaning over my shoulders and it's uncomfortable. Distracting as well. You keep breathing in my ear like some sort of lecher, too!"
"Tsunayoshi-kun, you wound me!"
A hand sneaking towards Tsuna's shirt buttons was swiftly slapped away.
"Please don't attempt undressing me during working hours, Mukuro." Tsuna studiously ignored the hands that slipped up his front to begin on his tie instead despite his warning.
"Oh? So at the end of the day I can take your clothes off?"
Tsuna waited for the right moment and then jerked his head back, some satisfaction accompanying the headache when he managed to smash the back of his head against Mukuro's chin.
"That looks like a no to me pineapple idiot!" Lambo laughed and squealed when Mukuro tried to throw himself over Tsuna to get to the Lightning Guardian.
Tsuna suddenly had to deal with the full weight of Mukuro on his back and his forehead abruptly slammed into the desk as his Mist Guardian attempted to throttle Lambo while Tsuna was posing as an obstacle.
A loud 'bang!' and a cloud of smoke later caused the desk to bump, almost tipping it over before two hands moved to Tsuna's thighs and pushed, forcing his chair to roll back and almost knocking Mukuro over in the same movement, who simply wrapped his arms around Tsuna's shoulders from behind the exasperated brunette.
It was with a sense of foreboding in his gut that Tsuna looked down at the twenty five year old Lambo (who had sprawled back out over his lap, grinning lazily), and when Mukuro tightened his arms around his shoulders with a dark sounding chuckle Tsuna considering breaking limbs in order to escape. Broken bones would heal. His sanity would not.
(He isn't even ashamed to say he shrieked when he was inappropriately groped. The worst part was that he couldn't tell if it was Lambo or Mukuro and so couldn't tell anyone off, though he still ended up accidentally kneeing his Lightning Guardian in the face which almost led to the arrival of twenty year later Lambo if Tsuna hadn't hurriedly diffused the situation before his quick departure.)
Day Twenty Six
"K-Kyoya?" Tsuna asked hesitantly, holding the shower curtain to his front as if attempting to protect himself from the volatile Cloud Guardian with only a flimsy (laughable) piece of material.
(He didn't know who he had to thank that the curtain was a deep blue and therefore not see through, but he would bestow a knighthood on the interior decorator or whoever had bought the luxurious bathtub shower mix if he could. He made a mental note to ask if it was Lussuria that had designed the inside of the current Vongola Headquarters.)
Nervously, his eyes darted to the door and he despaired on the inside at the broken lock and piece of wood that was barely hanging on by the hinges because of Hibari's abrupt and forced entry.
"D-Do you feel sick? Is that why you rushed in – " Tsuna abruptly cut off as Hibari reached out to his curtain as if to yank it aside (not just a curtain, it was his last line of defence).
(He only felt a little remorse later that day for kicking the other between the legs with all the force he could and downing him for seven critical seconds, time of which he used to grab a towel, dive into the bedroom, throw on some clothes and run, barefooted and screaming, down the corridor as Hibari shot after him like a bloodhound on the scent.
He had been able to run an impressive distance in an impressive time before Hibari managed to tackle him to the ground and then proceeded to bite the nape of his neck as if he were a predator asserting dominance.)
Day Twenty Seven
Tsuna froze in the doorway and quickly began formulating a strategy for escape before he was seen. Just as he began slowly stepping backwards, hands held up slowly as if to ward off any sounds he might make -
(He didn't know why he was so scared but he knew he had a right to be scared. Somehow.)
- A weight dropped onto his shoulders – an arm – and any thoughts of running away were scattered by the winds to a place he couldn't reach.
"Hey Tsuna! Where were you going to go?"
(Away from here.)
"Nowhere, Takeshi. I was thinking about getting a drink but it would be rude if I left my guest by himself for any longer."
"Aha, that's fine! I'll get the drinks for you, okay? See you in a while Tsuna!" Yamamoto grinned and squeezed his arm around Tsuna's shoulders before departing.
Tsuna squealed and gained the attention of the occupant of the meeting like room as Yamamoto chose to slap his backside on his way out.
(Oh god, his cheeks were burning in a blush weren't they?)
"Tsuna?" Enma stood slowly from one of the plush chairs, and Tsuna blurted the first thought that came to mind, his brain to mouth filter no longer working. (It was a common problem lately.)
"Please tell me that you don't want to climb into my bed with me tonight."
Enma was silent for a long moment, and Tsuna was ready to face embarrassment should he be questioned because clearly, if someone didn't respond, they thought the question was stupid, right?
"I don't want to climb into your bed with you tonight."
(Tsuna almost danced then, but settled for cheering wildly in his mind, desperately repressing the urge to pump his fist in success.)
"Though I wouldn't mind you joining me in my bed instead." And here Enma cocked his head to the side, a picture of innocence.
Tsuna was forced to grip the edge of a seat so he wouldn't topple over and swallowed the need to first cackle insanely and then sob uncontrollably. Instead he replied, "Well, you wouldn't be the first."
"I doubt I'll be the last either, but I'll take what I can get."
(No, no, no! He didn't need that thought put into his head, how many more could there be?)
Tsuna choked on his inhale and a piece of the chair snapped off in his hand.
Enma was courteous enough to catch him when he lost his balance.
(Tsuna noted that the normally mild mannered young man copped a feel while he was at it and silently despaired.)
Day Twenty Eight
"Did I do something wrong with my life?" Tsuna asked his pillow. He was lying on his front in the bed, covers down to his waist.
"You did lots of things wrong Dame-Tsuna. I couldn't list them if I had all day."
Tsuna had stopped flinching whenever his furniture responded to his questions.
"No, I mean for this to be happening. I don't understand why everybody flocks towards me."
"You charm everyone you meet Tsuna, I doubt you can help it," Dino offered helpfully.
(Tsuna wanted to know how the blonde boss managed to spend so much time in his bed when he had his own Famiglia to run.)
"How?" Tsuna wailed, pressing his face into the pillow again.
"Because you're an adorable little shit with no sense of personal boundaries and a habit of trying to make friends with people trying to kill you." Reborn deadpanned.
"Is that really an answer?" Tsuna started attempting to smother himself, and delicate fingers pressed against his shoulderblade, following the curve of the bone before they slid up and settled on the side of his neck.
"Seems as good an answer as any, boss," was spoken quietly and Tsuna started violently, head jerking up and twisting around as he came up to eye level with Chrome.
"When did you get here?!"
(Shows how skewed his perception of what was normal and what was not when he couldn't even keep tabs of the people in his bed.)
"I've been here for a few days, boss."
Tsuna groaned and pressed his face back into the pillows, resisting the urge to cry, the urge only growing when Yamamoto asked suddenly, "By the way, where did you go when the bed broke last time?"
Chrome just consolingly patted his back gently.
This is just too fun to write so here's another chapter.
Thank you so much for the positive feedback! (Those of you who are anonymous I can't reply to you personally, but thank you very much!)
Thanks for the follows/faves too!
Here are some of the votes you chose. Just a rough guide for me to know who you want to see the most.
(Should I make it a poll on my page instead of sticking them at the end like this?)
Xanxus: 6
Squalo: 4
Belphegor: 4
Fon: 4
Byakuran: 4
Yuni: 3
Reborn: 3
Colonello: 3
Enma: 3
Varia: 2
Giotto: 2
Dino: 2
Chrome: 2
Haru: 2
Basil: 2
Verde: 2
Shouichi: 2
Fuuta: 2
Iemitsu/Nana (Reaction): 2
Cozart: 1
Fran: 1
Primo Generation: 1
Alaude: 1
Arcobaleno: 1
Mammon: 1
Skull: 1
Hibari: 1
Kyoko: 1
Spanner: 1
Bianchi: 1
I-Pin: 1
Genkishi: 1
Gamma: 1
Classmates (Reaction): 1
Wild Card! Box Animals (Funny suggestion of animeXbooksXmanga): 1
