"Ok your turn" Sam said, folding his hands behind his head as he laid back into the grass. He stared up at her with a smirk, waiting for her reply. She laughed and swatted a tiny hand at his chest, he caught it and held it to him, placing her palm flat against his chest, allowing her to feel the rhythm of his heart. He searched her face for a reaction and noticed her breath quicken. She was staring intently at his hand wrapped gently around her own, a soft smile decorating her lips. Sam loved the sight of it, the sight of her breaking down, being human. This wasn't a position Mercedes Jones would have been in a few weeks ago. It had taken a long time to get her to even consider the idea of talking to him, let alone spend time with him, and like it.
The first time Sam had noticed Mercedes was at talent night. Talent night was an evening put together by The Students Association, a group of student volunteers who ran events ranging from fundraisers to student mixers on their college campus. It was mostly an excuse for college students to get drunk and find someone to bring home for the night, not exactly the most classy of events, but it was what it was. Sam went with a few friends he met in his communications class. Puck; his girlfriend Quinn, Her friend Tina and her boyfriend Mike. He was feeling a little like a third wheel, but he wasn't about to miss out on an opportunity to make some friends in his new school. He had his fill of being a loner, he barely said three words to anyone that wasn't a teacher during his entire highschool career. He spent most of his lunch hours alone in empty class rooms, practicing his guitar or sketching whatever came to mind. And during class he made sure to always get there early enough to snag a seat at the back of the room. It was hell, but Sam figured it would be better that way. Better to have people hate you for being anonymous then to have them hate you for being you. Something Sam knew about all too well. But enough was enough, this time Sam wanted to fit in, he needed to.
"Score, Table for four ahead! Claimed!" Puck sped off towards the empty table and hoisted himself on top, spreading his body across the tables surface to ensure nobody else would claim it.
"You're such an idiot. Get off the table before you get us kicked out of here." Quinn said as she made her way over to Puck, the rest of the gang following close behind her. Quinn rolled her eyes and started shoving Puck off the table. He sat up and pulled her to him. "Puck you're ridiculous." He grabbed her by the waist, planting a kiss on her lips before she could say anything else. Quinn smiled into the kiss and arched her back, pushing her chest against Puck's. His left hand moved from her waist down to her ass, cupping and squeezing as he deepened his kiss.
"Yo Puck if you need a room my dorm is always open, just make sure you change the sheets after you're done." Mike laughed, throwing a set of keys onto the table as he and Tina slid into two of the seats. Puck broke his kiss with Quinn, giving her butt one last swat before grabbing the keys off the table.
"Thanks man. What do you say Blondie, this isn't really our scene anyway." Puck said, planting small kisses onto the side of Quinn's neck. Her eyes fluttered as she pressed her body closer to Pucks.
Sam was standing just behind Quinn. He felt awkward watching the exchange but he didn't know where else to look. He let his eyes wander around the room to avoid the situation. The place was nice, It was an older looking bar with tables and chairs made out of aged wood. The walls were decorated with fliers and posters of obscure bands that must have played here in the past. A small stage was set just to the left of the bar, a stool and a mic stand was placed under a single spotlight. It wasn't much, but Sam could see the appeal in a place like this. It was comfortable, and slightly familiar. He began to relax.
"Puck no, Rachel helped set this event up, I will never hear the end of it if I missed tonight."
"Fuck Rachel, that chick is crazy." Puck groaned.
"Yeah but she's also my friend. We'll stay for a couple of acts then we'll leave ok? In the mean time here, go get us some drinks." Quinn handed Puck a couple of bills, he took the money and planted a kiss on Quinn's cheek before dashing off to the bar.
Quinn slid into a seat next to Tina and began chatting closely as Mike responded to a few texts. Sam was still standing, unsure whether or not he should take the last empty chair at the table. Puck was coming back, and he's obviously going to want to sit beside Quinn. Sam glanced around the room for an empty chair he could take and bring to the table. Damnit, they're all taken. Sam's heart rate quickened and his palms became damp. He could feel the sweat soaking through the back of his shirt, making him even more nervous. Not again, he thought to himself, the feeling of dread building in his stomach, making his chest feel tighter and tighter with each breath. "You ok there Sam?" Tina asked, there was a hint of judgment in her tone, rather then the genuine concern that Sam desperately needed at the time. Mike looked up from his phone, giving Sam a look that mimicked Tina's tone. Quinn turned and gazed at Sam, noticing the dark patches of sweat that lined his under arms. "Ew are you sweating?" Sam lifted his arms and winced at the sight of the stains his nervousness had left on his shirt. Panicking, he darted for the washrooms, weaving his way through the tables and chairs.
Sam burst through the washrooms door's and ducked into a stall. Immediately he bent over into the toilet and emptied his stomach, coughing and heaving, spitting repeatedly to clear his mouth of any residue. He flushed the toilet and lowered the seat, he sat down and rested his head in is palms, low sobs escaping his lips.
Fuck sakes Sam, this was supposed to be different. This time you were supposed to make friends! You always ruin things for yourself! Sam hadn't had an incident like this since eighth grade. It has been a struggle for him to get over his social anxiety. Medication and therapy only made him resent himself more. Attempting to kill himself only made his parents resent him more. Thats when he had decided that being alone was better, safer, for everybody. He managed to make it through four years like that. It was miserable and draining, but at least he was alive.
But something about coming to college, being around new people in a new environment made him feel like this was the right time to change, to try again. The week before he left for school, he sold his guitar and burned his sketch books. He thought of it like a ceremony. He had read that doing things like releasing a balloon, or sending flowers down a river could help people through the mourning process. Apparently the physical act of letting something go made the emotional act of release easier. He hoped that saying goodbye to his old crutches would help give birth to a new and improved Sam. He had been doing well, or so he thought. Fake it till you make had been his motto for the first four weeks of college. Apparently temporary sanity was exactly that, temporary.
"What an idiot", he muttered to himself as he wiped away the tears that stained his face.
"Whose an idiot?" Sam's head snapped forward, What was that? He said to himself. He sat perfectly still, trying not to make a sound. Suddenly, a small knock came from the outside of Sam's stall.
"Hello? I asked who was an idiot? Please tell me someones in there because if i'm hearing voices again i'm going to have to have some serious words with my psychiatrist." They laughed. it was a girl. What was a girl doing in the Men's Room?
"Yeah, there is someone in here, but you shouldn't be. This is the men's room Ms." Sam said cautiously.
The woman laughed and Sam grew more confused. "May I ask whats so funny?"
"For a second there I thought I had the problems, but it looks like you might be worse off then I am."
Sam's brow furrowed. The last thing he needed was for someone to poke fun at his problems, he did enough of that himself. He didn't need it from anyone else, especially not a stranger.
"Maybe you should just get out of here before you get into trouble." Sam advised, more as an attempt to get her to leave him alone, rather then genuine concern for her.
She laughed again "If anyone is going to get into trouble it will most definitely be you. Welcome to the ladies room, anonymous"
"Oh shit." Sam breathed.
