Chapter 2: In Which I Have A Date To The Cinema (With My Male Associate)
After the two officers questioned him, Ludlow returned to the back room of the funeral home. I had just finished dressing Mr. Jackson in the suit he was to be buried in. "What did they ask you?" I asked.
"Oh, not much. Just inquiries as to whether or not I knew Mr. Jackson while he was alive, asking me how this business was doing, and suchlike."
Something seemed off about his behavior, but I couldn't quite place what it was.
"Are you all right?"
He jumped a bit, then looked up at me. "Yes, just...shaken slightly."
I didn't really blame him for being somewhat nervous. We were, after all, planning a funeral for a murdered celebrity. However, there seemed to be something else. Something that wasn't really bothering him, but certainly one that had him excited.
"If I asked you what really had you twitching so much, would you tell me?"
"Not here. Not right now."
"Fair enough. You'll tell me at home, then?"
"If everything goes right, you'll already know by the time we get home."
"Ludlow, what are you trying to say?"
"Hector, how would you feel about accompanying me to the cinema tonight?"
I was too shocked at this inquiry and its implications to even form a questioning tone. "What."
"The Chronicles of Hoblian is premiering tonight, and I can't go alone. Please?"
"Tell me what's going on sooner than when you were planning to. Preferably now."
"But you don't need to know yet."
"But I want to know."
"No, you really don't."
"Yes I do!"
"Would you two please finish your lovers' spat already?" Katherine yelled from just outside the door. "And if you can't, can you at least have the decency to be quiet when you finally beat each other senseless?"
Well, she didn't say "beat", or any sort of word that implied that the type of physical contact the argument was leading up to was a fight. I do not want to tell you what she did say, but rest assured that it made both Ludlow and me blush.
After what seemed like the longest ten seconds in all of creation, I finally said something. "If I agree to go to the cinema with you, do you promise to tell me what you're trying to do and why I can't be involved?"
"Of course, of course." He absentmindedly glanced through the slight opening in the door from the back room to the lobby. "Just let me send Katherine home first, and then we'll close up and head downtown."
"Before you do, one question: if you were anyone but yourself, would whatever you're planning be considered a good idea?"
He laughed like that question had such an obvious answer that it might as well be rhetorical. "Of course not."
–
Not much later, we had closed up the funeral home and were en route to the Antzerkia district, home of the Higgins Cinema, the largest cinema in Irudimena. The Antzerkia district is thought by the few Logotechnia district residents to visit for a prolonged amount of time and leave with their intellect intact to be the anti-Logotechnia in every way. The Logotechnia district is an old district, home to most of the history of the city. The Antzerkia district is young compared to Logotechnia, and it wants you to know that. Everything in the Antzerkia district had to be bright, colorful, and, most importantly, big. However, it's actually quite empty, with the only people who have and can afford homes there being celebrities, CEOs of large corporations, and those who are obscenely rich via other means.
And right now, it was even more crowded than usual, for tonight was the premiere of the most talked-about film of the year, The Chronicles of Hoblian. And there was one more aspect of this event that Ludlow had neglected to mention to me until we were already halfway there: two of the young stars of the film, Coraline Jones and a young boy actor who had disowned his last name and simply went by "Max", were making an appearance at the premiere.
"You still haven't told me what all this means," I said.
"Nor am I going to," Ludlow said, "until you need to know."
"I needed to know back at the funeral home."
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
We continued on with this until we reached the Higgins Cinema. There were people of all ages crowding around, from children to unfortunate teenage sitters to really unfortunate parents to incredibly unfortunate grandparents. Coraline and Max were nowhere to be seen.
"I hope you brought enough money for the tickets. Or that there are, in fact, tickets left to buy," I said.
"Don't be ridiculous; there aren't any tickets. It doesn't matter, because we are not here for the show. Come around to the back. Hurry, while the staff are still busy with the crowds."
"Are you going to tell me what is going on?"
"As soon as we are out of sight."
We made our way behind the gargantuan building—no small feat, especially considering the crowds we had to fight just to get out of the crowd. Once we were hidden among the various sanitation bins and parked cars behind the cinema, I confronted my compatriot.
"I swear to all that is holy, Ludlow, if you do not tell me what you are trying to do and why you are trying to do it, I am leaving you here to deal with it yourself."
"All right, all right. We have to kidnap Coraline and Max for their own safety."
"WHAT?"
"You heard me. We have to kidnap them. When I first learned of Percy's death, something seemed off. So, I looked through your collection of old newspapers-"
The newspapers in question were all the newspapers detailing the search for the man who killed my father, a search that the police eventually gave up. "You went through my newspapers?"
"Hector, please, now is not the time. I went through your collection of old newspapers, and I found obituaries for actors who had 'committed suicide' with a weapon they owned or in a manner similar to a death they caused in one of their films. Every single one turned out to have been murdered, and every single one had only starred in a few films, and only died after they starred in one in which they killed someone or something."
"Why does that mean we have to kidnap two of the biggest child stars in Irudimena?"
"Consider this: it's a miracle Coraline is still alive now, considering the fact that her last role before this one was the little girl in The Florida Chainsaw Massacre. And if I recall correctly, Max kills a lot of monsters in this film. It's entirely feasible that either one is slated to be the next victim, so the only logical solution is to kidnap both."
"Putting aside the fact that your logic is ridiculous and you only came to this conclusion of yours by acting on a paranoid hunch followed by rummaging through one of the few things in our apartment that I have sole ownership of, have you ever considered how difficult your plan would be to explain to the police when they inevitably catch us trying to kidnap a pair of celebrities at the premiere of a summer blockbuster? As a matter of fact, do you even know how you intend to go about kidnapping two very conspicuous people?"
Ludlow began fidgeting again. "Actually," he said nervously, "I was hoping...you could help me with the exact procedure of the plan."
"You're hopeless."
"I know."
Author's Note: Special thanks to Movie-Brat for making up fake movie titles for me. I own nothing. And don't worry, I'm not going to turn this into some sort of slashfic. Unless you want me to. But even then I probably won't do it.
