Part 1: Scavenge of the Pilot Fish
Chapter 1
It was a building like any other. Four walls, a roof, a front door and windows. It was filled with many rooms. Some were hired out for use by lawyers and companies that couldn't afford their own meeting rooms, but most were offices for important members of secret societies. This wasn't the reason The Doctor had landed here; he hadn't intended to land here at all. A cleaner in the corridor became aware of a grating sound, very much like a key being scraped along a piano string [that was how they made the materialisation noise originally if you are unsure what I am referring to]. Very slowly a blue police box appeared in midair, the cleaner turned and ran. Once the materialisation was complete gravity took hold and pulled it to the floor. The meeting in the room below paused as they wandered what that almighty crash above them had been.
The Doctor stumbled out to admire his handiwork. "Not bad," he said. "Not bad at all."
Lisa followed him out with an expression that suggested that the journey had indeed not been bad; it had been awful. The previous Doctor had never had trouble in piloting the TARDIS. The Doctor sat down and pulled off his converses.
"They're going to be too small for me," he said throwing them over his shoulder. The jeans were also too tight around the leg that had changed so he ripped it along the seam to give his leg more room. "Cor, look at that muscle," he said examining his new leg. "And the hair!"
"Where are we Doctor?" Lisa recovered from her shell shock.
"Earth," Doctor replied.
"Yes but where on Earth?"
Doctor looked around at his surroundings. "No idea," he said. "Let's find out shall we."
The doctor proceeded to walk down the corridor in a way that only a man with one leg longer than the other could possibly walk [the closest real life example is someone walking with a platform shoe on one foot and nothing on the other]. Despite the difficulties the Doctor was facing in walking, Lisa found it difficult to keep up with him.
"Those curtains do not match the walls," he muttered as he walked past a window. It didn't even have any curtains.
"Novak Djokovic is going to regret eating that grass in a minute. Energy equals Mass times the speed of light squared. Current velocity equals initial velocity plus acceleration times the time taken. A man walked into a bar... ouch."
The Doctor continued spouting random pieces of information until they came to a door. Without bothering to knock the Doctor barged straight through. A married couple were having a divorce settlement.
"It's not worth it. Just kiss and make up, everyone has arguments now and again. This will cause a lot more grief than a few petty arguments I can assure you," The Doctor said as he wandered through. Lisa ran after him apologising as she went.
As they walked down the corridor The Doctor's walk became normal, signifying that his other leg had now changed. He continued to speak randomly about stuff that wasn't important at the moment. As he entered another room he proclaimed that: "the flux of a star on Earth equals the luminosity of the star divided by four times pi times the distance from Earth squared." The men in suits stopped what they were doing and stared at this new arrival.
"My trousers are too small. You what is your waist size?" The Doctor pointed at the man closest to him.
"Err 30 inches," the man guessed.
"That'll do, give me your trousers," Doctor ordered.
"No, come on," Lisa dragged the Doctor out of the room.
"You would make more money if you concentrated more on marketing," Doctor said as he was lead out.
Lisa slammed him against a wall outside. "What are you playing at?" she demanded.
"There are so many ideas running through my head," Doctor exclaimed. "I have to voice them to the world!"
"Well do you have to go around causing trouble like that? You'll get us arrested or something."
"We'll be fine," Doctor dismissed her fears. "I just ended the Klakzon Uprising, I don't think that a primitive Earth security force will put us in too much peril." A cleaner walked past. "Do you want my jacket? It's getting a bit small for me." Doctor pulled off his combat jacket and thrust it into the arms of the cleaner. The Doctor's arms were still old and wrinkly.
"You can't just give away all your stuff!" Lisa exclaimed pulling the jacket out of the man's hands.
"Why not? It's my stuff."
"Because... because then it's like losing you," she said tearfully. "You've turned into a completely different person. You can't just act as if you never were him."
"I'm not him anymore, He is dead like the Verron Soothsayer said," Doctor said. "I cannot go around imitating one of my previous lives. One of my lives, I forget which one, was very similar to the one before but I worked hard to make myself as different as possible. Each time I change I become a different person and I need to find who I am, I cannot get bogged down by the past." He gave the jacket back to the cleaner.
"Hey you two," a man dressed in black combat gear stood at the end of the corridor, he was clearly a security guard.
"Hello there!" Doctor called back. "What is the size of your waist?"
"34 inches," The guard replied before remembering himself. "That doesn't matter, I would like you to come with me."
"Shame," The Doctor and Lisa began to walk towards him. "I need new trousers."
"I need you to come with me."
They followed him down the corridor for a few minutes. Suddenly The Doctor stopped. "What is it?" the guard said impatiently.
"I like your boots," he said.
"Come on we don't want to keep them waiting," the guard ignored the statement.
"What size are they?"
"Doctor don't."
"You have been upsetting a lot of people," the guard said angrily. "You will not delay this any furthARGHH!"
The doctor upended the guard and examined the soles of his boots. "Perfect," he said and started to wrestle them off his victim. Upon succeeding he ran off down the corridor with them, as the guard was radioing for back up. Lisa tried to follow but was tripped by the guard, pinned down and handcuffed.
"Run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" Doctor hollered as he sped through the corridor.
When he thought he was safe he paused, leaned against a wall and put them on. They fit perfectly. He walked up and down the corridor a few times to try them out. "These boots are made for walking," he sung. "And that's just what they'll do. One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you."
Several doors opened and people stuck their heads out to see what all the noise was about. The Doctor danced down the corridor explaining that in the time they have wasted in watching him they could have been discovering a cure for cancer.
"Stop!"
The Doctor picked up speed. A few metres down the corridor he found it blocked by several security guards. He turned to run back the other way but found that there were several guards coming from that direction too. He cowered against the wall.
"I'll never tell you the code to destroy the world," he pleaded.
The guards looked at one another, slightly confused. One which didn't seem to be wearing any boots stepped forwards. "Nowhere to run now," he mocked.
"Ye gods! Where are your boots?" Doctor exclaimed. "Someone must have stolen them!"
"Yes! You stole them!"
"Oh yes, so I did," he said looking down at his feet. "What am I like?"
"Your coming with us."
There was a ping and the lift doors behind The Doctor opened. He stepped backwards into it, grabbed the passenger towards his chest and pointed something at his neck. "No one come any closer!"
The guards remained motionless, then one pointed out. "That's a torch isn't it?"
"12 out of 10," The Doctor said, and pushed the man out of the lift just before the doors closed.
There was an absence of any lift music as The Doctor descended so he decided to provide his own. He whistled a tune until the lift doors opened again. On the other side stood a man, flanked by two men in army style clothing. The man in the centre seemed very familiar.
"Brigadier!" The Doctor exclaimed.
"No not anymore. It's Sir Alistair now," the man said patiently. "Who are you?"
"I'm The Doctor."
Sir Alistair looked him up and down. "You don't look like any doctor I know," he said sceptically.
"Well I've regenerated, haven't I."
"And how will you prove that? I have had a lot of men trying to get away with things by telling me they are the Doctor," Sir Alistair said.
Almost on cue The Doctor convulsed. He leant against the side of the lift until some bio-energy spewed out of his mouth. Once that was over he stood up straight again and grinned at the former Brigadier.
"You had better come with me then, Doctor."
Meanwhile, on star ship composed mainly of rock the council that controlled it were unhappy. Before stood the source of their unhappiness. Pilot Fish. Golden robots that wore black hooded robes. The Pilot Fish currently worked for them, performing the boring menial chores such as cleaning and maintenance in exchange for power to their batteries; and protection from the many people they had upset over the years.
"Why was the interstellar tractor beam activated?" the Sycorax spokesman queried.
The Pilot Fish did not speak. Not in a way that we would understand. They beeped and whirred until the Sycorax understood.
"You do not think that our energy reserves are worthy?"
They beeped and whirred again. The Sycorax murmured amongst themselves.
"We wouldn't dare go after him. He is dangerous."
The Pilot Fish in unison pointed at the spokesman and beeped more loudly.
"Even so," the spokesman said. "You do not know where he is."
The Pilot Fish confirmed that they knew exactly where The Doctor was.
"We will never go there. Not after what happened to Kalajura Seven."
"We do not need you," a robotic voice from the shadows stated. The Sycorax looked at one another in shock. "We shall make our own way there. We are merely informing you of our resignation."
The Doctor sat in an office on the opposite side of Sir Alistair's desk. As the former head of UNIT, Alistair was used to eccentricity of the Doctor, he even joined in when The Doctor started singing 'All You Need is Love'. Doctor jumped up happily when the two UNIT soldiers returned carrying many pairs of trousers.
"We have taken the liberty of buying a new pair of boots for Mr. Stephens," one of them said.
"Good I wouldn't want to leave without paying my debts," he began rifling through the trousers.
"So what brings you here?" Alistair asked.
"I hear that Stonehenge is nice this time of year," Doctor said without looking up.
"Its December," Alistair said patiently. "I mean is there anything I should know about?"
"What do you think?" The Doctor held up a pair of flowery Bermuda shorts.
"Umm, they're a bit bright," Alistair said.
"Correct, I was wondering when you would notice that," The Doctor picked up a sensible black pair of trousers. Before he could do anything else he had another fit and expelled more bio-energy from his mouth. The crotch area of the trousers disintegrated on contact with the energy. "I still haven't found what I'm looking for."
"So you just stumbled upon me by accident?"
"That's right," The Doctor pulled off his jeans and put on a pair of dark brown cargo trousers.
"That's good," Alistair complimented. Although he was slightly envious of the Doctor's new younger body.
"Yes, all I need now is a new top," The Doctor said. He looked at his wrinkly arms. "And for my arms to actually change."
"So how many have you had now?" Alistair asked. "You must be coming to your last regeneration soon."
"No idea," The Doctor shrugged. "I was in my last life for so long I forgot which one I was. I'm sure I will remember eventually. Speaking of which, do you ever get the feeling you have forgotten something. Only I have this distinct feeling I have forgotten something."
"Could this be a result of your regeneration?"
"It has happened before," The Doctor shrugged. He coughed violently spraying bio-energy across Alistair's desk. "Oh, I remember now!"
"What is it?"
"Fire bolts have identification numbers," The Doctor said triumphantly.
"What?"
"That's a very important Harry Potter fact," Doctor said enthusiastically. Alistair raised his eyebrows in confusion.
"he needs to find a new companion," he said quietly to one of the soldiers while The Doctor raced the stapler and hole puncher around the desk. "I think being on his own has made him go mad." The soldier raised his eyebrow. "Madder, then," he emphasised. To the Doctor he said. "Have you been alone long."
"No not very long at all," he said cheerfully. His smile suddenly disappeared. "Ah, I knew I had forgotten something."
Lisa was looking very pissed off when she came through the door a few minutes later. Doctor jumped up to greet her.
"I found some new trousers," he said happily.
"Did you steal them from an innocent bystander as well?" she asked sarcastically.
"No actually my good friend Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart found them for me," The Doctor pointed to Sir Alistair.
"I'm not a Brigadier anymore," he said, slightly irritated now. "It's Sir Alistair."
The Doctor ignored this. "Brigadier, this is..." The doctor frowned. "This is Mona... err."
"It's Lisa," Lisa said tetchily.
"Yes I would have got there eventually. This is Mona Lisa," The Doctor introduced.
"No not Mona Lisa you idiot," Lisa shouted. "I was telling you that it was Lisa, not Mona."
The Doctor was speechless for a moment. "Well why was it wrapped in foil?" he asked.
"Are you ever going to make sense?" Lisa countered.
Alistair quickly jumped up to put a stop to the fight that was breaking out. "Pleased to meet you Lisa," he shook her hand.
The Doctor sat down on his chair and begun to stare out of the window. Lisa threw up her arms in exasperation. "He used to be so calm, and wise, and friendly," she said softly. "Now he's turned into a babbling, young fool."
"I have seen the Doctor in many incarnations," Alistair said. "They were all completely different, some were as mad as he appears to be now. But you could always rely on him to save the day."
The Doctor grabbed a pen from the desk and began to start writing on the wall. "The old Doctor wouldn't have done that," she said sadly.
"He often goes excessively mad after a regeneration," Alistair reassured her. "Maybe once he empties the thoughts from his mind he might calm down a bit."
The writing on the wall grew very quickly from the speed at which The Doctor was writing. It was a jumble of random words and phrases, coupled with well known facts as well as less well known facts. As he wrote he hummed the theme tune to New Tricks as he wrote quotes from films and TV programmes. He even started to write down formulas for scientific equations. He sneezed. Bio-energy mixed with the mucus from inside his nose and made the wall dissolve in the places that it hit. The people on the other side stared at the hole that had suddenly been created.
"So, sorry," The Doctor called, then screamed as a sharp pain shot through his spine. The people jumped up and quickly left. The Doctor recovered and spied a white board that had been left behind. He climbed through the hole and began writing on the white board instead.
"I'm never going to be able to use this place again," Alistair moaned covering his face with his hand.
"He's not well," Lisa said sadly. "He must have caught something from the shrapnel."
"No, that's normal," Alistair said. "In a few hours he will be fine, and you will be able to go travelling once more as if nothing happened."
"Except he isn't the man I started travelling with," Lisa said. "He's a completely different person."
"It will take some getting used to," he agreed. "But I'm sure you'll grow to like him as much as the previous Doctor."
"It was the Sycorax!" The Doctor suddenly shouted from the other room. They both poked their heads through the hole in the wall. The white board was covered in writing, but unlike the writing on the wall it appeared to be ordered like a scientist writing a big, long equation. At the bottom of the board the word 'Sycorax' was underlined several times.
"What's the Sycorax?" Lisa asked.
"They're the people who were trying to tow us in the TARDIS," The Doctor explained.
"The same Sycorax that were behind the Christmas Invasion?" Alistair asked.
"Not the very same ones obviously," Doctor scoffed. "They were executed by Harriet Jones. No these are different ones."
"But why?" Alistair wondered. "They're terrified of you, and Earth for that matter."
"Who knows," Doctor shrugged. "But they were definitely after me, or the TARDIS, or Lisa."
"Who are the Sycorax?" Lisa asked confused.
"A tribal alien race dedicated to war," The Doctor explained. "The Kalajura tribe attempted to invade Earth using blood control, but I put a stop to it. As they were retreating the then Prime Minister ordered their destruction. They could be after revenge I suppose."
"After all these years?" Alistair questioned.
"It takes a lot longer than you would think for that sort of news to reach the other tribes," the Doctor explained.
The door to the room he was in suddenly opened. In strode four figures in blue protective overalls that covered their faces. They carried several pieces of cleaning equipment with them. One carried a mop in a bucket, another carried a cleaning spray of some kind and a cloth, the next one dragged what looked like a Hoover behind him and the last one held a large bin bag. A series of beeps came from them.
"On second thoughts," The Doctor said. "I don't think the Sycorax are involved after all."
"What makes you say that?"
"Because that Pilot Fish just told me they were confiscating me in the name of the Pilot Fish Queen," The Doctor said. "Which doesn't really make sense really. Pilot Fish don't have queens. They don't have any leaders at all, they are just scavengers."
The one holding the bin bag punched The Doctor in the chest and threw the bag over his head. The Doctor didn't put up much resistance as he was slung over its shoulder. Lisa screamed which drew the attention of the other three. The one with the mop twisted the end of the handle and detached it from the rest of it and pointed it in a threatening manner towards the two humans.
"I'll deal with this," Alistair held up his cane and pointed it at the disguised Pilot Fish. He pressed a hidden button and a dart fired out of the end and into the chest of the lead one. It made no difference whatsoever.
"That won't help," The Doctor shouted from inside the bag. "They're robots."
The one with the spray stepped forwards and sprayed Alistair's cane; which dissolved on contact. He and Lisa jumped back from the hole in the wall, hoping to avoid being sprayed themselves. The mop Pilot Fish activated its weapon. A sudden surge of electricity leaped from the handle and grounded through the helpless humans. After the electricity ceased they collapsed to the floor, unconscious. The Doctor decided not to resist as he was carried away by the Pilot Fish. He knew it was pointless to resist, but he was also curious as to who this Pilot Fish Queen was, and what she wanted with him.
Author's note: please do let me know what you think, I am always eager to hear from my readers
