Chapter Two
Woah! Thanks so much to everybody who reviewed/favourited/followed this story. I really thought it'd get about 2 responses, so coming back and seeing that was super nice! I'm going to try and update every few days, but I am quite busy so if I don't always meet that deadline please don't hate me! I'll try my best regardless.
For those wondering, Castle will be involved in the story. Don't worry :)
Also, I'm going to refer to Season 1 Kate as 'Beckett' and Season 5 Kate as 'Kate' to avoid confusion. Enjoy!
A million thoughts were running through Beckett's mind as she drove Grace to essentially steal a car. She had just had a phone conversation with her future self. Albeit a very short one, but still. Was she going mad? Was this all some elaborate prank Castle had put on? She wouldn't put it past him.
"There." Grace said, as she pointed to a shiny black Mercedes resting in an alley. "That's the car."
"That's the car?!" Beckett was shocked. She had expected some beat-up, might-as-well-take-it-to-be-impounded type contraption, not that.
"Yeah. It wouldn't be impressive to steal if it were a piece of shit nobody would miss, would it?" Grace responded, in a tone that said obviously. "Also, it's the car of the leader of the rival gang so it scores Tommy like, major points with the guys."
"Are you sure you want to do this? What if you get caught?" Beckett asked, suddenly feeling the need to protect the girl she had spent the past hour believing was crazy.
"It's fine. I'm from the future, remember?" Grace reminded her. "The guy whose car that is and his gang are all at some drag race thing today in New Jersey. They aren't even back until tomorrow."
"And he's just leaving a car like that out in the open?"
Grace smiled at Beckett, tilting her head to one side. "You're a real straight and narrow Manhattan girl, aren't you?"
Beckett gave Grace a look that implied offence.
"I meant it as a compliment. You're lucky. I'd much rather be somebody who didn't know how these kind of neighbourhoods operated. Yes, they leave their cars out in the open. It's a sign of their superiority and power, if you will. They want people to fear them, and so they do. Nobody around here would be caught dead stealing something of theirs, or else you know…they will actually end up dead."
"Got it." Beckett nodded. Despite was Grace might think, she did know a thing or two about gangs. She had been a cop for over six years, and working in vice had taught her a lot about things she never wanted to know. "So you know what you're doing?"
"Yep, don't worry about me." Grace said with a smile, now with a confident air about her instead of the frightened, frazzled one Beckett had seen earlier. She was starting to see why her future self had taken a liking to the girl.
Oh, God. She was actually starting to believe this madness.
"Go, meet your future self, have a chat about stuff. I think you'll be interested." Grace said with a knowing smirk as she stepped out of the car. "I bought a phone just after I got here, and I put the number in your phone if you need me. But I'll be back at your dad's when I'm done."
"What about me arresting the guys?" Beckett asked.
"That's not until late tonight. We have plenty of time." Grace replied, then shut the door and walked confidently in the direction of the car.
Beckett watched for a moment as the girl fiddled around in her backpack, then realised she was a cop sitting and watching a crime being committed. She needed to get out of there. Grace would be fine.
At least she desperately hoped she would.
The drive to her dad's didn't take long and Beckett didn't know what she was going to find once she got there. If this whole thing were true, did she even want to meet her future self? Wouldn't knowing what was going to happen alter the future and all that? There had been a million movies on that type of thing, and Beckett was pretty sure all of them ended with showing that you shouldn't know your future. And what if she hated it?
What if, and this was what Beckett was afraid of most, she was exactly the same? Obviously she was still a homicide detective and that was something she was fine with, but what if nothing else had changed? She still didn't have any answers about her mom, she still had no social life outside of work, she still didn't have anybody to come home to. Beckett's heart was beating rapidly as she thought about it. It was what she was preparing herself for. Meeting her future self, only to realise that she might as well be talking to the mirror.
She pulled up to the familiar white weatherboard house and took a deep breath and she turned off the engine. It's now or never.
Beckett walked up to the front door and knocked. She felt weird knocking, she had a key, but it just felt like the right thing to do. It was like she was meeting a stranger in there. This was somebody she didn't know yet. Or maybe, she thought to herself, you know her completely and that's what's really terrifying.
Beckett heard strong footsteps on the other side of the door, obviously made by high heels. She took another deep breath as the door swung open and met the eyes of the person on the other side, which were a few inches above her own.
Well, one thing was certain already, she was certainly not looking in a mirror.
"Uh, hi." Her older self said almost breathlessly.
Beckett couldn't even respond. What?! She was hot!
Beckett was never one to place a high priority on beauty, especially not as a female cop, but she was also well aware of the fact that she wasn't bad to look at. It changed nothing about the way she treated others or did her job, it was sort of just something she knew. She couldn't stand people who would pretend like they didn't know they were perceived as attractive by others in order to gain compliments. But this, this was a whole new thing. She looked like a damn supermodel! Beckett didn't like it.
Sure, she looked awesome in her designer sweater, black skinny jeans and heeled boots that she hoped to God were not worn on the job. But she was a cop, not a model. She needed to be respected and not treated like she had only got to where she was because of her looks, not by using her brains or hard work.
"Uh, quick, come in." Kate said, rushing her inside. "We don't want anyone to see us."
Beckett was still too stunned to say anything. How can this be real?
"So…" Kate didn't know what to say. She couldn't even believe she was here herself. She thought she was simply humouring Grace when she agreed to 'go back in time' with her. The sceptic in her was having an incredibly difficult time believing the situation. Based on the look on her former self's face, she could see that that was definitely something that had not changed about her. "You met Grace?"
Beckett nodded. "Ye..Yeah. I can't believe this is happening."
"You and me both." Kate agreed. "Or I guess it's just me, or just you."
The two Kate's looked at each other, both eyes wide and feeling insane.
"Let's sit." Kate said after a long pause, gesturing to the couch. "So Grace explained the whole situation to you?"
"Uh, yeah she did. Going to arrest the guys late tonight. I have to order my team as back up." Beckett rattled off.
"Yeah." Kate said.
Then there was silence. The two just looked at one another, both clearly taking notes while at the same time feeling incredibly insecure wondering what their other self was thinking.
"This is so silly." Kate finally said. "We are the same person. This shouldn't be awkward!"
She then let out a laugh, and Beckett managed to laugh with her.
"You're right." Beckett replied. "We can't be too serious in the situation we are in."
Kate smiled. She was proud of her 29-year-old self. Her years with Castle had made her more accepting of being placed in crazy situations, but she remembered being the girl sitting before her. She was in no way accustomed to anything out of the ordinary. Kate was suddenly struck by how far she had come looking at her younger self. She realised she was looking at her like she were a different person.
And that was because she was. Kate wasn't much like her at all anymore, and she was glad. When she was 29, she was so lonely. She never had fun. It was like she was punishing herself for not being able to find her mother's killer. Punishing herself for the fact that she had been killed at all. Which was ridiculous, she knew. She even knew that then. But being closed off had become second nature to her, and she didn't know how to change.
"So come on, surely you're curious about me." Kate smiled, trying to provide some reassurance.
Beckett looked at Kate with fear. "Won't it change my future if I find out about it?"
Kate smiled. Some things never change. She had asked Grace the exact same question as soon as they'd arrived. The girl knew how to make her young self forget. There was no way Kate would have agreed to this otherwise. She wasn't putting the life she had now in danger for anything.
"Don't worry. You'll forget everything once it's over. I don't remember being you in this situation, so you must."
Beckett let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, okay good."
"So, what do you want to know? Or if I could, what do you think of me?" Kate asked, genuinely curious. Sure, she remembered being 29 but her 33-year-old mindset confused the way she remembered her past-self thinking.
"Honestly," Beckett hesitated for a moment. "What the hell? Where are the cop clothes? You obviously still are one. And the hair! I mean, I admit it looks great but we aren't looking to be America's Next Top Model."
Kate laughed. "Thank God Castle's not here, he would have loved that."
"Castle?" Beckett asked with a frown. "Wait, he is still following you around? Are you joking?"
Shit, Kate thought, should've eased into that one.
"Oh, uh yeah. Don't look so disgusted in me, he's not as bad as you think." Kate tried to hide her smile.
"Not as bad as I think?" Beckett's voice rose. "You mean he's not a childish egoist who acts like he's on the Bachelor?"
Kate couldn't contain her grin now. "No, he pretty much is still that. But there's a lot more to him, things you are yet to learn. And those sides of him you do know, well they too are different than what you think."
Beckett stared at Kate with an expression of utter confusion, but something about the way her older self spoke when she talked about him stopped her from continuing to berate her. But seriously, four years?! He was still bothering her in FOUR years? By the look on Kate's face though, it didn't seem like he was really annoying her.
"What time am I exactly in here? As in, what was the last case you solved?" Kate asked. "I know it's April 2009, but that's about it."
"Uh, the last case was the voodoo murder. Castle and I were shot at in a woman's apartment." Beckett tried to go for the most easily remembered things about the case. It had been four years for Kate after all.
"Oh," Kate said with a knowing smile. "The deep fried twinkie case."
Beckett snapped her head towards Kate. "You still remember that?"
"You really think you won't remember that in four years?" Kate asked with a smile that said she knew more than she was letting on. She was beginning to have fun. Normally a reserved sort of person, talking to herself made it a lot easier to open up and be honest. So if she was finally going to be honest with herself about her what her feelings had been for the past four years, she might as well do it now. Besides, she was kind of interested in how her former self was reacting.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Beckett asked, afraid of the answer.
"Come on, I was you remember." Kate teased. "You can't say you weren't at least the slightest bit annoyed when you found out Castle had slept with his ex-wife."
Beckett went to deny it, but then remembered she was talking to herself. There really was no point in lying. It was strange to open up even to herself though, because Beckett hadn't just been lying to everyone else about her feelings. She'd also been lying to herself. She wouldn't even let herself think about Castle for too long a time. She didn't want to even remotely enjoy his company.
"Fine, I guess." Beckett sunk back into the couch. "I don't even know why though. It just annoyed me."
"Yeah, I know." Kate said with a soft smile.
Succumbing to her vulnerability in this situation, while also managing to change the topic, Beckett looked up at her future self and asked quietly, "Are you happy?"
Kate's smile dropped for a moment as she adjusted to the new mood in the room, before it returned in full force. "I'm the happiest I've ever been."
Beckett watched her face, and the way her eyes crinkled on the sides while she tucked her head into her neck in an almost embarrassed way affirmed that Kate was telling the truth.
"How?" She asked softly. "How can you be so happy? You're happier than when mom was alive?"
Kate met the 29-year-old's eye. "Yes." She said confidently. "Not as carefree, and much more aware of the horror the world can hold. But yes, I am the happiest I have ever been. And it's because I've accepted it. What happened to her, nothing will ever change that. No amount of justice will. And she wouldn't have wanted me to live the life you're living now forever. She never would have wanted me to live it at all. But a lot has happened in the last four years. And I've still got a long way to go, but I'm at a point now where the future looks bright instead of bleak and filled with emptiness."
Beckett's heart lifted. That's what she wanted more than anything in the world. To be happy; to accept what had happened and move on. She knew her mother wouldn't be happy with the way she was living her life now, and it pained her greatly. But she didn't know how to change, and that was what was worrying her about Kate. How did she change? Because she just can't seem to fathom how the person before her could possibly be who she becomes in four years, as much as she might want her to be.
"How do you change?" She asks.
"It's gradual." Kate responds. "And I think a part of you already knows."
Beckett didn't understand what Kate was getting at.
"What do you mean? I have no idea how I come to be you. That's why I'm asking."
"Castle." Kate simply stated.
"Castle, what?"
"He's the reason behind the change." Kate says with a steady breath. "Not to say that I needed a man to help me get better, or that it's his actions that have got me here, but more like his presence in my life made me see everything I was missing and everything I wanted. It made me realise that I miss the person I was supposed to be, if that makes any sense at all."
Beckett sat back and listened to Kate with a half horrified, half dumb-founded feeling in her chest.
"Is Castle," Beckett faltered, frowning as she spoke. "Is he your boyfriend?"
Kate couldn't do anything but smile at Beckett. She knew how she must be feeling and what was coming as soon as she confirmed the relationship.
"Yes, he's my boyfriend."
Beckett's jaw dropped, eyes darting side to side as she thought. Her boyfriend? He was her boyfriend? She gives into that egotistical bastard? No! She was supposed to be one of the women who stayed strong, who resisted the charms of the womaniser. Made him realise he couldn't always have what he wanted. Damn it, he was going to make so much fun of her for this.
Beckett looked up and realised Kate was studying her reaction to the news. "Why? How could you let him?" The question's just poured out of Beckett's mouth. "He's not serious about anything. It would never work. I mean, I know he's not repulsive in the physical sense and I'm sure all the practise he's had makes him a good time in the bedroom but seriously? I don't have time for someone like him."
Kate was trying not to laugh. She loved this. She thought she was going to hate it, but she totally loved this. She had spent so much time focusing on how much she'd changed in the past four years, she'd forgotten about how much her view of Castle had also changed the more she grew to know him. He was so different than what she'd thought in the beginning. Her heart tightened in her chest as she thought about him. She completely loved him. It made her feel warm.
"Why are you laughing?" Beckett asked, frustrated.
"I'm sorry. I'd just forgotten how much I detested him in the beginning." Kate answered. "But let's be honest, right from the get-go, even though he was incredibly annoying, he was always pretty fun, wasn't he?"
Beckett tried to deny it, but she'd grown used to the openness she'd found with her future self in their short conversation. "I guess."
She skulked back into the couch, still digesting the news. "Does he make fun of me for being with him?"
"What?" Kate asked genuinely confused. "Make fun of us? Why would he do that?"
"I mean, I can just imagine him being so smug about it." Beckett explains while her facial muscles tighten in annoyance as she speaks. "You know, about how I couldn't resist. How he's the most attractive man in the world..."
Kate let a laugh erupt out of her mouth. "It's funny, you're clearly thinking of him as the person you know him as now. Time changes everything. He can be serious, deadly even. And he's not as much of a ladies man as you think either. I came to know that pretty slowly. Lot's of women like him, but he doesn't take notice of the majority."
Kate waits a moment, then adds, "But you're right. There is a bit of teasing. He's quite adamant that I fell for him first. We both know that's a lie."
Beckett snorts. "Please."
"But he would never seriously make fun of us being together. He's quite serious about our relationship." Kate says. "At least, I can feel that he is. We have fun lots of the time, but if I'm being honest, he's the one that has always been more forthcoming and responsible when it comes to us."
Beckett couldn't get her head around that Kate was talking about the same guy who just this morning came into the precinct in yesterday's clothes because he wanted to avoid talking to the woman he'd slept with the night prior.
"Do you love him?" She asked shakily, almost afraid of the answer. She's never let herself really love anyone since her mom died. Always kept just enough distance to avoid the inevitability of being hurt again.
"I do." Kate replied softly. "And he loves me back."
"Who said it first?" Beckett questioned, not really knowing the answer. Her gut feeling was that she would never have said it to him first, but she couldn't imagine the Castle she knew saying it first either. And there was something about him, something about that way he could sneakily make her have fun while on the job even though she was supposed to be hating him that made Beckett think it was probably quite easy for her to fall in love with him eventually. And maybe one day she had just come out and said it.
"Oh, he did." Kate said, kind of embarrassed. "Long before I did. And a few times too."
Beckett let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding in. "Really?"
Kate could see in her younger self's eyes that she was truly surprised. It was hard to remember exactly how she used to see Castle, now that she knew so much about him.
"Yeah, really. Like I keep saying, he's different than what you think."
"Tell me about him them. What don't I know yet?" Beckett asked as she sat up straight, ready to hear how she came to be so in love with the man who was currently driving her insane.
Before Kate could say a word however, a crash came from the kitchen followed by a deep voice saying "Ouch!"
"What was that? Is dad here?" Beckett asked, eyes wide. "I thought he would be at work."
"He is." Kate responded, suddenly terrified. "Quick one of us needs to hide."
"Kate!" A voice rang out. Castle's voice.
Suddenly Kate's terror faded and was replaced by mild confusion. "Castle?"
Beckett however, was even more startled than before. What was Castle doing here? He couldn't see the two of them together! She could only imagine what his writer's brain would do, not to mention the inappropriate remarks he would undoubtedly make. And why had he called her Kate? He had never called her that.
That question was answered as soon as Beckett saw the man appear from around the corner. He wasn't the Castle she knew. He was Kate's Castle.
"Castle," Kate said in a breathless worry. "What are you doing here?"
She was in his arms before Beckett could even register what was happening.
"I didn't know what to do. You just disappeared, so I just tried to do the same thing as I saw Grace doing and voila!" Castle said. "I'm here."
He was so relieved. While it had been a couple hours for Kate, it had only been a few minutes for Castle but they had been a frightening few minutes. He had yet to notice Beckett standing sheepishly in the corner watching them.
"You shouldn't have done that." Beckett said into his chest as she hugged him.
"Are you kidding? How cool is this?!" Castle exclaims in that high pitched tone she has come to love. "We just went back in time! Or did we just teleport? And if so, why did we teleport to your dad's? Think we could have picked a more exotic location."
Kate brought her head back from his chest to roll her eyes and him and suppress a smile.
It was then that Castle looked towards Beckett and saw that they had indeed travelled back in time. When he'd seen her figure in the corner of his eye, he had just assumed she was Grace.
"Oh my god."
All Beckett could do was stare as Castle gave her the once over.
"No. Way." He breathed excitedly. "I'd forgotten how cute you were in your strict police clothes!"
Kate nudged Castle in the ribs. It was weird how she felt the need to protect her young self, as though she were her mother or something. She knew at 29, she would not have been able to stand that. She could look after herself. She still felt that way.
"Hi." Castle said to Beckett, waving a hand at her like she was some kind of alien or robot who he wasn't sure would understand him.
"Hi." Beckett said back, in a sharp yet unsure tone.
Castle smirked. "Oh, I'd forgotten how much you used to pretend to hate me. Hey, it's good you're here. Now we can finally settle this debate."
Beckett couldn't believe how easily he could adjust to the circumstances, the way he was talking so animatedly. "Settle what debate?"
"You have already fallen for me, haven't you?"
Kate scoffed.
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