Johan arrived at the hotel about half an hour after he saw Nina. He was still stunned by how beautiful she looked now. Her eyes and round face still held childish characteristics, but she was beautiful. Just as so many girls looked at Johan and fell head over heals, he was sure that many guys saw Nina and were smitten.
He walked back into the bedroom in his master suite, shutting the door and kicking off his shoes. He didn't even bother changing his clothes he just pulled back the quilt and crawled beneath the covers, pulling his knees up to his chest and closing his eyes.
Johan awoke in a dark room, laying on the floor, face pressed against the cold tile. He didn't know where he was or how he'd gotten there, the last thing he remembered was falling asleep in his hotel room.
He got up of the floor and took a few cautious steps forward, arms stretched in front of him, hands searching for something to grab onto, but there was nothing. Johan began sweeping his hands back and forth in front of him frantically searching for a wall or piece of furniture, but there was nothing, his hands hitting only the empty air. The darkness seemed to be never ending and Johan began to panic.
He took another step, starting to hyperventilate the darkness making Johan feel claustrophobic, and suddenly he was falling into more darkness. He tried to scream but no sound came out. He fell for what felt like an eternity before landing hard on a wooden floor, hitting his head and blacking out for the slightest moment.
As he began to open his eyes, a sudden burst of light blinded him and he sat up rubbing his eyes and blinking trying to get them to adjust from being in the darkness for so long. He noticed the shadow of a figure standing above him, and as his eyes adjusted to the brightness of the lights he saw that it was a young girl holding a gun in her small hands, a frightened expression on her face. The gun she was holding in her hands was black with a steel handle and looked too heavy for her, as her hands were shaking she clumsily pointed the gun in his direction.
Johan recognized her face almost instantly, as if he had seen her before in another place and time. She had the brightest blue eyes he'd ever seen, beautifully pale skin, long golden hair, and looked to be at least 10 years old. It was Anna. Once again 10 years old, she was small and vulnerable, shaking with fear, and her index finger was twitching near the trigger.
"You will never hurt anyone again, Johan." She whimpered, her voice breaking when she said his name and tears began to stream down her face.
She lifted the gun higher, arms shaking under its weight. Johan tried to stand up, but his legs went limp and he fell backwards. She took a step toward him and put her finger on the trigger. He lifted his hands in front of his face, as if this would somehow protect him. Stop her, Johan! His conscious was screaming at him. But it was too late, a deafening boom shuddered the ground beneath him.
At that moment, Johan jolted up in his bed, which was soaked with sweat. He looked around him, panting, feeling completely out of breath. The quilt from the bed was strewn on the floor and his pillow was soaked with his sweat. When his breathing finally settled and he came back to reality he checked the clock on the table next to his bed, seeing that it was four in the morning.
"Pull yourself together, Johan," he said under his breath. "It was just a dream."
But it was exactly the same dream he'd had for years after Anna had tried to kill him that night back when they were both 10. Johan had gotten therapy trying to rid himself of the dreams and he had thought they were gone for good, but obviously they weren't.
He climbed out bed, stepping over the quilt still lying on the floor, and walked into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him. He turned on the faucet, leaning over the sink, and splashed cold water on his face. He looked up and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror above the sink. He froze, the faucet still running, not recognizing the person that was staring back at him. This person was weak, broken, and alone, that was not who the real Johan was. Johan was fearless, frightening, and could kill someone without any remorse or regret. This was a part of him that he himself rarely saw, buried deep inside never to reveal itself.
He turned away from the mirror, leaning back against sink, which was now almost full of water. As water began to pour over the edges of the white crystal, he spun around turning off the faucet, but careful not to look at his reflection again.
What was happening to him? Was seeing Anna again not the best thing for him? Could this memory that he had stored in the back of his mind hoping to erase destroy him?
He pushed aside his thoughts and walked forward to turn on the shower. The water heated quickly and soon steam was floating around the room, fogging up the mirror. He peeled of his sweaty clothes and climbed into the shower, letting the water wash over him. And in that small moment of weakness, all the memories of every murder he had committed, every life he had destroyed, rushed back into his mind. His chin began to quiver and his legs gave out and he fell onto his knees. As the water rushed over him, huge sobs swept through him fiercely shaking his body as he buried his face in his hands. He didn't try to stop himself like he would have before, just let the tears come and wash away with the water, down the drain leaving no trace of his meltdown, this one moment of weakness that no one would ever see.
