Thanks for the reviews I've been getting – you're awesome!
I will have a lot of things going on these next couple of weeks, but I'll try to update at least one of my three stories in-progress once a week!
I love to hear what you think about the story – reviews are always welcomed and appreciated!
"So…" Rory says and looks down at her feet. "…thanks for walking me to my car."
Jess smirks at her. "Well, it might be broad day light, but you do come from a very small town – I wouldn't want you to get lost on your way to your car."
She smiles and looks up at him. "You wanted to make sure I really left, huh?"
He takes a small step closer to her. "Only so you could come back."
She sees the sparks in his eyes when he looks at her, the happiness they've both been longing for is finally within reach. She puts her hand against his chest to keep the distance between them when he takes another step closer.
"I know" He says quietly and strokes her hair. "I just…I just wanted to make sure you were real. That this was real."
She smiles and strokes his chest with her hand. "It almost feels too good to be true, doesn't it?"
He nods but doesn't say anything; instead he caresses her hand on his chest with a smile on his face. He lifts her hand to his lips and softly rubs his lips against it. "Drive safe"
She nods. "I will"
.
While keeping her eyes on the road Rory reaches for her phone on the seat next to her. The name on the display reads 'Lane' and she smiles as she answers.
"Hold on a second" She says as she spots a rest stop not far ahead. She pulls into it and turns off the engine. "There. What's up?"
"What are you doing?" Lane sounds confused.
"I was on the highway and I wasn't sure about the talking-on-your-cell-while-driving policy in this state, so I figured I had to pull over."
"This state? Where are you?"
"On paper-business" Rory lies. She hadn't meant to let her tongue slip like that. She hated lying to Lane, but she had to talk to Logan before telling anyone about Jess. "Nothing interesting really" She adds to avoid follow-up questions. "What about you?" She changes the subject. "Your big day is coming up"
"My big day" Lane says and sighs.
"What's wrong?" Although Rory hasn't attended that many weddings, she's pretty sure that a bride to be usually sounded a bit more cheery when asked about her wedding day.
"Nothing" Lane answers quickly. "I don't know" She adds.
"Has Zach done something?"
"No. Zach's perfect…he's just…being Zach."
"Okay. So what's wrong? Are you getting cold feet?"
"No. At least I don't think so." She hesitates for a few seconds and then continues. "How do I know that Zach is the one?"
"Well…" Rory wavers. "You love him, right?"
"Yes, I do. I do love him. But maybe this is normal relationship feelings. Maybe you always feel like it's forever, you know? Like he's the one. I mean I've only really dated Zach and Dave, and Dave moved away but maybe if he had stayed I would have felt that way for him. I haven't dated enough to know what's real and what's not. Maybe I'm not ready to get married, maybe I jumped into this to quick? How do I know if this is really right?"
"When it's right I think you feel it. You just know" Like she had done with Jess. She had known from the beginning that it was right; that they were supposed to be together. It didn't matter if she were with Dean or with Logan – Jess would always be the one. She had known it since he came to town and she knew it now.
"Was it like that for you?"
"Yeah, it was" She remembers their first kiss, the happiness that had flowed through her body when she saw him standing there by the water. The happiness had been so overpowering that she hadn't given Dean a thought, she had just thrown herself at him and kissed him. Just like last night. Logan had been nothing but an after-thought. A bad conscience nagging at her, but not enough to stop her from throwing her arms around Jess' neck and crash her lips to his.
"Did you feel that way about Dean and Jess as well, or is it only with Logan you have that feeling?"
Rory frowns and stares at the phone, not knowing what the hell Lane's talking about. Then she realizes Lane has been talking about Logan the entire time, not Jess. Of course she had, she didn't know about the latest developments.
"You know" She says, trying to avoid the question. "You shouldn't compare your feelings for Zach to anything else. If you love him and you feel that it's right; that's all that matters."
Lane sighs. "Yeah, you're probably right." A short laugh is heard on the other end of the line. "I do love him."
"There you go." Rory smiles
"Okay" Lane takes a deep breath. "Freak-out's over."
"I'm glad"
"Thank you for listening"
"Anytime. So, I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, for the bachelorette party, I'll be the girl with a silly smile plastered on my face"
.
Rory takes a deep sigh and looks around the apartment. It felt different somehow. It felt cold and strange, she never felt that before. Maybe it was she that was different.
One of Logan's shirts thrown over the back of a chair didn't fill her with the homely, familiar feeling it used to when she was alone in the apartment. Instead it made her feel out of place. Somehow it felt wrong being in his apartment after making the decision to leave him. But where else could she go? Wherever she went people would have questions, they would wonder what was wrong.
She sighs again and throws herself on the couch. She needs to keep up appearances until Logan gets home, it wouldn't be fair to him if he wasn't the first one to know about the break-up, well, besides herself and Jess that is.
Should she practice what to say to him? No, it was probably better to speak from the heart and to be as honest as possible without inflicting unnecessary pain. She probably shouldn't mention Jess. Or should she? Would it be lying if she didn't? What if he asks? If he asks she will tell him, but if he doesn't, it's probably better if he doesn't know.
She throws her head back against the headrest. She wishes there was someone she could talk to about this. She would have liked to discuss it with her mother or Lane, even Paris would feel great to talk to right now.
She picks up her phone from her handbag on the table and holds it in her hand and stares at it. There's only one person she could really talk to about what was going on, but was that right? Wouldn't that be like cheating on Logan? She bites her lips together and closes her eyes.
Maybe talking wasn't that bad. Talking to someone wasn't the same thing as cheating, was it?
She opens her eyes and quickly dials the number before changing her mind.
"This is Jess" He answers almost immediately.
"Hey"
"Hi" He sounds glad and surprised.
"Hi" She repeats, not knowing what else to say.
"Is everything okay?" His voice sounds concerned and it makes her feel good. He knows her and he cares about her.
"Yeah, everything's fine. I just…I just wanted to talk."
"Okay, did you have any specific topic in mind?" She doesn't answer, she's too busy trying to figure out how to formulate what she wants to say, so he continues. "Otherwise I could probably come up with a few, how about global warming – there's a lot to say about that, or maybe something lighter like–"
She interrupts him, not really listening to his topics suggestions. "How will it work, this thing…you and me? I mean I have school so I have to stay in New Haven, not in Logan's apartment of course, I could probably move back in with Paris, and you have Truncheon and all of these things going for you in Philadelphia. How will it work out? And books. Our books. We probably have a lot of the same books. How do we solve that? Do we throw one copy out? Give it away? I wouldn't wanna give any of my copies away or stove them in a box somewhere, but I couldn't ask you to do that, and we would end up having a lot of the same books taking up a lot of space and–"
It's his turn to interrupt her. "Are you having second thoughts?" His voice sounds serious and worried.
"No." She shakes her head but realizes he can't see that through the phone. "The opposite actually, I was just thinking about…everything…the future…our future."
"I don't know really how we're going to make it work, but I know we will. Somehow."
"You sound so sure."
"Well, aren't you?"
"I want everything to work, I hope it will–"
"That's all we need, really. If we both want this to work out, then it will, somehow. There's plenty of time to pin out the details."
"There is?"
"A whole lifetime. Don't worry about it, okay? We'll just take one step at a time. One bookshelf at a time."
She sighs. "Yeah. And the first step would be to break up with Logan."
"If you don't want to do this, you have to let me know now." His voice is stern.
"No, I want to do this, I want to be with you. It just…it feels so weird being here, in his apartment, knowing that the second he steps through the door I'm breaking up with him. I wish there was somewhere else I could be while waiting, but I can't 'cause I can't tell anyone about this before I talk to him. It feels weird…that's all."
"I can understand that. But you're going to Stars Hollow tomorrow, right? For Lane's wedding? So it's really just one night you have to spend there."
"Yeah, I guess. I just wish…I wish I'd broken up with him before he left."
They both sit quiet for some time, as neither of them wants to comment on Rory's wishes.
If only she had broken up with Logan before he left, then she could be with Jess right now. He could be right next to her, holding her close. If she hadn't taken Logan back when he begged her to, Jess could have followed her to Stars Hollow and to Lane's wedding. Instead she had to endure an entire weekend, pretending that everything was normal; that she and Logan were still together.
"So…" She says after a while, breaking the silence. "I guess I should try to get some sleep."
"Yeah" He says slowly. "I guess I should try that too."
"Jess?" She asks, suddenly unwilling to hang up and lose the comfort of his voice.
"I'm still here."
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For still being here…for agreeing to wait."
"What's another couple of days in the long run, huh?"
She smiles. "Good night Jess"
"Good night"
She crawls down under the covers in the bed and closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath and it feels like taking a punch in the stomach when she feels the vague scent of Logan filling her nose. This is his bed. Logan's bed. This is where they used to make love. This is where they used to be in love.
A strong feeling of guilt spreads through her body. She doesn't know if it's guilt for sleeping here, in Logan's bed surrounded by his scent and his memories when Jess is alone, waiting for her in his bedroom in Philadelphia, or if it's guilt for wishing she was in someone else's bed, surrounded by someone else's scent when in fact, she is still technically with Logan. Either way she feels guilty.
She gets up from the bed and moves towards the couch. She feels a bit ridiculous as she bends down and sniffs the air inches above the couch. It seems to be scent-free. She sighs and lies down on the couch with her head rested against the armrest. One night. One more night in this memory- and scent-filled apartment, then she could start to really move on.
