Disclaimer: I do not own the series Naruto, nor any of its characters. They all belong to Masashi Kishimoto and I'm just having fun with the characters that came out of his creative mind. I also do not gain any sort of profits from writing this.
Rating: M
Note: Since this is AU, the characters might not be completely in character.
'These are thoughts.'
Chapter 1: Save me from myself
"This wraps it up! Good job, everyone!"
The producer, Tsunade, got up from her chair, declaring a job well-done to everyone that was in the studio. She yawned while stretching her arms and twisting her waist to loosen her stiff muscles that must be exhausted from all those hours spent sitting on the chair for the recording.
The band members started turning off their instruments, and started packing up. All the staff that were involved in today's recording got up and shook hands and exchanged business cards, so they can contact each other in the future. In the midst of all this, Naruto was still engrossed in burning all the recording into a demo C.D., so the band could take it home to see if they wanted that version to be the finalized one. His cerulean eyes were focused intently on the Mac screen in front of him, and he didn't notice the band members who have already made their way out of the recording room.
He only turned around when the leader of the band put a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey, thanks for recording our stuff. It was good for us to take Sakura's advice in coming here," said Chris, who was also the drummer of the band Naruto recorded tonight.
"No problem! You guys sounded tight as always. Have you guys been playing together for a while?" Naruto asked, genuinely curious.
"Yeah, we've been playing together since high school," Chris answered.
"Ah ha. That explains the great chemistry. I especially loved that bass line in your second song!" Naruto complimented.
Derek, the bassist, smiled brightly and replied, "thanks!"
Naruto smiled back with a "no problem" and made his way into the recording room to check on the equipments. He started pulling out the XLR's once he turned off all the amps and the microphones. He was about to move one of the monitors to the corner of the room, when a strong hand came out of nowhere to take it from him.
"Let me get that."
Naruto turned to see Chris smiling down at him and wasn't too pleased. His shorter-than-average height (5'7'') had always been his complex, and Chris carrying the heavy monitor for him didn't make him feel any better. He felt like he was being treated as a woman.
"You don't have to do this," Naruto softly snapped.
Chris didn't seem to realize the slight change in Naruto's tone from before.
"Nah, it's all good. We should clean it since we used this room."
'Except you're the only one cleaning,' Naruto reasoned.
Chris kept insisting and moved things for Naruto. Of course, Naruto didn't let Chris do all the work; it hurt his pride.
After 15 minutes, Naruto couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Look, Chris. I understand you're trying to be nice and all, but this is my job and I would like to do this alone."
Chris paused at Naruto's words and looked at him. And the way Chris looked at him made Naruto nervous.
'Why is he staring at me like that?' Naruto questioned no one in particular.
"Naruto, I...it was good recording with you. The past 3 months flew by and it was amazing." Chris slowly said.
Naruto felt his heart drop to his feet. He knew what was coming.
Chris drew in his breath and let it go and said, "Look. I...I don't know how to beat around the bush, so I'll be direct. I am really attracted to you. I've been feeling this way since the day I met you, but it grew into something more and..I really lik-"
"I'm sorry, but I can't accept it." Naruto interrupted.
Chris looked a bit confused. "I wasn't even finished speaking to you."
"Yeah, but I've heard enough to decipher what you mean and what you want from me, and I can't give it to you." Naruto replied quickly. "You are my client, and I do not embrace unprofessionalism. Besides, I don't even know you."
'They're all pathetic excuses.'
Chris picked up his chance. "Exactly. That's why I wanted to ask you if you wanted to hang out sometime. Our band's finished recording here, so I'm not your client anymore, Naruto. We can get to know each other."
"I don't like men, Chris." Naruto snapped.
"...but the other engineer-"
"I don't care where you heard that from. I'm not interested in men, which means I'm not interested in you." Naruto almost hissed those words that came out like bullets, and it definitely hurt Chris like he was being shot multiple times on his chest. Naruto couldn't handle the pressure, so he dropped everything and walked out of the recording room. Tsunade called his name, probably wanting him to exchange pleasantries with the band's manager, but he ignored it and hastened to grab his bag, and came out into the hallway.
It felt as if he was given oxygen after staying trapped under the water for too long.
Naruto didn't drop his fast-paced walking, and climbed the stairs to his own private room where he usually worked on editing his recordings.
He unlocked the door,and went in, dropping his bag somewhere and tiredly sat down on the couch, where he slept when he missed the time, too carried away with work.
Million thoughts were racing through his mind and he couldn't grasp any of them. The only thing he was sure of were his emotions, and even that, he had too many jumbled up in a tangled yarn. Of all of them though, disgust, guilt and self-loathing were the most prominent. He felt disgusted at himself for hurting Chris, who seemed to be a good man, just to protect himself. He felt guilty because he lied. He was indeed into men; he was a homosexual. And most of all, he hated himself for being ignorant. His ignorance only proved that his old wound that he believed to be healed was still fresh and festering. He believed he was fine. He thought he had moved on, but it was all a sweet lie. He didn't forget the nightmares of his past relationship. In the corner of his mind, he knew he couldn't let go due to all the good times he had shared with the man. He knew that keeping those memories in his heart also meant he would have to embrace the pain he'd suffered, but he only wanted to keep the goods. And that's where he was wrong. He should've let go long before. He should've let go when his first love walked out the door and never came back. He should've let go when his friends told him he deserved better. He should've let go when so many other men made their advances on him.
He should've let go, period.
But how pathetic.
Here he was, once again in agony because of a bond that was forcibly cut off from him 3 years back.
Unfortunately, he still held onto it.
Naruto was so frustrated and felt the familiar burning sensation behind his eyes.
'No! I will not cry over this. I am strong. I will get over this. I am strong, I am strong, I am strong!' Naruto chanted, as if reassuring himself with those words actually made him strong.
Naruto looked up to the ceiling and quickly blinked his unshed tears away, so they wouldn't fall.
As long as they didn't fall, he felt composed. He felt all the facade he'd built would fall too, if he let a single tear drop.
Filled with resolve, Naruto stood up from his couch, and began unpacking his bag. He pulled out his macbook pro and went over to sit at the white desk at the end of the room. He connected all the wires and plunged into editing the soundtracks from before. The drums reminded him of Chris and that bothered him for a bit, but Naruto put a shield around his heart and robotically started working on the songs.
Work was a safe zone to him.
After several hours, Naruto unplugged the battery USB, and rolled it into a neat circle so it'll fit into his Jansport bag. As he was dying to get out of this studio, his ringtone blasted and echoed loudly in this box-like room.
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart, I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask, I want to exorc-
"Hello?" Naruto answered without even checking the caller ID.
"How's my favorite boy doin' tonight?" came the cheerful reply. At least, that's what it would've sounded like if it were someone else answering the phone. But this was Naruto, and he caught the slight forcefulness in the caller's greeting.
"Spill it. What do you want, old perv?" Naruto asked while packing his laptop into its case.
"Ah, jumping right to the point! You know me too we-"
Naruto cut him off. "Jiraiya, quit kissing my ass and tell me what you want. I had a long day and I'm getting ready to leave."
"...Aw, not I feel bad aski-"
Naruto cut him off again. "Then don't."
"Haha, you sure are grouchy today! Why don't cha come over to my place and have some beer, hmm? Everything will be on the house! That'll cheer ya up!" Jiraiya exclaimed.
"No thanks, old man. I'd rather go home and ass out in my warm bed." Naruto was finished packing by now, and turned off the lights after taking one last look around the room to see if anything was out of place. Finding everything to be okay, he closed the door and headed out towards the main door of the building.
"Ahaha...well, you see Naruto. I have a favor to ask of you," Jiraiya carefully said with an apologetic chuckle.
Naruto sighed and stopped in his tracks, his shoulders sagging. "Of course you do. I knew you had some ulterior motive in calling me and offering me free beer."
Jiraiya hastily denied Naruto's accusations. "No no no! I offered free beer because you sounded like shit and I, as an elder, wanted to cheer your cute little tan ass up! Why can't you just accept my offer as an innocent-"
"Because you're not innocent." Naruto ignored the ass comment and sighed. " Augh..I'm too tired for this. Just tell me what you need and I'll see if I even want to consider it." Naruto exasperatedly said.
A reluctant sigh was heard on the other line as Jiraiya slowly said, "...Fine...you know what, you do sound really tired. I should let you go...goodnight Naruto."
In that split second, Naruto's guilt overrode his annoyance from before, and Naruto gave in. "Fine, fine! What do you need, you old pervert?"
Naruto couldn't see the way Jiraiya's fist swooshed up and down and mouthed, "YES!" with a big smile plastered on his face, but he could tell in the way Jiraiya started gushing out what he needed in 3 seconds, that he was once again manipulated into conceding.
"Shikamaru called in sick tonight and you know that I fired that other girl from a few months ago, because she kept making mistakes with the recording, so who would I call? Of course YOU, Naruto! The best audio engineer that I know and-"
"Psh. Shikamaru's calling in sick all the time. He's probably home sleeping his lazy self off. How much are you paying me?" Naruto spat. He was so tired and irritated that he actually fell for Jiraiya's manipulative words again.
"Well, you have to record one band at 10 and another one at 11 so...200?" Jiraiya asked, hopefully,
"C'mon old man, I'm tired as hell but I'm going all the way down to Delancey street to record two bands, and you're only offering 200? No thanks, offer rejected, goodnight." Naruto made a move to close his phone, but Jiraiya's desperate yell stopped him.
"$300! That's A LOT more than what Shikamaru earns after recording two gigs!"
"350," Naruto said in a tone that left no room for negotiation.
A whine was heard as Jiraiya started to feel a pang of regret for calling Naruto. But then again, there was a popular band that was coming in for a recording, and he couldn't afford another let down after that clumsy Karin girl made a silly mistake on the latest recording of them. Jiraiya wasn't kissing Naruto's ass about his talents. Naruto really was the best audio engineer he knew. Besides, he was like a little son to Jiraiya.
"Fine! But you can't tell Shikamaru that I paid you almost double his pay for one night!"
"My lips are sealed," Naruto said with a tiny grin.
"Alright kid, I'll see you in about 30 minutes?" Jiraiya asked.
"You sure will! By the way, is the beer still on the house?" Naruto asked, getting the exact response he anticipated.
"OH, HELL NO!"
Naruto chuckled softly and hung up.
'This is good for me,' Naruto thought. 'I'll be working; not laying in my bed with all my thoughts to accompany me in the silence of the night.'
Arlene's grocery is an actual place. It's a bar where bands come in to perform, and they do get recorded if they want. My friend performed there awhile back, so I know some of the details others might not know. I am in no way advertising the place, by the way!
P.S.: All reviews are welcomed and appreciated. Please don't hold back to make any sort of constructive criticisms. This is my first fic after all and have no beta...I need some feedbacks!
