"I said show yourself!"
"Ok, ok! Don't shoot, it's just me." The familiar timbre of his voice was unmistakable. She was glad for the sudden cloud cover. Certainly he didn't notice her blush."Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I woke up, and noticed you weren't in camp..." He was fully in the clearing now, brushing himself off. His blond hair seemed a beacon even in the darkness.
Villiers. Figures. She scowled and turned her back to him. Her skin prickled as the water around her felt noticeably warmer. Maybe if I ignore him he'll go away...
He couldn't make out her form very well without the moon's light, but she was near the middle of the small pool, her hair gathered on her head. It was different than how he'd ever seen her before. It almost made her look ladylike. He grinned. "Came for a midnight swim, huh?" He continued cheerfully, sitting to take his boots off. "You want some company?"
Her heart leapt in her throat.
No!
She parted her lips to refuse his offer of company, but no words came. Trying to steady her breathing, she turned back to where he stood, sinking down in the water until it covered her bare shoulders. The cloud cover had cleared and the moonlight seemed to be brighter than before. He had taken his boots off and they lay sprawled out where he had carelessly tossed them. As he disrobed, she stared at him. The cool light played on his moist skin as the muscles in his arms worked effortlessly at his pants and she found herself unable to blink. He hadn't seen her staring. She shivered and turned back around before he could notice the stolen glances.
Eh, you're pathetic for looking at him like that. It's just Snow. Y'know, the big dummy. The one that infuriates you.
She quickly waded towards another section of the basin, trying to escape his inescapable company. But she knew it was impossible; he'd be there soon enough. She closed her eyes to the heavy spray that showered her face and the crashing of water in her ears. Standing easily on the balls of her feet, she stretched her arms out in front of her, exhaling therapeutically. Mentally she was a mess, but she was the one in of the group that needed to stay together. Putting emotions on the back burner and exacting the face of a cool and collected leader had made her nerves raw and the her temper short. Snow Villiers also made her temper short.
"Hey, are you ok?" A heavy hand weighed on her shoulder, but the touch surprised her and she slapped the hand roughly away. She spun around to see Snow standing behind her, rubbing his wrist, his nose wrinkled in discomfort. "Ow..."
"I'm fine!" she snapped harshly, almost instantly regretting her biting tone. Her features never softened, though. Weakness wasn't something she wanted show, but when her eyes met his, he looked defeated.
He wondered what he had done to make her hate him so, other than the obvious reasons; the same reasons why he hated himself. He thought that they had been making some sort of progress being in such close quarters. The bruise he'd sport tomorrow would be his proof he was wrong.
A hint of softness crept into her words this time around. "Don't be so concerned with me. I'm fine." She broke the eye contact, suddenly acutely aware of the proximity between them.
He hadn't noticed she was topless. Gazing at the smooth lines of her shoulders and neck, his mouth went dry. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, the air around them suddenly tense. Diverting his eyes, he looked skyward. The canopy of trees above them concealed all but a little bit of the stars above. Lightning seemed thankful his gaze no longer fell upon her exposed flesh, but she turned around so she didn't have to look at him. She could barely be this close to him and keep her wits about her.
"Do you think she can see us down here, Lightning?" His tone was meaningful.
Lightning shook her head absently.
Serah.
She hoped not. She wouldn't want her little sister to see her standing here. Not in the state she was in, much less with her fiancee. The way Snow made her feel was shameful. She didn't want to feel the way she did when she was around him. If all this hadn't happened and they weren't standing there now, a breath apart from each other, then would she still feel the same way for him? Would she still have developed this improper infatuation if he hadn't grown to be more to her than just an annoyance?
"I... don't know." When she finally spoke aloud, she wasn't sure to what question her response was directed at.
Another silence. Snow spoke again, but this time his voice was softer and seemed closer to her ear. Her heartbeat surged. Surely he was closer to her now, but he wasn't touching her. She thought that she may burn up if she had to feel his big mitt on her skin again.
"Are you scared?"
She couldn't deny she had fears about this journey. Fears about what awaited them at the end. Were they to become walking corpses with nothing but regret and anguish to fill their days? Would they remember what it was like to have been human when they turned into Cie'ths? Would she remember her life with regret for actions that had led her thus, or maybe she'd earmark the missed opportunities.
I had to be strong for Serah...
The words came back to her now as she had recounted her story to Hope. She had given up so much of her youth; she hadn't been on dates, or even been kissed. On her inevitable path she would never have a chance to give herself wholly to anyone, or have anyone give themselves to her. No more birthdays or holidays; she'd never have a family; she'd never again wish on fireworks, or grow old and die. In the end, her fate would be similar whether she carried out her focus or not. Walking dead or encased in a crystal slumber, never to know when she may awake from it, if at all. She'd considered and reconsidered things so many times, but she couldn't see a happy resolution. She wasn't just scared, she was terrified.
"Yes."
The rush of water washed away her answer, but her body trembled, betraying all that she had painstakingly hidden. Hidden, most of all, from Snow. She felt shame, anger, fear, hopelessness and her mortal fragility all at once, and it threatened to split her soul in twain. It was too much to bear, and her body overflowed with unchecked emotion.
Snow didn't hear her reply, but saw it. She was visibly shaking, and he knew she'd hate him but he wrapped her in his arms. She thrashed violently, and though he held her arms at her sides, he was barely able to contain her. Even if she didn't know it, she needed someone beside her and he chose himself to be that someone. Not long after they'd witnessed Serah's transformation he decided that she was safe enough for the time being, and he shouldn't be so self-centered as to constantly pine for her. After all, he kept her memento forever next to his heart. He then employed his energies to help support the rest of the people struggling along with him. It wasn't just him who was hurting.
Serah's fate was sealed for now. It may not have been fair, but it was what happened in spite of their attempts so far. He couldn't save Serah. He failed her but, damn it, he would not fail Lightning.
The hair piled on her head started to fall free from it's bonds as she writhed against him, but still he held fast. He closed his eyes against her struggle, not saying a word. He would hold her until she stopped and regained control, or if she did not, he would be there when she broke. He would be there for her always, no matter what.
The thrashing stopped, the fight finally drained from her. He felt her knees give way, and turned her towards him, drawing her into his chest. His arms cradled her frame, a hand in her hair. Silence weighed on the air for a long moment, then her body drew a ragged breath as she started to quake anew. Silent sobs rattled through her and he could feel hot tears spill down his chest. He smoothed her hair, inhaling her scent, chin resting on the top of her head.
He remained silent; nothing need be said.
She was crying. Why was she being so pathetic, so weak, so disgraceful? Was this what happened when people snapped? Was this what she really was without her cool facade to hold her together? Tears streamed down her face. Why did she have to show weakness now, of all times? And why, when she thought about losing everything in fulfilling her destiny, did Snow's face appear before her? Why was Serah taken from her? Why hadn't she believed in her? Why couldn't she hate him? Why did these worlds wait for ruin from some obscure focus? And most of all, why had these good people been drawn into a fight that wasn't theirs? She had so many questions, and no answers.
All she knew now was that she and Snow were together in this moment, and that it may very well be the last private moment they'd have before the end. She had to make the best of it, and not be overrun again by the fear and uncertainty that threatened to rip her apart. She needed to regain control and not waste the precious little time left.
As her intense release of emotion leveled off, he again became aware that she was, at least partially nude beneath his hands. Her skin felt softer than he would have guessed. Looking down at her, he carefully brushed aside the blush kissed hair from her forehead. Gently he pressed his warm cheek against her crown, holding her closer. With her arms still at her sides, he could feel the curve of her breasts against him. He tried not to think about her heat between his arms, lest his body betray him. Trailing a finger from her jaw to under her chin, he tilted her face to look at him. From behind teary eyes her could see her listless expression. Snow was no one if he had no one to protect. All he wanted was to have the strength to protect the people he loved. The woman in his arms was no exception, even if she threatened to take him down with her. The frown on her lips made his heart ache and he couldn't help himself anymore. Something came over him as he carelessly bent his head to kiss that frown.
Lightning's eyes widened as his mouth descended on hers, and she closed her eyes, waiting for the moment their lips touched. Blood screamed through her veins; and every inch of her body ached. His touch set her desperate skin on fire and in that moment she could feel everything; the cool water that lapped at her skin; his large hand on the small of her back; her breasts pressed against his taut chest; and the finger that tilted her chin up to his face. The loneliness that overshadowed her lightened at the prospect that he might feel as she did.
But at the last second, he passed by her mouth and pressed his cheek against hers, hugging her.
While in this awkward embrace she felt so childish and stupid. He couldn't have possibly felt the same about her as she did about him. He was in love with Serah, but... he was going to kiss her, wasn't he? Did she imagine all that?
He loved the feel of her body pressed against his, but he couldn't let himself do this to her. She was vulnerable and he wasn't going to take advantage of her. She would have never been in this situation with him if she had been of sound mind. He wanted her to come to him when she wanted; IF she wanted. He knew how she felt about him; she'd made it abundantly clear that she thought of him as a nuisance. Someone who was all talk, and no action. A bum with no job and no prospects who wanted to marry her precious little sister. But no matter how she treated him, he'd still look out for her. So, he'd come out here looking for her to make sure she was alright. It was all innocent enough, but things escalated. His villainous intent had tried to steal a kiss from her, and even though he almost felt that she desired it too, it was impossible to know for sure. A hero wouldn't take something that wasn't his to take. And a hero's heart would stay true, he reminded himself. He brought his attention back to Lightning.
"You ok now?" he pulled away to look into her eyes, withdrawing his arms and submerging them awkwardly beside him. He took a small step back and let the cool water create an all too insubstantial barrier.
She averted her eyes, feeling the sting of embarrassment. "Yeah."
"Hey, look at me at least." He smiled slightly to warm the mood, and again he lifted her chin with his finger. Their eyes met. She could feel the conflicting emotions that swirled within her, but she hoped she might be able to at least conceal the more primal ones.
