Winter Days
by tikitikirevenge.


Disclaimer: I wrote this story. When I'm dead, nobody will remember me for it.


Thank you for all the reviews. They tasted delicious. Give more. Please.


Chapter 2


Upon entering the Smash Mansion, Master Hand slowed to a stop.

"Um… where is everyone?" said Master Hand.

The grand atrium was practically empty, not counting all of the million-dollar vases and statues that were casually littered on the floor. The only sign of life was Master Hand, floating right in front of the door, and Mario, kneeling over something in front of the grand staircase.

"Oh, hi there, Mario," said Master Hand.

"Marth is-a unconscious," said Mario. "I'm not sure what happened to him!"

"Yes, yes," said Master Hand impatiently. "Could you go round up all the other Smash Brothers? I'm about to give my exciting opening speech."

"But Marth could die if we just-a leave him bleeding here!" said Mario, aghast.

"Yeah, right," said Master Hand. "Marth isn't going to die. Not as long as there are millions of fangirls out there, praying for him."

"That doesn't mean anything!" said Mario.

Master Hand casually threw a china vase at Mario.

"Ow-a!" said Mario.

Master Hand raised his voice and shouted: "Smash Brothers! If you don't come down here and give me your full attention I will personally kill Toad!"


Four seconds later…

"You can't kill Toad!" screamed Fox, diving down the stairs, "he's the best!"

"Are we all here?" said Master Hand, quickly counting all the people sitting down.

"Everyone except for Mr Game and Watch," said Link helpfully.

"Thanks, Link," said Master Hand. "You could easily be the most helpful out of all the Smashers. Nobody else here seems quite as pure-hearted as you."

"Aw, thanks," said Link, blushing slightly.

"Now for my welcome speech!" said Master Hand brightly.

Everybody nodded.

"Right," said Master Hand. "Two years ago, I held the first ever 'Super Smash Bros.' tournament here, in the Smash Mansion. Thousands watched as you fought. Lives were forever changed. So… well…"

Everyone waited expectantly.

"You know what?" said Master Hand. "Screw you all. The money I have from sponsorship alone should keep me rich forever. You people go have fun for the next few days or so, until everything's ready."

Everyone stared blankly.

"Oh," he added as an afterthought, "please don't die."

He floated off.

Silence.

"Uh, applause," said Link.

Everybody gave a standing ovation.

"So…" said Mewtwo ominously, "the welcome speech is over?"

"That's-a right," said Mario. "You can go back to whatever you were doing."

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Pikachu, Jigglypuff and Pichu, fleeing the room. Mewtwo followed after them.

"Hmm…" said Link. "That's… odd behaviour…"

"Hey," said Marth, stretching. "It's noon already. Has anyone thought about lunch?"

"Not-a yet," said Luigi. "Perhaps-"

"Shut up, Luigi," jeered Marth. "Nobody cares about you."

"Yes, loser," jeered Mario.

"Well, then," said Link. "Zelda, there are about twenty-five of us here, could you fix us up-"

"No!" spat Zelda. "I've had it with you and your chauvinistic little approach to domestic affairs! I am the keeper of the Triforce of Wisdom, not your personal chef!"

"But… but…" stammered Link.

"I've put up with you for long enough. This is it! Goodbye, Link," said Zelda. Dignified, she stood up and walked up the staircase.

"No! Wait!" said Link.

"Oops," said Zelda, "nearly forgot. I came up with an insult just then. Do you want to hear it?"

"Yes," said Link, completely sincerely.

"Hero of Time – more like, Hero of Slime," said Zelda angrily.

Link stared blankly at her.

"Wasn't that a powerful parting shot?" said Zelda.

"That was the worst insult ever!" said Link weakly.

"You're just jealous," said Zelda. She walked on up the stairs and out of sight.

"Well… um…" said Link. He looked behind him.

Just about all the other Smashers were sitting behind him, looking equally surprised.

"NOOOOO! ZELDA!" yelled Link, running up the stairs madly.

"I'll… just call for pizza, then," said Captain Falcon.


"Maybe we can come to some sort of arrangement," said Pikachu.

"I shall have my revenge on you, puny mortals!" cried Mewtwo. A ball of dark energy narrowly missed Pikachu. He and the other two dived through a door, slamming it shut.

"Um, I'm sorry?" said Jigglypuff, as she and Pikachu pushed a bookcase full of Elmo books against the door.

"…and then I shall eat your flesh!" raged Mewtwo from behind the door.

"Are we safe?" said Pichu, worried.

"Yes," said Pikachu, "we're perfectly safe. Nothing to worry about."

"Yep," agreed Jigglypuff. "Nothing can go wrong!"

"Don't say that!" said Pikachu.

The wall exploded behind them, and Mewtwo floated in angrily.

"Eek!" squeaked Pichu, diving under a table.

"Heh…" said Jigglypuff. She slowly stepped around Mewtwo and towards the space where the wall had been. "Well, you three go have fun; I need to go take a bath-"

With the power of his mind, Mewtwo picked her up and threw her against the far wall. Slowly, deliberately, he turned to Pikachu.

"Uh-oh," said Pikachu. He looked at the camera that was still in his hand. "Wait… I have an idea…"

"And what may that be?" raged Mewtwo slowly.

Pikachu pressed on the camera and the flash bulb went off.

Silence.

"Are you blinded?" said Pikachu.

"No…" said Mewtwo.

"Pikachu! Take this!" shouted Jigglypuff, tossing Pikachu something small and round.

Pikachu looked at it. "Jigglypuff… is that a hand grenade?"

"Um… maybe…" said Jigglypuff, averting her eyes.

Pikachu jumped under the table, just as the grenade went off, blowing Mewtwo into the next room.

"See?" said Jigglypuff. "I'm useful to have around, I can always get us out of trouble!"

"KILL!" screamed Mewtwo from a distance away.

"…or not," said Jigglypuff.

"Where did you get that from?" said Pikachu.

"Somewhere!" said Jigglypuff brightly.

"KILL!" screamed Mewtwo again, closer this time.

They ran.


"Breaking news… breaking news…" muttered Roy at a furious pace as he dashed with Marth into their shared room. It had been two rooms when they moved in, but Marth had come up with a creative way of getting quick access to each other. (To Fire Emblem players: Axe beats Wall.)

"Yes!" said Marth. "This is excellent! With this breaking news, we are going to become the most popularest web site blog thing – ever! There are already hundreds of people who read Fiery Emblem dot com… with actual content, we're made!"

Roy sat down on a chair and turned on the huge, clunky computer.

"Okay," he said eagerly. "What should I type?"

"Hmm…" said Marth. "How about, 'Zelda dumps Link'?"

"Nice," said Roy. "It has a nice ring to it… a great first exclusive."

"Oh, silly me!" said Marth. "Add the word 'exclusive' to the headline, and about ten times!"

"Sure thing," said Roy, typing it in.

Someone knocked on one of their doors.

"Come in," said Marth, stroking his chin in thought.

"Hey," said Falco. "What are you two – where on earth did you get that computer from?"

"I brought it here with me," said Marth.

"Yeah, but…" said Falco. "You both come from Altea or something like that… continents! In the middle of nowhere! You're stuck in the medieval ages!"

"Magic," replied Roy simply.

"Seriously?" said Falco. "There's like, a 'Make Computer out of Thin Air' spell?"

"Uh-huh," said Roy. "Hey, how about, 'Zelda dumps Link - violently'?"

"Extra oomph!" said Marth. "Good one!"

"Yeah, well," said Falco, "can I join in? Seeing as I'm finally free of Fox, maybe I can…"

"…oh, no, you don't," said Roy. "This is secret work, here."

"You're going to post it on the internet!" said Falco.

"Yeah, well…" said Roy.

He reached for his sword.

"What?" said Falco. "You're going to stab me?"

"Actually, I was going to kill Marth and then myself to protect the secret, but that's a great idea!" said Roy.

Falco left.

"Aw…" said Marth.


"You just-a called me a loser," said Luigi.

The atrium was just about empty now; only the Mario brothers remained.

"Yes," said Mario.

"Why?" cried Luigi.

"Because it is-a true," said Mario.

"Ah," said Luigi.

"You are the worst brother imaginable! What use are you?" said Mario. "I have to go around, fighting Bowser and organising pointless sports events, and you – you just sit around, moaning about how nobody likes-a you!"

"But… but…" stammered Luigi.

"And what do you do at this-a tournament?" said Mario. "You are a useless fighter! You can't even get a single hit in, ever!"

"There… there was that one time I slapped Pichu in a fight," said Luigi defiantly.

"…after Kirby knocked him out and threw him into the middle of the battlefield for stealing his Gobstoppers! If I recall correctly, you were actually fighting Jigglypuff at the time."

"Still…" said Luigi.

"Still, nothing!" said Mario. "Luigi, I disown you as a brother! You are an insult to my reputation!"

"What?" said Luigi. "But Mario, I shall-"

"Are you going to fight me, little-ugly-tallish-man-in-a-green-suit-with-a-green-cap-whose-name-begins-with-L?" said Mario.

"…" said Link.

"Luigi?" added Mario.

"Yes!" said Luigi. "To the death!"

"Good luck!" said Mario. "You're too weak to kill-a anyone. Ever. You don't even have any weapons."


"Jigglypuff, where did you get all that stuff from?" said Pikachu, as they stopped in the middle of an air-conditioning duct to take a much-needed rest.

"Luigi's room," said Jigglypuff simply.

"The hand grenade?" said Pikachu bemusedly. "Seriously, Jiggy…"

"I did!" said Jigglypuff indignantly. "Luigi's room is cool, he has all this stuff!" Seeing that Pikachu wasn't convinced, she added, "Like, um, rocket launchers! Throwing knives! An army of angry souls trapped in a vacuum cleaner!"

"That's stupid!" said Pikachu. "There's no reason for Luigi to have all that weapon stuff! He doesn't have an enemy in the world!"

Jigglypuff shrugged. "Well, it's true."

"Nuh-uh," said Pikachu.

"Uh-huh," said Jigglypuff.

"Nuh-uh," said Pikachu.

"Uh-huh," said Jigglypuff.

"Nuh-uh," said Pikachu.

"Uh-huh," said Jigglypuff.

"KILL!" cried Mewtwo, setting the ceiling on fire with the power of his mind.

"Nuh-uh," said Pikachu.

"Uh-huh," said Jigglypuff.

They were on fire.

"We should be going," said Pikachu.

"Agreed," said Jigglypuff.


"All right!" said Ness. "The next stage of my – I mean, our plan to get a Vee is to convince someone else, someone in a position of power!"

"You mean Master Hand?" said Nana, not taking her eyes off the screen, where Young Link, still playing Kirby, jumped over a smiling, sunny, shiny maths textbook that was shooting out little differential bolts of doom.

"Exactly," said Ness. "A couple of us should go up to his office and convince him that video games are a completely worthwhile excuse for spending money! Moreso than food!"

"Okay," said Young Link. "Hey, Ness, do you wanna shot?"

"Getting a Vee is far more important than playing on that outdated, archaic Regular-Hexahedron!" said Ness self-importantly.

"What?" said Nana.

"…I meant CubeStation," said Ness, resigned. "It was a joke."

"I thought so," said Nana. As an afterthought, "…nerd."

"Come on, Nana, Popo, Young Link," said Ness. "We're going to get that Vee through rain and shine!"

"Sure, whatever," said Young Link, tossing the controller to Kirby. It landed on Kirby's feet.

"ARGH! My eyes!" cried Kirby, clutching his eyes in pain.


"Stupid Link," muttered Zelda. "Thinks he's so good… well, I showed him." She went into her designated bedroom, and sat down gently on the bed.

Bowser and Ganondorf walked into the room.

"Hey," said Zelda, "what do you two want?" Annoyed, she crossed her arms.

Seemingly startled, Ganondorf considered. "Er… evil… I mean, good… non-kidnapping… things…"

Ganondorf and Bowser grabbed Zelda and ran out.

"AAAAAAAAAH OMFG!" cried Zelda, aghast. "SAEV ME LENK!"


"Hi, Master Hand," said Ness, opening the door slowly, "I was wondering if-"

"Get us a Vee!" cried Young Link, jumping through the doorway with his sword raised.

"Woah, woah," said Master Hand, rising up into the air, "no need to get violent or anything."

"Subtlety, Young Link," whispered Ness.

"Shut up, bighead," said Young Link.

"Do whatever Ness says," said Nana, picking up Popo and brandishing him threateningly.

"Hey! You can't just throw me at people!" said Popo.

Nana threw Popo at Young Link.

Young Link fell silent.

"Um, thanks, Nana," said Ness. "Well… we're here to talk to you about the merits of the video game industry in a purely economic context."

"Ooh, money," said Master Hand, settling down again. "Talk away!"

"Right! Thanks!" said Ness. "Now, as you're probably aware…"

The wall next to the door exploded.

"Yes, Samus?" said Master Hand.

Samus walked in, looking particularly peeved. "I just went to my room," she said slowly.

"Right," said Master Hand brightly. "That's lovely."

"It's pink," said Samus.

"Pardon?" said Master Hand.

"My room is pink," said Samus, sounding very edgy. "The walls are painted a bright pink. There are fuchsia-coloured carpets all over my freaking floor."

"Oh, that," said Master Hand, sounding a little bit guilty. "Yes, well…"

"And do you know what colour the bed is?" said Samus really loudly, raising her arm cannon.

"Wait… thinking…" said Master Hand, moving back slightly. Ness and Nana backed away slightly.

"The bed is PURPLE! Purple, purple, purple!" shouted Samus, shooting at a bookshelf full of SSB leaflets which burst into flames.

"Maybe we can come back later," suggested Ness, struggling with Nana to lift Popo off Young Link.

"LOOK AT ME!" screamed Samus. "Look at me, Master Hand! Do I look like a purple person to you? Am I the purpliest person you know? Am I the official Purple Mascot of Purple Land?" She kicked over Master Hand's desk.

"Woah, woah!" said Master Hand. "Hey! I didn't assign rooms to people! It was all, um, er… Link's job! Go complain to him."

"Oh," said Samus, calming down.

"Yes," said Master Hand. "It was Link. Link did it. Have fun."

"Oh, I will," said Samus politely. "Thank you very much, Master Hand." She picked up a large, poison-tipped spear from the floor. "Can I keep this?"

"What? That's not mine," said Master Hand.

"Oh," said Samus, dropping it. "Okay, I'm going to go mutilate… pardon me, talk to Link now."

She walked out.

Nana looked at the spear. "Cool, you leave pointy stuff lying around! Can I have it?"

"I told you," said Master Hand, "it's not mine."

"Oops, I think I dropped it," said a voice from in the ceiling. "Could you pass it back up through the air ducts?"

Nana shrugged and passed the spear back up.

"Thanks!" said the voice. "I'm gonna go give this back to Luigi."

Silence.

"That was really random," said Ness.

"Which bit?" said Master Hand.

"All of the past seven minutes," said Ness.

"Yes," said Master Hand, "yes, it was."


Blearily, Yoshi opened his eyes, and saw Crazy Hand hovering above him with a chainsaw.

"Arararararararar…" said Yoshi.

"EET'S OKEY," said Crazy Hand, "EYE AM HEAR TOO HELP YOU."

"…rararararararar…" continued Yoshi.


Fuming, Luigi stormed down the hallway to his bedroom.

"Not-a this time, brother," he muttered, "I shall show-a you, I shall show you all, I am Luigi, you cannot treat me like dirt…"

"Hi, dirt!" said Peach brightly. She was standing in front of the door.

"Please get out of my way-a," said Luigi angrily.

"I heard that Mario broke up with you!" said Peach, the dumb smile not leaving her face the entire time.

"Peach…" said Luigi.

"Do you remember the time I broke up with Pikachu?" said Peach.

"Peach, just-a – wait a minute, what?" said Luigi.

"It was a dark and stormy night…" said Peach…


Flashback…

Battered, bruised, Mario walked across the bridge he had just pushed Bowser off and walked straight for the throne room.

"Hey," said Toad cheerily.

"Toad, just give-a me Peach, okay?" growled Mario.

"I'm sorry, but our Princess is in another castle," said Toad, smiling.

Mario looked angrily at him.

"I'll kill you!" cried Mario.

Giggling, Peach pulled off the Toad costume.

"What?" said Mario.

"Hehehe, it was actually me all along!" said Peach happily.

"…" said Mario.

"I just kind of went to each castle in this costume, right, and like, you kept on thinking, 'oh no, Peach isn't here', and like, it was real fun!" said Peach gleefully.

"…" said Mario angrily.

"And then," said Peach, "it was like, oh, look, Mario's fighting Bowser for the tenth time, sucks to be him. Hehehe!"

Mario picked up an axe.


Present day…

"And he didn't look very happy, either," said Peach. "I guess…"

Luigi was gone.

"That's weird," said Peach.

Peach was lying in the garden, as if she'd been thrown out of a window.

"Huh," said Peach.

She got up and walked off, singing to herself.