Mysterion couldn't have been asleep for more than three hours when he woke up to snow dusting across his face. He looked around wildly and noticed that the wind was blowing snow directly into Karen's bedroom. He looked down at his little sister, who looked positively freezing. He frowned with concern and made a snap decision.
Mysterion pulled his parka over his costume then gathered his sister into his arms, blanket and all, and climbed out of the bedroom through the window. At that point, that house was not very safe for any of them. He wondered what his parents would do. He figured that Kevin had probably gone to a friend's house (how he had made friends was a mystery), but their parents were still inside.
Mysterion shivered as he trudged through the snow holding his sister close. He could think of one friend that he knew he could count on in his time of need. Someone he knew wouldn't have any plans for the next few days…
The snow was really coming down. It was accumulating more quickly than Mysterion had ever seen it do before. In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if the storm was worse than the weathermen had predicted.
Finally, the house he was looking for came into view. Shifting his sister into one arm only, Mysterion used his free hand to pull the both of them up the gutter towards Kyle's window. It was difficult to say the least, but eventually he made it, and he had no trouble pushing the window open and jumping into the bedroom.
The warmth was an instant relief. Mysterion gently laid his sister on the ground and closed the window back up before collapsing onto his back. He breathed heavily as he tried to recover from the journey, and not long after, Kyle walked into the bedroom and yelped in surprise.
"K-Kenny? What are you doing here?" Kyle asked as he rushed to his friend's side. "W-what happened?"
Mysterion allowed Kyle to help him take off his parka and lean against the wall in a sitting position. "Our house doesn't have heat, and Karen's window is broken…I could think of no one else to turn to."
Kyle smiled. "I'm here for you, dude. My parents won't mind."
"Thank you Kyle," Mysterion replied gratefully. "Only problem is, I don't know what to do about my parents."
Kyle frowned for a moment. "Your dad and my dad used to be friends. I'm sure that, in the spirit of the holiday season, he'd be willing to let your parents stay here for a few nights. We have a guest bedroom."
Mysterion nodded. "I don't want to do it without their permission, though."
Kyle sat down next to his friend. "They're not awake anymore, so if you need to find them a place for the night…"
Mysterion shook his head. "No. They'll be fine at least tonight, in fact their room is probably the safest place in that house."
Kyle looked down at Karen, whose face had regained its natural color. "What are you going to do?"
Mysterion stood up and walked towards the bedroom door. "I'm honestly at a loss. I promised Karen a Christmas, but we have no money. Hell, we don't even have a working oven."
Kyle stood up as well. "Your sister can sleep in my bed and you and I can sleep on the floor. You've done everything you can, you just need to rest for the night, okay?"
Mysterion prepared himself mentally to argue, but he changed his mind. Kyle was right. In the morning, the real work would begin.
Cartman woke up in the morning and stretched contentedly. He had slept for a good ten hours, and he was out of school for a whole two weeks. Christmas was in a few days. He couldn't be happier.
He hopped out of bed and skipped down the stairs. "Mom, can you make some chocolate chip pancakes this morning?" Cartman called out as he entered the kitchen.
Liane poured herself a cup of coffee. "Sorry hon, we're out of pancake batter."
Cartman gaped at her. "Then, then, can't you go out and buy some more?"
Liane laughed. "You haven't looked out the window yet, have we? There's no way I'd be able to get out the front door!"
Cartman stared at her for a long moment before silently running to the door. He threw it open and he was instantly covered in a mound of snow. He gasped and crawled his way out. He could barely believe what he was seeing.
Liane sighed from the kitchen, obviously having not seen what her son had done. "There's a very good chance that we won't be able to get to your aunt's house on Christmas, sweetie, I'm sorry but you might have to get your presents late."
Cartman stared at the snow in horror. "No…no…" he glared at the door, "no!"
He pushed the door as hard as he could against the snow spilling into the house until it closed. With a deep breath, he sprinted up the stairs and pulled on his shoes, coat, hat and gloves. He opened his window and dropped onto the surface of the snow, which had frozen solid as ice. He turned and closed the window, but the sudden movement caused him to slip and fall on his back.
He groaned as he struggled back to his feet. He used the slick surface to his advantage and skated towards where the garage was supposed to be. The snow reached above the garage. Cartman felt anger build up inside of him as he realized his mom was right: there was no way they would be able to get to his aunt's for Christmas.
Cartman shook his head. There had to be another way.
He thought for a moment. Snow was melted by heat. Cartman grinned as he came up with a brilliant plan. He slid on over to his window and hopped inside. He ran down the stairs to the telephone and quickly dialed Butters' number.
"Butters, it's me," Cartman gasped once Butters had answered the phone. "I need you to come over here immediately. Bring all of your bottled water with you."
Kenny had been awake since the first sign of sunshine. Before his sister had had the chance to wake up, he returned to his house and changed into his normal clothes. He also checked on his parents, who were perfectly fine, asleep in their bedroom. They wouldn't be able to stay there for long, though.
Before heading back to Kyle's, Kenny stuffed his Mysterion costume into a backpack to take with him. He had no way of knowing when he would need to be Karen's hero again, or anyone else's for that matter.
By the time he got back, Karen was awake and playing with Ike. The two seemed to be getting along quite well. When Karen looked up and saw Kenny, her entire face lit up.
"Hey Kenny!" Karen greeted with a smile. "Where did you go?"
Kenny sat down next to her. "To check on our parents. Are you going to be okay here for a while? Kyle and I have to run a few errands."
Karen nodded. "Sure, be back soon!"
Kenny smiled. "I'll try to be quick."
Kyle and Kenny left the house and began walking down the street together. Kyle eyed the backpack Kenny was wearing.
"What's in there?" Kyle asked curiously.
Kenny stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Mysterion," he replied.
Kyle smirked. "I didn't know you still dressed up as him…we stopped playing super hero a long time ago."
Kenny looked at him out of the corner of his eye. He considered replying honestly, but he didn't want to get into that. Instead, he just shrugged and gave an answer he knew Kyle would appreciate. "My sister looks up to him, and I know it must piss Cartman off that I was a better hero than he ever was."
Kyle looked past him, gaping. "Speaking of the devil…"
Kenny turned around to see what Kyle was staring at. Sure enough, Cartman and Butters were standing in front of Cartman's garage next to a wagon filled with bottled water.
Kyle and Kenny exchanged glances before running over. "What the hell are you doing, fat ass?" Kyle called out.
"M-melting the snow!" Butters replied enthusiastically.
Kyle raised an eyebrow and got closer. Suddenly he got a whiff of a familiar stench, causing him to stagger backwards in disgust. "Ugh, what the fuck!"
Cartman and Butters were peeing on the snow.
Kenny laughed hysterically. "Why are you guys peeing on the snow?" Kenny asked between giggles.
Cartman sighed. "Alright Butters, we can take a water break." The two of them zipped up their pants and grabbed a bottle from the wagon before turning to face Kyle and Kenny. "Obviously, we are trying to melt the snow around my garage by peeing on it. We have a large supply of water bottles to keep us hydrated so that we have a constant supply of urine. It's genius."
"Do you honestly expect to pee on the entire driveway Cartman?" Kyle asked incredulously.
"I wouldn't expect you to understand, Jew, you don't celebrate Christmas. You don't understand the mystery and magic a wrapped present holds. The excitement of tearing the paper off is like nothing else in this world, Kyle. In fact, I pity you. You don't get to experience it. Maybe that's why Jews have such cold, black hearts: they don't get presents." Cartman explained calmly.
"Jews still get presents, fat ass! We have Hanukkah for eight days! Even without that, we still celebrate birthdays, stupid!" Kyle growled in frustration. "What are you going to do, assuming you have the ability to melt the driveway? What about the streets? You're dumber than I thought if you actually think this is a logical plan!"
"Shut up Kyle!" Cartman screamed in a whiny voice. "I won't let Christmas be ruined! I will get my presents, damn it! I don't care if I have to pay the entire town to pee on my driveway, I will get my fucking Christmas!"
Kenny, hearing the prospect of being paid, immediately stepped forward and began peeing on the snow. Cartman smiled and sighed with satisfaction. "That's my Kenny," he said sweetly. "Butters, back to work. We don't have a moment to spare."
Kyle rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "This is ridiculous," he mumbled.
Suddenly, Kenny began laughing hysterically. Cartman raised an eyebrow. "What's so funny?"
Butters laughed as well. "K-Kenny drew tities!"
Kyle stared at the back of his hooded friend. "Drew?"
Butters laughed some more. "With his pee!"
Cartman grabbed Kenny by the hood. "We don't have time for messing around, asshole! Is this a joke to you? Is this just a big fucking joke to you?"
Kenny chuckled softly. "…Kinda," he said after a short pause.
Cartman glared at him and threw him onto the snow. "Get the fuck out," Cartman ordered, pointing down the street.
"B-but Eric, it's k-kinda fun! I just wrote my name…" Butters trailed off.
Cartman scowled. "God damn it, Butters! No! Stop fucking around! You get out too!"
"Aw hamburgers…" Butters muttered sadly as he zipped up his pants and began to walk away.
"And how exactly to you plan to keep this up if Butters is gone too?" Kyle asked, irritated.
Kenny pulled himself off the ground and stepped forward, seizing the opportunity. "If I can get all of this snow out of your driveway by Christmas morning, what will you give me in return?"
Cartman thought this over for a moment. "Twenty bucks."
Kenny glared at him. "Two hundred."
Cartman was shocked that he was actually bargaining. "Wha-no, Kenny, that's, no. One hundred."
Kenny nodded. "Deal."
Cartman watched him skeptically. "It has to all be gone by Christmas, you got me? You cannot half ass this, Kenny, or you won't get anything."
"Got it," Kenny agreed.
Satisfied, Cartman returned to his house. Kyle and Kenny began walking down the street with the former staring at the latter with concern.
"Do you know how much work that's going to be?" Kyle exclaimed. "There's no way you can do that on your own! Even if I help you it's too much!"
Kenny sighed. "I know, but I have to try."
At the newly established World Wildlife Fund headquarters just outside of South Park, Colorado, the president of the organization sat in his office staring out the window. Everything was going according to plan. South Park was practically the tundra already, but once they kicked things up a notch, it would be back in the Ice Age.
South Park was just the beginning. Next came the rest of the United States, and then the world.
There was a knock at the office door and an assistant came in. "Uh, sir, they are worried about the boy's behavior. He's…resisting them, he doesn't like their plans and the fact that we're helping them…"
The president sighed. "He can't leave the headquarters then. Take him to the basement and restrain him with whatever we have."
The assistant nodded and left. The president shook his head in disgust.
What they were doing would save hundreds. How could that little fourth grader be so selfish?
A/N: First of all, I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas! I hope you don't lose interest in this story because it's a Christmas story being finished AFTER Christmas, haha.
When I first came up with the idea for this story, I envisioned two specific parts: the scene where Mysterion comforts Karen in her bedroom, and Cartman peeing on the snow to melt it so he could go to his aunt's house. I thought about extending the peeing thing so that it was throughout the story, Cartman constantly getting more people to pee on his driveway…while that would've been hilarious (in my opinion), it didn't work with my story too well. It will come back briefly at one point though…ahahah.
Secondly, oh no, who could it be that's in trouble with WWF? Obviously it's not Kenny, Kyle, Cartman, or Butters…stay tuned ;)
