A/N: Konichiwa!

I love that you guys enjoy my parody so much.

Just so you guys know, it was an act of boredom, and it turned out pretty good. Hehe.

Anyways, thanks for the kind reviews. They made me smile like Leon. =)

And yes, I'm going to spell zombie like this: zombeh.

It seems funnier to me.

& I DO NO OWN RESIDENT EVIL. KTHXBAI. XD


Chapter 2: The Black Guy Who Didn't Die First

" Ohai thar guyz. I'm just trying to get to the much-safer-than here police station. Follow me if you want. " Leon said stupidly to the zombehs.

He went running past the cool dead people doing the stanky legg, until he came across a gun store. He went inside and stood there for a good solid five minutes, letting his drool drip down his chin.

After snapping out of his stupor, he took a step forward.

Randomly, a fat man pulled out a crossbow at him. " Who are you?! What're you doing here? "

" Why are there so many pedophilic fat asses in this game?!" Leon shouted at no one in particular. " Why did you wait to aim your weapon at me when I took a step. I was kind of giving off zombeh like qualities just now. Drooling, swaying to the music in my head, looking dead-ish. "

" I dunno. I just wanted to wait until you decided to walk. "

" Sounds fair to me. " Leon shrugged. " Oh, yeah… DON'T SHOOT! I'm a human! " Leon said lamely.

" Oh, sorry about that. I thought you were one of them. " The fat ass said. Leon went up to him, clutching his buttocks (so he wouldn't get butt raped, of course!). " But don't you worry, you'll be safe with me. "

Leon used his psychic powers to predict that once he went around the counters and picked up the ammo, zombehs were going to burst through the window and eat the fat man. So, he told the lard ass.

" I can handle them, trust me. "

Leon said " Wow, you're like Superman! Except fatter and more pedophilic! "

" Yep, that's me. "

Leon went around the counters and picked up the ammo and just like he predicted, zombehs burst through the window and ate a good three hundred pounds of blubber.

" OH SHIT!! " Leon ran out of the back door of the gun shop and into some weird alleyway.

There were zombehs playing basketball. One of them oddly looked like Kobe Bryant.

" DIE MOFUCKAS! " Leon screamed and poked and prodded his gun on their asses.

UP SOME STAIRS, OVER A BRIDGE, THROUGH A BUS, AND SOME GATES LATER…

" YAYZ. I'm at the police station finally. " Leon burst out into Crack That Superman, in memory of the fat lard.

He went into the police station. " Oooooh. Pwetty lights. " The police station was empty looking and was weird. " Hello hello hello hello hello! " His voice echoed. " Tehe! Tehe tehe tehe. "

" SHUT DA FUCK UP YOU CRAZY CRACKUH! " Somebody screamed through a door.

" OMG. What the hell was that? I better investigate! " Leon ran epically, diving behind desks, sliding along walls, doing flips like a ninja, until he reached the door that he heard the voice in. He went inside to discover a dying black man sitting up against some lockers. " Figures… black guys always die first. "

" If I wasn't dyin' already, I would so bust a cap in yo ass. " The black man said. " And actually, you retard crackuh, dat fat Supaman lookin' ass died first, remembuh? "

" First of all homie, I ain't no cracker. Youdon't put chedder on me and eat me for snack time, ya dig? " Leon did the head roll and finger snap and everything. " Second of all, oh. I forgot. Lolololololol. "

" Yo ass need mental care, real talk. " The black man adjusted himself right in front of Leon. And all I'm saying is he didn't adjust his position…

" Ewwies, that's disgusting! "

" Okay, Crackuh Boy, I got a nursery rhyme for you: 'There once was a whitey named Dice, who looked like Fonzie on steroids…blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah, my big black foot in yo ass!' "

" Hey, " Leon's eyes narrowed. " that's copyrighted material! "

" I don't give no shit. Say, are you dat new cop dat was finna be startin' hurr today?"

"Yes. " Leon said. " What happened here? "

" Well, we was goin' to throw you a welcome party, you know what I'm sayin'? Then, these zombeh like creatures burst through da door wantin' to eat us. " He explained.

" How did this happen? " Leon asked, not caring one bit but thought he should ask for plot reasons.

" There was dis incident on da outskirts of town in this mansion. Da S.T.A.R.S team went to investigate and found out dat dis virus had happened there. " The black man groaned, his wound was becoming worse. " And dat dis corporation was behind it all. "

" What is this corporation called? "

" Umbrella. "

Leon burst out laughing. " Umbrella-ella-ella aye aye aye, under my umbrell-"

" Shut da hell up! Dat song ain't even come out yet, foo! Dis be 1998!"

" My badness. " Leon pouted.

" Anyways, you need to get da fuck outta hurr before I turn into one of those zombehs. Hurrs my card for da computer on dat desk outside. It should unlock da doors so you can get into them. "

" Thank's homie. "

" No problem, crazy crackuh. Now get! "

Leon ran out of the door faster than a cheetah on steroids in a one hundred mile long race hopped up on cocaine and drinking monster and chasing after big fat ass gazelles. You get the picture, don't you?

He went over to the computer and stared at it. Leon had no clue how to work this crazy machine. Even though there was this big thing on the desktop that read: CLICK ME IF YOU WANT TO UNLOCK THE TWO DOORS IN THIS WEIRD ASS POLICE STATION.

After about two frigging hours of contemplation, Leon finally noticed the button. " Yayz. I'm smarticle. "

He entered the code on the card key and he heard the sound of doors unlocking. He threw the card key randomly on the desk and turned around. There was a type writer sitting on the edge of the desk.

" That makes no effing sense! A computer is sitting right over there, and then they have this old typewriter? El oh el. "

He randomly wanted to start typing his name and stuff, but the typewriter started shouting at him. " You need an ink ribbon to type on this!"

" Whoa, a typewriter that talks. " Leon found the ink ribbons and typed in the following: Leon Sucks Ass Kennedy/ Secks: Pen15/Ag3: 2/ Status: Singl33. Ladeez hit meh upp!

" There, my work is complete! " Leon started singing Happy Happy Joy Joy and doing the Stanky Legg.

This might take awhile.

---

SOMEWHERE DEEPER INTO THE POLICE STATION…

Claire with the red field was waiting for Leon. She was sitting in some red chair.

" Where the hell is he? " She said to herself.

" HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY JOY! " She heard a male voice shouting somewhere else in the police station.

Claire sighed. " Ah, fuck. "


A/N: Okay seriously, wtf is up with the typewriters in RE anyways?

I mean, that defies logic. Oh I'm just going to type my name in this typewriter and I'll be ok so if I die I'll come back to this ugly typewriter. Lawlz.

Anyways, review plzzzzzzzz. Or else Leon will go on a gun poking and prodding spree in front of you… O.o

I don't want that and I don't think you do either. XD