Personal Business
Chapter 2
Thank you everyone for your reviews. I truly appreciate them and am glad that you are enjoying this story. The current rating is T. This episode may have a bit more graphic love scenes but I don't think it would fall (at least not this chapter) into the M world. It will be just a bit more explicit that other stories I have done. Hopefully you guys enjoy.
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
Eddie found herself back at Jamie's apartment just as she had been the previous night. Jamie had taken care of things. He had found Tara a place to stay and she no longer was at his apartment. The sigh of relief that came out of her body was noticeable and she smiled inwardly. He had done it for her. Granted, their tour today was awkward and frustrating and both of them were pissed off. But by the end of tour they seemed to be a bit better. Not perfect. But better. She recognized that he was in tune with her emotions a bit more than she thought he would be.
Jamie didn't really have to get rid of Tara for her. But he did so anyway. She was dying to ask him what it all meant. Yes she had made this all about work. Or at least she had tried. She had been unsuccessful but Jamie called her on her bullshit – maybe not directly – but with their argument over her seeming to be jealous of Tara. And how she had not wanted to believe that all Jamie wanted to do was help. Why hadn't she believed it? She didn't because her insecurity would not allow her to think rationally. Their "undefined" status made her feel – sometimes – like a high school girl wondering if the quarterback had a crush on her or not? Eddie trusted him with her life but when it came to her "love life" she was at a total loss. But they needed to define it. She needed a bit more clarification. Even if it was that they were partners and best friends and never to be something more.
Knock. Knock. Knock. Déjà vu much? Eddie held on to her chain nervously. She knew that coming to his apartment would change things but with all the thoughts she had throughout last night and during their last tour she wanted to just clear the air – one way or another.
As Jamie opened the door she exclaimed: "I know. I know." As she put her hands up. "We need to stop meeting like this." She exclaimed as she made her way towards the inside of his apartment. Now or never Eddie…
Jamie in turn just stared at her and this time he shifted to the side to let her in. Jamie wasn't sure exactly why she was here but the fact that she was made him happy. It meant that they were on their way to hopefully fixing things between them. He observed Eddie walk in and glance around nervously. Was she truly expecting Tara to come out again? She knew she was gone. Eddie had something else on her mind and he would wait patiently until she was ready to talk to him.
"Uh…so I think…we need to clear the air." Eddie started as she sat on the arm rest of Jamie's couch.
Jamie looked at her sadly and exclaimed: "Yeah."
"I've been thinking about what you said about…uh…about me being jealous of Tara." Eddie stated.
Jamie put his hand up and interrupted her. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry." Jamie said, immediately and he meant it. He had said it because he was mad at her and because he wasn't sure if she really was or not and he did want to know. Yet he had no right to push her like that. And she had called him out and flat out told him not to flatter himself. And to be honest because he had been jealous of each and every guy that he met that was dating Eddie. And each and every time it seemed his jealousy grew exponentially. At first it was just a twinge of jealousy but lately? Lately? It had been full blown, wanting to punch the guy, and pushing him out of her reach kind of jealousy. So was it so hard to imagine she may feel the same way if she thought that he was interested or dating someone?
"Yeah well…" Eddie stated looking Jamie straight in the eye: "The thing is that…it's…its true."
Jamie had a confused look on his face. What? Really? Eddie was actually standing – in his apartment – admitting to his face and with no qualms that she was jealous? Where was she going with this? He pondered and a part of him hoped that this conversation would lead them in a direction he had only dreamed of.
"What are you talking about?" Jamie questioned, shifting a bit. He didn't know what to do exactly at this moment. He had to follow her lead.
"I was jealous of Tara." Eddie acknowledged nodding her head. "Just like I'm jealous every time you go on a date with somebody or you tell me about some girl that's hot." God. She was doing this. She didn't know where the hell she found the courage but she was moving full-fledged forward on her feelings for him. Come what may.
Jamie looked at her dumbfounded and swallowed hard, his emotions threatening to overcome him if he didn't put the brakes on them. For as much as he had pictured this conversation in his head, he didn't imagine it would happen tonight. He truly didn't know what to say. He didn't even know if he wanted to stop this train of thought. This conversation was certainly clearing the air. "Eddie." Jamie saw Eddie rise up from the arm rest. "Can you please not talk…" she said, as she walked towards him and scoffed softly. "This is…you know really hard and so can you just let me get this off my chest."
"Okay." Jamie replied, fidgeting and standing in his place at the same time. His first instinct was to go towards her but he didn't trust himself not to touch her and it seemed that she wanted to talk. He would let her. This conversation was way overdue. He didn't plan for it. He wasn't ready for it but it was happening and he would be damned if he wasn't desperate for it to happen himself.
"I have feelings for you. I have for a long time." She said, softly as she closed her eyes and just went for it. She couldn't hold it in any longer. She breathed in deeply and exhaled: "There I said it." Come what may she put herself out there for him to know how she felt about him. And to be nothing but frank Jamie already knew it. They had skedaddled the issue plenty of times but stopped themselves in order to preserve their partnership. It was like the elephant in the room. They didn't talk about it often but it was still there hovering above them like a deadweight.
Jamie swallowed hard once more and kept himself in place making himself not talk. He was in awe of her. She needed to get something off her chest and she did it. She fucking did it. He hadn't had the balls to admit to her that he felt the same way. Yet there she was standing in front of him telling him the truth about them. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. He was mesmerized.
"I do everything that I can to make them go away." She continued. "Because I mean you're not even close to my type." Eddie prattled on as she started pacing the apartment. "I mean you're a complete boy scout."She continued as Jamie frowned. Leave it to Eddie to give him the best news he had heard in a long time and to try to trivialize it by telling him she wasn't his type. Complete and total Eddie. She then approached him seeming to have gotten her bearings and her confidence back. "You make me crazy most of the time." She looked at him with tears in her eyes and her voice slightly cracking. "You're also the best person I think I ever met and you're the best friend that I ever had." Her voice cracking after that confession.
Jamie couldn't take it anymore. "Look…" he started.
Eddie gave him the biggest scowl and yelled: "Is that you talking?"
Jamie slightly smiled and put his head down. "Sorry…" He would let her finish. She had asked him not to talk and he wouldn't until she was done. But he was going to talk.
"I know that you're my partner. And I don't want to do anything to screw that up. I just…I needed to tell you that you're so much more than that. And if I didn't tell you it was going to get really weird." Eddie finalized, half smiling.
"Cause this doesn't make things weird at all." Jamie said, sarcastically and laughed as Eddie punched him playfully. As Jamie pulled back, he put his arms out and laughed: "I'm kidding. I'm kidding." It was his turn now. "Cards on the table, I have feelings for you too. I think you know that." Of course she knew that. There was no hiding it. He may not vocalize it but he was confident that Eddie knew. As he knew everything she had just told him to be true.
Eddie smiled a sigh of relief. Yes! She knew she hadn't been reading things the wrong way and hearing Jamie admit that he had feelings as well made her heart soar and made this awkward conversation worth having. She stopped her train of thought as she heard Jamie continue: "But we've been down that road before and it's a bad idea for a lot of reasons." Jamie pointed out hating to be the bearer of bad news.
"I know." Eddie agreed. She truly did. They both recognized that, however, it didn't lessen the fact that those feelings were true and real and growing.
"It can really cloud your judgment and totally screw up a partnership." But as Jamie was uttering words he had said before they just weren't ringing true anymore. Had he just said them out of habit? Or did they start to really not matter?
"Yeah. Totally…I just you know. I just wanted to be honest." Eddie said. A half-truth. Yes she wanted to be honest but she also just was sick and tired of keeping things bottled up inside. Only telling him little bits and pieces of what was in her heart when they got into an argument or a fight like they had this go around.
"Mmmmhmmm." Jamie acknowledged nodding his head. A part of him broke as he heard Eddie agree with him. What had he expected really? Had he wanted her to fight him on this issue? Had he wanted Eddie to say 'fuck it' and let's move on and try to make both work? He didn't know. What he did know was if she had uttered that he probably would be agreeing with her with no hesitation.
"Are we good?" Eddie asked.
Jamie put his arms up and smiled. "Definitely." Were they really going to leave it here? Still not taking action on whatever their feelings were? The ones that had not gone away? The ones that quite frankly were not going to go away.
Eddie smiled and tapped his arm softly as she started to head towards the door. Jamie just looked after her. There were so many other things that he wanted to say to her, but he seemed to be paralyzed. He didn't expect this conversation to happen and for it to be so raw and honest for the both of them. And he knew, he knew that he should stop her. But he didn't.
Eddie walked towards the door. She had done it. She had told him and her gift in return? Jamie confessing outright that he still had feelings for her too. Could she take it a step further? Did she dare? She pinched her nose and closed her eyes briefly. At this moment all she wanted to do was kiss Jamie. It had been so long since they had shared a kiss. And why not? They both had their heart on their sleeves at this moment. If they didn't kiss now, then when?
She turned towards him and didn't even think about what she was doing because if she did? She may chicken out. She reached him and kissed him wrapping her arms around his shoulders and the back of his neck. Jamie in turn wrapped his arms around her waist, at first gently and after a few seconds a bit more tightly.
Eddie kissed Jamie tentatively at first but as she felt him immediately respond to her she applied a bit more pressure to his lips. Jamie kissed her back. She felt so good in his arms. Her lips molding to his. He felt when Eddie was going to start pulling back and he moved forward a bit holding on to the contact a bit longer. She pulled away for a breath and even that seemed too long a time to not be kissing her. Not having her lips on his felt like he would break into a thousand pieces unable to put himself back together. That's how much he realized he needed her. Jamie immediately resumed contact with her lips and gently pushed his head towards her. He held on to her for a few more seconds. When they parted both of their foreheads touched naturally and they stood forehead to forehead for a few seconds relishing how close they were. And not wanting this moment to end.
Their eyes were open and they stared at each other quietly. Neither of them really knowing what to say. Unless both of them gave in and professed exactly what they were feeling for one another. Eddie was the first one to come out of the trance. She smiled and slapped Jamie's ass playfully. An attempt to diffuse the sexual tension between them. "Good talk…see you tomorrow." She said rather quickly and made a beeline to the door before she did something crazier like kiss him again and hope that he would ask her not to leave.
She opened the door and closed it behind her. Jamie in turn just stared at her leave and subsequently at the door. He had wanted to go after her but he was locked in place. Warring with himself to finally give in to his love for her or to keep on denying himself – and her quite frankly – the opportunity of a future for the sake of a partnership.
Jamko…Jamko….Jamko…Jamko
2:00 am (Jamie's apartment)
This was the second night he was up because Eddie was on his mind non-stop. Thankfully this time it was for a much more pleasant issue. Jamie could still feel Eddie's lips on his and he could still feel her fingers slowly caressing the nape of his neck. Jamie groaned inwardly. That had been sexy as fuck. Jamie smiled to himself. If anything he offering up his apartment to Tara had been a blessing in disguise. If Eddie hadn't freaked out she wouldn't have been so mad at him and would not have confessed her feelings to him. And the kiss would not have happened. And how tragic would that have been?
If Jamie was honest with himself this had been years in the making. It seemed like they moved one foot forward then took two to three steps back. But always, always, always still wanting what they could not have. Was this the time to finally just go for it?
That first kiss they had shared had been so long ago and he had managed to move on from that. Well as best as he could. His buddy had called him on his feelings for her then. He wasn't ready to hear it but he was grateful for the bro code. And if he was honest with himself that was the first time he had to admit to himself that he was falling – and hard – for his partner. This kiss? This kiss felt like so much more. He felt so much more for her now than then. God! What was he going to do? Back then they continued to date – unsuccessfully – but still they were able to try. Now? He had no desire to look at another woman much less date her. He wanted to be with no one else. Eddie was it for him.
He found himself getting up from his bed and putting his jeans on. He no longer believed that the bullshit excuses they gave one another about screwing up the partnership and their judgment being clouded was applicable anymore. And even if it was? Who the fuck cared? It seemed that at this juncture in their relationship their feelings had overtaken whatever logic it made to not be together. At least for tonight. He didn't want to think about it. He just – for once – wanted to do whatever his heart told him to do. And that was to go to Eddie and be with her. He slipped on his t-shirt, put his gym shoes on and grabbed his jacket and keys. He was out the door faster than Eddie had left after kissing him. His sole thought right now was getting to her apartment.
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
Eddie had gotten out of bed about ten minutes ago and was currently sitting on her couch with a glass of red wine. Who was she kidding? There was no sleeping tonight. It would be another night of insomnia. She would have this glass of wine and then stop. She had to be at the precinct tomorrow so she could not over indulge.
She smiled as she reran the kiss in her head. It had been absolutely perfect. Jamie had felt absolutely perfect. Actually Jamie had tasted absolutely perfect. She truly did not know how she was going to be able to contain herself the next time she saw him. After that kiss? She was hooked. But she told him that she didn't want to screw anything up and she wouldn't. She would – as always – find a way to repress her feelings. Eddie shrugged her shoulders. It was ok. No matter what she had kissed Jamie today and reliving the memory of that kiss would sustain her for some time.
Even seeing Jaime almost every day at work and after work more and more frequently would help her. She loved spending time with him – inside and outside of work. She was becoming more and more dependent on their time together. And not in a bad, clingy way. Eddie really just enjoyed their time together. Their banter, their flirtation, their subtle yet obvious touching of one another. It was almost like they needed to constantly touch each other in order to fill the void of not sleeping together. As soon as she would make contact with his skin, hers buzzed from the feeling of utter perfection. And she never wanted to let go.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Eddie startled upon hearing a knock at her door. She immediately went for her gun which was never far from her and was at attention immediately. "Eddie it's me."
Jamie? "Jaime?" She said his name aloud the second time it ran through her head.
"Yeah. I know it's late. Open up."
She went to the door as soon as she laid her gun on the table. As she opened the door she looked at Jamie quizzically. "Are you okay?" she said, suddenly concerned. Why would he be here in the middle of the night?
She had no time to think about anything else. As soon as Jamie walked in the door and closed it behind him, he grabbed her and pulled her towards him and kissed her. He didn't ask for permission. He didn't need to. Eddie felt his lips on her and her arms immediately went around his neck. This kiss was desperate. It wasn't gentle or hesitant. It was a full blown lip to lip kiss that demanded that Eddie open her mouth so he could finally properly kiss her. As he had wanted to do since he first met her.
As soon as their tongues made contact, Eddie sighed into this kiss and pulled him closer. A part of her brain – the functioning part – knew that she should ask Jamie what was happening. That this kiss was definitely crossing a line. The non-functioning part? The part that would more than likely prevail? Hell it just wanted to keep kissing Jamie. She pulled away from him for a second and looked at him. "What changed?" Eddie had to ask.
"I don't want to think about it. I don't want to analyze this. I just want – no I need – to be with you." He said as he leaned in once again and kissed her. Jamie felt Eddie start to take off his jacket and he helped her by releasing her for a few seconds as Eddie pulled the sleeves of the jacket down and he shuffled out of it. "I want to hear you say this is ok. I just came at you." Jamie stated realizing that he hadn't even said hello. He wanted to hear her consent.
"Don't second guess yourself now Reagan. Here I am willing and able. Take what you came to get." Eddie smiled as she raised her right eyebrow. She was enjoying not being the one initiating their intimate moments. Eddie had always wanted Jamie to also be the aggressor so she could at least feel confident that they both were in this together. "Furthermore, what took you so long?"
Jamie just smiled at her. A huge genuine smile. That was all he needed. His eyes became wide as he saw Eddie wink at him and take off the t-shirt she had been wearing. Underneath that t-shirt was one sexy bra. "Need any more clarification?" she questioned.
Jamie picked her up and guided her legs to his waist and walked towards the wall. "No going back."
"No going back." Eddie muttered and then bent down to capture his lips with hers.
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
"Uhm…did that just happen?" Eddie questioned as she laid on Jamie's chest and caressed it. Their firs time together had been amazing. She had imagined it so many times in her head that she thought if ever it happened, it could be disappointing because she had imagined it so much better in her mind. But she was ecstatic to know that being together for the first time had even exceeded her wildest expectations.
"Yep." Jamie said sleepily as a yawn escaped him. No regrets either. However, one thing was clear to him: he was not going to be able to not do that again. Eddie had ruined him for life. He wanted her in his life and in his bed from now on. They would figure it out.
"Awww you're sleepy?" she questioned. "Or did I tire you out?" she added, mockingly.
"Both." He said, sincerely as he smiled. Was it possible to be this giddy? "I didn't get much sleep last night and tonight seems to be heading that way." Jamie answered as he stroked her hair. But this particular night he didn't care one bit that he had gone almost 48 hours with no sleep. Completely and totally worth it. He did, however, have to get up from Eddie's bed and go back home. That thought didn't please him at all. He was so comfortable.
"We do have an early morning tomorrow. Why don't you just spend the night? Eddie offered. And he wanted to take that offer. He could at least have an additional half hour to an hour sleep. "I have no clothes." Jamie pointed out as Eddie lifted her head from his chest. He truly didn't care but he wanted to maybe give her an out if she wanted one. He had just barged in.
"You have what you wore tonight." Eddie pointed out. "Listen no pressure right? But it's close to four am Jamie and if we are going to at least get a few hours in, it's better that you stay here and then we can go in. A few hours' sleep is better than just one or two hours."
"You're right." Jamie admitted, reveling in the fact that she did want him to stay. "Besides I don't want to go anywhere but I do need to…"
"Need to what Jamie…" Eddie turned to look at him and his eyes were already closed and he was breathing evenly. He must have really not slept last night. She laughed and found herself yawning as well. She pulled up the covers over them and reached to shut off the lamp by her bed. She laid back on Jamie's chest and closed her eyes.
Jamko…Jamko…Jamko…Jamko
