Authors note: Italic writing is memories ok? Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.

x-0-x

I sat down on my sofa. Weary. God, I felt knackered. An hour ago I was having a great time, laughing with my mates about not been a puppy and needing to be walked by Dan any more. One hour and one brunette from my past later and I felt like I'd gone ten rounds in a boxing ring. Dan had been his usual chivalrous self, escorted me to the door, gave me a hug and told me to ring him if I needed a friend. I felt sorry for the poor bloke. I'd never really opened up about why I'd left uni, only the bare essentials were needed.

Went, had a shite time, met a girl, fell in love, things became even more shite. Left. Yup that summed it up. Although I had, during one drunken night of feeling sorry for myself, told Claire a little more. So she knew who Sophie was. I had a suspicion the lads knew who she was now too. Picking up my phone and sending out a text to my friends to tell them I was home and fine, I wandered into my bedroom, sitting on my bed and looking at my wardrobe.

Stuff this, this was stupid. I lay back, flinging my arms over my eyes, refusing to play along with my stupid emotions. Shoving them down. I didn't want this, I didn't NEED this.

Sitting up again I went to the bottom of my wardrobe, pulling out a well battered box from the bottom and placing it on the bed. Staring at it like it was the enemy. Sighing, I drew myself away from the box and went to make a cup of tea. I really didn't feel like sleeping just yet, I was too wired. Good job I was off for two days and didn't need to see anyone.

My phone buzzed at me as I was adding sugar to my tea. I picked it up checking it as I took my cuppa back to bed.

"Hi Sian, glad you're home ok, I'll call you tomorrow for a chat. Claire"

Dropping my phone on the bedside table, I sat cross legged on the bed, staring at the box. Daring it to piss me off any more than I already was. Grabbing the top and throwing it on the floor, I looked at the contents. Delved to the bottom and found exactly what I was not looking for.

Nope not me, wasn't looking for anything in particular. Nothing to see here, move along now.

Turning the item in question over I sighed. Yeah there was something to see. Two photos from one of those passport booth things. Sadly, they weren't like the old ones where each photo could be different, but nonetheless there were two lovely identical photos of two fresh faced girls looking happy and giggly. Me and Sophie Webster. Another time, another lifetime ago it seemed now.

Lying back on my bed, I ran my thumb over the two innocent smiley faces on the photos.

How the hell had it gone so wrong? Snorting again, I KNEW how it had gone wrong. Sophie Webster was a chicken shit, that was the problem.

Drifting off to sleep, tea forgotten, I remembered.

x-0-x

I was 18 and beyond shy really. My parents and their breakup had effectively screwed me up for a long time, made me mistrusting of most people. Lancaster University was my way out of my mundane existence in Southport. My ticket to a brighter future.

Armed with two A Levels and a desire to better myself, I'd got onto one of the best physical education and science courses in the country. Bloody hard graft and sheer bloody mindedness keeping my grades up and impressing them enough on my application to be offered a place. After my visit round the campus, I knew this was where I wanted to spend the next three years of my life.

It was set in the gorgeous countryside, but was still buzzing enough with plenty of nightlife to keep people occupied. I sort of hoped I could continue the healing process from my dad's rejection of me, and my mum's 'whatever' attitude towards me.

I was gay. A lesbian, a dyke, whatever my dad wanted to throw at me. He hated me, my mum couldn't be bothered with me. As long as it didn't interfere with her new life with her new toy boy and fruit machine business for the arcades in my home town, she didn't care. God I hated it, it was too small. I felt trapped there. The beach was the only decent place I could go and think. Either the beach or my bedroom playing my guitar. My only escapes.

Getting out of my beat up car, I looked around me, taking deep breaths of the clean air. I'd miss the beach, sure, but it was a clean break. I could stay here in the holidays, unlike a lot of universities. I had no reason to go home again for 3 years, unless it was on my terms.

Looking at the piece of paper in my hand, I looked up at the building.

Cartmel College. My new home. Checking the room number I'd been allocated, I looked up again and smiled. Home. A place to call mine for a little while and to finally breathe and be me. I'd splashed out and gone for an en-suite room. No sharing toilets or showers for me, no way. That was the second decent thing about Southport. The seasonal work. I'd had little part time jobs since I was 16, starting off working for my mum and moving on from there. The money I'd determinedly saved helping fund for a posher room, to keep my privacy, and allow me some freedom. Looking around as I opened the boot of my car, I made a mental list of things I needed to do. Finding a job while I was here being the main one.

Grabbing the first box I could find, I closed the boot and made my way to the entrance of my new home. I could have cursed my only piece of bad luck. Freshers week was starting tomorrow, and most people had already been here since Friday. I'd only managed to get here today. It didn't help my nerves and shyness. I reckoned that people would have already started making friends and social circles. People naturally did, and a late comer like me, a WEIRDO as my dad liked to say, was always going to have problems fitting in already.

Ah fuck this.

Mentally resolving to cut down on my language amongst other things, I used the keys I'd picked up from the housing office and had a war with the front door to the building. Balancing the box with my left arm and tugging like a demon with my right, the door wasn't going to give. I was just checking I'd actually used the right key when the door burst open and a gang of giggling people herded out, barging into me and knocking my possessions onto the floor. Hearing something in the box make a "yeah I'm delicate and I'm broken now noise" I sighed and bent down to pick up the box. About to look up to give a mouthful to the idiots who'd knocked me over, a body knelt down in front of me as rude comments about me being an idiot and standing in the way reached my ears.

I was just starting to stand up and give the arrogant moron a mouthful when a small hand rested on my arm. I was seething. Who the hell came out of a door like that? Idiots.

"Here, let me help you I'm sorry about that. Lee, shut up, we knocked the poor girl over. I'll meet you down at Revs in a minute ok"

Seeing deep blue eyes looking back. Deep blue eyes and dark hair framing a cheeky smile and a gorgeous face.

"Hiya, sorry about that, bit of guilt on both parts I think" the thick Mancunian accent reached my ears. I knew she was talking. I knew she was talking to me. I could see her lips moving, her words, although they sounded like they were coming from underneath the water.

I was too busy watching her lips to realise she was talking to me again, asking me questions as she helped place my meagre belongings back in the box.

God she was gorgeous.

"...yeah, so sorry, looks like this is broke."

Huh? Oh shit yeah, the noise when the box had hit the floor. My favourite mug was waved in my face. Well, the remains of it. The handle was being held in one slender hand and the actual mug was being held in the other beautiful hand. I blinked and shook my head slightly. For Christ's sake, I was writing essays in my head about her hands?

Standing up as I seemed to have missed her standing, I took the offered broken cup from her hand, our fingers touching for second. Her continual talk stopped for a second. I looked at her as she stopped, and shaking her head slightly she continued.

"Yeah, so, I'll see you round. Sorry bout that again" She gestured at the box, she started walking away, stopping and turning "there's a gang of us down at the bar called Rev's if you feel like joining us after you move everything in." She smiled and I realised I was expected to shove my brain into gear at some point.

"Sian" I blurted my name out. The gorgeous brunette smiled.

"Well, if you feel like joining us...Sian, that's where we'll be." She gave a little wave and trotted off towards where her friends had gone.

It took me a few minutes before I realised I hadn't found out her name. Still, I guess it didn't matter that much. Two days later than most people here and it counted, she already looked like she was tight with that Lee and the others who had arrived earlier than me. She was probably straight anyway. All the best ones were.

Finally working out the front door, (you had to pull it slightly before turning the key) I found myself inside the main building, checking the address on the paper lying on top of the box, I made my way up the stairs to the third floor and found room 301 pretty easily. I was next to the stairs I'd just walked up. Great. Right on the outside of things, as always.

Opening the door to my room I walked in and put the box down on the bed, looking around. Doing a 360 degree on the spot I was quietly impressed. It was bigger than my room at home and thankfully wasn't full of fruit machines like my room at my mums.

Extra large desk, bed tucked away on one wall, wardrobe built in on the other side...and a door to... I poked my head in. Yup, that would be my en-suite. My own shower and toilet. Lovely. I was glad I'd decided to pay for my own en-suite. Knowing my luck, I'd have ended up sharing with Lee and his buddies.

It was tidy and neat and very clean. Nodding my approval, I locked my front door and wandered down the deserted short corridor. I'd read up about going to uni and knew most people jammed their doors open if they were in, but these were all shut. At 'Revs' I had no doubt, or maybe I was on an empty corridor. Wandering to the end of the corridor I opened the door marked kitchen and walked in.

Opening cupboards doors, I noticed that I wasn't on an empty corridor. Stickers had been placed on almost every door except one. Nice. That was mine then. I noted the names. Ches, Katie, Sophie and... Lee. Oh for god's sake. I couldn't be that unlucky could I? Looking at the equipment in the kitchen, again, I was happy enough. Kettle, cooker, microwave and fridge. Cool.

I spent the couple of hours getting all my bags out of my car and unpacking certain things, I NEEDED unpacking. My LFC flag went up on my wall, making me feel more at home, small portable TV and my lappy on the desk, and my guitar perched in the corner. Lying on my nice newly made bed, I looked around. I'd not done too badly for the last hour or so. It has been a pain to pack up my car with basically everything I valued, but at least now I didn't need to go back for anything. My new timetable was pinned to the wall, and I'd scattered a few little nick knacks around. It felt more homely than my actual home. Probably the lack of either of my parents to either disown me or ignore me had helped. The only blemish being my broken Liverpool mug. My dad had bought me that. Back in the days when I was his little girl and he didn't hate me for being gay. Hadn't disowned me when he found out I had a girlfriend. I treasured that mug. It was just rubbish now. I'd left it on a shelf, I didn't want to look at it, but not able to throw it away either.

Checking my watch, I pondered going to find this bar to see if I could see my mystery brunette.

Fuck it, why not? I could always use the excuse I was finding my way around the campus and town. Throwing on a jacket and Cons, I grabbed my keys and went for a walk. It hadn't taken long to find the bar, the music and whooping and hollering from it pretty obvious that Fresher's Week had started a little early. Poking my head through the door, I was greeted with a wall of noise. Quickly looking around, I couldn't see my brunette; I did see plenty of drunken 18 year olds. Deciding to do this on another day, maybe after I'd made some friends on my course I turned around and tried to open the door as someone on the other side pushed it, I pulled and ended up and my arse. Again. The bar started laughing. I mean, really, as one the whole fucking bar paused and then started laughing. Laughing at me, not with me, that was for sure. I was bright red with embarrassment. Twice in a few hours? Jeez, I'd really turned back into a clumsy moron overnight.

Struggling to my feet in the crowd of people surrounding me, I ran for it. Well, tried too.

"Haha, look at that! She's done it again." Loud, arrogant and male. "Typical blonde." I slowly turned. Seriously feeling close to tears at this point. Yup, Lee, sitting there like Lord Muck laughing at me. Surrounded by his new friends, including my mystery brunette. I saw the pity in her eyes at the state of me, by now beetroot red, on the verge of tears and wearing a variety of beers on my clothes after falling on the floor.

I bolted. What else could I do? I was that close to crying in front of people I didn't know and might possibly HAVE to know for the next three years. Slipping out of the front door, the rings of laughter in my ears, I wiped an angry hand over my face as I walked away. Typical. I screwed it up again, proving my dad right. I was just a disaster waiting to happen. Useless.

I'd stomped back to my room that night. The little corridor a welcome sight. Making myself a cup of tea with some teabags I'd already bought with me, I retreated to my cosy little room. My safety net, to retreat into myself when upset.

When mum and dad had split up, when I'd realised I was gay, when I'd had my first row with my first girlfriend and so on and so on. I'd always retreat to my room, always with a cup of Earl Grey, sometimes with my guitar. It settled me if you like. Always worked.

Checking my timetable for tomorrow, I was glad to see first up was a meeting with the rest of my course, but not until later in the morning. Hopefully I'd be able to make some new friends and get over my crippling shyness. Eventually settling down to sleep and reminding myself I needed to look for a job somewhere, I ignored the noise as the rest of my laughing corridor dwellers came in from drinking and finally went to sleep.