This idea literally came out of nowhere when I was walking to the store (like in this chapter) to get said snacks. Yeah, I'm weird. Blame cravings. While I was walking I started to let my mind wander…and BAM! The idea fell on me like a brick from a ten story building. And behold, Randomness was born! So called because, well it was a pretty random thought.


Chapter One: Two Weird Occurrences

Our parents and Niya were out for the Saturday. They were visiting our grandmother back in Ohio and they were coming back tomorrow; this was the last night my sister and I would have the house to ourselves. So to conclude our final night free of bothersome parents and a demonic three year old, we did what we do best: loaf around the house in our pjs doing absolutely nothing—well I was in a red camisole and jeans while Kayli was in an oversized plain white T-shirt and black shorts. She had her locks in a loose ponytail and I had mine out, much too lazy to do anything to it.

At the time, I was laying on the futon-couch in the den watching TV; Kayli was found on the computer, which was also in the located in the den, reading her usual yaoi fan fiction. I swear she's obsessed. But I too indulge in it occasionally. Very hard habit to break once started.

Sighing in a bored fashion, I suddenly grabbed my pink fleece jacket lounging beside me and stand up, pulling it on, right sleeve first. "Hey Kayli, I'm going to go and walk to the store up the street to get me a soda and some sunflower seeds," I announced in a bored drawl, zipping up the jacket straight up to the neck. "…Candy sounds good too…"

"Are you serious?!" spat my sister in utter disbelief, tearing her eyes from the computer monitor to me. "You're going to walk all the way there for a damn soda and snacks?!"

"Yep."

"You're a retard."

"I'll take that as a goodbye then," I said cheerfully, heading for the door. "Be back in fifteen."

"You got five minutes till it closes."

"I can make it." With that, I flicked my slack black bangs from my eyes and stepped outside into the frigid winter night air, taking a deep breath. The crispness and cleanliness of the night air was absolutely refreshing. "Time to get moving! Here I go!"

I began to run down the sidewalk at a constant pace. My mind was completely blank as I jogged down the long, empty street. Houses lining the surrounding area were illuminated with dazzling multicolored decorations of Christmas holiday celebrators. It was a beautiful display of festive cheer.

Smiling jauntily, I turned the rounded corner and continued on my way to the NEX. Everything seemed peaceful in the darkened military neighborhood, until I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and a sudden tingle run up my spine; alarm bells clanged stridently in my mind.

Now everyone knows just like denial, there are common stages to this occurrence known as trepidation. What I just experienced was bad sign one—the incredibly peculiar sensation of being watched.

I slowed to a slight pace, but maintained an unruffled posture, and took the time out to scan my surroundings, sharp wariness creeping on my face. Never had I felt this nervous in military housing. Nothing like this is supposed to happen—well it does happen, but who'd expect it to happen in military housing areas?

Bad sign two comes next—an intense physiological reaction.

My breath quickened rapidly and I felt clammy sweat gather on my brow, substantial panic starting to seep in like a virulent toxin as the frightening being-watched-sensation increases. I thought I saw a shadow rush by, but I imagined (or at least hope) that was just my eyes playing malicious, twisted tricks on me. Supplementary panic fogged my anxiety induced mind like a thick miasma of obscurity.

Charming bad sign three knocked incessantly on my entryway—asking yourself who, what, when, where, and why an action is happening.

Who is stalking me? What is stalking me? When did they start stalking me? Where in the world did they manage to get such cool—I mean disturbing—stalking skills? And the most important question—why am I being stalked—I'm just your plain, everyday girl!

The unfortunate answer to most my queries comes out of nowhere in the form of a powerful hand that wrapped strong fingers around my neck, gripping my esophagus in particular, and slammed me bodily against the nearest solid wall (which cruelly just happens to be effing concrete). This is final bad sign number four which you should never hope to be subjected to—the awfully dreaded, too physical contact.

…It does appear life hates me so.

I let out a pained, choked gasp and mechanically seized the strong appendage strangling me, attempting to pry it off with little success. Subsequently, a lithe body harshly pressed me back into the barricade. Instinctive fear seized me in its cold embrace as I realized what most likely was about to happen to me.

I resorted to begging shamelessly, hoping he may pity me, "Pl-please—don't—please—"

"Silence," an impassive male voice quietly commanded in my ear, "I'm not going to hurt you nor is it my desire to necessitate such an adverse act."

'Um…yeah, well you kinda are now…' I thought dryly in between spasms of pain. If I was able to, I would roll my eyes skyward.

But this voice…he sounded very familiar to me…but I couldn't place it. I really, truth be told, wanted to see the face of my "attacker"; I quote this because he says he's not going to hurt me but…it sure seems like he is.

"What—d-do you—w-want?" I managed to get out despite being in a throat hold, eyes screwed shut at the unbearable pain.

"All I require to know is where I am," he responded coolly, lessening his grip on me, to my immense relief.

Ah! Now's my chance for sweet, sweet life! By the way…why the shitake mushrooms does he want to know where he's at anyway? I think it's a little more than obvious would you not say? But if telling him what he wanted to know spared me from greeting possible death, I would gladly and readily tell him practically anything he wanted to know, even if it was my social security number.

"…Okay—I will t-tell you—pl-please just—I-I can't—"

As if reading my mind, he unhampered me and, I presume, took a step back for his body weight no longer was leaned upon me. I immediately fell to my knees, eyes compressed tightly, rubbing my abused throat. My coughing subsided and the burning pain on my neck dulled slightly.

Red hot anger now clouded my senses, overriding my previous fear—fuck telling him anything since he actually let me go; this arsehole was going to pay super big time for this reprehensible manhandling of my person!

"What the hell is your problem?!" I grumbled darkly, hurriedly whipping out my new pink phone. "I'm so gonna call the cops on your a—sss!"I finished with a high pitched sibilant gasp as I caught sight of my assaulter.

My eyes widened to the max, my jaw dropped, and I just stared up at the person stupidly. Why make such a dumb struck expression? Because in the flesh, my favorite anime character in history, stood directly in front of me, staring down at my prone figure with cold Sharingan eyes.

Uchiha Itachi.

Well…this is just dandy coconuts, is it not?


"Ooohhh hell yeah…" Kalini sighed, virtually in heaven as she read her addicting Naruto yaoi with a fervent smile, a line of saliva running out the corners of her lips. "SasuNaru is the smex! And the good part is coming—"

DING DONG!

"Oh damn it!"

The ponytail wearing fifteen year old stood up and stomped furiously down the short, narrow hallway, unbridled anger marring her features. How the hell aneki dare interrupt my Yaoi Happy Hour! She is so fucking dead! And…why is she back so soon anyway?! I'm gonna show her a thing or two! She seized the door knob and violently swung it open.

"WHAT THE HECK DO YOU—!"

She stopped in mid-sentence and stared blankly at the person at the door, eyebrows rising so high that they disappeared from sight underneath short brown bangs.

The person was not an unfamiliar person, but he was the last person she would think would be at here, much less at her door. Her eyes raked the handsome features of her anime crush (and self proclaimed husband) Uchiha Sasuke. He looked a little worse for wear, like he had been in a quick scuffle. His dark gray eyes regarded her stonily, pale face devoid of all emotion.

Kalini blinked and calmly stepped back, nodding for him to come in. He did so and she just as calmly closed the door back. The hell's a cosplayer doing here at this time of the night…? Whoever he is…he did a good job. They walked into the den area where he stopped and faced her. She turned to him and smiled amiably, wanting to be a good mini host.

"So you need the phone or sumthing?" Blank stare. "You know to call your parents?" Another blank stare with a slight frown. "Okay, I know you're dressed as Uchiha Sasuke, but ya don't have to act like him."

"What are you talking about?" he finally speaks up, stony expression switching to a more cautious style. "I am Uchiha Sasuke."

Kalini smirked and chuckled wryly, "Haha, that's rich. Now do you need the phone or do I need it to call the cops?"

"Where am I?" he asked tonelessly.

"Where do you think?!" she suddenly snapped, fed up with his retard wannabe act, "In freaking Antarctica? We're in the USA."

He blinked, and asked, "Where would that be located?"

The brunette this time just stared at him, at a complete loss for words. …Is this guy serious? Does he really love Sasuke that much that he's willing to act like one of those fan fiction where a Naruto character gets stuck in the real world? Wow, that's just desperate. "Ehem…I'm sorry but you're going to have to leave." This guy obviously has a screw lose in the head.

"No."

"Ok—wait, what?! What the hell man?! This isn't your house!" she shrieked angrily. "Get the hell out now before I scream and draw attention to myself!"

"You're already yelling," he calmly pointed out.

The teen girl went brick red and glared furiously at the Uchiha.

"Alright buddy. You got about five seconds before I call the police, get some inanimate object, and beat your ass with it while I'm waiting for them to arrive."

Kalini didn't think the guy would do anything to her in the category of hurt, kill, rape, harass, etc; the usual works. After all, he could have done so like five minutes ago if he wanted to. But he did give her a hard glare and didn't budge an inch. So she planted her hands on her hips and glared right back, tapping her foot impatiently.

A full minute, sixty seconds precisely, went and passed like that with nothing but the faint sounds of breathing from the two. Decidedly incensed at his lack of obeying her demand as stipulated, she let out a vehement hiss of aggravation.

"You are un-effing-believable! That's it, I'm phoning the police!"

Kalini marched purposely to the house phone on the kitchen counter and reached for it only to be stopped by powerful grip on around her wrist. "Hey what the—" Fiery hazel brown eyes locked and clashed with icy gray ones, "how'd you appear in front of me without me knowing?"

"Simply because you move very slowly."

"Whhhaaahhhttt?! Me slow?! You ass! Who do you think you are?!"

"I already told you," he deadpanned, "I am Uchiha Sasuke."

"Yeah and I'm the jolly Easter Bunny," she replied aridly. "Get a life, will ya?"

Sasuke narrowed his dark eyes and dropped her wrist and asked, "For what reason do you chose not to believe this?"

"Because," she said sweetly, betraying her irate face, "I'm not insane like you evidently are. Uchiha Sasuke is not real…" She paused and mumbled the rest to herself, "no matter how much I wish him to be…"

The raven stared expressionlessly at her for the length of a few seconds.

"…I'm right here. Why do you want to see me?"

"You're not Sasuke damnit!" she snapped, finally sick of his continuous act as "Sasuke". "And duh, cus I like Sasuke, he's completely awesome! Unlike you, you creepy, lame ass imitation! (Okay, she was lying on that part cus he really did a first-rate job on his costume…even looked like him too) You know what. I just realized I don't have to deal with you. I'm just going to find something to kick your ass with after I call the police and then they can handle—ugh!"

A sharp thwack to the back of the neck silenced the raving girl. Her eyes drooped and she slumped forward, nearly hitting the floor, but Sasuke caught her in the nick of time. Afterwards he picked her up and carelessly placed her on the futon couch in the small den.

"Annoying…" he muttered to himself.

Why wouldn't she just shut up and tell him where he exactly was? Girls…he'd never understand them. At least she wasn't fawning and drooling all over him like too many other girls would (as far as you know Sasuke–wink).

He looked around, searching for something that might possibly clue him in onto his whereabouts. The bright computer screen caught his eye and he wandered over to it, sitting down in the squishy computer seat and examined what was on screen.

"Fan fiction…?"

Sasuke raised a finely curved eyebrow when he saw his name (in an unusual writing style he could curiously comprehend) several times amongst a list of summaries, often mentioning Naruto, in a series of titles of what he incisively surmised to be listings of stories. Quite regularly in the summaries were the words lemon and yaoi.

Naturally being the nosy yet resourcefully intelligent Uchiha he is, Sasuke somehow found a way to use the mouse and clicked an arbitrary story. He quickly skimmed through first chapter, thanks to the Sharingan. And he severely wished he didn't moments later as he paled in supreme disgust upon finishing.

"Why am I doing that with Naruto?!"


Alright, I think I'm crazy, because Uchiha Itachi should not be standing right here, right now, in front of me, regarding me with that shingly stare. Maybe it's one of my fantasies kicking in. Yeah, must be it. I smiled in relief. So I'm not going to the nut house just yet (I do greatly treasure my freedom). That's what I thought until I remembered that he'd grabbed my throat and I'd felt the pain of it, which meant that he wasn't some illusion.

As far as I know, my pretend Itachi has ever come into body contact with me. He just sorta hung around me. Like an imaginary friend, keeping me company when I was extremely lonely.

Yes pity me.

So that meant…this one was the real deal, the full package, the whole enchilada, the…okay I need to stop. But! I at least I have gained much insight in the past fifteen seconds. Uchiha Itachi was now in our world. Now why he was so, that I did not know.

"I-Itachi…" I breathed out slowly, voice trembling slightly before him. "How can you be here?" And how can I understand him…isn't he Japanese? Well whatever…

"What do you mean?" he asked in his deep, knee weakening (…well for me it is!) voice of his. "And how exactly do you know me?"

"Uh…" I came to a vacant blank, but kept my face neutral. "…Never mind, it's tricky to explain right now…but I promise I can explain everything if you chose to come with me…"

He nodded briskly, really not having any other viable option. I'm sure he did not want to find some other person to trouble himself with. Besides, I had willingly offered him my assistance. What retard wouldn't accept it? Last time I checked, Itachi was incredibly brilliant.

Sighing, I rose to my feet gingerly, brushing off any lingering dirt from my behind. Darn, these were my brand new jeans too…

"I apologize for my actions earlier."

For a second, I was about to ask why when I remembered that unlike the other Akatsuki, Itachi deep down is a decent person (but I bet he'd be a lot meaner to me if he had fishy man or another Akatsuki hanging around)…not to mention a loving aniki, sacrificing everything he held meaningful, even his own life, to his otouto.

Tears almost sprang into my eyes upon recalling his untimely, tragic death, but I hastily swallowed them. There was no way I would cry directly in front of said person. Much too fan girlish for my refined taste.

With a mental long sigh this time around, I glanced at Itachi who was waiting for me to…I don't know…do something beside nothing.

"Um…I was heading to the store…" Until you kindly stopped me by freaking the ba-jeepers outta me with your rapist-like assault… "So…you mind coming with?" It's really weird how we can understand each other…

"No."

"Huh? You do mind?"

"No I don't mind."

"Oh…that makes it a smidge clearer…well follow me."

I resumed to my initial destination, now with a silent companion trailing a little ways beside me. A silent companion named Uchiha Itachi.

Wow, I must be the luckiest Naruto fan in the world.


Okay I lied. This is the worst thing ever!

Already, we had been chased down by mad girls who weren't even Naruto fans! They just saw him and like swooned and went stalker/ rabid fan girl/ rape mode! Why the heck are girls hanging around the store at this time anyway?! We barely had made it out the store like normal people (Itachi stood out like a sore thumb with his Akatsuki cloak on) when they were upon us like starved loins heading for the kill.

Itachi and I managed to take fast cover in the large canyon behind my house and the others house before they could reach us. It's a good thing he's a shinobi and still retained his shinobi skill and what not even though he's in this world. One grand thing did come out of this.

The stoic Uchiha had to carry me on his back so we could quickly escape! Yaye, he carried/touched me! I much preferred this than our original encounter. But it was short lived as he released his arms from underneath my legs and I slid off gently.

I sighed. Well it was good while it lasted, right? Besides, how often do you have the chance to get piggy backed by your favorite anime character? I should be counting—thanking—my lucky stars. As a matter of fact…I think I will. I flicked my gaze to the twinkling pinpricks of distant fireballs in the murky sky above, sliding my eyes closed as I folded my hands over each other and pressed them to my chest.

Ok so… Thank you very, very much, pretty stars, for this wonderful happening. Umm…not trying to sound greedy or anything, but I hope there are more to come.

After my inward mental wish with myself (that I would later come to regret immensely), I looked back at the weasel, wearing an uncontrollably joyful grin.

"Gee, Itachi, thanks a 'bunches for that."

He didn't say anything for a reply. Actually he suddenly collapsed on his knees! Oh no! Was I really so heavy that I felled the great Uchiha Itachi?! This is a major happy mood killer!

I hung my head in humiliating shame, "I'm sorry I'm so freaking fat." I can almost imagine a heavy black rain cloud hovering over my head, raining the low down blues. I'm not really fat at all, but it's the only explanation I can think of.

The response was nothing but a soft noise which sounded like a strange mix between a groan and sigh. Itachi pulled himself to his feet and stared down at me. I noticed he did look abnormally paler and his eyebrows were knitted together as if he was holding in something.

"You're not the reason," he said indifferently, but I was incredibly overjoyed to hear that!

I nearly glomped him, but resisted the tantalizing temptation. I know he'd most likely despise that, so I didn't want him to not like me. I'd like to be friends, at the very least, with my fave character. Being all fan-girly would shatter that now feasible dream.

However, in all seriousness…I felt something just wasn't right with him.


I'll update as soon as I can…but again this is just something fun for me to write when I'm lacking inspiration for my other stories. I may or may not continue to put up more chapters. But we shall see.