I looked up and I was outside, darkness surrounding me from every possible angle, then he appeared, I couldn't see his face as had his back to me but he seemed to have a kind of aura around him, a kind of luminous light shining all around him almost like an angel and he was shimmering in the moonlight. I stared at him for a while as I was so captivated by his presence that it was hard to do anything else.
Fog seemed to appear out of nowhere clouding my vision making it almost impossible to see him anymore, I slowly moved forward trying to keep him in my sights desperate to see his face, but each and every step forward I made only seemed to make him more distant, so I started to run, chasing after him like wiley-coyote chases after roadrunner but of course with the same outcome, he was always faster than me.
However the most shocking thing was not the vision, but the feeling...it was something I'd never felt before but my body was screaming, yelling at him to come back to me, I couldn't put my finger on what it was and I couldn't describe the feeling properly to myself.
Then suddenly the scene changed, I was standing on a long hallway with several doors on each side.I walked up slowly to the first and opened the door, there in the room was me when I was little with Renee and Charlie, it looked like it was Christmas Day as I could see decorations and presents under the tree. It was kind of distorted, almost like it was being watched off an old home movie or something.
I walked out and started opening the other doors one by one, next was one when I was about eight, down by the tidepools on First Beach, then the next High School, prom with Greg, our wedding day, both Beth and Benjamin's birth, family holidays we'd had together.
All my most cherished memories were all contained inside of the doors in the hallway. Just then I looked up and there was one single door at the end of the hallway, I tried the handle but it was locked.
I tried to look through the keyhole but it was all a blur, and then like out of thin air I could hear something. Music filled the air, intoxicating me with it's melody. I tried hard to see if I could recognise the tune, I didn't know it but it sounded beautiful, truely stunning I have never heard anything like it before.
Then I heard his voice, I didn't recognise that either but the words filled my ears and it felt for just one minute like the words were meant just for me, they were travelling through my veins at what felt like the speed of sound heading straight for my heart, it was like it was wrote for only my soul to hear.
A wave of emotions swept quickly over me and I was suprised at how strong the feelings were for a dream and before I knew what I was doing I began pounding on the door.
" Hello " I said, my voice tense "can you hear me?", but no-one answered and the more I knocked and called the more prominent my heart had become, like almost my heart needed to be in that room more than me.
I began shaking the door handle violently trying with all the power I had in me to try and open it, but it was no use the harder I tried the softer and more distant the voice became. Defeated, I slowly slid down the door and sat in a heap resting my head against it.I didn't even realise I was crying until my hands were wet with warm, salty tears that were now streaming down my face.
"come back " I whispered angrily at the door, as the music faded away into the night, and still, I sat there in silence broken, resigned to the fact that it was gone and I may never feel that way again, ever.
Suddenly I was awake, light filled the bedroom, but I did not care. I got up with a dull headache and an numb heart still not understanding clearly what just happened.I grabbed a towel and headed quietly for the bathroom trying hard not to disturb anyone.
I spent the next hour in bathroom trying desperatly to unravel, what was without a doubt the strangest dream I've ever had but it seemed the harder I tried to think, the less there was to remember, it was fading away so fast...too fast for me and my heart began to ache.
I returned to my bedroom and at that point Beth And Ben were in the room like a flash, jumping on the bed laughing. I smiled at them and gave them a hug, "Right " I said " come on you two time for breakfast "
I made my way downstairs and got the cereal out of the cupboard and then it hit me like a truck, That feeling I'd had in my dream was gone completely,snatched away from me like it never existed in the first place, like I'd never felt it at all.
My stomach began twisting up in knots and I started to feel queesy.
"get a grip" I mumbled to myself quietly, so the kids wouldn't here me. I mean it was only a dream.
" It was only a dream " I said to myself again, trying even harder to make myself believe it though it was no use, by now my brain was in full attack mode again, going through each and every last detail it could remember, which was fading by the second.
"It's going to be a long day " I sighed.
I found myself spending the day in a daze, I didn't really seem there, I was there in body going through the motions, doing everything that I was so used to doing each and every day
I can only describe it as been on seemed different though, almost like I wasn't really there, just watching it from the outside. It was kind of disorientating and I didn't like it, I felt like I was zombified almost my mind felt like it was somewhere else completely.I wasn't used to feeling like this so I was a little worried, luckily, what with the move and all, everyone was far more pre-occupied with their own things that no-one seemed to notice and I was relieved.
I spent my time staring into nothing-ness waiting and hoping for something, maybe some kind of devine intervention to come and knock me out of it, but it didn't, and that night for the first time in my life i had the same dream, well not exactly the same because I never tried the doors I had previously opened, I was instantly drawn to that locked room but when I reached the door and heard that music again that sounded so familiar, although I could not identify it. Instead of knocking or shouting, I just sat by the door and listened, trying to hang on to each note and word that eminated from the room, slowly but surely that feeling returned to my body once more, like a thief in the night, filling my heart with seemed to be coursing through my veins, pumping through my heart and soul making me feel more alive than I had ever felt in reality.
The realisation suddenly swept through me, I knew what the feeling was, it was like I felt utterly complete for the first time, like I felt whole almost. As the music still lingered in the air, I breathed in and felt the emotion in the words running through me and a calm-ness that I hadn't felt in a long time, if at all, swept over me. Euphoria cam next and I suddenly longed to see behind the door. I stood up and turned the handle.
I slowly opened the door and a light hit me so bright that I couldn't see, I squinted trying desperately to see past the brightness but then I opened my eyes to see the sun blazing through the curtians, blinding me.
"that's it " I thought I must be really going mad "
