Thanks for the reviews, alerts and such so far. It is much appreciated!

This was a tough one…Leandra is NOT an easy character to write in a humourous way! Hope it didn't fall flat on its face!

Disclaimer: Bioware/EA owns characters and my life apparently. Props to Cassie and Jessica for what came before…


The Super Secret Diary of Leandra

Day One

Husband Malcolm told me to keep a diary and use to write down all thoughts. Sometimes think he is annoyed by my constant chatting with him. Seems happy this is finally started.

Day Ten

Love my children. How wonderful to have my warrior son and two daughters who are mages.

(The word 'mages' is scratched out. The words 'perfectly normal girls with no hint of magical powers whatsoever' are written underneath in definitely masculine handwriting.)

Day Seventeen

Malcolm unhappy at lack of diary entries. Wait. How does he know? Also, concerned about previous entry's update. Wonder how that happened.

Day Twenty Eight

Oh Malcolm. Was walking with him near cliff discussing upcoming meeting of Lothering Flower Garden Committee. He must have had indigestion judging by look on face. Suddenly cried out "Templars!" and jumped over cliff. Looked around but no one there. Now Malcolm dead due to mistake. V. sad.

Boo hoo hoo…poor Malcolm…

Day Four Hundred and Seventy Two

Hand sore. Should seriously consider using numbers.

Day 475

Refugee influx in Lothering. So bad for garden. Might have to erect fence to keep refugees off lawn. Have yelled at smelly child four times now to stop making mud pies out of pile near house. That's not mud. It's manure. Mah-noo-err.

On second thought, would like to see smelly child's face when eating said mud pie.

Day 478

Lots of templars in town. Should probably tell girls to be careful. Though one v. handsome. Shame they can't marry.

Day 482

Heard rumour of darkspawn invasion. Have never seen darkspawn myself. Wouldn't know what to do if one visited. Perhaps could offer tea? There must be some single darkspawn about. If marriage with templar doesn't work out, perhaps girls would consider darkspawn?

Day 484

Have seen darkspawn. Retract all thought of girls marrying.

Day 485

Carver back from big fight at Ostagar. V. upset over darkspawn battle. Have decided to not mention darkspawn matchmaking endeavour. Must leave Lothering now.

Boo hoo hoo…poor Lothering…

Day 487

Met redheaded man and templar husband. Was under impression templars weren't gay. Wait…redhead is woman. Still…was under impression templars couldn't marry. Perhaps hope after all for daughters.

Update: Now only have one daughter to marry off. Bethany dead. V. sad. Shall blame other daughter for posterity's sake.

Boo hoo hoo…poor Bethany…

Another update: Have met crazy woman who was a dragon first. Will ask her to tutor remaining daughter to be dragon. Could be useful. Fairly certain crazy woman 'into' daughter. Gave her jewelry. Is this a first date? Will have to warn daughter – last time I saw an outfit like that, was definitely into sado-masochism.

Day 510

Arrived in Gwaren. Now off to Kirkwall to reclaim family glory and riches. Too bad won't see mother and father as dead.

Boo hoo hoo…poor mother and father…

Day 534

Landed in Kirkwall. Not like I remember. Will try to find brother Gamlen to get us into city. Guards at door v. angry for some reason. Could be hundreds of refugees saying they have family in city. Thank goodness I'm not a refugee with family in the city – might never get in.

Day 537

Gamlen finally arrived to let us in. Apparently lost estate in gambling mishap. Now lives in shack. V. sad.

Boo hoo hoo…poor Amell estate…

In other news, children must work for year to pay back entry fees to Kirkwall. Last time I was at a club that charged entry fees like this, at least got a complimentary lap dance.

Day 902

Children have finished year of paying for cover charge. Still no lap dance.

Day 903

Children came home with crazy idea to go on expedition to something called 'Deep Roads'. Sounds too much like an underground night club for my liking. Better get daughter married off sooner rather than later. Alternative lifestyle not something I think I can handle.

Still in Gamlen's shack.

Day 905

Have been corrected re: 'Deep Roads'. Is actually underground city/tunnel system. Met new dwarf friend of children. Short, but incredible chest hair.

Day 918

Daughter brought new friends home. Now, not only dwarf, but angry elf and potentially crazy mage as well. Not shocking about the mage. Always had affinity for mages. Must admit elf sexy in broody way. Has interesting tats. Would like to see where those get to.

Day 920

Daughter off to Sundermount with new friends. Brought amulet with her. Suspect second date with crazy dragon lady. If daughter brings whips and chains home, will be confirmation of new romance.

Still in shack.

Day 926

Daughter brought another new friend home. Another elf. But a girl this time. V. clumsy and dimwitted. Perhaps can convince her to marry Carver. One down, one to go!

Also brought larged breasted sailor type. Concerned daughter not only into bondage, but may be lesbian.

Day 1261

Children off on expedition. Tried to convince daughter to leave Carver home, but took anyway. Who will carry my groceries home now?

Apparently Gamlen, since still in shack.

Day 1274

Daughter back. Left Carver in Deep Roads. Starting to think 'Deep Roads' really is code name for exclusive night club again.

Boo hoo hoo…poor Carver…

On other note, daughter brought back lots of money from expedition. Cha-ching! Perhaps not in shack much longer.

Day 1324

Spoke to Viscount today. Apparently getting audience with Viscount not what expected. Told me to go back to Blooming Rose where I came from. Slight misunderstanding. Regardless, can buy estate back. Yay me!

Day 1329

Bought estate back. Okay…daughter bought estate back. Moving out of shack. FINALLY. V. excited to have own room. May be old, but have needs that can't be fulfilled in shared accommodations.

Day 1362

Love estate!

Day 1408

Two dwarves moved into estate. Must speak to daughter about collecting hobos.

Day 2369

Crazy mage stopped by tonight. Have heard odd noises from daughter's room all night. Suspect may need to implement sock on doorknob rule.

In other news, confirmed daughter not lesbian. Still no word on bondage thing.

Day 2398

Must get daughter married off soon. Has now brought home tiny elf to cook and clean. While useful, still very hobo-ish.

Day 2428

Kind of attracted to Arishok's big horns. You know what they say about big horns…big horns means…wait. How does that go again?

Day 2475

Got flowers today. Pretty excited. Going to see Gamlem to gloat about estate again.

Day 2476

So…helped bloody guy on street. Apparently bad move because now trapped in some sort of warehouse with weird bedroom set up.

Day 2476 cont'd

Am now disembodied head with no eyes. It's a wonder I can still write in this.

Day 2477

Got eye implants and new body from secret admirer. Not certain he wasn't a bit crazy. Anyway, daughter showed up with friends and killed off admirer, so now have no magic to keep me alive. Bummer.

Boo hoo hoo…poor me…

On another note, managed to give daughter another guilt trip for the road. Sure call that a win.