Authors Note: So for a little while my first chapter was all underlined and bolded on this website. I have no idea why, since I didn't upload it that way! So I fixed it, and it's not anymore, though I apologize to anyone who read it while it was like that, it wasn't my fault.

Thanks to all those who have read the story thus far, and especially preenad and ilovenat1995, who wrote me simply lovely reviews!

Another note, I was just reminding everyone that although I will take many events from the show and tie them up with my own story, I may or may not choose to ignore details from the show. So be prepared if I ignore crucial plot points and crucial conversations, it's my prerogative as a writer. =)

Also, internal thoughts will always be in unbolded italics.

Enjoy!!

(Still Ricky's POV)

Still a flashback….

The few days we had left at band camp, I avoided Amy. Not because I didn't like her or anything, but because I was ashamed of myself. I couldn't even keep a promise to myself, no wonder I had problems with relationships. Cause that's what a relationship is really! A promise that you will be with one person, and only them, for whatever amount of time.

I am so pathetic!

Amy looked confused, and why wouldn't she be? She tried to approach me the day after, but I walked right by her as if she was air. That was my usual way of dealing with girls I had slept with, but it pained me to do it to Amy. This wasn't her fault. It was mine. No wonder the sex was so awful, the whole time the sane part of me was still trying to break through. The only part of me that was still good, still innocent and pure. And I ignored it, ignored it as blatantly as I ignored Amy, the gorgeous girl I shouldn't have had sex with.

So, in the remaining four days I slept with three girls, a trumpet, another flute, and the Drum Major. Actually it was the second time I had slept with the Drum Major. She wasn't a slut or anything, in fact I was pretty positive that I was her one and only, but she had a major, obvious crush on me that I couldn't ignore. Plus she was very pretty, and smart, and funny….

Like Amy.

Why I am I taking advantage of these nice girls? I should stick with sluts, that's all I deserve anyway…

I returned home, and had another week to wallow in my own silence and tortured thoughts before I had school to distract me. Three days before school started, however, I got myself acquainted with Adrian. Adrian….

End flashback

Ricky tore his thoughts away from Adrian and decided that he would do see Dr. Fields.

I need to talk. If I don't soon someone will here all about my problems, and that someone just might be Amy Juergens.

And he sure as hell didn't want to talk to Amy Juergens. How could he face her knowing what she could have inside her? Yea he talked to her that one day in the beginning of school, but that was before everything happened, before he suspected she was carrying his…

No, stop. Don't think. Go see Dr. Fields! Just, don't think again until you see him!

Ricky jumped up, barely grabbing his drumsticks before they fell, and strode purposefully out the door. The hallways were filled again. When did the bell ring? He didn't hear it. He switched into his casual, signature swagger. But still busily, as though he didn't want to be disturbed.

And he didn't. But that didn't stop people from staring unabashedly at him. Ricky ignored it, he didn't care what people thought, he really didn't care much about anything anymore.

His car stood stoic in the student lot, the paint cheerful in the Californian sun. The sight of it almost sent Ricky into hysterics. His car was so safe standing there. So unemotional and problem free. It still stood where he left it, not four hours before, as though representing his old life. The one that didn't involve Amy, long ago incidents at band camp, and ba….

Ricky swallowed convulsively.

Dontthrowupdontthrowupdontthrowup

He got in. Somehow started it up and was on the road without even thinking about it. But Ricky couldn't keep his mind clear. How could he? His life and blown up right in his face. And what would Adrian say…

You dumb bastard, how could you let yourself think of Adrian? I told you not to…

Flashback…

I was on my porch three days before the torture of school. The pitying looks of teachers would start again, because they all knew my story and my "situation." The lustful looks from girls, something I truly hated, because as much sex as I had, the minute the fun was over I would feel so much more worse. How was that possible? I hated myself so much already. I told the Doctor I didn't of course, because he already knew that I hated myself, I didn't need to tell him and admit it out loud. That would make it somehow more real.

I hate school.

I couldn't handle it anymore, I jumped up and started on a walk. No one was home so I didn't need to tell them where I was going. I could have taken my car, but I didn't feel like it. Walking was nice, it tired me out. I needed sheer exhaustion to sleep nowadays, or else the conscience I tried too hard to bury was too loud for me to sleep. Sleep was an escape.

Sometimes.

Sometimes I still saw him, his face. The looks in his eyes, my eyes. We had the same. We were the same.

No, no we're not. I'm not like him.

I was too intent to notice where I was walking, because I bumped right into fate.

(Adrian's POV)

Adrian's stuff tumbled all over the place. She was thoroughly ticked. Her car had a flat and she walked all the way from the store with groceries and was four blocks from her apartment and now someone bumps into her! She picked up her baton, which had fallen out of her shoulder bag, and took the brown bag the person who had bumped into her offered. That's when she got a look at his face.

Ricky Underwood! Oh my god!

Adrian was never flustered, never. But she felt her hear jump in her chest. She calmed herself down, and cocked her eyebrow.

"Well thank you." She cooed in her best "I recycle boys" voice, "Sure is a pleasure to have someone like you bump into me."

(Ricky's POV)

I knew

that I knew this girl when I first bumped her down, but it was the baton that did it.

Oh! The majorette! From band! What's her name? Adrian! Adrian, um, Lee! Right….Wow.

I gave her the paper bag that I knocked out of her hands, and she spoke to me in a throaty, unbelievably sexy voice. She nudged me lightly, and I realized that I hadn't hear a single syllable.

"What? Oh yea." I chuckled, and turned on my charm.

I know her reputation. She's, well, she's just like me. Why have we never hooked up?

Because, I tried to ignore the voce of sanity, you also know her other reputation. You know she's smart, she obviously beautiful, she's witty and an awesome majorette. In other words, she's a nice girl. Or could be, anyways. In other circumstances she might have turned out like Amy Juergens. Don't do this. You don't need this.

I need someone, a kindred spirit, I whispered back, Maybe, well. Maybe we can help each other.

And I tuned it out, just like I had so many other times.