"I have a problem that I cannot explain,
I have no reason why it should have been so plain,
Have no questions but I sure have excuse,
I lack the reason why I should be so confused,
I know, how I feel when I'm around you,
I don't know, how I feel when I'm around you,
Around you."
-System of a Down
This time is going to be no different, Charles thought, as he entered Alice's workplace. She's gonna turn me down, for sure.
It had begun to feel almost like a game. Him asking for her to go out with him, and her telling him to sod off, in oh so many ways. It would have been dishearting, had he not been almost certain that she wanted him too.
It was the small glances she gave toward him, when she thought he wasn't looking. The way she blushed, when their hands almost touched. The flirtatious way she wrote her answers to his messages. It was difficult not being able to read her mind, but it also made him curious. In all his adulthood he had never had to guess how a girl was feeling about him, and the novelty of the situation intrigued him.
He saw her from the door, her delicate, elegant form, her suntouched skin and the flock of freckles on her nose and cheeks. The dark brown curls of her hair that came down to her shoulders like a waterfall.
He had this uneasy, excited feeling that made his heart beat a little faster, and suddenly he was painfully aware of his wheelchair. If I could just walk to her, he thought, just like any other brilliant, handsome, super intelligent telepath on this planet Earth. If only I didn't have this damn chair.
As soon as the thought had formed in his mind, he knew in her eyes that she had been eavesdropping. Or Thoughtsdropping? He really had to invent a word for that.
- It's not about the chair, Professor, Alice said as he was closer.
- Then what is it? He asked
- It is the 12th time you come here in one month, Charles Xavier, she said changing the subject. - People are beginning to talk.
- And what do they say?
Alice didn't answer. She turned to face the other waitress, and asked smiling,
- Leonore, honey, would you mind covering up for me for a while? I'll be back in two minutes.
- Sure thing, Alice. Just take your time, the other girl answered and winked knowingly. But her smile died as Alice gave her a chilling gaze, and without asking if it was ok to him, she stepped outside and waited for Charles to follow.
- So, what do they say, Alice, Charles asked as they had walked silently for about a minute. Or she had walked, and he had wheeled his chair by her.
- You know, stuff, she shrugged.
- What things?
- That there is a reason you come here so often, she stopped and turned to look him in the eye.
- There is. But you just won't take my number or give me yours.
- The other reason, Charles, she pressed.
This was the first time she had called him by his first name, and suddenly it made the moment intimate. He looked deep into her forest green eyes, and understood. Her worry cut his flirt away. It really was not a secret that he was a mutant, but he had tried to keep a low profile, fo he felt that his school didn't need any extra attention. Apparently, Alice didn't want that kind of attention either.
- I'm sorry if I have caused you trouble, he said silently.
- They have begun to wonder how I always know what people want to order. It used to be this funny trick, but not anymore. They don't need to be genius to figure this out.
- Are you alright? he asked.
- I know they have guessed it. That I am one of you guys. A freak. They look at me when they think I don't notice. And suddenly stop talking, when I enter the room. I'm not an idiot. I don't have to take a look at their thoughts to know what they feel about me now.
- I am sorry, Alice, Charles said silently, and he really was. This is not what I meant to happen.
- You say that now, but did you stop to think about this before? You shouldn't have come so often. You shouldn't have taken an interest on me, Charles.
- But I did, and for that I am not sorry.
She stayed silent for a few heartbeats, her posture stiff and angry, her pouty lips pressed tight together. He sensed that there was something she was not telling him, but his instinctive try to take a peek at her thoughts, was blocked instantly.
- I am not good news, Charles. You should just leave and never come back.
- And if I don't?
- Then I'll probably lose my job, she said, turning away. The manager told me yesterday to 'try to be normal' and that 'this place doesn't need any kind of special attention.'
He felt angered by her words. Angered that someone would threaten Alice like that, and more so that it had happened because of him. He was still searching for words, as she begun to talk again.
- So Charles, you understand now, it never was about the chair.
- You won't go out with me, because I am a mutant? But so are you, Alice. So are you. It should not be a reason to be ashamed, afraid or hiding.
- It's not because you are a mutant, she snapped, her face blushed with anger. It is because I don't want to be.
He felt almost angered by her words. How could she say that? In his eyes, she was perfection. Her mutation was only one beautiful part of her, and the thought of her being ashamed of it, made him feel pity for her. He raised his hand to take hers, but she stepped further away from him and crossed her arms on her chest.
- You can't change what you are, Alice. Charles said, letting his hand fall back to his lap. You should try and accept it, embrace it. That is the only way you will be happy.
- You know nothing about my life, and you dare to give me advice, Alice snapped. There was a storm in her eyes, and dread he had never seen in them before. I might be one of you, but I don't have to make my life about being a mutant. I want nothing to do with that! I want nothing to do with all those things that were on TV. I don't want a stupid helmet or a pathetic nickname. I want a normal life, I want everything to stay the way it is, and you are not helping.
- I am not asking you to change your life for me. Nobody is asking you to quit your job and become a superhero, Alice. I am only asking for a date.
- My life has already changed because of you, Charles, she whispered, and in her voice was so much sadness, that it cut through his heart like a spear.
- Then let me help you. Let us go and have dinner, and just talk. No hidden agendas, no talking about mutations, just two ordinary people on a date.
- I can't, Charles. Please, don't come back. I might be a mutant, she shrugged, but I still have to pay the rent. We are not all born with money, Professor.
And with that she left him, alone in the street, sitting in his chair, feeling crippled and humiliated in more ways than he had ever felt.
