So this is a super super quick update, most likely wont be this fast again, but I wanted to kind of get the ball rolling a little more on this and try and get some more feedback. So please if you like it or don't like it, let me know! :cD

This is going to be VERY different from my other stuff, full of lots of emotions, but I feel good about it. Hopefully you will too!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Law and Order SVU or its characters. The story was written simply for fun and not for profit. They belong to Dick Wolf.

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Chapter Two

The sound of my cell phone buzzing on my coffee table wakes me. I can tell it is still morning because the ray of light coming through my blinds proves the sun is almost at its destination among the mid-morning clouds. The last thing I want to do right now is talk to anybody. It is so much easier to ignore people, ignore the world, then to face these demons that lay inside me. To face these feeling I have within my heart. These demons in my mind that wont go away. The ones that tell me how horrible I am. Who make me hate who I have become. What kind of company would I be to anyone when I don't have anything good to say? How can I talk about what is wrong with me when I am not even sure what the answer to that question is? I don't want to face the world. I want to hide. I want to run.

As soon as the phone stops buzzing it starts again seconds later. I lean over and look at the screen. Liv. I knew it would be her.

"What do you want Liv?"

As soon as the words leave my lips I regret them. Olivia hasn't done anything wrong. I shouldn't take it out on her, but lately it is like I don't have any control over my emotions. Usually however, anger wins. It is so much easier to be angry than to be sad. It is so much easier to push people away then to explain yourself to them.

"Well hello to you too El."

I finally get myself to sit up on the couch. Bad choice though. I can feel the pounding in my head from the liquor I had consumed on an empty stomach just a few hours earlier. I grunt in pain and she must of heard me.

"Elliot? What's wrong?"

"'Nothing. I'm fine."

"You're so full of shit Stabler. You were drinking again weren't you? Damn it Elliot! I'm coming over."

Before I can even argue with her she hangs up the phone. It is for the best anyway, I never would have won the fight. I never could hide anything from Olivia. I think she knows me better than anyone ever has or will, including myself. As I get up from my place on the couch to walk to my room I once again see the picture on my coffee table. As soon as I do a part of me smiles. She always seems to know when I need her, even when I wont admit it or even tell her. She just knows.

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~ Flashback - One Month Earlier ~

I can hear the pounding on my door. I can hear her voice. I can hear her calling for me, but I can't move. I am paralyzed. What is she doing here?

"Elliot! God Damn It El! I know you're in there. Let me in. I have been calling you for over three hours. I know something is wrong, just let me in. Please. Elliot?"

I try, but I can't move.

"Liivvv?"

"I am using my key El. Hold on."

Within seconds she is by my side. I can feel her hands on my face. I can see the panic in her eyes.

"Elliot...Elliot are you okay? Elliot what happened?"

"Li...Liv?"

"Yeah El, it's me. How much did you drink Elliot?"

I didn't even realize it. There lying next to me is an empty bottle of scotch. No glass in site. All I feel is pain, but it isn't from the alcohol.

"Why Liv? Why..."

"I need you to sit up for me. Come on. I need you to throw up for me Elliot. Can you do that? Can you make yourself throw up El?"

I nod but I can't move. Olivia moves her hands around my waist lifting me up so I am on my knees, clasping her hands into a fist in front of my stomach. She uses her upper arm strength to hold me and before I know it she is thrusting her fists gently, but forcefully, into my stomach. I feel the my insides begin to churn and my throat start to burn. Within a couple of seconds I gain some of my own barrings back and my finger is down my throat. A second later, I throw up all over the floor next to her. She doesn't run, she doesn't get annoyed. She just begins to gentle pet my hair as I cough and lays me back down.

She moves her arms under me and scoops me up so my head is laying on her chest. My legs perpendicular to hers. I didn't even realize she had gotten a wet rag from the kitchen and she is patting my head ever so gently. I don't know how she knew to come and I don't care. I need her. I don't know why, but in that moment I find release. The flood gates open and I fear I will never be able to close them again.

"She always liked you Liv. Since the day she met you. She really liked you. She told me that."

"Who Elliot? Kathy?"

Kathy left me again. We had gotten into another one of our endless fights about my job and she told me to leave. She wanted me to quit. She wanted me to give up my career. I just couldn't do it. She took the kids again and went to her mothers. Told me that I had twenty four hours to move back into my old apartment. I never got rid of it, and to this day I am not sure why. That was two days before I got the call. Two days before today. Two days before I found out that my mother has passed away.

My mother and I always had a rocky relationship. We were never really close, but after everything that happened with Kathleen this past year we grew so much closer. I found out what she had done for Kathleen in talking with her while she was in lock up. Kathleen had told me about her visit a few weeks afterwords when I went to see her at the hospital. She told me how my mother made Olivia promise not to tell me, and suddenly her comment about me being a carrot finally made sense. Olivia had talked with my mother. I went to my mothers to thank her for what she did. Not many words were said but from that point on our relationship only began to move up hill. We finally began to form a relationship with each other of mutual understanding and trust. If it wasn't for Olivia and her talking with her, that may never have happened.

"My mom."

It is hard for me to see straight but I can tell she is now tearing. I can see it in her face and hear it in her voice.

"What happened to your mom El?"

"Died."

I can't get any other words out. Instead I just dig my head into her chest and for the first time in a very long time I cry. I cry harder than I ever have. She just holds me. She pulls me impossibly closer to her and holds onto me with every part of her. She doesn't try to find the right words. She knows there isn't any. She knows there is nothing she can say to make it better. Nothing she can say can take away my pain. In less than a week I lost my wife, my children, and my mother. My world was falling apart from all around me. She knows that the only thing I need right now is for someone to be there to hold it together. For her to be someone for me to hold onto. I need my best friend.

Finally after what feels like forever I fall asleep in her arms. Her gentle sobs playing as my lullaby.

~ End Flashback ~

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It only takes her about ten minutes to get to my apartment. Liv is known for speeding when she feels she is needed. That is how she is. She puts others in front of herself no matter what that means. Getting a speeding ticket means nothing to her as long as she gets to were she is needed as fast as possible. I hear the knock on the door and walk over to let her in. When she takes notice of me a smile crosses her face.

"Well you are standing this time, that is a plus."

"Ha Ha Ha. Very funny. I told you I was fine Liv."

"Yeah once again I am going to call bull shit on that." She crosses her arms in front of her and smirks. "You letting me in or what Stabler?"

I move to the side and she goes past me. Upon seeing my piles of still unopened boxes she turns around to face me, and the look on her face tells me that she knows she has just proved me wrong.

"Elliot. A quote, unquote, fine person would not still have an apartment of unpacked boxes over a month after moving in."

I close the door and turn back around to look at her. I am not in the mood for doing this today. More so, I can't do this today.

"Just because I am lazy doesn't mean I am not fine."

She doesn't buy it. She walks up to me and the concern in her eyes almost brings me to tears. She places her hand ever so gently on my shoulder and stares me in the eyes.

"Elliot. Please. Let me help you."

There is half of me that is begging for her to help me. That part of me wants to curl up into her arms again and let her take all of my pain away. The other half of me isn't ready to face it. Isn't ready to admit what a mess I really am. Like I said, it is easier to ignore it and push the people closest to you away than to face it. Face the demons within you that seem to have taken control of your thoughts. I feel like I am losing control again. I feel like I am going to break. Everything is starting to get fuzzy. My stomach hurts.

Anger. Anger once again replaces sadness.

"Jesus Christ Liv! Nothing is wrong. Okay? So what, I didn't unpack a few boxes? Get off my back will ya!"

She doesn't falter. She doesn't stand down. She doesn't change her expression at all. She just continues to stare at me. The same look in her eyes. The same concern.

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"Elliot I know you. I know that something is wrong. You aren't yourself. I mean hell.... Elliot it isn't even noon and I can smell the scotch all over you!"

I can't do this. I can't fight with her. I can't talk to her. I am not strong enough. Hell, I don't even know what to tell her. I don't...I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't explain it. My head is spinning. I am nauseous. It is getting harder for me to breathe. I feel like the room is getting smaller and all I want to do is go away and hide. Everything is so fuzzy. I can hear my own heart beat pounding in my ears. My stomach hurts. I need to get away. Hide from everything. Hide from it all. Hide from whatever it is that I don't know is scaring me to death. All I can feel right now is fear and I don't even know what I am so afraid of. What the hell is wrong with me? I feel like I am going insane. Why am I starting to shake?

"Just leave Olivia. I didn't ask you to come over here remember! Please...just leave me alone. Please."

"I am not leaving Elliot. Not until you talk to me. You are my best friend Elliot. I hate seeing you like this. I am not going to just sit back and watch you destroy yourself damn it! I mean look at yourself Elliot. I have never seen you like this."

Then it happens. Her tears. There are only a few and I can tell she is angry with herself for letting them escape. She wipes at her face and I know she is hoping I didn't see them. That is one thing that Olivia and I share. We both try to be way too strong for our own damn good. I feel the guilt building up inside of me because I caused her pain. I hurt her. It is eating at me already. I don't want her to feel what I feel. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. I can't do this to her. I can't hurt her. My stomach hurts. She is my best friend. She doesn't need to see me like this. The room is getting smaller again. My face feels so warm. I need air. I need to get out of here. I'm dizzy.

"Olivia...I...I can't...."

"Why not Elliot? Why can't you talk to me? I can see you're hurting. Let me help you. Please. What is wrong El? You're scaring me."

I know it is wrong. I know it isn't the right thing to do, but I can't face her. I can't let her see how screwed up I really am. Even though a large part of me wants to. A large part of me needs for someone to tell me what is wrong. Needs for someone to make this all go away. I just can't do it. Man my stomach hurts. I can feel my palms sweating and feel my fingers tingling. I need to get away. It is so stuffy in here. I just need...I need to get out of this room.

I lean forward and give her a kiss on the cheek and wipe away what is left of her tears with my now trembling finger. I hope she can see it in my eyes. I hope that she can still read my eyes like I can read hers. I don't want to hurt her, but I just need to be alone. I need to escape.

Without a word I go to my room and close the door. I don't even know if she has left as I curl up in my bed and hide away from it all in sleep.

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TBC

I hope you guys liked this chapter.

I have lots more E/O to come, and I promise it will eventually be much much happier lol Remember, it's me. I'm all about E/O love!

Please please please review. How am I to know if I am doing this story justice if you guys don't tell me? :cD

~~ Authors Side Note ~~

In case any of you might be confused, Elliot was having a panic attack towards the end of this chapter . Anxiety and Panic attacks are issues that I hold extremely, extremely close to my heart. I am not going to be basing this story off of them, or be pushing the issue down your throats. So no worries. I just wanted to make sure you understood what was going on as to not confuse readers who may have never heard about the issue or understood what was going on.

;c)