CHAPTER TWO
Unexpected
What's wrong with me?
Despite the fact that I was dazed and floundering around like a drowning man in a sea of new and unnerving emotions, I knew that whatever was happening to me had something to do with how Jacob was looking at me. Thinking about it again set my face aflame once more. All of a sudden I was painfully aware of Jacob. His every breath, his closeness, his warmth, his intoxicating scent, his voice, his gaze, most of all his touch. Not to mention the fact that I was now achingly aware of how his taut muscles were outlined by the damn shirt that he was wearing. I snapped my eyes shut, blocking my unobstructed view of his glorious physique.
"Ness... You should get going or you're going to be late on your first day." He whispered, brushing my hair away from my face and tucking it behind my ear.
I shuddered involuntarily but I knew it wasn't because I didn't like it. My heart was crashing like a mad thing against my chest that it was almost painful. My breath caught in my throat. I was beyond understanding what was going on with me. I couldn't even think anymore. It was like all my thinking processes had shut down, leaving only my sensory functions to rule, govern, and go absolutely crazy.
"What did you call me...?" I choked out a little too hysterically.
Talking was good. Talking should distract me. I kept my eyes closed. The less I see of Jacob the more coherent I was. I felt his finger under my chin once more, tilting my face up. I blushed crimson at his touch, my heart accelerating into overdrive. He held my face in place, his thumb felt electric against my chin, pushing me to the very edge of my self-control. I stopped breathing altogether. He stayed quiet. I kept my eyes sealed shut.
"Ness is good. I like Ness. Sounds more mature actually. At least I won't get teased for being named after a sea monster---" I blabbered desperately, but trailed off when an incredibly heady and warm air brushed across my face.
My eyes flew open in surprise only to meet a pair of intense brown eyes dark with emotion. His face was mere inches away from mine. I inhaled sharply. Big mistake. My head swam with his scent, every last bit of my self-control vanished. If before I was teetering on the edge of a cliff, I was now free-falling in thin air.
"You are too adorable for your own good..." He half-laughed half-breathed, slowly closing the gap between our faces inch by painful inch.
I gazed at him mesmerized, leaning up to him, my body moving of its own accord. I was completely lost in his stormy eyes. Everything else no longer existed at that very moment. There was only Jacob. I had forgotten about school, or the fact that I was standing in the middle of the parking lot that was already filling up with cars.
Unthinkingly, I raised my hands to cup his face wanting to show him what he was doing to me, to let him see all the crazy emotions he had provoked. That small movement brought him back to reality. His eyes focused and he quickly caught my wrists and held my hands away, shaking his head. I blinked, coming out of my own stupor, utterly confused. He put my hands back to my sides and pulled away. His smile was forced, his jaw tight as if he was restraining himself.
"Sorry about that." He said hoarsely, taking a step back.
I frowned at him not understanding what he meant.
"What wrong?" I whispered, searching his face.
He was like a totally different person. His face was now carefully guarded, devoid of emotion. His eyes were distant as he quietly gazed at me. His lips tightened into a grim line at my question.
"It's nothing." He replied abruptly.
I inhaled deeply, knowing that I must have done something that had offended him. I'm new to all of this and half the time I didn't even know what I'm doing.
I bit my lip. I had no idea what was happening to me. I looked down and stared at my sneakers. It was like I was seeing, feeling, smelling, sensing him for the very first time. It terrified me. Even now when we were just standing there, not touching, every single cell in body seemed to be screaming for him. The air around us still felt charged to the point that if we touched again I was pretty sure we would burst into flames.
I glanced at him through my eyelashes and cringed when I saw how rigidly he was standing, his hands clenched into tight fists.
"You're going to be late. You should get going." He said, sounding strained.
I locked my jaw, fighting the sudden moronic urge to bawl my head off. I swallowed, my throat burning not from thirst but because I was fighting back the confused and hurt tears that threatened to spill.
"Okay." I whispered, turning away from him, and walked slowly towards the school building.
I pulled my hood over my head and hugged my jacket closer, feeling suddenly cold despite my abnormal body heat and the jacket I had on. I glanced down at my hand and realized with a groan that I had crumpled my class schedule and directions. I tried to straighten the hapless pieces of paper but gave up after only making it worse. I looked around suddenly feeling overwhelmed. The now familiar panic was starting again at the pit of my stomach. I checked my class schedule and saw that I had first period English which would start in about 10 minutes. I bit back a sigh; I had 10 minutes to look for my classroom. I glanced briefly at the directions and was glad that it seemed pretty easy to find. I should have enough time getting there granted I didn't get lost. I snuck a quick look over my shoulder to check if Jacob was still standing where I left him. He was gone. I ground my teeth together, fighting back tears.
Taking in a deep shuddering breath I strode forward, joining the throng of students moving along the hallway. Another big mistake. The various scents of human blood that instantly assaulted me, permeating me to the very core was both shocking and overwhelming. All thoughts of Jacob flew out of my mind. It was something I had never expected. Smelling one human was tolerable, plus the fact that Carlisle's and Jacob's scents had diluted it. I didn't take into account how it would affect me if it was multiple human scents crammed into an enclosed space like this cramped hallway. I simply figured that since I was half-human, I'd be more than able to cope. But I guess my vampire side was stronger than I had thought. Even my entire family hadn't considered this to be a problem. We were all incredibly careless.
My throat was suddenly on fire and my stomach clenched with aching hunger. I didn't have the luxury of not breathing, thanks to my all too human need for oxygen. I hurried blindly down the hallway, my arms wrapped around my torso, taking only shallow breaths but every single one was like a dose of pure, concentrated torture. My mouth started to water and my throat began to work overtime as I tried to swallow the excess saliva in my mouth. The darker side of my being that had lain dormant for so long now woke up with a vengeance. A rush so potent and electric raced through my veins as my instincts started to pick out the most delicious scent of all. I was now hunting.
A strangled sob, escaped my lips. I dug my nails so viciously into my side that I knew I was about to draw my own blood. My head was already calculating the distances between myself and my intended victims. I felt like a child let loose inside a candy store. At that very moment, I doubted if I even had any of my humanity left. I was just a monster, very much capable of massacring an entire school. But I was still fighting it, no matter how weak my resistance was. All was not lost. I still had some ounce of control but I knew I was very close to losing it in the midst of all these helpless humans. My eyes darted around frantically looking for escape. The monster in my head howled in anger. I vaguely felt my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. I ignored it. My gaze finally found a girls' restroom. I pushed through the crowd, murmuring apologies through my locked jaw as I went. I yanked the door open and stumbled into the thankfully empty bathroom. I leaned against the door and inhaled deeply, trying to drive out the scent of human blood from my system. All I could hear was the deafening thud of my heart, beating at an inhuman pace.
The irritating smell of cheap air freshener mixed in with bleach and toilet cleanser was a welcome distraction. I staggered to the sink and turned the faucet on with shaking hands. I caught my reflection in the mirror as I splashed my face with the cold tap water. The wild, dangerous glint in my eyes, the harsh set of my jaw and my deathly pallor startled me. I barely recognized myself. My knees buckled as the flood of tears I had so valiantly fought back now sprang from my eyes. I felt my phone vibrate again. I answered it without looking at the caller ID.
"Hello?" I whispered through my tears, bracing myself against the sink.
"Hang on for just a little longer, Nessie. I'm almost there."
My dad's strained voice said rapidly. I could hear the roar of his car's engine in the background. He had brought his Vanquish. His special car for special occasions only. I could just picture him flying on the road.
"I am so sorry, love. I should have known better." His voice broke with so much self-loathing and regret.
"Daddy..." I whimpered, suddenly feeling like the child I truly was.
Outside, the final bell rang jarringly making me jump. I could no longer hear anything beyond the bathroom door. The hallways were finally empty. I felt an odd mix of relief and bitter anger, knowing that no human would be coming into the cramped bathroom anytime soon. My humanity and my own personal demon clashing violently.
"It's okay. You'll be okay. I won't allow anything to happen." He tried to soothe me but his voice had a frantic edge to it.
I heard the engine roar even louder in the background as he murmured those words to me. I sank to the floor and leaned against the wall, hugging my knees to my chest. My head was still swirling with the perfume of human blood, each with their own distinct "taste" and potency. I locked my jaw trying to breathe as little as possible but I was getting light-headed from the lack of oxygen. I dropped my head onto my knees, clutching the phone to my ear like a lifeline. I could no longer smell the air freshener or bleach. They were no match for the human scent that saturated the entire school. I had never felt so weak. It was as if all of my energy had been sucked out of me. My sides felt raw from where my nails had dug harshly, cutting through my hard skin.
"I'm in the bathroom somewhere..." I whispered tremulously. "I don't think I can make it out---"
As soon as the words left my mouth, the bathroom door burst open. I looked up with a mixture of fear, shock, and despair clenching my stomach. I instinctively stopped breathing, clamping my mouth shut. Through the haze of unrelenting tears, the vision of Jacob in the doorway was like a dream that I thought I was hallucinating. He was beside me in three long strides. I looked at him in a daze still unbelieving that he was truly there. His face was filled with panic and agony as he frantically searched my face, his hands gently brushing my tears away.
"J-Jake?" I choked out incredulously, gazing at him in wonder, the phone still clutched in my hand and pressed tightly to my ear.
I could vaguely hear my dad's voice on the other end.
"It's okay. I'm here now." Jacob barely managed to say, scooping me up effortlessly in his arms.
It was only then that I realized that I wasn't hallucinating at all. A sob escaped my lips, as overwhelming relief coursed through my entire being. I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in the space between his jaw and throat. I pressed my lips against his skin, feeling the rapid beating of his pulse, and inhaled deeply, filling my head with his scent. It was like a drug, driving out all other smells. It was as if they never even existed. I felt him shudder at my touch.
"Edward, I have her." He whispered urgently.
I looked up to see that he now had my cell phone. I had no idea how he ended up with it but I didn't really care either. I was safe now.
Safe? From what? From yourself? Safe from committing a massacre? Are you really, truly safe, Renesmee?
The darkness in my mind sneered.
I cringed, biting my lip, fresh tears soaking Jacob's neck and shirt. I fought to block out the hideous images of mass murder and blood that were now flooding my mind. I clenched my eyes shut, clutching at Jacob's shirt.
"Okay, we're on our way out." He said into my cell phone, stepping out of the bathroom and breaking into a run.
Thankfully the hallway was completely deserted as he sprinted noiselessly out of the school.
I felt the cold rain on my face as he raced across the parking lot. I kept my eyes shut, drowning in despair as the images of what I could have done swirled before my mind's eye. I heard the car door open and felt him slide into the warm, dry interior.
"Oh."
I heard my dad choke out in agony, as he saw the hideous images, heard the vicious words and shared my devastating pain and turmoil. I didn't even try to block it from him. I was powerless against it.
What's the point in fighting it? You can't escape from it!
It cackled.
I locked my jaw, as the words cut through me. I was only vaguely aware that Jacob was still cradling me or that my tears didn't seem to want to stop.
"No..." My dad whispered fiercely, his voice cracking, challenging the monster.
I heard the car roar to life and lurch forward, as he floored it furiously.
"No, Nessie... You're not like that." He said again, louder this time, urging me to believe him, his cool hand grasping mine.
"Edward! What's going on?" Jacob hissed frantically.
I felt Jacob touch my face. My eyes remained shut. On the outside, I probably would have seemed unconscious but on the inside, there was no peace for me. The two sides of me were at war with one another--the human versus the monster. My humanity was crying in agony and shaking with revulsion and guilt at what the monster had every intention of doing. The monster was rejoicing. Smug in its hold over me. It was stronger after all. I was more monster than human. I realized that now.
"No, Nessie... Please listen to me." My dad begged, completely ignoring Jacob. "You are not a monster!"
If he could cry, tears would have accompanied his words as his voice cracked over them.
I felt the car leap forward, even faster now, the engine purring loudly. Jacob's arm tightened instinctively around me as the car was already practically flying.
"Edward..." Jacob begged urgently, fear ringing clear in his voice, his warm hand gently cupping my tear-streaked face.
I wasn't sure if he was begging for my dad to slow down or for him to explain what was going on.
Not a monster? Are you sure, Edward? Are you truly blinded by the very lies you tell yourself that you do not see what I am capable of? What the rest of you are STILL capable of?
It mocked, laughing sardonically.
I felt my dad's hand twitch spasmodically over mine. Those words had hit home. I suddenly felt a surge of anger. I can't let this monster take over me. It was a part of me but it wasn't all of me.
It laughed even harder. It found my anger amusing and as if to prove it's point, everything that had happened over the past hour vividly replayed itself in my head. The sudden onslaught was overwhelming. It left me reeling. It felt as if a freight train had slammed into me, splintering me into a million tiny pieces.
"S-stop... Stop it!" I screamed hoarsely.
My voice sounded strange to me. It sounded too human. I clapped my hands over my ears trying to block everything out. I was drowning and the evil beast that shared my mind was holding me under. It felt as though I would never resurface again.
I dimly heard my dad and Jacob calling out to me before everything went black.
