Previously…
I didn't once glance back at Jessica's table, at the new boy, as we walked out, even though I was sure that I could feel his eyes on me. I didn't even wait until we were round the back of the sheds before lighting up a smoke, for the first time in my life feeling like I needed the calm that came with the sour taste.
Emmett and Jasper exchanged glances but neither one said anything.
I didn't know what the feeling that was pulsing through my veins was but I did know that, for the first time in a long time, I felt a little spark of life inside of me. I had no idea what was so special about these new and beautiful strangers but I had a feeling that life was about to get a tad more interesting…
Learn to appreciate what you have before time forces you to appreciate what you had.
Chapter 2 – Beautiful Mystery
Edward POV
The last time I had started at a new school hadn't been as bad as this. First and foremost, because I hadn't been alone. Well, I wasn't alone this time either but at least last time it hadn't just been my 'sisters' and I. Tanya had been there as well. Secondly, because we hadn't had to move schools because of me. And, thirdly, because everyone else had been starting high school for the first time as well so no one stuck out like a sore thumb.
Alice, Rosalie and I stuck out like a broken leg in a room full of sore thumbs, and that was putting it mildly. Especially in Forks. Forks was in the middle of nowhere. There were something ridiculous like three-thousand residents in the town and less people in my whole year than there had been in one class at my old school back in Chicago. Carlisle and Esme had clearly presumed that this would be a good thing, considering the circumstances, but I wholeheartedly disagreed. People knew people in small towns. They expected to know your every secret and your entire personal diary, which I hated. I didn't want anyone to know my secrets, least of all a bunch of countryside-loving, tight-knit, small-town people.
Rosalie and Alice weren't all that pleased either. Rosalie because she had had to leave her friends – and captain-of-the-football-team-with-hot-abs boyfriend – behind, and Alice because apparently there wasn't a shopping mall in the town. Well, boo fucking hoo.
Everyone stared, all day. When we went into reception and gave the woman there – Ms Cope, her name-tag read – our names, her eyes bugged out of her head and she stared at us unashamedly for a long moment before giving us our timetables.
As Rose, Alice and I had made our way to homeroom, the two of them had giggled and told me that she was 'so checking me out' which disgusted me because she was old enough to be my grandmother.
I took an empty seat at the back of the room in English, and everyone stared, and whispered. I wondered if maybe I had stolen someone's seat but no one came and demanded that I moved so I presumed that I was fine where I was. I didn't have a neighbour, which was fine by me, but I guessed that it might get a little dull as time went on. We had a discussion lesson so I didn't have to get out my things, but I made sure that my water bottle was parallel with the boy sat at the table across the aisle from mine who I learned to be Mike as the class proceeded.
Second period was a free, but Rose and Alice were both in lessons so I wandered around for a while, looking for something to do. I eventually wound up in the library making sure that the books were in alphabetical order.
I had Spanish third period and that provoked more stares and whispers. I had to introduce myself to the class in Spanish and I tripped over my words and stuttered, causing a few people to giggle. It was mortifying. Then, people had stared at me as I had gotten my things out of my pencil case and lined them up to be parallel to the edge of the desk, and to each other. It wasn't that strange to want things to be neat.
Then, at break, I hung out with Alice and Rose in the 'courtyard', which we had a little laugh about. What kind of pretentious school calls a patch of grass and a few wooden benches a 'courtyard'? People that walked past stared at us then, too, as Alice told us about the new friend she had already managed to make. That girl was so friendly that it was unreal. Then Rosalie complained about missing her friends as I licked icing off of my cupcake until the circle of it on top was perfectly round before eating it properly, as Esme would have ordered me to the moment I started poking at the top with my tongue.
Third period was Home Economics, which confused me until my timetable directed me to a kitchen. Food tech. I was one of three guys in the whole class but that was okay. I shared a station with Angela, Alice's new friend, and she was quiet and I was quiet so that worked out well. I put myself in charge of cutting that day and made sure that each thing I cut was exactly straight. I decided that I liked Home Ec; it was oddly relaxing to be so in control.
Then it was lunch. I located Alice and Rose talking quietly in the line for the cafeteria and joined them, attempting to slip into the line unnoticed. Of course, what with everyone staring, that didn't happen, but people let me push in for some reason. Maybe because I was the new kid. Maybe because they were scared of the energy Alice exuded. Maybe they just didn't care. But whatever.
Alice dragged Rose and I over to a table with a girl she had sat next to in her Math class called Jessica. She had wildly curly hair and looked at me like I was a piece of meat. She made me feel very uncomfortable. That was one of the reasons why I wasn't listening to her gossip about the other students. The other reason was that I simply didn't care who was dating who and which girls used fake tan and which girls had their nipples pierced… okay, that last one caught the attention of my pervy side but not enough to make me actually listen.
I only started listening when she said, "Oh them. They're all freaks."
Huh, I thought, maybe I'll fit right in.
And then I turned my head to see who Jessica was talking about and caught a pair of eyes that were absolutely stunning. They were a gorgeous brown, swirly and pretty like melted chocolate. They had so much depth, so much pain, so much sadness that it made my heart pang against my chest. I had never seen such expressive eyes before and I loved them. Just then, she jumped slightly and turned away from me. I took that opportunity to let my eyes sweep over the rest of her. She didn't disappoint. She was slim, but obviously not athletic, and had beautiful brown curls that fell down around her shoulders in waves. Her head was tilted slightly to the side so I could see her face in profile. I could tell that her eyes were set deep in her face, and her dainty eyebrows were raised slightly. Her pale cheeks had turned a light shade of red and her chin was pointed, but ever so soft. She was beautiful.
I started listening to Jessica then.
"The massive guy with dark hair on the end is Emmett McCarty. He's loud, a crackpot. He can't take anything seriously. The scrawny one with blonde hair is Jasper Whitlock. He's just weird. The girl is Bella Swan. Isabella. She moved here four years ago with her Mom. Well, she lived here years and years ago, but then her Dad died or something so they moved away and then they moved back again a few years later. We used to be friends for about a year when she moved here, but then she drifted and started hanging out more with Emmett and Jasper and James."
"Who's James?" I heard myself speak up.
Jess shrugged. "Just a guy. He's gone now, moved out of town ages ago. But Bella's rumoured to be dating Jasper. I mean, they haven't said anything and they never kiss when anyone's watching, but they always hold hands and talk in whispers. They're really close. Personally, though, I think that she's banging both of them. Maybe even at the same time. They're pretty hot so I wouldn't blame her, to be honest."
For some reason, I suddenly wanted to snap this Jasper's neck. And maybe Emmett's as well.
"They all keep to themselves. They don't really talk to anyone and they always sit by themselves and don't let anyone else sit with them at lunch. Then, halfway through the lunch hour, they get up and leave. Just go. See?"
As though they had heard Jess, the three of them all stood at the same time and dumped their leftovers in the bin before heading for the exit. I kept my eyes on Bella. They wandered up and down her body and then settled on her gently swaying ass. Damn, was there anything about this girl that wasn't perfect?
But then I noticed that her fingers were laced through the blonde's. The urge to snap his neck became stronger, and I now wanted to burn his body as well.
"Where do they go?" I wondered, unable to keep myself from asking as the beautiful mystery that was Bella disappeared with her rumoured fuck buddies.
"I don't know. No one does. They just disappear and come back in time for next period. Bella misses a lot of school, too. Skives off all the time and none of the teachers really seem to care. I don't know what's up with her."
I remembered the sadness that was in her eyes and wondered what her secret was. I wondered how accurate the rumours were. I wondered where she and her friends disappeared to.
The rest of the lunch hour passed without incident as Jessica moved on to other pieces of more interesting gossip. I knew from what Jess had said that Bella wouldn't be coming back into the cafeteria but I couldn't help but keep my eyes on the door and hope that she would. Just so that I could see her pretty face again.
She didn't.
Eventually, the bell rang and I checked my timetable again to see that I had advanced Biology. With a sigh, I dragged myself to class, going to Mr Banner and introducing myself before following him to my new desk. It was empty. Just like English.
I sat down and stacked my textbook and my notebook up against the corner of the desk before getting out my pencil case again and carefully laying out the stationary at perfect right angles. When that was done, class still hadn't started. So I tore a sheet of paper out of the middle of my notebook and chose a black marker pen and started to draw neat concentric circles on the paper. I drew them slowly, carefully, not wanting to mess it up.
So when the chair beside me was pulled out and the scraping noise against the floor made me jump and mess up my circles I turned to have a go at the person. But when I saw her, I couldn't say anything.
It was her. Bella. The beautiful girl with the incredibly apt name.
She met my eyes briefly before taking the seat and thoroughly ignoring me. She got her things out and threw them haphazardly onto the desk. I had to hold on tightly to the edge of the desk to stop myself from reaching out and lining her things up. Once her bag was empty she dropped it on the floor and adjusted her chair slightly, so that she was angled away from me, and then started tapping her nails on the worktop of our desk.
I cleared my throat, but she didn't acknowledge me, so I turned back to my circles. But now there was a huge black line across the page so I started ripping it into little pieces instead. I did that for a while before I realised that Bella was watching me. I looked over at her and her eyes narrowed slightly before she opened her mouth as though to ask something.
But then Mr Banner called the class to attention and Bella shut her mouth again and turned to face the front. I clenched my fist, wanting to hit something, which was strange because I was usually a non-violent person.
Biology was… frustrating to say the least. I wanted nothing more than to turn to the fascinating girl next to me and ask her something – anything – or, at least, tidy her books a little. But I tried to listen to Mr Banner like a good boy. I say tried because it was proving to be difficult with Bella in such close proximity.
About halfway through the lesson I couldn't stop myself from inhaling slightly to see if I could smell her. I could. She smelt like girl, and perfume… and smoke. That surprised me. I subtly glanced at her fingernails but they were completely clean; no telltale yellowing of the nail, or brittleness, or anything that said she was a smoker. Something else I noticed in that period was that her hair seemed different up close. I couldn't really describe it, it just seemed different.
At the end of the lesson, Bella rose from her seat and swept her books into her bag with one arm, flouncing out of the classroom before I could even register that the bell had rung.
I snorted and started packing up myself before heading to gym. I got my kit from Coach Clapp and then changed to dutifully play some volleyball. I didn't fail to notice that Emmett McCarty was in my gym class.
However, what I did fail to notice until close to the end of the lesson was that Bella was also in my class. But she wasn't playing. She was sat high up in the bleachers, her nose in a book, her pouty pink lips wrapped around a straw poking out of a carton of juice. Suddenly I had a very inappropriate image of her lovely pouty pink lips wrapped around something else, but I swatted that idea out of my head after a moment. Swatting the image away didn't swat away the… problem that had sprung up, though, so I had to play the last ten minutes of volleyball thinking about kicking puppies and shit to get rid of it.
I had arranged to meet Rose and Alice by my beloved Volvo after school but I was the first of us there. So I climbed in and waited for them. As I waited, though, I saw Bella and Jasper. They were stood by a motorbike and Bella was ditching her bag in the seat, which was open to reveal something akin to a trunk. Jasper reached over her to close the seat and whispered something in her ear as he did so. Bella flushed and swatted at him, but she was giggling. I wanted to hear her giggle like that. No, I wanted to make her giggle like that. But then Jasper fitted a safety helmet on her head and moved to brush her hair away. Bella pushed his hand away and moved her hair and clipped her helmet herself. Then, Jasper climbed on the front of the bike, putting his own helmet on as Bella climbed on the back, lacing her arms around his chest and laying her head flush against his shoulder.
Jealousy flared strongly in my chest. I wanted her arms around me, and I wanted her head against my shoulder.
Oh hell, I wanted her all over me and I'd only just met her.
Tanya would have laughed and ruffled my hair and said something like, "You're so fickle, Eddie."
I hated being called Eddie, but for some reason it was okay when it came from Tanya. She was the only person allowed to call me that. Or, she had been.
After Jasper and Bella left the parking lot on the motorcycle with a loud roar, I glanced at the clock set into the dashboard and groaned. If Rosalie and Alice didn't hurry the hell up then I would be late. And turning up late on the first day was not a good way to start therapy.
Finally they got to the car. Rosalie seemed a little flushed, and irritable, and I wondered why. Not that Rose wasn't frequently irritable.
"What happened?" I asked Alice as she sat in the passenger seat and Rosalie settled herself in the back.
"Rosalie got into an argument, no big deal."
I sighed as I started the engine. Rosalie argued with everyone so it wasn't really a big deal but she was usually more composed than the seething mess that was currently sat behind me. "Who with?"
Rosalie remained silent so Alice answered for her. "Emmett McCarty."
"Why?"
"He was walking backwards along the corridor and bumped into her."
"And I dropped all of my stuff!" Rosalie added angrily. "My new foundation is smeared along the floor rather than in the pot where it belongs. And he refused to give me money for a new one."
"He said he didn't have any money on him, Rose, he didn't refuse to give you it," Alice corrected her.
"Well, he should watch where he's going!" Rose snapped. "Who does he think he is? Just because he's fucking that little Bella slut…" She sneered Bella's name.
"I don't think he is," Alice interrupted in a small voice. She lifted her feet onto the seat and curled her arms around her knees.
"What do you mean?" Rose demanded before I could.
"Well, I'm in Spanish class with her and Jasper and I sit directly behind them." She hesitated and then continued. "They were all over each other this morning. If she's with, or even just fucking, either of them then it's definitely Jasper."
My grip on the wheel tightened and I gritted my teeth. "Yeah, they were pissing around by his bike before you came out."
Alice sighed wistfully and I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. I knew that kind of sigh, and Alice didn't use it very often; only when she wanted something or someone unattainable. Someone like Jasper. But I didn't say anything because that would make me the biggest hypocrite under the sun. Because I wanted something or someone unattainable too. Someone like Bella.
#x#
Siobhan looked at me warily through her glasses over the top of the binding of her notebook. She tapped her pen against the pad and a strand of dark blonde hair fell over her face. She tucked it behind her ear and said, "Edward, we're not going to get anywhere unless you stop giving me one-word answers." She was trying to use that soothing, warm voice that therapists are supposed to but I could hear the irritation seeping through. "I know that it feels strange to tell a stranger such personal things but sometimes it really helps. Let's talk about something easier, shall we? What did you have for breakfast this morning?"
Oh great. We finally move on from the 'how do you feel about moving away from your home and friends?' area that I don't particularly want to talk about onto a conversation about my eating habits. "Um… toast," I said uncertainly, not entirely sure where she's heading.
"Mmm hmm, and did you have anything on your toast?"
I shrugged. "No."
"Why was that?"
Why the fuck is it any of your business? "I dunno. I didn't want anything on my toast. The only things we had in the cupboard were strawberry jam and Alice's orange marmalade. Alice doesn't want anyone else eating her marmalade. She ordered it online from somewhere in Europe or something, I dunno."
"Do you always do as Alice wants?"
"Um… I guess?" My reply is more of a question. "I like Alice. I respect her. And if I didn't want anyone to eat my marmalade, I'd hope that people would respect me enough to not eat my damn marmalade." This was a bizarre conversation. What was even more bizarre was that Siobhan was listening to me like I was reciting some kind of holy something and avidly writing stuff down. I wished that I could peek at what she was writing; I'd always suspected that therapists secretly draw some little cartoons while pretending that they're interested in what their client was saying.
"I see. Shall we talk about Alice, and your other sister?"
"Adopted sister," I corrected, crossing one leg over another.
"Yes." Siobhan looked down at her paper and then said, "Rosalie. So Alice and Rosalie. Do you all get on?"
"Yeah," I say honestly. "I get on better with Alice than Rose but that's just because Rose and I are too similar. Alice and Rosalie get on great until one of them steals the other's clothes, or make-up, or GHDs, or whatever."
"And I'm presuming that you don't steal clothes, make-up, or GHDs off of either of them?"
I quirked an eyebrow. "I'm not a cross-dresser behind closed doors, if that's what you're asking."
Siobhan was unable to hide a grin. "No, I asked if you steal them. You don't take them to wind your sisters up or anything?"
I rolled my eyes. "Of course not. I'm sixteen, not six."
Siobhan nodded and jotted something down. She opened her mouth to ask something else, but the little alarm clock she had put on her desk went off, preventing her from saying anything further. So she sighed and shut the clock off before putting her notebook down. I was disappointed to see a whole page of illegible writing and not a cartoon in sight.
"Can I go now?" I asked hopefully, lifting my gaze back to her face.
"Yes, just let me write your next appointment down." She stood up and led the way through to the reception area of the building. It was a little doctors' surgery and the therapist, Siobhan Whitlock, was in every Tuesday. It saved me from having to drive all the way to Port Angeles though so that was alright.
"So," Siobhan said as she reached through the hatch in the reception area and pulled out an appointments book, "you'll have an hour long appointment every Tuesday for as long as I and your parents deem necessary."
I sighed. I had brought this on myself, I knew, but that didn't mean that I liked it. "Yes."
"Good." She smiled, and her hazel eyes crinkled at the edges. "I will see you next week then, Edward." And then I was free.
I went outside, but I didn't go to my Volvo; I didn't feel like going back home yet. The surgery was right next to a forest so I decided to explore that. I climbed over a fallen tree trunk and hopped down onto the damp forest floor. I brushed my hands off on my jeans, and adjusted my black shirt before going through the trees. I tried to keep note of which way I was going because there was no path and it did all look pretty much the same.
After a while of wandering – I didn't know how long; I didn't own a watch and I had left my phone in the car – I came across an old cottage. It was clearly abandoned because of the condition it was in. The white bricks were crumbling and plants and green stuff grew up around the structure. I wondered what it looked like inside and decided to have a look.
So I went up to one of the smashed windows and climbed in, trying not to touch anything and get dirty; I hated being dirty. Once I was inside I saw that the room I was in was a little kitchen. There were a few old utensils crumbling away, but what I found odd was the brand new top-of-the-range microwave that sat on one of the counters. It was even plugged in and working and everything. My brow furrowed but then, just as I went to open one of the cupboards to see if there was any food or something, a loud chorus of laughs came from deeper inside the cottage, making me jump.
I knew that I should turn around and leave if this cottage had already been claimed by some group of wayward teenagers, but I was curious so I tip-toed through the house in the direction of the laughter. I wanted to know whether I knew any of these people.
But when I rounded the corner and saw the people who were laughing, I instantly regretted deciding to investigate at all. Something cracked under my foot and Emmett, Jasper and Bella all simultaneously turned to see me there.
Bella was the first to react, leaping to her feet. "What the fuck are you doing here?" Her tone was furious.
"I… uh… um…" I didn't know what to say.
"Get out," she snapped. She came over to me. "Cullen, isn't it?"
I nodded.
"Well, this place is already taken. Go find somewhere else to hang out, asshat."
I turned and went back out, through to the kitchen out of the window. I looked back over my shoulder to see Bella stood by the window, her arms crossed menacingly. But when I met her eyes, they were still sad. Like they had been earlier. Always sad.
I smiled slightly, hoping to cheer her up, but she just scowled and me and flounced back to her friends. I couldn't think of anything I could have done to irritate her so much but there was definitely something to be said for cold receptions and cold shoulders. And what was that phrase? Oh yeah, if looks could kill… well, I had just been killed by the girl I wanted to make me feel alive. How very ironic.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
Quickest update ever for me? Yeah, I agree ;)
In case you're wondering, no, Tanya is not going to be a problem in this story. She is a part of Edward's past, not his future.
Regarding commonly asked questions: 1) Yes, Edward has OCD though he's not really consciously aware of it. This is a result of some things that happened in Chicago, as is his reluctance to be impulsive and his control issues. 2) Lemons. I think I will do a little one but not for a while and if you're not comfortable reading that then don't worry because I will be sure to say in the A/N :)
Thanks so much for all of the support so far with this story! I was a little bit worried about posting this but it's gotten such great feedback which makes me so happy :)
Regarding updates, I'm going to try and make Monday my update day so I'll try and post a new chapter every Monday. I'm not sure if I'll be able to stick with it, but I'll do the best I can :) I am going on holiday in a couple of days, though, so I'm not sure about next week's update. I will have internet access but I'm not sure how often I'll be able to use it so we'll have to see about that :)
I'm also gonna do something I've never done before and totally pimp other fics ;) The first rec has to be my most favourite fic ever: Living Backwards by ciaobella27. It so deserves more reviews and I have never been more addicted to anything than I was to that :) So check it out if you're looking for something new to read – it's in my favourites :)
Next chapter's back in BPOV so you can find out why she's being such a bitch ;)
Reviews are like little rays of sunshine – each one brightens my day :)
Thanks so much :)
-Steph
Taking Chances
